feel my life is over

Posted , 10 users are following.

lost my job for gross misconduct and can not live with myself for being so careless.Im 50 years old.I have continual tingling pain in my legs, i have palpitations when i try to relax, i dread waking of a morning, i have no interest or confidence in life

I have let my wife and children down, created financial hardship and put our lives in so much uncertainty.I feel so lost and dont see a way forward at all.

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  • Posted

    Wow, you must be really feeling low sad First of all, you need to get to a doctor to have the tingling and palpitations looked at. Just focus on taking babysteps for now. One day at a time, or one hour or minute at a time...
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  • Posted

    Hi Gary... unfortunately we all take stupid actions in life that we deeply regret....if it was intentional, then can you try your very best to make it right...or if you purposely made someone's difficult, is there any. Way, means. Or forms of action possible to apologize and if possible do more....

    Is your wife standing by you?.. if she is then I think you need to try to make a new start for the sake of your family, they too are very important.....

    You conscience is your punishment, but they need a new start.......

    I wish you and your family well, and I hope that you can get past this together, take care of yourself and each other.....Deirdre x

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  • Posted

    gary sorry to hear what happened to you in the past ive been dismissed from work so i know.how you feel if its early days yet get your self to the jobcentre and.i dont know what you were dismissed for and dont need to know have you taken any advice about your dismissal ? maybe im wrong but i hope your not thinking of doing something stupid please dont as you have a family who i believe care for you ! get to your doctor tell them about how you are feeling and see if he can give you something to help you in the short term till you sort your self out ! please let me know how you get on and if need be i would welcome any further help i can give ! thank you david
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  • Posted

    Oh Gary, I'm so sorry to hear how bad you feel over what has happened.  Many year ago I too lost my job on the grounds of gross misconduct - at the time I was angry, hurt, depressed and to be honest destroyed.  I ruined a very well paid career and ruined my marriage too.  My punishment was having nothing and no-one for a while.  However, I now have a job, a home (albeit heavily mortgaged) and a partner who cares for me.  It's not a bed of roses and I sometimes do let regret seep into my mind and wonder how much easier my life would be and have been if I hadnt been such a dolt.  However, my life didn't end, it went on, just on a different path.  It was a real struggle for a while, I was penniless and also homeless when my marriage broke up but over the years I've built a life again and at least I have a roof over my head and food on my table. It's never too late to start again.  At the age of 52 I retrained in a technical role and took a two year distance learning course while working full time so I could get a better job.  Age is no real barrier, it's mindset that stops us.  I hope you find you can get back on a good pathway.  Do get help - there's lots out there.  It's not brave to try to cope alone, it's foolish.  Your family may be saddened and upset but if they love you they'll want to help you get through this.
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  • Posted

    I know it is difficult, but try and focus on what you need to do to go forward rather than focus on regrets.

    It might be worth talking to a doctor about medication, I would be wary about antidepressants as they are difficult to get off, but could ask about something for a few weeks like beta-blockers for anxiety and palpitations or sleeping tablets.

    I found beta-blockers stopped the palpitations but made me tired, so I only take when necessary. Also ask about seeing a cousellor if you think it would be useful for support.

    I'm not sure the circumstances, but is it possible to get advice and appeal against dismissal and go to employment tribunal.

    Otherwise try to put your energy into planning how to get a new job, not sure if you have already signed on at job centre, you may get a small amount of money and possible advice (although they are not much use) eg. with CV.

    It may seem futile at the moment but every small step will help, and you will eventually get a new job, even if it is a short term one until something better comes around.

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  • Posted

    Firstly, are you satisfied that you were fairly dismissed? Maybe there were extenuating circumstances? Could you take it to an Employment Tribunal? Do you have a Union? 
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  • Posted

    Dear Gary, you see how many people are on your side, everyone really wants to help you forward and to cope... I was sacked three times for drinking at work ( I am a recovering alcoholic ) I was so ashamed I hid in a park, drank more, passed out and was taken home by the police...that was one of my lowest points, I had m more...

    I got more part time jobs, my husband, my family, my friends and neighbours, everyone stood by and supported me.. I look back now and realize I wasn't a dreadful person I just made mistakes...

    Can you appeal? If you can then have a try, you may well succeed...I.know that it feels like the end of the world right now, but it will really get better and easier.... I sure that your family love you dearly and want you not to give up... please let us know how you are going, you are in our thoughts...

    Keep your chin up.. sincere regards Deirdre xxxxx best wishes to your family also...xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you for sharing Deirdre...I often quit jobs because I am afraid of being fired although I do not have a drinking problem -- I have anxiety that makes me worry and get snarky sometimes...
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    • Posted

      hi deirdre you are a brave person to share your story with.everybody ! i think its measure of how strong you are and the help youve recieved from your friends and family ! of course your not a bad person some people find it as a way of dulling the pain ! god bless you deirdre ! ×
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  • Posted

    Look we all F@#$ up from time to time. We are human and make mistakes. What's important is that you learn from and don't repeat them. You seem to genuinely regret what's happened so its time to move on and make it up to your family by supporting them again as best as possible in your new situation. You cannot change the past but you can make a good future. Put your focus their. Focus on what you need to do for your family and use that negative emotion to power you forward and motivate you to be as best a parent and husdand as you can.
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  • Posted

    Hi Gary, how are you coping at the moment, we all here truly wish and hope that you are feeling ok.. could you please let us know, even if it is just one word HI.. remember, you are worth as much as anybody else, and life can get better, never give up, keep you chin up young man... YOU ARE WORTH IT X sincere regards, Deirdre x
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  • Posted

    thank you all for your support, i just can not get it out my head what has happened, everythime i try to put it out my mind it just returns , i can not switch my mind off to it.I just cant stp reliving what has happened in my mind and its like it just haunting me 24/7, i dnt knw how i can train my mind to move on and stop focus on something impossible to change.what is done is done i know i can not change it, but my mind will not let go, i feel like in going mad.

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  • Posted

    it feels like my mind just wants to put everything back to how it was and then reality kicks in and i start palpitations, i try fall asleep and awake in a start almost immediately my eyes try to close.I am also nt coping in my own company all day, i fail to concentrate on anything as my mind just get so engrossed in whats happened. I worry all day about absolutely everything and wonder if i will ever gain any confidence to be able to move on .
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  • Posted

    I know how horrible the panic and palpitations can be. I kept replaying a traumatic event over and over. Everything I tried to feel better didn't seem to help, going for walks etc. the thoughts were still there. Please ask your GP about trying beta-blockers (propranolol) they stopped the panic and palpitations for me and really helped.

    From what you've said it sounds like you can't talk to your family about it, but it is too much to cope with alone.

    I'm not sure what you think of counsellors, but it would be worth seeing one to help you try and help organise your thoughts, feel less guilty and plan to move forward.

    Every place you can get advice, including here, doctor, financial, employment advice etc. will help speed up the process of feeling better and make the panic fade. It is easy to get stuck and I spent too long before getting help, only then did I start to feel better.

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  • Posted

    i started taking fluoxetine 20mg 4 days ago , i keep thinking that i will pay with my life for my mistake and stupidity, thoughts are running through my head that by losing my job at 50 for gross missconduct i have effectively put a loaded gun to my head and pulled the trigger.I have self destructed my life without realising it at the time, i cant face a life of worry,struggle and uncertainty and think my wife and kids are better off without me dragging them down.
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