Feel so low & scared of everything

Posted , 15 users are following.

Hi all

I'm new to this forum but thought I'd seek some help as its very much needed.

I'm a 29 year old male, an have not really been myself properly since 2008.. Every year I go through a low mood an then get so tired. I was prescribed anti depressants (citropram 20mg) then it went up to 40mg at certain points. Every time I have a change in my life then I seem to go strange whether it be in work or home life, well I think it's to do with change..

I used to love work and work all hours an travel to different countries & my work ethic was brilliant but my confidence has completely gone in everything I do and it's been like this for nearly 6 months now.

Last year was a complete mash up for me, my wife told me she didn't love me anymore so we split & sold our house and I moved from Wales to England to live with my friend. We were married for 4 years and together 8'years. I think my bouts of depression did not help our relationship as sometimes I was happy but most of the time had no energy and was down. She did not like the idea of anti depressants and rather me sort out the cause of it..I did do counselling but never helped.

Also For many years (14 in total) I've suffered with gambling addiction as well, would never be a point where we had no money as both were in very well paid jobs but of course that did not help the relationship.

Anyway since we have split up I've constantly been in this low mood and depressed an few occasions just thinking of ending it all, so in November the doctor changed my tablets to mirtazapine 15mg and oh god... I took the first tablet on the Wednesday,slept all day on the Thursday an by the Friday I was unstoppable... Was in the gym, was not scared of any work, was cooking and felt so focused... Was dancing to Xmas songs around the house.. I felt alive. So much energy.... Counsellor was pleased, I was doing all my things to do list each day and everything was clear... Like my brain had opened the flood gates. Unfortunately this only lasted a week and a half and then I was back to my grumpy self with no energy again... Had points was feeling suicidal again. The phycaitrist doubled the dosage then but 5-6 weeks gone by an I was feeling nothing.. No motivation..no energy,,,no life in me.

I decided to come off all tablets over the Xmas period by reducing the dosage over the weeks so by new year I was completely off them.

Since the new year I've not been on any tablets, not gambled at all and have been on a 6 week course for depression/anxiety and have not drank any alcohol at all...joined a gym an eat healthily but I'm constantly tired.. The doctors signed me off over Xmas but I chose to take my holidays instead as I do not like being off work ill but when I went back on the 7th Jan I could not face it... I was in physical pain and have been signed off since with low mood. I just don't understand any of this.. I'm trying all sorts, courses, relaxation tapes... Exercise, I've spent about £150 on viatamins like omega 3 oils and magnesium. EPA an DHA are supposed to be vital for depression and bi-polar so I've made sure the omega 3 is high in that. Also now drinking herbal tea. If someone said sit on your head for 3 hours a day I would!

I've seen a private doctor and she's put it down to low self esteem an confidence...and the gambling.

My head tells me everyday. Every hour "you're useless" "life is not worth living" " you are stupid", "you're going to lose your job and never get another one" etc

I've had these inner voices for so long now that they are just built into me. I used to want a family but now dead against having kids as insult not want them to go through these horrible thoughts and feelings.

There are so many people out there with much less then me and they cope but I'm just constantly worrying and hate life... And exhausted all then time. Even though I've got no money issues, still have my job but off sick. I feel selfish for being like this but just can't get out of it.

Was asked to go way this weekend, I agreed yesterday but the didn't sleep all night as was worried and then had stomach pains this morning so I cancelled going as I did not want to be grumpy and spoil my friends holiday.

Doctor prescribed dexetine today but so many bad reviews... Do I go back on tablets or anything else to try??

I've got a lot more to add but there's just no point adding it....

Any ideas welcome as I'm losing the will to live......

Sorry for such a long message.

R x

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  • Posted

    Hi R

    I think you may need to go back on the anti-depressants (not necessarily the same ones) to give you a bit of stability, as it sounds like you are very vulnerable right now. What was the 6 week course you were on? Was it CBT? If not, may be this is something you should consider. Many people have had very positive outcomes with CBT and in some cases they come off medication altogether.

    You've gone through some very difficult things lately. Divorce/separation is never easy - I speak from experience, and I also suffer from depression. It would be surprising if you were not feeling pretty bad to be honest. I know that's not much consolation, but it's worth remembering.

