Feeling despair, can anyone help?
Posted , 5 users are following.
My name is Lisa and I'm 51. I've had issues with anxiety/depression and panic for most of my adult life. I've had spells when I feel completely on top of things and other times, like now, where I feel my whole world is slipping away from me.
I think there has been a build up of things over the last few years. In 2017 my ex husband passed away followed by my sister in law just 6 weeks later. My partner who I loved dearly left me just prior to these death's. He got back in contact 3 years ago because he needed a job and I gave him a job and in December of last year he became aggressive with another manager and ended up resigning. He has since been telling people that I should have supported him and that I deserve to get a serious disease and die soon. This devastated me. My mothers health deteriorated and I am now her carer as well as doing a full time job in retail management.
I've struggled with a health anxiety for many years and over the last week my anxiety levels are off the scale. I had what I think was a panic attack in my car, now I don't want to drive. I have a constant tingling in my head, my legs feel shaky and weak and I cannot stop crying. I've bern constantly on Google searching health issues. Over the last week I've worried that I have anemia, leukaemia, heart problems, brain tumour, diabetes, dementia, stroke the list goes on and on. I feel completely detached from myself, almost like I'm looking in on my own life. I tried to make an appointment to see my dr, but because of my health phobia I can't do it. Its got so bad that I can barely bring myself to even walk into a pharmacy these days.
I'm reaching out on this site to try to connect with anyone who might be feeling the same. The world feels big and lonely for me at the moment. Thank you if you've read this far.
0 likes, 6 replies
jan34534 lisa215
Edited
Lisa I’m so sorry you are going through this. You’ve been through so much and I’m not surprised that you are getting all these symptoms of stress and anxiety.The shakiness, weakness, tingling feeling, etc. are very common with stress and anxiety. I have had all those symptoms many many times over the years plus more. All due to stress.
please don’t Google your symptoms because you’ll scare yourself for no reason and it’ll also make the symptoms worse. You don’t have any of those conditions. It sounds exactly like right now you have unmanaged stress and anxiety from what has been going on in your life.
What if you did a virtual appointment with your doctor? That way you won’t have to go there. at least you could talk to your doctor and discuss any concerns. I really feel that anything such as testing would be normal and your doctor would most likely refer you to a counselor to discuss anxiety management.you could even do virtual counseling which is what I do and it works great!
I know exactly how you are feeling because I’ve been there more times than I can count. The lonely feeling. The symptoms. The fact that not many people understand because they don’t get the symptoms that we get.
that detached feeling is your brain‘s way of protecting you from the outside anxiety and stress. It is not harmful and it does go away.
we are here for you. Think about virtual appointments and do things to relax your mind. Listen to some great soothing meditation for anxiety that you can find on YouTube. Take care ❤
lisa215 jan34534
Edited
Hello Jan
I can't begin to thank you enough for taking time to reply in such a positive way. I actually cried when I saw someone had replied, I have felt so alone.
I will try and contact my GP, I don't think I could handle any tests at the moment though, but speaking to a counsellor might help me.
Thank you again.
jan34534 lisa215
Posted
don’t hesitate to message this site anytime you need to. We are here for you and we understand. We are all going through tough anxiety, depression, etc. times but still can support each other. ❤❤❤
malleelel jan34534
Posted
hi jan,thank you for the courage you've thought us here.sometimes my anxiety is getting worst all the time,but you gave us hope for dealing w/anxiety.have you overcome this already?or still the same feelings.?
ship_of_theseus lisa215
Edited
Hi Lisa
Upon reading your post, I can say that you have shown strength going through pain, loss and suffering.
I'm thirty seven and have been dealing with anxiety disorder since teenage. I have tried every trick in the book. From medication to meditation, counselling to deep breathing, liquor to cbd oil. I feel better for sometime but then stress takes me to episode of relapse.
During corona virus shut down, I developed severe health anxiety. I used to surf physical symptoms on google and then panic more. I have checked all possible results like oral cancer, lung cancer, heart attack, pneumonia, stroke, etc.
It's hard to wake up some mornings but again have no other choice. Either I could give in or continue the fight. And I prefer to choose the latter option. After all, fights show us who we really are!
Recovery is a process; takes time, patience and perseverance.
Stay strong 😃
lisa215 ship_of_theseus
Posted
Thank you so much for replying. You are absolutely right, we have 2 choices. We sink or we swim. Its really comforting to know that there are people out there like yourself, who understand. This world can be a very frightening place sometimes and I'm grateful for feeling less alone. Thank you.