Feel so depressed and paranoid - I think people think that I smell
Posted , 115 users are following.
I'm in my mid-twenties and am female. I have suffered with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, tried CBT and Fluoextine and Citalopram. Came off Citalopram at the beginning of the year, and have been anti-d free since.
Everything has been going great, I started a new job, have been exercising lots and eating healthily, and my mental attitude has been much better and I have been feeling positive about myself and life.
At my last job, where I'd been for many years, there was often a weird musty smell around a space about 12 foot square, and my colleagues always joked it was an elderly coworker. People sitting immediately around me were forever sneezing, sniffing and complaining of a bad smell. No one ever told me it was me or hinted or anything, and I am a clean person so thought it couldn't be me. An outspoken girl said it smelt "unpleasant" and like "sweaty salmon" on a few occasions. One time she sprayed deodorant into the air. She sat about 8 foot from me.
I started my new job and over the past few weeks I have noticed a weird smell near where I sit but only when I walk away and come back a few minutes later. To me it smells like an onion-y smell. People walking past my desk constantly sniff literally as they walk past my desk.
Yesterday a colleague said it smelt like gone off food, and today she looked at me, called another colleague over and whispered but I heard the words "smells"and "pi55" and she asked the other girl if she could smell it too and she agreed.
About a week ago, the other girl was talking about someone using the communal toilets and leaving urine all over the seat and she said how "that person must be getting lots of it on themselves too". Again, I didn't twig as I never leave urine on the seat and always make sure I clean myself thoroughly.
I use public transport to commute in to work and people on the train around me constantly sniff. Last week an elderly man sat behind me and sniffed literally every five seconds for the whole journey. I thought it must be because I smell and I was getting so paranoid and hurt, I wanted to turn around and punch him (I would never do anything like that).
Last week my manager asked me how I found the "hygiene" in the office which I thought was strange and then elaborated that he meant my commute. That made no sense but at the time it didn't click.
I shower every morning, wash my hair daily and use antipersperant and deodorant. I apply Perspirex nightly and use body spray and perfume. I clean sweaty areas regularly and carry change of underwear and wipes etc with me, I am so paranoid about my personal hygiene. I also started taking Chlorophyll supplements and reducing caffeine.
I do have greasy sebhorreic dermatitis but I'm treating it.
I think I do tend to be quite a sweaty person and my crotch does get sweaty but only usually when I work out, in which case everywhere else gets sweaty too.
Am I being paranoid?! No one has outright said that I smell, ever. This is making me so depressed, I feel humiliated, but I am a clean person. I feel suicidal. Please help me, I am really at the end of my tether, I am so unhappy. I don't feel like my family want to help, and I don't really have any close friends to talk to. This post is 100% serious.
17 likes, 165 replies
deirdre91577 depressed21652
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nick34171 deirdre91577
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Strawberry100 depressed21652
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Its affected my mental state very badly. I have been suicidal many times since. I don't leave the house because i will be met with coughing reactions like this. It all started for me with comments in school about bad breath. I'm 23 today and have never had a job. I receive benefits from the government.
morgan59089 Strawberry100
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jesse57118 depressed21652
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When you take a shower make sure to dry off completely and not leave any moisture.
Do not use bodysprays like Axe. Those will only help you smell good for like 5 minutes. Buy a good expensive perfume like chrome.
When you poop make sure you wipe really good like with baby wipes.
Apply deoderant like 2 times a day.
Wash your bed sheets.
idance12 jesse57118
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idance12 depressed21652
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bret idance12
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tocleanfor09370 idance12
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suicide16201 idance12
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Jen89 depressed21652
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Now I want you all to think about someone at school who clearly doesnt wash, maybe a boy in your class whos in to rock music and is quite grungy. Does he actually smell? Can you actually smell him?? NO! Now think about old people who struggle to clean maybe have one bath a week, now imagine standing next to them in a que, do they smell?? NO! they do not smell unless you get very upclose and personal maybe! So you wash every day, you use diodrant and perfume, I can tell you now you DO NOT SMELL!!!
Another question, when do you get this paranoia? when you are on holiday relaxing with family? No, because that is when you are happy and relaxed. You ALL get this in social situations, school, work, out with friends. Something triggers your paranoia maybe someone touching their nose and then that is all it takes now you are watching everyones movement and you are probably taking everything everyone says and does and twisting it to be about you and that you smell. This is in your head. I know you are all probably reading this now thinking, no its not though, your wrong. But I am right and it has taken me 6 years to accept it myself.