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  • Posted

    Hi, I am so sorry for this situation in your life. You should not give-up in life. For natural you can go for anti-depression medication. If you really come out of these kind situations then once you visit to a church. I heard a name called Dr. Bill Winston, is an anointed man of God is around there. Many life are being saved in there church.
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  • Posted

    Hi mck2

    Thanks for the reply, yeah a lot. Did happen last year an this is probably the longest I've been like this. Other times I've taken tablets I have got through it but they always stopped me thinking as if I couldn't take anything new in. That's why I thought I'd do it without the meds an do it the healthy way but failing big time. The strange thing is since off them I have not gambled at all... Even when I've had hours to waste an money to use. Maybe tablets did not help the gambling.

    I think I do need tablets but scared to know which ones are the best for me now as you kind of hear bad reviews on them all...

    I know I've got more changes in my life as well coming up an my body an mind is also aware of this!

    I tried reading "CBT for dummies" but my mind kept laughing at me an saying "you don't understand it.. Give up!"

    At this rate I'm gonna be living back with parents an with no future or life..... ;-(

    Hi jJeremy

    Thanks for the message...I have not tried church but have thought about it as well.

    Thanks both for taking the time out to reply!

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    • Posted

      Hi there

      Something I m going through at this moment.. I have even tried of ending myself.. I got scars in my hand.. I try too hard to stay strong but there is a fear in me. I just dont know when it becomes so stronger than my will to fight back. I feel so weak n deep inside m so scared.. I used to take medicine to fall asleep but it turned me too weak. I laugh I smile I work but when thus low feeling get stronger there is nothing I see. No hope nothing. The truth is I even dunno will anyone respind ti me or even dont know wahy I m writing this. M just so scared....

      .

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  • Posted

    Ok I was sick last night after having a really bad headache so I took 2x co codamal and I woke up in a great mood. So does co codamal help with depression and anxiety? I took 2 again this morning and have been fine all day...was able took cook and help around the house where some days ie really struggled to do anything.

    I've started to feel my anxiety kick in tonight though so I'm not going to take any tablets an see what mood I wake up in. If I wake up feeling depressed and full of anxiety theni'll try the co codamal as a test.

    I'm just so sick of feeling like this and just want my life back!!!!!

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  • Posted

    Hi ya,

    Sorry your not feeling to great. I've had depression for too many years now. The only thing that has worked for me is anti depressants.

    Tryed to get better without them when I was younger, it didnt work really. Since then tho I havnt been able to come off them, every time I try or reduce them I get ill again. I can understand you wanting to get better on your own, but if its not working you should go back to the docs.

    I know pills arnt a miracle cure, they come with side affects. Just hope one day there will be something better to hope with depression.

    I know how you feel about trying all these things to make you better, I was like that most of the time when I was ill, I read about omega 3, didnt take the vitamins but ate more fish, tryed to get out and exercise more, and uped me pills.

    Try not to get down on yourself, your trying to get better. Anyone can get depression, dont feel guilty about being ill. It's like any other illness, and you wouldnt blame yourself for having any other illness.

    Just rem people recover from this all the time and so can you.

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  • Posted

    Hi cherry

    Thanks for your reply.

    Are you feeling better now then as seems you have suffered with it as well? How are you coping?

    I'm not sure if it is depression/anxiety/something else... All I know is I'm sick of it.

    I've now been prescribed cymbalta delexetine 60mg.. I've tried to beat this with out meds but failed so time to give meds another shot.. Took first one today so gonna keep a mood diary and track thoughts an feeling and see how it goes. I've seen good and bad things about this medication...just praying it a good thing but will take each day as it comes an will be patient as can take up to 6 weeks.

    Thanks

    R

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  • Posted

    Hi there

    I've been on fluoxetine (prozac) for over 4 years now. Depression is an illness (that is invisible to the outside world) and i've never had an illness this long before. I have learnt to go with the flow and try not to fight it as this doesn't work. As previous correspondents have said anyone can get it and its nothing to be ashamed of. On the off days its so frustrating but heho.

    I have never come off the pills or liquid in my case as i had an elderly father who sadly recently passed away so i need them more than ever now to help keep me on the straight and narrow.

    On top of the prozac i used to take a B12 vitamin supplement in the early days. I find there are various herbal/fruit teas that help in times of stress. I'll let you know what they are if you're interested. I contributed to the fluoxetine part of this forum a few years ago and gained a lot of support and knowledge from other sufferers.

