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Feeling defeated and blue

Posted , 8 users are following.

kim94523
kim94523

Hi All, I had a meeting with my bosses yesterday during which I intended to ask them to let me work more hours from home because I am so physically drained by my commute and sitting at a desk and barely have time to get to my docs, let alone yoga or swimming or anything that might help me move more and lose weight and maybe help my screaming joints. But before I could bring it up, they asked me to be in the office earlier and longer! It was an amiable meeting and I left feeling appreciated and needed but this is going to be so hard on my body. I tried it today... I was walking 15 minutes in the dark in the rain to the train...and hour train ride and then a 30 minute shuttle ride. I was at the office at 8:30. By 3 I thought I was going to die. I got home by six but my shoulder, neck and back are seizing and the rest of me is stiff and achy. I don't know how I can keep this up! I am sr exec and when the board asks me to do something that is reasonable, I really can't say no. They pay me too much and - beside the hours - it is a dream job and they are wonderful bosses! I can't move closer for my son is about to start jr. College and can't live on his own yet. If it wasn't for menopause and pain, this would be no problem. I don't know what to do! I'm despondent. 

My my labs came back and they are all wacky... High cholesterol and blood sugar, low function thyroid (despite taking meds), bad c reactive proteins (sign of inflammation), low vit d and very low estradiol. I am a mess. I see my MD tomorrow and my ND next week. I'm sure MD is going to want to put me on statins and other meds. My ND says statins will suppress all hormonal activity by suppressing cholesterol production, which will exacerbate peri problems and muscle pain is a common side effect...she wants me to try to take off 20 pounds (I have already cut out fat, sugar, alcohol, gluten, cafeine and red meat!) and cut my calories by 500-700 per day. I have lost a couple pounds but I don't think it will be fasrt enough. I feel like I can't do more and nothing is working!  I feel like giving up and I'm scared I won't live thru menopause. If a heart attack or stroke doesn't get me, I may keel over from shoulder pain--it's that bad or just die of exhaustion.

I am sad sad. Thanks for listening - I'll take prayer if any of you are in good with God. smile

0 likes, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • annieschaefer
    annieschaefer kim94523

    Posted

    Good Morning Kim,

    Sorry to hear of this turn of events. Sending you healing thoughts and prayers that this is a temporary blip for you. I believe you are taking meds thyroid as well, right? I'm headed there as well and I know when the levels are out of whack, much of what you describe can happen. It's a challenging balancing act, I watched my mom go through it (she lived until 85, God rest her soul) occasionally, so while things needed to be sorted out for you, this won't kill you. I feel the same way a lot of the time lately, but I have to remind myself this is temporary and will pass. 

    I know how discouraging it can feel after doing all the things you mentioned and really limiting our diets down to almost nothing to still come up with less than stellar results. Some days I really think WTH am I doing all this if nothing improves as a result. But, I have to remember, this time period is very unpredictable and there are going to be good days and some not so good days. 

    Makes it very hard to plan or even carry out our responsibilities at times. Please hang in there.

    The big challenge is while the hormones are doing their wild, unpredictable dance here is to do what you have already done. You have a MD and ND guiding you through the medical part, you have all of us here and thankfully a great job, even though for the moment it's a bit taxing. It's frustrating to feel this poor, I know, had a slightly rough day yesterday, but again, let the MD and ND do what they can to help alleviate your current state and please keep in mind, this is a blip and it won't kill you. May feel like it right now but it won't.

    At home, rest as much as you can and if it becomes too much with work, you do not need to give full explanation, but if these are great people that you can talk with (bosses) give them some idea that you are dealing with some temporary health issues (you are and there is no difference between this and other conditions that leaves or lighten workloads are granted) and can you all work on a temporary change in your schedule until you feel a bit  better. I know my work is pretty reasonable, hopefully your people will be too. Better to explain something than to have them think you are not up to the task due to of lack of interest, don't you think?

