Feeling completely lost and alone

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I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety last september, put on sertraline in October and signed off work since November. I believe that I had been suffering from depression for a while and I also suffered from eating disorders as a teenager. All was going well with my treatment and I was having regular CBT sessions until January when I had to go into hospital for surgery. I therefore delayed the next stage of CBT as I knew I wouldn't be able to drive for 6 weeks. Over Christmas my husband and I talked a lot and made plans including me cutting back my hours at work to focus on persuing a singing career.

Whilst in hospital my husband was diagnosed with cancer which in inoperable as it has already spread. It has spread agressively into his bones and he can barely walk which has made my recovery harder as I have had to do housework and even help him get up etc. We don't have much family living close by although my step son has been coming and helping. When I told friends about the diagnosis everyone offered to help and said lets meet for coffee/ lunch yet when I tried to arrange something nobody has had time. I don't have that many friends living close by but I thought I could rely on some of them but only one has been round since knowing about my husband - I only met her last year and I feel that all of this is a lot for a new friendship. I haven't confided about my depression yet although she does know that I was struggling with panic attacks last year. I confided in 2 friends about my depression previously but neither of them has been to visit and 1 hasn't even returned my call. 

I feel bad complaining as I know everyone has their own issues but it has left me feeling completely isolated and not knowing where to turn. It's hard to talk to my husband as he is dealing with so  much - we are very open with each other but I don't want to add to his worries. I did find out that he phoned my doctor on friday and they agreed that he would refer me to a private counsellor but I don't know if it is worth it as I feel no amount of therapy or medication can stop the loneliness I now feel. 

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  • Posted

    SSK,  You are not alone.  This online community is here for you.  I am a newbie having just joined about 4 days ago but most of the posts I have read in various discussions have been extremely supportive.

       I lost my wife of 23 years from complications of her juvenile diabetes and I watched her suffer through multiple amputations, a kidney transplant, congestive heart failure, blindness and she never lost her will to live or her sense of humor.  Through it all I knew that I was the luckiest guy in the world because I loved her far more than anyone has a right to.  She was the most courageous person I've ever known and when I lost her I wanted my life to be over as well.  But I'm still here, due in no small part to the inspiration she gave to me--her final gift.

       Unfortunately, when I finally remarried it was to someone who was a poster child for Borderline Personality Disorder and the last few years have been harder than all the ones which came before them combined.  (Check out my post at https://patient.info/forums/discuss/wife-has-changed-personality-overnight-271127?p_token=21d5dde3-1a90-4b53-a054-c988e850003b&order=oldest+&page=1#1979836, which may put things in perspective.)

     But I'm still here.

       You will survive.  You are stronger than you think.  If you haven't already done it you should seek out support groups for families of cancer patients.  It may sound depressing but it actually helps by allowing people to express their emotions safely, including the anger which builds up from feeling that you've been dealt a bad hand in life.  A lot of us think that life is just really unfair and that other people have such an easy life.  Well, life IS unfair but I have never  met anyone who has not had misfortune, heartache or tragedy touch their lives.  It only LOOKS like they have it easy.

       The other thing I might suggest is that if you don't already have a pet, you should consider getting one.  I'm a dog person and if it were not for my dogs I probably would not have survived.  They give unconditional love, never lie, are fiercely loyal and rarely complain.  Basically, the perfect being.

      It's getting late where I am so let me leave you with a few of my favorite quotes which may help:

    "Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat."  --Ralph Ellison; Invisible Man; 1952.

    “Loved. You can’t use it in the past tense. Death does not stop that love at all.”

    Ken Kesey

    "And meanwhile time goes about its immemorial work of making everyone look and feel like sh*t."     --Martin Amis; London Fields; 1989.

    (Hope you at least cracked a smile at that last one.)

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    • Posted

      Nice words ken and I agree you are never alone always welcome to message me just for a chat even or anything you might need to get off your chest as ken said try the cancer support line sometimes it helps to talk to others that know how you feel or may be going through the same thing keep strong hun and I send you and your dear husband hugs xo I'm also sure your friend that visits won't mind if you confide in her she sounds to have a big heart .not sure where you are but maybe a service that send carers to help could give you some relief like the blue nurses ir who ever helps with that sort of thing in your town to help you maintain house work and stuff finally try counselling as just talking can release stress xoxo
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  • Posted

    Thanks for the replies and I'm feeling a bit better today. I spoke to my doctor this morning and we had a long chat about how to move forward. I managed to get a lot of things off my chest and did tell him I'd stopped taking the sertraline I was on. I was nervous about this as I thought I might get a lecture but he was really nice and I've agreed to give another tablet a go partly to try and help me sleep as I've tried all my normal natural remedies. 

    We have found a support group close to us that has sessions for cancer patients and their families seperatley as well as organising joint activities so we will give this a go. 

    It does sometimes feel that life is unfair but I'm trying to look at the positives and believe that something good is waiting round the corner x

     

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