    Have you read a book recommended to me: Depressive Illness - The curse of the strong by Dr Tim Cantopher. It puts some perspective on things. If you suffer with nausea try ginger tea as ginger is excellent for this and digestive problems.

    I'm not a herbalist but think that 1 medicinal drug is more than enough for one's body to cope with.

    Lastly, be easy on yourself and give yourself some 'me' time. You have to learn to be selfish sometimes and put yourself 1st - something that i found incredibly hard. Also plenty of fresh air and if we ever see the sun again get out there to top up your vitamin D.

    I hope some of this helps but if you feel the need to rant just fire away. Those on this site know where you are coming from and are only too willing to help.

    Best wishes.

    MP

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  • Posted

    Justiris, i take exception to your comments re:depression. Unless one has suffered the horrendous experience of having the illness one cannot fully understand what the recipient is going through. Its not feeling sorry for yourself. It is a mental illness that scarily sometimes feels completely out of your control. Basically the neurotransmitters in the brain are not working as they should and the idea of the medication is to correct this imbalance.

    Most of the time this works if you are lucky enough to be on the right medication which some people find takes a while. I cannot comment re the gambling as i was only a mild gambler on fruit machines back in the day well before i had this illness.

    Horrible things happened to me in the past as in various relatives and friends dying unexpectedly but i dealt with those situations. Depression hit me like a bolt out of the blue. Its not something you can snap out of or just feeling sad as we all do from time to time. Its an illness that more people need to be educated about.

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  • Posted

    I have removed postings from justiris as they were "off topic".

    Emis Moderator

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  • Posted

    Hi R,

    Yeah Im feeling a lot better, and hope you are too.

    It will take time, but you can get through it. I know how you feel with not knowing exactly whats wrong (depression/anxiety/or something different) Dont think I came under the classic depression or anxiety box. Everyones different so I guess its hard to diagnose.

    I hope the meds are working for you, and your back to your old self soon. I think you were very brave to have tryed to get better without meds for so long, and also brave for deciding that wasnt working for you and trying something different like meds.

    Hope your doing ok.

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  • Posted

    Hello,

    I am also feeling the same and can understand your feeling very well. I am also not using any medication because I want to get out of this situation without med but not till now.

    So , has there any improvement in your life?

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  • Posted

    Well i think im in the worst situation here,im depressed for several years,started from 20 mg now 150mg, struggle to go work and be in good mood with everyone,anger is high,its so dificult to fake a smile,and im not a bad person at all,but some people that i encoutered in my life,they where monster literaly,monsters,my life is a mess,i don´t have mood to go out of my home,im scared and feel very anxious when i need to go out,i dont smoke drink or got in drugs,im 25 year old male,and almost everyday i think in suicide,im struggling to live,i dont want to miss my sister, i love her,if i am alive its for her, anyway of course i have good days but they are so few,sometimes i just want someone to talk to,a person that really understand what im feeling,people in family they do not understand,so i save everything to me,people in my family says" you are good looking guy very talented,very good friend,why are you depressed?.

    Well people in my past and continuos making it bad.

     

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  • Posted

    Hi

    Not one to look on these sites for answers but typed in on Google " depressed with gambling problems and bored all the time" and none of the stories related to me that I have been reading.

    This site came up with this story so when I had a read of your situation your like a double of me.

    Won a fair bit of money 8 years ago and liked living the high life and started gambling more and more extreme altho I had been gambling for years and years and could never admit I had a problem.

    Soon as I got married and had a child I was suppose to be at happiest point of my life but I was at my lowest. Started getting depressed and having 1 or 2 mental health problems so I started taking anti depression tablets and been on them for 6 years.All in all I m just generally getting bored and wanting to move away some were warm but don't want to be selfish as I have a little girl now who I have every week end.

    Split from my wife and back living with my parents, working in a tidy paid job but most pay days gambling large amounts hoping for the big win so I can just move some were warm.

    when motivated I go to the gym for 4to6 months and get in brill shape then comes the crap weather and turn into a slob and don't do nothing after work and always tired.

    Friends ask me to go out and do stuff but find excuses not to do stuff and at my lowest thought about suicide a few times but never actually tried.

    Let me know how you are coping as I really don't know how to deal with things at the moment.

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