Feeling like im not here anymore
Posted , 30 users are following.
I just wanted to write my own personal experience with severe anxiety and derealisation. I have suffered from an anxiety and nervous disorder since I was 14. I had a funny turn one day at school and I have never been the same since. I can't remember what its like to feel normal. The worst time was just after I had my son 25 years ago. I became detached and couldn't feel anything for anyone. I had feelings of unreality and at one point thought that jesus was coming to take me away. When I looked outside it felt like it didn't exist like I was living in a dream or a movie and it was so hard to explain. I felt nothing behind me like whatever was behind me didn't exist anymore and my arms and hands at times didn't feel like my own. When I was doing something it was like someone esle was doing the job not me. It was so hard to take care of a baby when I felt like this. I thought I had every disease know to man including schizophrenia and dementia, I literally thought I was going insane and that these feelings that I was no longer here would eventually send my mind to another state of conscienceness and I would never come back. That alone was so very frightening. I was so scared and so worried that all I could think of was that I could always end my life to get rid of these feelings and that sort of helped in a weird way just knowing that I could do something. I decided to go and see a psychiatrist and he confirmed that what I was experiencing was severe anxiety. I was so relieved and from that day on I started to improve but it took awhile. Over the years I had mild episodes again but not as bad...my anxiety never went away comptelely and I know it never will but I was living with it ok until a few days ago when the derealisation came back with vengence. I am now living in a dream like state again and I don't feel real anymore. I never thought I would feel this way again but I have to keep telling myself that it is anxiety but even that doesn't help. I can't stand these feelings and I think its because i have had alot of stress in the last year and has come to a head. Plus I have sleep deprevation and my diet and water intake is not good. The worst feeling is when I think my mind is going to take me away and not come back. Also when I look outside i can't take any of my surroundings in and it feels so weird its so hard to explain. Sorry for the long story but I just wanted you to know that if others are feeling this way you are not alone and it will get better in time you just have to try and not look for the feelings or see if they are still there . I do this all the time and I know its keeping me in this state but at times I can't help it. Hope this story has helped anyone going through this and ask questions if you want to know anything please.
6 likes, 66 replies
jenna50348 RydiaMoone
Posted
I have read threw this and I feel I am feeling the exact way but I also feel I am never hungry and when I think why am I not hungry it isn't normal it makes me panic a bit I feel I am not looking threw my own eyes if that makes sense like I am not in control of myself I feel like I'm walking around doing things and talking but it is not me I have panic attacks everyday most of the day I feel numb like I feel I am losing my mind it's hard to think i can not concentrate on anythink not a film or tv my biggest fear is losing my mind I got told the if you have the fear you are losing your mind you are not as if u was to then you would not know it would just happen does anyone eyes go funny like your vision goes blurry like your kind of not looking out of your eyes it's weird and frightening I feel heavy like I don't want to do anything even having a conversation seems a task I am at home with my partner and the baby that is 8 months old and I feel I cannot connect to them like they are there but there not kind of thing a lot of the way I am feeling is hard to put into words I just feel i can not think for myself and I am constantly getting scared that I am losing my mind and who I am sorry it's a long one but only post I have seen I can relate to
kelli93174 jenna50348
Posted
Super scared!
Hollyxanarchy kelli93174
Posted
Hey! I'm 16 and get derealization on a daily basis. It occurs from fear, your brain is so scared that in a way it's escaping reality. Distractions are key. Writing, YouTube, Rubik's cube has helped me a lot, talking to people, etc. something to distract you from the derealization feeling.
kelli93174 RydiaMoone
Posted
Thanks again and best wishes for a full recovery!
Kelli Chamberlain
In behalf of my daughter
leah85143 RydiaMoone
Posted