Wife has changed personality overnight

Edited , 43 users are following.

Hello, I'm really worried that my wife may have had or does have PND or some other depression - and is medicating with drink and cocaine at weekends.

I've NEVER used drugs. We have a 21 month old son (our first and planned) and bought our dream home nine months ago. We are the most tactile couple in public and all people tell me is that she is always talking about how much she loves me.

We're everbody's perfect couple, ultra happy and she started divorce proceedings overnight a few months ago and has rewritten history, didn't want to get married eight years ago, hasn't 'fancied' me for seven years, doesn't want sex with me (that side of things has always been great on both sides) and that I have been controlling her through our whole 11-year relationship - which is ridiculous.

And, no, there isn't anybody else in the picture - although, we are still living together and she is out looking for her 'special love' every weekend.

She is 35 and this has been going on since January when our boy was 15 months old.

We had 14 people round Christmas Day and she was talking about having another baby (no pressure from me always her decision if it happened). Two nights later we are at a club and a guy I know (very drunk) said he thought they might have gone out in the past. She stormed off and said "it's too late, I'm married". Then she's trying to meet up on FB, but he didn't want to know. She knows his partner and they have kids - it goes against every one of her morals. 

Previously to this she has been the most loyal wife and tells people where to go, pointing at her wedding ring if they try to chat her up.

But this time she told me it made her realise she has never loved me enough, that she deserves to find her special love and he was someone she had a crush on at 19 - WHAT!!!!!!!

I found out a few weeks after these revelations that she has been doing coke when she is out drinking until 3am in the morning - and she is a big drinker on a night out.Five weeks before all of this happened I got two birthday cards - one with a pic of me and the boy on the front to the 'Greatest Dad Ever' and another to 'My beautiful, amazing, gorgeous husband. I love you so much and thanks for making my life so special. You are such a great dad to **** it makes me love you even more'.

Now she refers to me on FB in her constant rants as a p***k or ugly, fat (I'm 11 stone at the moment), big-nosed c***

She is challenging me to get her drug tested saying she hasn't done it since she left me, as she was only doing it as she felt trapped.

I have since learned that she has dabbled in the past (despite being anti-drugs vocally as she is a fitness instructor) even before we were married and it has got worse since we have had our child. I believe she has had postnatal depression and this is how she is medicating it.

She says she isn't doing it, but two weekends ago she went out on a 12-hour bender on a Saturday and I saw her on Sunday morning in a right mess limping to work at 9am to teach her spin class.

At 4pm she was in the beer garden of another pub, completely OK and watching this band with a starry-eyed, almost adoring look on her face. She was then going up to everyone in the beer garden rubbing their hair and kneeling between their legs. And not for my benefit as she is emotionless towards me.

Later that evening she came to another bar I was at and one minute she was looking miserable outside the toilets, five minutes later she walks from the courtyard into the bar to push her way to the front of where a band is playing with her arms above her heard, with this weird, almost Jokerish grin on her face. Almost deranged looking.

Then she jumped up on a bench with three girls she didn't know and started dancing with and cuddling them all. Before talking to everyone in the crowd below. Then she is getting a drink at the bar and putting her arm round a complete stranger buying a drink and talking.

After she was outside pushing herself against a wall with the looney look on her face before being twirled round like a school girl.

She was having loads of intense conversations with strangers, then the next day she taught two classes in the morning after getting in at 2am, before trying to sleep on the sofa at 1pm. As she slept, her legs jumped around like electric shocks were going through them and her jaw was moving around.

The next weekend (I wasn't there) a friend told me she was spinning herself round a pole like a maniac on her own in a beer garden at 9pm one minute, then 20 minutes later her pals were consoling her like she was upset. A mate of mine who runs the club she was at later that night said she was in the toilets all night and had eyes like bowling balls, and was stroking his belly (and she never talks to him).

