Feeling like a Differnt Person

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi to all.  this is something that I need to know, and has been troubling me a lot over last year or so.....   Are there others out there who feel as I do.....that I don't even recognize the person I've become.   I keep trying to tell myself that there was once a very productive, intelligent person who went under the name Bronwyn......such and such....She held a very responsible work position, she was a loving and caring wife and mother of 4....everyones' clothes were washed and ironed, the house was clean and full of people (either my own children or others')...  there were always visitors calling/dropping in/staying with us.... to have a chat/cuppa..life seemed "so full" always something happening, or going somewhere....plenty to do.....it was not that long ago in "real" life, for me about 5 years max....have been unwell a lot longer, but seemed to still be "that" person....but now, Who Am I????  The house is so quiet....the family home has been sold (some said it was because I could not cope anymore...the house was too big....still don't understand why, really).....feel useless, not the me I used to be...where did I go?    Is this the same for all of us?   Is this what Fibro does to me/us?     Tell me who you all are now to who you were before?                   Bron

2 likes, 27 replies

Report / Delete

27 Replies

Next
  • Posted

    Hi bronwyn Ive always been a very independant person Ive had to be from a very young age. my mom made me stand on muy own 2 feet from the gae of 12 when I started babysiting, she said you can save to buy your own clothes and toiletries. so Ive always been very independant stong willed a hard worker holding down 2 jobs at 1 point looking after my 2 boys on my own taking caring of our home nor help support from any 1. I dont like the person Ive become its like an alien has taken over my body Im not the strong independant person I use to be. having to rely on my husband all the time kills me its not me to be that way. their are times when I feel a total retard not being able to do the simpliest of things words coming out wrong I feel useles stupid pathetic I feel guilty Im unable to contribute financially any more guilty that my husband has to take care of me . I was always none stop buisy always on the go taking care of other people helping charities family friends my door was always open to people for help and advice. no Im definitly not the person I once was and I hate the person ive now become.
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I take 1 day a a time and do my level best at what I am able to do. Im trying to be more positive, their is still a bit of the old me. Ive always been a compasionate person wanting to help people support people a good ear to listening to other peoples troubles. that bit of me is still with me Im still the caring person Ive always been, things are jst different now and its learing to adapt change and accept how we are I always think well theirs always some 1 out their that is worse off than you. we all have good days bad days making the most of our good days and what we have to contend with until a cure is found hopefully 1 day take care gentle hugs 
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Bronwyn

    I am the same person just different.  You are still the same Bronwyn underneath. Outwardly you may feel abandoned by your energy but you are still the kind caring person you were before the fibro  fiend struck. Life moves on regardless of our capabilities and my house is quiet, kids have flown the nest which would have happened anyway. Some of my friends from my kids school times have moved on and we have lost contact. Sometimes I feel useless but there is still lots I can do. I dare not dwell on what I can't do but what I can, otherwise I would sink into depression.  I have learned not to worry about what isn't completed in a day but take joy in the one thing I have managed. I now have a job that is just that a job not a vocation as before but keeps me going. Adjustment has been huge but who is to say by getting older this would not have been the same. We cannot survive with the stress and commitments needed to a high powered job once we reach a certain age.  I am still Maggers I just happen to have a sprite on my shoulder wearing the fibro badge. Perhaps it is different for others but that is how I feel.  Without the sprite I would not be part of this forum and have met so many inspirational people.  Take care.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hello, that sounds just like me. I am a mother of 3 an I feel so bad because I feel like my husband has been doing it all.

    I do work but it's just part time. I don't even want to leave the house most of the time. My mom says I'm just feelin sorry for myself an it makes me so mad because she doesn't know what I'm going through. I really feel like my life is over that's just how I feel. I have to push an push myself for everything. I keep telling myself that things will get better an they do for a day or so then they are right back to my new normal.

    I hope things get better for all of us!!

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Im feeling the same as you feeling like my life is over, I had that said to me by my mother in law your just feeling sorry for yourself and making me feel quilty for not working, and my husband having to take care of me. she said I know 2 people with fibro they are working and their doing this and their doing that. It made me feel really bad about myself on the day she said it too me I had a drs appointment I ended up breaking down ito my gp I told her what she had. my gp went mad and said she wants to mind her own buissness. my gp said fibro comes in different levels you can have it an extrem level like I have or you may not have it too bad. its like with other conditions the severity differs from person to person we are all different. my mother in law is suppose to be a christian?
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Don't capitulate Bron, never. 

