Feeling depressed

Posted , 5 users are following.

I am depressed and think of suicide daily. Sleeping and alcohol are my only escapes. I don't think I would be brave enough to kill myself and don't want to upset my parents. Can't seem to fit in with anyone, feel alone. Don't want to go on tablets, have seen from other people that it's difficult to get off them when you start taking them. Put on a happy front at work, but it seems to be slipping, as people have been commenting that I seem to be unhappy. 

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  • Posted

    I feel the same males it harder when I have it mixed with health anxiety so I have the fear of it yet I feel it I don't feel like im good enough and have to put fronts on although my depression has sorted things out a lot compared to what I was I am feeling it still but it will get better even though it does not feel that way I'm doing cbt she's going to start going into depression next week so hopefully that will give me some sense of normal Ness your not alone and you are strong as horrible as depression is they Is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will feel normal again x
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  • Posted

    Howdy,

    I can empathize with you A LOT. Have you ever taken any kind of antidepressant? Or even tried one with a short life, like diazepam (generic for valium)?

    The happy front at work that's slipping is likely related to the worsening of your depression (in my experience).

    How old are you?

    I've dealt with depression for a loooonnnggg time. If I know your age, I can get a better idea of where you're at. Age, in my experience, definitely affects your view of life and then, subsquently, your depression...

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    • Posted

      Maybe a recent episode has made your depression worse?

      For me, those self loathing, let's-just-end-it type of feelings are often circumstantial. Like a tragedy, disappointing news, comparisons to others, overload of work/responsibilities, etc.

      I'm 28 and I just started taking antidepressants about a year ago. I was, and still am to an extent, not super fond of taking antidepressant/anxiety meds, and the way I started was more of a right time, right place kind of thing -- uh, if you want to call it that I guess...

      My dad had lung cancer for a few years and he was prescribed valium (the name brand of a popular antidepressant/anxiety med with a short life  [meaning it doesn't last in your system very long, maybe 24 hours or so]).

      One day he came over, had them on him and I asked for one because I had been having a difficult week, emotionally. I took a 2mg tablet and within 45 minutes my mood had improved. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and cleaning; I was smiling and felt a sense of peace.

      After that I decided there was no point in continuing to put myself through the depression I felt on a regular basis. I saw a psychiatrist who recommended diazepam, but I went off it after my primary care physician warned me of the possibility of addiction, memory loss, etc. She put me on venlafaxine (generic for effexor), which takes about 6 weeks to build up in your system before becoming therapeutic. Although the venlafaxine has helped A LOT, I'm currently tapering my dosage so I can go off it altogether.

      I see a psychologist who helps me work through my feelings. And I don't want to be on a drug that I have to take every single day, so my plan is to take the diazepam for breakthrough depression after I'm off the venlafaxine.

      Sorry for this long-winded reply. My recommendation to you is to make an appointment with a psychologist. My rock-bottom point came at 23, after I spent weeks locked in my bedroom sleeping. So, I finally saw a psychologist and he was amazing. He validated how I was feeling and was able to put reason to my emotions. He could connect the dots in my life and make sense of my feelings so I could better understand what triggered them and how to prevent them. Seeing my psychologist was the first step in gaining control of my depression, and then it's a continual work in progress from there -- oh joy :P

      Who knows, since you've been able to handle your depression thus far you may only need to work with a psychologist to gain an understanding of where your depression comes from and how to stop it. I would schedule an appointment ASAP, like for early next week. And if you can't get an appointment with a psychologist soon, then I'd make one with a psychiatrist to see if you can get a script for diazepam to hold you over until you can begin working with a psychologist.

      Until you're able to do either of the above, I would contact someone to hangout because it does help to have people around (even though you probably just want to be alone). Or at least do something nice for yourself, like take yourself out for a movie or go on a scenic walk, etc.

      The nice thing about diazepam is that it takes effect near immediately, and it doesn't stay in your system long so you wouldn't need to worry about withdrawal symptoms.

       

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your advice. does diazepam make you very drowsy? Because I work with machinery and drive, so can't be drowsy! I'm very reluctant to talk to someone about my problems. Don't even talk to my family about them. This is first time I've acknowledged it, and have written out my feelings. Feel embarrassed talking to my doctor about it.
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  • Posted

    I can feel for you need TLC your confidence has slipped away which is making you feel low ,so something has happened to make you go down that slippery back so its time to put the reins on and get back to normality .the question is how ?
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    • Posted

      I think everything has just got on top of me. I've been up and down for so long, I'm just getting tired. I have low self confidence, and don't like myself. I know it's up to me to sort myself out. I always have a feeling people don't like me. So I build a wall around myself and just say to myself I don't care and am ok being alone. But that's not true, I do care. Would like to be in a relationship, but don't want to burden someone with my problems. 
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  • Posted

    nev im 38 and and get where you are. but dont turn down meds if they can buy you some time to sort your demons out
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