She is in complete denial telling me she hasn't done any drugs for three months and has got her solicitor to challenge me to hair test her. But I'm sure she must still be doing it!

She has also lost a lot of weight (at least a stone), she gets away with it on her body as she is so toned, but her face is so skinny, her cheeks have lost all their plumpness and she has aged. She went back to work in the gym six weeks after having our child, which was her decision she can't be controlled but massive mistake in hindsight as she never gave herself time to recover both physichally and mentally.

At he moment, it's like she has regressed back to when we first met 11 years ago (no drugs), but wanting to get drunk all of the time and really obsessed with local bands. And she used to do modelling pics in her teens, she went to a music festival for four days last weekend - and was being pictured posing on a car roof like some super model!

During this weekend away she never rang once or texted to check on our son - then when she comes back it is all 'I've missed you so much' etc

She is also very arrogant, thinks she is the sexiest woman on the planet and don't get me wrong she is very pretty -but now she can 'have any man that she wants' apparently!

I have ordered the drug test and will have to see what happens, but I am very worried about her as this is my beautiful wife.

In this nightmare six months I have not been able to have one conversation with her - she is ultra aggressive and defensive and just tells me I am 'harrassing' her, 'controlling her' and, now, 'bullying her'.

Something has gone really wrong with her - just hope she comes out of it before she destroys our little family for good!

Any advice/ideas?


5 likes, 58 replies

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58 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Eddie

    I'm going through a similar thing with my now ex partner. He too completely changed over night and walked out on myself and our children. I too think he has some sort of depression which I think was triggered by his close friend dying at a young age a few months back. He too told me that he didn't love me and hadn't done so for the last year of our relationship. If this is true he deserves an oscar because he told me he and showed me he loved me constantly. He's very aggressive towards me and I feel like he emotionally abuses me. He's drinking an awful lot too and shows very little interest in our children. It's not him, this whole situation I'm in is so weird. I've tried to reach out to him and offer him support and help but he denies there is anything wrong. I think people need to realise in their own time and want to get help. Sorry I couldn't be of any more support or give you any answers but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. 

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    • Posted

      Hi Lillanna,

      Blimey, sounds like we are in the same boat and thinking the same - how bloody hard is this!

      Are there drugs involved in your nightmare?

      Stay strong x

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    • Posted

      No drugs involved but an awful lot of alcohol, so much so his drinking is effecting his ability to see the kids on the rare occasion that he organises something with me. 

      One think I've learned, as hard as it is to believe sometimes, this is not my fault. No matter how much your wife tries to say all this is your fault - it's not. Have a little look at this link, it made things a lot clearer for me. 


      I've likened this situation to being sucked in to a storm. In trying my best to fight my way out of it but it just keeps getting stronger and stronger. Nothing I seem to do will stop it. It's the most horrible feeling in the world so I can totally sympathise. 

      You stay strong too xx


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    • Posted

      Bloody hell Lillanna,

      That link is spot on, she ticks EVERY single box on the left-hand-side as well as a lot of the 'official' ones.

      This is so frustrating!!! x

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  • Posted

    Hi Eddie,

    Sorry to hear what a terrible time you're going through!

    Have you approached her a view to some counsilling? Her behaviour sounds incredibly erratic. The cocaine won't be helping that either!

    Do you have mutal friends you could maybe ask to have a word with her? Just an idea...

    Stay strong and when you feel this down just think of your son :-)


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    • Posted

      Hi Zoe, she won't go counselling, as I have been 'controlling' her for 11 years and she's been trying to escape, allegedly.

      This is a woman who I have not just had a baby and bought a dream house with, but have travelled around America for six months with and who threw me the biggest 40th birthday party you could imagine two years ago.

      Her friends are terrible and just want to get her out on the lash - they have finally got her back - and her best mate is another coke head.

      Her family, are just as bad, so dysfunctional and don't believe me about the drugs.