    Holding you up in prayer Kim. smile

    Annie xxxx

    • kim94523
      kim94523 annieschaefer

      Posted

      Hi Annie, thank you!  Agreed.  And i will explain but the timing needs to be right.  I'm going to start with the doc and see not only what she has in store for me medically but what she recommends physically.  She may make this real easy on me and give me a "note" saying I need to limit my hours for a period of time.  I know I felt so well when I first got on hormone meds.  It may be that I just need to go up a bit and continue on the good eating (I eat a ton of anti-inflamatory, "purple" and dark green veggies now too -- and tomatoes, and I drink boiled ginger root -- daily) and what they ask from me won't feel so insurmountable.  The other thing they suggested is that although they need me here more, that I should absolutely NOT work nights or weekends answering email and such.  Just turn off my "phone" so to speak.  and really separate; something I have never done.  They also suggested I go out to lunch more and take people (employees, bankers, lawyers, vendors, insurance agents, etc.) out to lunch (and, mind you, they pay for all of that) and take real long breaks in the middle of the day.  So I was thinking of finding a gym or a yoga studio or even a hot tub and really take a long break in the middle of the day... that might make all of this better.  I have been the type to work nearly 24/7 and eat lunch at my desk.  they are right in their observations that I don't take enough breaks and don't separate between work time and non-work time very well.  I am sure I painted them as pretty harsh but they are three older gentlemen all with wives who went through this... they are paternal without being patronizing so my bent right now is to TRY... I guess that's why I was crying and frustrated last night and wrote to all of you... because I WANT to try.  My mind is willing but my body is unable or unwilling (at least right now).  Well, time to go to the MD... thanks for listening and letting me vent.  xoxoxo Kim
  • kim94523
    kim94523

    Posted

    Hi again, everyone... thanks again for all your support and encouragement!  I saw the doctor and she had one more test in hand that hand't come in until this morning... CCP.  Tests for rhuematoid arthritis.  My numbers were off the chart for this 218.  And I had high numbers for the inflamation test (can't remember what it's called).  My dad had RA.  And my blood sugar was diabetic level at 200 even thought I do not like or eat sweets or white/refined grains!  I'm in nearly full menopause with female hormones measuring in the teens or "post menopausal", Vit D deficient which I already know and am treating and bad cholesterol off the charts and I do not eat saturated fats!  I am one of the cleanest eaters I know personally, although decidedly cleaner NOW.  I know everything i mentioned is treatable and the doc gave me 30 days to try to drop 20 pounds and re-test for diabetes before she puts me on insulin.  I relayed all this to my Naturopath and we meet Wednesday.  I am glad to have an explanation for the seering joint pain and stiffness but disappointed I will battle RA for life.  Anyway, ever the optimist, I am going to keep doing all the natural stuff I am doing, going to yoga, acupuncture and work fewer hours (doctor is going to write me a "note") (Ha! ironic, isn't it?! You get what you ask for) and persevere!  Love and hugs to you my friends in the ether!
  • susan21149
    susan21149 kim94523

    Posted

    Thats how I have been feeling just tired at times weak low thyroid myself I am on Levothyroxine at times I can eat and at times I can't eat stomach problems at times 

    I feel that you need to take some time to yourself to recooperate take a vacation do you have one coming up and just rest and see what your doctors can do to help you 

    Try to smile its not the end of the world things will get better hugs to you from me and a smilebiggrin

    • kim94523
      kim94523 susan21149

      Posted

      Thank you, Susan!!!  That means the world to me.  My mom said to take a vacation too.  I have one scheduled in July but can't really leave before then -- tax season right now and I do financials.  But I just found out yesterday I have R.A. and the doctors might just decide FOR me... my GP already put me on a reduced schedule of 10 hours per day (working and driving), which will help a little -- currently, I spend 12-14 hours working and driving.  I found a "restorative yoga" class near work and will break up the day by going to that at lunch.  And I have friends and a lot of support at the office.  So, all in all, I should and shall SMILE because I am blessed!  cheesygrin  Thank you for writing me back!
    • annieschaefer
      annieschaefer kim94523

      Posted

      Hi Kim!

      I love, love my restorative yoga classes. I take 2 a week. This should help you a lot. I didn't realize you are working so much no wonder you are feeling so bad. Agree with Susan-time for vacation and really seeing how you can scaled it back a bit. Your health comes first.biggrin

      Annie xoxo

    • susan21149
      susan21149 kim94523

      Posted

      Your welcome kim things will get better in time and at times its hard for me but it will get better 
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