Feeling like a Differnt Person

Hi bronwyn Ive always been a very independant person Ive had to be from a very young age. my mom made me stand on muy own 2 feet from the gae of 12 when I started babysiting, she said you can save to buy your own clothes and toiletries. so Ive always been very independant stong willed a hard worker holding down 2 jobs at 1 point looking after my 2 boys on my own taking caring of our home nor help support from any 1. I dont like the person Ive become its like an alien has taken over my body Im not the strong independant person I use to be. having to rely on my husband all the time kills me its not me to be that way. their are times when I feel a total retard not being able to do the simpliest of things words coming out wrong I feel useles stupid pathetic I feel guilty Im unable to contribute financially any more guilty that my husband has to take care of me . I was always none stop buisy always on the go taking care of other people helping charities family friends my door was always open to people for help and advice. no Im definitly not the person I once was and I hate the person ive now become.

Hi Bronwyn

I am the same person just different.  You are still the same Bronwyn underneath. Outwardly you may feel abandoned by your energy but you are still the kind caring person you were before the fibro  fiend struck. Life moves on regardless of our capabilities and my house is quiet, kids have flown the nest which would have happened anyway. Some of my friends from my kids school times have moved on and we have lost contact. Sometimes I feel useless but there is still lots I can do. I dare not dwell on what I can't do but what I can, otherwise I would sink into depression.  I have learned not to worry about what isn't completed in a day but take joy in the one thing I have managed. I now have a job that is just that a job not a vocation as before but keeps me going. Adjustment has been huge but who is to say by getting older this would not have been the same. We cannot survive with the stress and commitments needed to a high powered job once we reach a certain age.  I am still Maggers I just happen to have a sprite on my shoulder wearing the fibro badge. Perhaps it is different for others but that is how I feel.  Without the sprite I would not be part of this forum and have met so many inspirational people.  Take care.

Hello, that sounds just like me. I am a mother of 3 an I feel so bad because I feel like my husband has been doing it all.

I do work but it's just part time. I don't even want to leave the house most of the time. My mom says I'm just feelin sorry for myself an it makes me so mad because she doesn't know what I'm going through. I really feel like my life is over that's just how I feel. I have to push an push myself for everything. I keep telling myself that things will get better an they do for a day or so then they are right back to my new normal.

I hope things get better for all of us!!

Don't capitulate Bron, never. 

There's a way, thare has to be a way.

oh Bronwyn, i do feel for you.  I've only been suffering for the last couple of years and only this year has it got really bad.  I too feel like I'm just not the person I was - a completely different personage now occupies my body.  It's not just that I cant do what I used to, really that is the same for everyone as they age, it's not just the pain either, we find ways of coping with that.  It's changed me.  Being unwell constantly wears away the armour and the resilience doesnt it? I don't get asked to do stuff anymore, I guess because people just got used to me saying sorry I cant make it.  I cannot enjoy the things I used to enjoy and dont seem to be able to find things I can actually do that give me the enjoyment I've lost.  I understand what you're saying about being the wife, mother, worker, friend, etc., in the past and that was not only how others saw you but how you saw yourself and how you felt valuable in your life.  The more of a burden we become, through no fault of our own, the less self esteem we have and its almost impossible to feel esteem and self value if we aren't the person we want to be, both for others AND for ourself.  I hear all the platitudes about finding interests etc., that are physically possible and distracting but I dont want to just be 'distracted' I want to feel useful, valued, needed, productive, etc etc. as much for my own self esteem as to appease others.  oh bless you, you hit the nail on the head.

Hi Bronwin,

I definitely don't know this person I've become. I used to be 6"1, size 10, sports mad, participated in competitive martial arts, worked full time as a social worker, raised 2 children, one of whom also has a medical condition that meant she needed 24hr supervision and cared for 2elderly relatives. People would ask me if I had elastic in my hours so I could fit it all in.

Now I'm a size 20, use a wheelchair and rely heavily on my husband as my carer. My body has betrayed me and my mind instead of the sharpness it once was is as blunt as a butter knife. My children have now left home, the friends I had have now abandoned me. Most of my days are long, watching TV. Today I visited my dr who wants me to have X-rays done on my wrist as I have lost range of movement and it is painful. On top of that he also thinks I have fasciitis in both of my feet.

Wow! I sound self pitying. I'm far from it but it does illustrate the decline in both myself and social circle and why I feel like a completely different person.