Feeling like im not here anymore

Posted , 30 users are following.

I just wanted to write my own personal experience with severe anxiety and derealisation. I have suffered from an anxiety and nervous disorder since I was 14. I had a funny turn one day at school and I have never been the same since. I can't remember what its like to feel normal. The worst time was just after I had my son 25 years ago. I became detached and couldn't feel anything for anyone. I had feelings of unreality and at one point thought that jesus was coming to take me away. When I looked outside it felt like it didn't exist like I was living in a dream or a movie and it was so hard to explain. I felt nothing behind me like whatever was behind me didn't exist anymore and my arms and hands at times didn't feel like my own. When I was doing something it was like someone esle was doing the job not me. It was so hard to take care of a baby when I felt like this. I thought I had every disease know to man including schizophrenia and dementia, I literally thought I was going insane and that these feelings that I was no longer here would eventually send my mind to another state of conscienceness and I would never come back. That alone was so very  frightening. I was so scared and so worried that all I could think of was that I could always end my life to get rid of these feelings and that sort of helped in a weird way just knowing that I could do something. I decided to go and see a psychiatrist and he confirmed that what I was experiencing was severe anxiety. I was so relieved and from that day on I started to improve but it took awhile. Over the years I had mild episodes again but not as bad...my anxiety never went away comptelely and I know it never will but I was living with it ok until a few days ago when the derealisation came back with vengence. I am now living in a dream like state again and I don't feel real anymore. I never thought I would feel this way again but I have to keep telling myself that it is anxiety but even that doesn't help. I can't stand these feelings and I think its because i have had alot of stress in the last year and has come to a head. Plus I have sleep deprevation and my diet and water intake is not good. The worst feeling is when I think my mind is going to take me away and not come back. Also when I look outside i can't take any of my surroundings in and it feels so weird its so hard to explain. Sorry for the long story but I just wanted you to know that if others are feeling this way you are not alone and it will get better in time you just have to try and not look for the feelings or see if they are still there . I do this all the time and I know its keeping me in this state but at times I can't help it. Hope this story has helped anyone going through this and ask questions if you want to know anything please. smile

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  • Posted

    I too feel as if I am experiencing this, I just feel as though my mind slips away for 30 minutes to an hour. I have had anxiety since I was 16, I am now 21. Ever since my recent Relapse Remitting multiple Sclerosis diagnosis in March 2017 it has gradually getting worse I feel day by day. Sometimes I just feel like I'm dying, or going insane.. It is a very scary feeling, seems like none y meds are helping. I need advice, please...

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  • Posted

    Has anyone found out how to stop it? I am 14 years old and it only happens at school. I look around but i just never feel like im really there. I try to talk to my friends, but it never seems to help either. It only used to be Tuesday's at school, but now it happens on Monday too. I have it for like 3 hours then it goes. I have a low attendance because of it, as I always go to sick bay. I always think, that I have cancer or diabetes, ive even tried to get my parents to take me to the doctors but they said see how you feel tomorrow. I have loads of exams and tests and homework as well and i cant do it all at once. Please help

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    • Posted

      It sounds like you have OCD. You think it'll only happen on tuesdays, because it originally happened on a Tuesday. I do the same thing. I few days ago I had a panic attack after eating dinner now every night after dinner I think I'm going to have a panic attack. With OCD you have to convince yourself that the thought is irrational. In a way you're making yourself get derealization every Tuesday. (Im 16 btw) as for the medical fears, i completely relate to as well. Every day I think im going to die of have a seizure, pass out, etc. self talk, and reassurance can help. smile

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  • Posted

    Hi Rydiamoone, i just want to tell you that i have severe anxiety problems and is stopping me doing things that i like, my study, my plans and i struggled a lot even to do get my driving licence, because of anxiety.

    What i do to control this exact feelings that you described is, when i feel too anxious and nervous, i poke myself with my fingers, or nail so i can create a bit of pain. When i do this, my brain is reacting immeditely, from that foggy and depersonalization state, my brain is bringing me back to reality quickly, because of the pain feeling. I seen a movie "The accountant" that inspired me to do this and is working. Another thing to do is to do some exercices, again i did this things before i had my driving test and i passed. Also tell to yoursef positive things, afirmations, that you can find them in the book" the game of life and how to play it by Florence Scovel Shinn. Personaly for me this things works and also, i play loud music while im at home. I hope you will learn to deal with this disorder because anxiety is a bit dangerous for the brain. Please pardon my english typing because is not my mother language.

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  • Posted

    I feel like this every day. I just got a new job and I can't function. I feel that it's obvious and I'm embarrassed. My throat swells, I can't walk straight, I can't see straight. I don't know if I should go on disability or not. What can we do about this?

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  • Posted

    Hey! I have this feeling as well. I hate it! I just started taking Sertraline (Zoloft) 25mg for my anxiety and I'm only in day 3 of it. I was also given a beta blocker as well which is 10mg that I take 3 times a day. I have been dealing with anxiety since I was 8 years old and having panic attacks and I'm now 22 years old. This is the first time I've been on any type of medication for this. The very first time I ever felt derealization was when I was about 17 years old and I went to talk to a therapist about how I felt. It helped me to have someone to talk to about it because it made me feel better about the situation. And the feeling of derealization went away until about 4 months ago. It's gotten worse and so has my anxiety. That's why I decided to turn to medication. The Zoloft though is a very powerful drug for me even though it's a low dose. I have no really bad side effects for it except getting up in the middle of the night (which I think is just me worrying about the new pill) but today I this third day of taking it I do feel a little strange. And I don't know if it's from lack is sleep or if it is actually the medication. I feel like I am not here, like an outer body experience again. But Zoloft does have a lot of side effects to it. My beta blocker however I think is great. My beta blocker calms me down and has very few and way less serious side effects. Maybe you should try a beta blocker if you feel you should. I'm going to talk to my doctor about stopping Zoloft and just continuing with my beta blocker. Good luck to you though, just know you're not the only one out there that has this feeling.. I know exactly what you are talking about. I'm here for you smile

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  • Posted

    Hey guys I've been feeling this way since May, I was a former CEO of a tech company and lost my job in the very company i built. After 5 years and much of my youth spent in something I've lost, I was left with severe anxiety and began to feel disconnected like my words weren't my own. I felt like God was punishing me for not being perfect. Worst feeling ever. It's nice to know there are others out there. It makes me feel less lonely and like it can get better. I found this on wiki. Knowledge is power so read everything here and you can begin to understand it. The great thing about reality is that when you realize it's under your control, always has been, always will be. you take the reigns back. You must get in the habit of declaring you are the boss of your perception and you choose to be present. It really helps. Here is the wiki: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization

    Much love and hope to you all. Hang in there and it will get better.

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  • Posted

    Hi Rydia moone, 

    This is exactly how i feel, one day i got this weird feeling what you described and it never went away, i always tell people im dizzy because i don't know how to describe these symptoms, but feeling like in a movie and feeling like i don't exist is exactly how i feel. It is really weird reading your story because it is like reading what is going on in my head.. what do you do to feel more normal, i get these unreality attacks until they become normal, but it is hard to live with. what do you do to make things better? once again, what you described it so similar to me. 

     

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