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Feel like I've had a breakdown. Need encouragement!

Posted , 16 users are following.

brimbo67
brimbo67

Hi all, 

I'm just  47, was regular til last August, with no obvious peri signs, just lighter, shorter periods (4-5 days) for the past 7 years, when I missed a period for the first time. I had developed terrible constipation & felt very ill with it.  After that, by September, I literally don't know what happened. It was like my body literally went into shock & I ended up in hospital with a suspected heart attack. Uncontrollable body tremors, anxiety, panic attack, racing heart, dizzy, diahorea, pressure on my chest & throat, acid reflux. It wasnt a heart attack, but i continued to have these attacks almost daily for the next 3 months, with feeling woozy, nervous, spasms, jerking awake from sleep as soon as I'd nodded off, exhaustion, developed a dairy allergy, agonising reflux, sore tongue, 'lump in throat' tinnitus, vertigo, nausea, loss of balance, confusion, memory loss, stomach pain, chest tightness, breathlessness, joint pain, etc etc. I was so scared all the time!

Some of those symptoms eventually subsided, but then the dark suicidal depression, blurred, darkened vision, utter exhaustion, despair, doom, rock-bottom emotions, racing heart literally just walking to another room. I almost black out sometimes. I feel like I've 'lost' myelf, and have that 'out of body' feeling. I can feel some kind of 'cycle' still happening, & have had erratic bleeding, flooding, light, and missed periods. When I could manage to get to my doctor, I had blood tests and was told I was 'post-menopausal' which is ridiculous, and that 'it looks like you've come through it.' 

They chucked some HRT at me & anti-depressants, & anti-reflux & beta-blokas!!! I never take any meds normally. I tried the beta-blokas & had a horrific night, never again. I tried the anti-reflux but they made my head very very weird. Eventually I cut out dairy which stopped the reflux. I havn't used any thing else because of the side-effects, there's no way I could have felt more ill! I'd have had to have found a cliff to jump off!!

I've been in hospital 3 times. I havn't been able to work the whole time, we have a great coffee bar, which my husband & sons are now running. 

I can barely go out now because of the vertigo, disorientation and the feeling that nothing's real. 

I had a couple of strange thyroid tests back, but the endocrine Dr isn't worried about them. I've lost so much weight, I'm now 7st 13lbs (50kg), although I am making myself eat great food in spite of the nausea!! Test for Addisons disease came back fine. I'm eating good, taking cod liver oil, evening primrose & starflower oil, just started Menopace again (it was too hard on my stomach). 

Has anyone else felt this bad?? Is there anything I can do to ease the symptoms??

Got to say my family need the real me back. I'm the funny one that cheers everyone up, optimistic, creative. Now I feel like a crazy miserable shadow sad

5 likes, 51 replies

51 Replies

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  • queSera
    queSera brimbo67

    Posted

    So sorry to hear about the rough time Brimbo and many of you are having. I'm waiting for blood test results just now, as periods v.close together this time last year (really wore me down and caused other problems), and now they're months apart. I can't handle normal iron, but for the last few months I've been taking a supplement that has 'gentle liquid iron', zinc, minerals and vit.B complex - in most pharmacies and supermarkets (probably shouldn't advertise name!), and I feel more steady than I did and less weary. I have found reading a favourite book (paperback not e-reader) each night before lights out - something light and amusing - helps a lot with calmness. May sound trivial to some, but for me books are a lifesaver; I noticed that when I read something gloomy or upsetting late at night it affected me. Just a thought. 
    • brimbo67
      brimbo67 queSera

      Posted

      Thanks queSera

      Yeh I've stopped reading or watching anything upsetting, even the news, & try to think about nice things, & read encouraging books. I know this menopause horror story will end, just hope it's sooner rather than later eh? xx

    • caroleUJ62
      caroleUJ62 brimbo67

      Posted

      Hi Brimbo,

      I had stopped watching the news as well because I found it alot more upsetting than I used to. I was always reading - or trying to read fairly intellectual books for the last few years, as I saw myself as an 'educated person'. But now I'm finding I cant really take it in, so I am also switching to good novels.My husband says I should watch the news to 'keep in touch'. Hope this hypersensitivity doesnt last too long.

  • metamorphed
    metamorphed brimbo67

    Posted

    Just wondering how you are feeling now, as I see that you wrote this post 11 months ago.  I had an almost identical experience to you 6 months ago with palpitations, racing heart, visits to hospital, all test done and ok, dizziness and extreme gnawing anxiety, out of body feeling and dread.  Like you, was completely fine and content until this hit suddenly.  Had months of awful symptoms, then dizziness subsided, anxiety improved. Still have palpitations along with muscle aches (but these also have become much less frequent).  Doctors prescribed anti-anxiety meds, which I didn't take and I took a cocktail of vitamins (B's, magnesium, D3), but only slight improvement.  Stopped taking the lot.  Just keep a good diet, drink water and get a good walk in everyday.  I am not symptom free, but not near as bad than those first few months.  Would be good to hear how you are now after 11 months.  I am staying away from ALL types of tablets, to see how  feel for a few weeks.  Hope that things have improved for you.
    • brimbo67
      brimbo67 metamorphed

      Posted

      Hi, yes i'm still here! It's actually 19 months sinse the horror kicked off, and reading back over my post, yes i have improved. I can be left at home alone now, haven't had to go to hospital for a long time, and have learned to keep the anxiety under control. I am still having erratic periods, and the pms is probably worse than it's ever been, which can happen at this time. 

      Basically i'm suffering with depression, anxiety now and again, still got this 'nothings real' blocked foggy head sensation (continually for over a year now). I get migraines with auras now too, with nausea and occasionally terrifying nightmares. My memory is pretty rubbish at the moment, use the wrong words, and the fatigue is overwhelming. My eyes are still blurred, & this week my skin's itching again! Also had bladder pain for 3 months now. 

      Just had a blood test today, to check my low calcium, kidney & liver function & FSH again. Been having gall bladder pain & discomfort for quite a while now. 

      Plus the all over body/joint pain, ringing in the ears, digestion issues!

      BUT I do feel like I've improved a lot. I've even been able to do some painting & decorating, do all the shopping and chores, cooking, even go back to work at our coffee bar, even if its one or two days a week. My main frustration is my brain function. I'm like a zombie a lot of the time. My biggest fears are dementia and stroke. because i feel like im experiencing both! I'm sure my next update will be more positive xxxx

  • jo42416
    jo42416 brimbo67

    Posted

    Your thread has been so helpful.. I'm having an awful time

    The reflux is really bad with the lump in throat the anxiety is so sos bad .

    How is your reflux now Hun?

    I know it's been a while let's hope you are feeling better

    • brimbo67
      brimbo67 jo42416

      Posted

      Hi jo

      Giving up dairy has really helped with the reflux. Eventually, after a very long time, they discovered I have had chronic gallbladder disease too. I had it removed last June, & if I'm careful what I eat,  the digestive side of things is much better. 

      I still get the anxiety on & off, the depression's not good, but not as bad as it was. Getting some migraines with horrible nightmares, but I like to think I'm working my way through this. It's now been 2 & half years since the really bad stuff kicked off. All i can do is try to stay positive knowing that things can only get better, albeit very slowly! 

      lots of love xx

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