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    • Posted

      I know this sounds a bit extreme, but, have you thought about hiring someone to follow her on weekends in order to prove her behaviour? If she's serious about the divorce you'll need as much evidence as you can get in order to prove she's not (obviously) very stable and no judge would approve of her drug taking!
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    • Posted

      Good point, but I don't think I need to go that far. I have already conducted a home-kit test on fresh hair from her brush and it came back positive. So I know she is lying. Just ordering up the official one through the court now, so I can prove to her family that I'm not actually a 'f****** moron', but I'm telling the truth and there is good reason to worry about her!
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    • Posted

      That's good you did a home test and getting one from the court should, as you say, proove you're not lying! If I were her parents I'd be worried sick - why are they defending her? She has a son to look after! No wonder you're worried!
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    • Posted

      They are so useless, I feel like it's me against the world. She has spun them so many lies, making me out to be the worst dad in the world, when I was the best six months ago. Let's put it this way, we both work from home and I take him to classes every morning during the week.

      I know there is something really wrong with her, but they all think I am CRAZY! All I'm trying to do is what any husband would do.

      When she first flipped - saying she felt down and didn't want sex, which has always been ultra passionate and she constantly raves about it - I went to see her friend and cousin to speak to them as I was so worried. They laughed at me and said you know she is moody and stubborn, there's nothing wrong with you two, just let her get on with it. When she found out I'd seen them she went mad and left, telling me this wasn't concern, but another example of me controlling her. She came home after two days and said when she saw me naked it made her feel sick, asked when did we last snog, when did she last kiss me first (only 10 times every day), when did she last do something nice for me and she had been trying to escape me for years and would have an affair within a month if she came back - then asked for a divorce. Just bizarre!

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    • Posted

      I'm amazed you haven't flipped yourself yet - sounds like a proper nightmare! Her not accepting her "lifestyle" and "attitude" as being contradictive and also totally unhealthy sounds like she's in total denial and I really thing she needs professional help!

      Is she seeing someone new at the moment?

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    • Posted

      No, not at all, we are still living together, as she is hanging on for half of the house, but I have filed for residency.

      All she does is go out with her mates and get battered.

      I have been through a lot, lost both of my parents, and, tragically, my wife and I both lost our mums around the wedding to brain tumours in their early 50s.

      I don't feel she ever grieved for her mum, stuff only comes out when she is drunk.

      There are so many underlying issues when I look back - jealousy of the way her parents treated her brother and how they never supported her to be a singer by taking her to some competition when she was young. She feels very hard done by and wasn't happy that her mum asked for her brother when she died - and I was the one who brought her and her mum closer together - going round for dinner regulalry etc

      She has also always been jealous of other girls - including her mates - over the years and me spending time with other people. She even accused me of fancying one of her friends sisters over lunch on holiday a couple of years ago.

      She also asked strange things when she was pregnant - would I leave her if she got PND, would I cheat on her if we couldn't have sex, would I choose her if there were complications at birth, if she got fat (like her mum, aunty and cousins did after having babies) would I cheat on her. Absolute bonkers and I reassured her every step of the way. You would not even know she has had a child, no scarring and toned gym body.

      A few years ago we were in London, and I got talking to some Austrian travellers and she freaked out, saying we had to leave as they were going to follow us, beat me up and rape her. Someone tried to jump her years ago and she punched them and got away.

      Before she met me, she only had one three-month relationship at 19, then she worked in a pub and just had one night stands all the time, as she was so insecure about her pale skin. When I met her she told me she was on a six-month sex ban as she was so disappointed in herself.

      There has been so much bubbling away there over the years, but I have always loved and cared for her, filling that gap of insecurity (don't get me wrong we have rows like anybody else), changing each other from being a bit wild into a soppy couple.

      But looking back she has always had serious issues, which is why she is a bad candidate for drugs and I think she is having some mental breakdown - as she hates me and believes our whole relationship has been a 'farce'.

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