I asked family, friends, friends at work not one of them said I smelt. If anything they said you never smell bad. But no matter what they said I would think back to situations and think I do though! I do smell!! I would link all these situations together, wake up in the middle of the night, heart pounding getting hot and sweaty thinking about it. It made me so depressed and have really bad anxiety. But you can't let this paranoia ruin your life. You are all so much better than this and you can all get through it!!
The one thing that really helped me as embarresing as it is, is being open about it. i would tell alot of people and it helped. I would laugh about it and say "I have OCD, I have OCD where I'm really terrified of smelling bad." people would laugh and be like "don't we all." I would then go on to say no my OCD makes me feel suicidal and depressed and have extreme anxiety. Once you have been open about it, maybe had a laugh about it you will feel instantly better and you will be able to talk to friends and family openly about it. Then when you are having one of your paranoid moments you can take your close friend to one side and say. I am having a moment and I'm feeling really bad and I think everyone in this room thinks I smell. Your friend will then comfort you and tell you that you don't.
I was in a bar recently and I had it, I was sat around a table with my group of friends and I started getting it. I thought everyone was looking at each other and if someone wispered to the other one I was thinking it was about me and that I smell. I got up and went to the toilet to compose myself, my friend followed me in and I just said to her that I'm having a moment and she gave me a hug and said laughing "okay, let me smell you" and she was like "right I would never lie to you because I can see how much this is effecting you but you DO NOT SMELL! and no one is saying you do!" I instantly felt better!
I really hope this helps some of you, you are not alone in this. Please talk about it to those you can trust. It isn't a coinsidence that we have all suffered from this and we all have the exact same situations and everyone has told us we don't smell. It is because we all have the same mental illness brought on by depression, social anxiety and stress. If any of you want to talk about it reply to my comment and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
drake42555 Jen89
Edited
Hi all
I’m an African from Zimbabwe and yes I’ve been through what most of you have painfully described (nose rubbing, top lip rolling, self-exclusion from social activities even work activities like meetings) all due to the fact that we perceived ourselves as smelly (could be true), yet we bath and try keep the highest level of hygiene possible(bathing more than once a day with anti-bacterial soaps, brushing teeth, using deodorant and perfumes, shaving those sensitive areas, never wearing clothing consecutively and only after having it washed more than once, I’ve been to so many doctors G.P’s who were as clueless as me, even been to a dermatologist who said “its natural for some people to have odors” although it only started when I was sixteen (where was the odor before?), anyway I’m now 25, well I’ve come far and I’ve tried low carb diets, low protein diets, herbal supplements and probiotics, but honestly I think I was foolishly bumping around and shooting in the dark, (those diets and supplements have the potential to ruin your body if not carefully planned), but here is the good news recently I found an article about how our bodies use muscle as a source for food which is known as ketosis which apparently gives off numerous foul odors, Google ketosis and body odor, so I’ve decided to try visit a nutritionist soon because I have also been reading up on the relationship between anorexia and body odor, im underweight , I weigh 49kgs and my height is 5’7”so will keep you updated , for those looking for coping skills while we try and figure this problem out, I would suggest you start praying (there is a God) if you need spiritual advice pm me, also career choices for those who are looking for jobs try practical work where you are paid for your craftsmanship like electrician, plumber, builder, i.t network administrator, driver, mechanic, etc, for those who are in school ignore those nasty comments because you are not alone there are so many of us maybe we need to start awareness campaign to reduce the stigma, most of us wont ever speak out about it to doctors or even our close family members but if they need evidence show them this site you are not alone, soon we will get the answers we need, if its unbearable try distance education, I’m in my forth year at a distance university and its working for me, to those who are suicidal remember life is gift that is given, if you can’t live for yourself live for someone else, try charity work, people who need help wont reject you, there are a lot of organizations that do charity out there, that need extra hands plus making someone’s day easier can bring some joy to your life, another contributing factor I’ve noticed is we need to take care of our spiritual side as I know since we are excluded from social activities and most of us don’t have spouses, we engage in self-satisfaction which can attract evil sexual spirits, these spirits enjoy our exclusion from having normal life, I’m faithful we will find the solution soon, to all those who have coping skills I have not mentioned, to help others please post in the comment section lets solve this together, one mind can do wonders, so how about hundreds or thousands? lets work together.
tocleanfor09370 Jen89
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morgan59089 Jen89
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nicole2017 Jen89
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Hello, I am 31 and I'm taking Viibyd for about 6 years. It was stopping my thoughts. I notice when I date guys and it doesn't workout that's when my OCD comes back. My question is have do you have a boyfriend or married? My fear is that the reason I'm single is because I smell.
Stateofmind Jen89
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Thank you. I will try this out.