    There's a way, thare has to be a way.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    oh Bronwyn, i do feel for you.  I've only been suffering for the last couple of years and only this year has it got really bad.  I too feel like I'm just not the person I was - a completely different personage now occupies my body.  It's not just that I cant do what I used to, really that is the same for everyone as they age, it's not just the pain either, we find ways of coping with that.  It's changed me.  Being unwell constantly wears away the armour and the resilience doesnt it? I don't get asked to do stuff anymore, I guess because people just got used to me saying sorry I cant make it.  I cannot enjoy the things I used to enjoy and dont seem to be able to find things I can actually do that give me the enjoyment I've lost.  I understand what you're saying about being the wife, mother, worker, friend, etc., in the past and that was not only how others saw you but how you saw yourself and how you felt valuable in your life.  The more of a burden we become, through no fault of our own, the less self esteem we have and its almost impossible to feel esteem and self value if we aren't the person we want to be, both for others AND for ourself.  I hear all the platitudes about finding interests etc., that are physically possible and distracting but I dont want to just be 'distracted' I want to feel useful, valued, needed, productive, etc etc. as much for my own self esteem as to appease others.  oh bless you, you hit the nail on the head.
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I want to feel human again and have some self worth at the moment Ifeel totally useless. my self esteem is rock bottom. like you I want to be feel useful valued and be productive in some way. what I dont want to be is a burden to my husband who sometimes struggles with looking after me and copeing with my condition bless him he does his level best but does find it hard at times. as he doesnt like to see me in pain and struggling gentle hugs
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Bronwin,

    I definitely don't know this person I've become. I used to be 6"1, size 10, sports mad, participated in competitive martial arts, worked full time as a social worker, raised 2 children, one of whom also has a medical condition that meant she needed 24hr supervision and cared for 2elderly relatives. People would ask me if I had elastic in my hours so I could fit it all in.

    Now I'm a size 20, use a wheelchair and rely heavily on my husband as my carer. My body has betrayed me and my mind instead of the sharpness it once was is as blunt as a butter knife. My children have now left home, the friends I had have now abandoned me. Most of my days are long, watching TV. Today I visited my dr who wants me to have X-rays done on my wrist as I have lost range of movement and it is painful. On top of that he also thinks I have fasciitis in both of my feet.

    Wow! I sound self pitying. I'm far from it but it does illustrate the decline in both myself and social circle and why I feel like a completely different person.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi lisa I was once active like you I use to play squosh walk for miles with my dog. I worked as a carer then my mom was diagnosed with cancer so I became her full time carer my son was at school and was diagnosed with severe depression and had to home schooled I was forever on the go and rushing round. then in 2004 my life changed I started to become ill I saw numerous specialists had loads of tests lost count of the blood tests I had and was finally diagnosed in 2014 with fibromyalgia. Im now in a wheelchair my health has declined rapidly since last year. as for friends thats another story take care  
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thanks for that Kaz. I think sometimes it's easy to feel like your the only one who's life has changed so radically. Then I feel guilty because I know people who really are in a much worse position. I know my life isn't at risk with this illness but I do think it's ok to grieve for the person we were and learn to adapt to the person we become. I have to say I'm soooo glad I found this site. I've found out more and had more understanding about my condition than anywhere else.

      Gentle hugs 😊

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi lisa I found it very hard adjusting and I grieve for the person I once was but its a case learning to adapt to the person weve become its all  a learning curve for us and it does take time thankgoodness for this site as we all understand what each other is going through and can support advise each other. Ive had more understanding on this site than I have from any where elsesmile take care gentle hugs
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Lisa, I think you put it in a nutshell when you say 'my body has betrayed me.'  The first time I felt like this was over 30 years ago when I first fell pregnant. It was unplanned but my then partner and I were not unhappy about it. I went for my first routine scan (which in those days was in its infancy) and my baby had a condition called anencephaly, which meant it would probably be stillborn, or if not, would only live for a few hours. I had a termination which was very traumatic. But the overwhelming feeling I had was that my body had betrayed me. And although fibro is a very different kettle of fish, it comes down to the same feeling. x
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Jeanne that must have been an incredibly difficult decision. I understand what you mean in this instance also. I found out I was pregnant with my first child 27yrs ago and I was already at 22wks gestation. Due to medication I was taking at the time I too was offered a termination as I was told if she survived delivery she would have been severely disabled.

      i don't know why but I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and my daughter was delivered at 36wks as she was failing to thrive, I developed pre eclampsia and my seizure had become uncontrolled. I don't know how but apart from delayed learning, shortened tendons in her legs and epilepsy she was very well. Almost everything is settled and under control for her and she is a mother herself.

      I know this is very different from what you had to endure but I mean it in the way that I too felt my body had betrayed me and in the process betrayed my child. Neither of my pregnancies went well and I had to have a hysterectomy after my 2nd daughter was born.

      its surprising how well we can adapt even when we feel it's unfair and I've developed a very dark sense of humour through all that life has thrown on me. I always have two sayings to hand and they are....

      1.Whilst life's picking on me its leaving some other poor bleeder alone.

      2. I'm never going to get bored

      Its all about what we do with life rather than what life does to us and I try to remember that whenever I'm down and struggling.

      Gentle hugs 

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      A great philosophy Lisa. And a great way for your daughter to turn out. I understand as well when you say you felt your body had betrayed your child. My eldest daughter was born with club feet and another rare condition which resulted in her needing lots of surgery as a child, and another op last year to try to relieve the constant pain she is now in. She has had to give up work, and although she now lives with her boyfriend, I take her to all her hospital appointments etc. I understand having a black sense of humour very well having been a nurse for 36 years until last year when I had to give it up, and actually my daughter shares it too! Take care. xx
      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up