Feeling depressed

For me, those self loathing, let's-just-end-it type of feelings are often circumstantial. Like a tragedy, disappointing news, comparisons to others, overload of work/responsibilities, etc.

I'm 28 and I just started taking antidepressants about a year ago. I was, and still am to an extent, not super fond of taking antidepressant/anxiety meds, and the way I started was more of a right time, right place kind of thing -- uh, if you want to call it that I guess...

My dad had lung cancer for a few years and he was prescribed valium (the name brand of a popular antidepressant/anxiety med with a short life  [meaning it doesn't last in your system very long, maybe 24 hours or so]).

One day he came over, had them on him and I asked for one because I had been having a difficult week, emotionally. I took a 2mg tablet and within 45 minutes my mood had improved. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and cleaning; I was smiling and felt a sense of peace.

After that I decided there was no point in continuing to put myself through the depression I felt on a regular basis. I saw a psychiatrist who recommended diazepam, but I went off it after my primary care physician warned me of the possibility of addiction, memory loss, etc. She put me on venlafaxine (generic for effexor), which takes about 6 weeks to build up in your system before becoming therapeutic. Although the venlafaxine has helped A LOT, I'm currently tapering my dosage so I can go off it altogether.

I see a psychologist who helps me work through my feelings. And I don't want to be on a drug that I have to take every single day, so my plan is to take the diazepam for breakthrough depression after I'm off the venlafaxine.

Sorry for this long-winded reply. My recommendation to you is to make an appointment with a psychologist. My rock-bottom point came at 23, after I spent weeks locked in my bedroom sleeping. So, I finally saw a psychologist and he was amazing. He validated how I was feeling and was able to put reason to my emotions. He could connect the dots in my life and make sense of my feelings so I could better understand what triggered them and how to prevent them. Seeing my psychologist was the first step in gaining control of my depression, and then it's a continual work in progress from there -- oh joy :P

Who knows, since you've been able to handle your depression thus far you may only need to work with a psychologist to gain an understanding of where your depression comes from and how to stop it. I would schedule an appointment ASAP, like for early next week. And if you can't get an appointment with a psychologist soon, then I'd make one with a psychiatrist to see if you can get a script for diazepam to hold you over until you can begin working with a psychologist.

Until you're able to do either of the above, I would contact someone to hangout because it does help to have people around (even though you probably just want to be alone). Or at least do something nice for yourself, like take yourself out for a movie or go on a scenic walk, etc.

The nice thing about diazepam is that it takes effect near immediately, and it doesn't stay in your system long so you wouldn't need to worry about withdrawal symptoms.