Feeling lost - I don't trust myself anymore

Thanks Robin,

It's s battle I can't believe I got myself into.

We have all had immense problems like yourself and constantly tried to stop and did but then started again....ooops...do not give up!! Robin

Thanks Robin,

I'm hopefull but still want to drink tonight & I know I will as there is drunk in the house. Tomorrow is my new beginning but I still don't trust myself but at least I'm not where I was a few months back. I did actually go to the doc so it's little but some progress

But Paul, you know the reality. You have heard enough of our experiences to know, that that is what is said.

If I went to see my GP on Monday, and said I was a heorin addict, I would have a methadone prescription instantly and probably an immediate referral to the A&E. The irony is, heroin users pay no tax, people with alcohol addiction pay massives amounts of tax, in the way of Duty & VAT.

Yes! Well said Paul. I think I should actually show my doc this forum. I haven't asked about it yet hoping it is available here.

sadie..you mentioned dancing..you know what I dance BETTER without drinking...I never thought I would have the courage..etc. to dance...but I can have so much fun sober and you can too.

I think a big part that kept me drinking for years and years were the thoughts that I would never be able to do certain things without drinking...even visiting my own mother....I had 8 years sober and I learned that I could do so many things I didn't think I could do.

I don't want to burst any hopes you have but years ago when I started a new job...in a really great company (after leaving another good company)...that my drinking habits might change. They did not change.

Alcoholism is progressive...we can try many different things..but ultimately if we don't stop the condition progresses and much to our dismay no matter what we try (other than stopping) works to stop the progression.

Even after 8 years of NOT drinking what they say is TRUE...when I picked up 3 years ago...I picked up right where i left off and things got worse very quickly.

RHGB is right I don't know how the whole medical stuff works out where you guys are..I DO KNOW that I have read with great frustration this website over the years because the US is wonderful at treating alcoholics...I could walk into my gP this afternoon and have a prescription for Naltraxone or whatever drug I needed to help me STOP drinking.

My Dr. gave me Campral (the drug that eases cravings for alcohol) the day I asked her for it...I know I have heard RHGB and others say that you had be somewhat sober for them to prescribe Campral...and I was DRUNK on the day of my visit to the GP and she knew it and gave the prescription to my boyfriend and told him not to lose it and told me to seriously think about taking it.

I did and it helped me.  Then I decided to stop it...and drank again.

My son is staying with me right now and he is a HUGE reason why I am not drinking right now. He would be devestated and I just can't do that to him...he has been here a month and I had only drank very previously to him having to come stay here..and by some miracle I was a few days sober when he had an unexpected seizure and I was summoned to the hospital...had I not stopped when I did..I wouldn't have been able to show up at the hospital for my son.

Alcohol is the devil in my opinion.

My worry with the dancing is going to perform at weekend long festivals where we always party I would find it really hard all weekend not being on the same level as the rest of the girls I would rather not be there. I dance with a group & do my own solo stuff. The solo stuff would be ok to do but the group stuff always

end up in drinking. The girls drink a lot to be honest. All their kids are in their teens as they had them earlier in life if they have no kids & they are kinda making up for lost time. I have a 4 year old so I think I should knock it on the head. I only do a gig once a month which isn't too much. If I stop drinking I may have to tell the girls why. I think they'll be shocked.

I need to do this for my husband & child. My drinking habits are funny cause I only like to get drunk if I have company if I am home alone I wouldn't even bother. My at home drinking is the real habit I need to kick. I'm on edge on a Sat or Sun if I don't & it's been a very long time since I haven't.

I happy for you Missy that you are sober again & well done on 8 years 8 I hope this time it truly lasts for you. You have helped my with your kind words & advice. There is a part of me that looks forward to being sober & I think the meds could help me.

My Dad's Mother had a problem with alcohol & my Mother's Father did & a couple of her sisters do. Maybe it's genetic plus I've used it to self medicate my anxiety & it became my nirvana I need to find that somewhere else.

I've already started drinking tonight. It got me & my husband doesn't know. I'm downstairs sipping while he bathes & puts our son to bed. I plan on talking to him again & telling him I need to quit or get meds. He knows I have a problem but not as bad as it is. For instance I told him I was advise to taper off so I could have a few drinks infrint if him last night but I had already been drinking in secret beforehand & he told me how well I was fling last night but it was a lie. The shame & guilt is awful I don't want this dark secret to keep haunting me.

I know, I hear it almost every day from people who contact me.

Although I agree with what you say about heroin users, they don't get real help, just a legal way of getting a substitute which they don't even enjoy as much. Very few are offered a proper solution like detox.

I can't say I understand wanting to be at the same level as anyone because anywhere I went I was always the one that was drunk and everyone else was sober.

What kind of dancing is this? It must be something you are good at...if you are doing this every weekend...I think you would feel much better and surprise yourself being sober...but I obviously can't force you to not drink as I am not there...if I were there I would be sober with you and dance with you .

I feel your pain and sadness of worrying about your son and your husband..I think you want to keep talking to your husband to keep being assured that he is not completely and totally p*ssed at you yet...maybe?

Because you have had these talks with him probably over the last 4 months (the earliest post I could find from you was 4 months ago).

It took me MANY years between when I realized I had a problem to the points where I actually did anything real about stopping. I think it works that way for many alcoholics.

You have some good ideas...get on the Sinclair method...keep it real with your husband and yourself...this is a problem because you don't feel you can live a happy weekend without alcohol...you are in such a habit of doing it..you don't know what a weekend is like without it...I can promise you that being sober is better.

But, the first weekend you attempt not to drink you will feel like you are possesed because that is all you will think about...All I thought about was drinking for the first year I quit was drinking. But, I kept a note pad of everything that I was enjoying sober.

I have always been a heavy drinker...when I drink...

I couldn't brush my teeth without throwing up the next morning...so when I brushed my teeth without throwing up I wrote that down.

I hope I am not making you feel like you can't post if you are drinking.

Please keep posting..I know many people will always be here for you...I will be here too....and the more you think about stopping the better chance you have...it is when you give up you are in more danger.

Hi Missy,

I am involved in the caberat scene. I to a combination of Bellydance & urban pop n lock myself & caberat style stuff with the girls. It's usually just once a month we perform. It doesn't thrill me anymore the way it used to. My doc told me to help take up a new hobby & I explained I dance but I've been doing this for 9 years & drink has always been part of it that I think I need sonething brand new.

As planned I spoke to my husband last night. I told him everything. I told him it's worse than he thinks. We agreed I need to stop it take the meds to help me stop. Today I feel it's the start of my misson. I told him my concerns about the girls & friends. He thinks I should just be honest when it comes to it as I have be lying for so many years. I think I will give myself the next month to start working on things before telling anyone. I also messaged my Mother last night & told her I have a problem.

I think your right. Maybe if I get myself thought one weekend without it it'll become easier. I will have broken the habit.

I have decided enough is enough. It's out now so I have to do something. Today is easy as it's a weekday it'll be the weekend that will be tough. I don't know if I'll get to my doc this week to try get a prescription for Nalmefene maybe I should try. She told me to abstain & I didn't so I should probably tell her this.

Thank you for support Missy. It means a lot that I can come here & vent. Much appreciated

Xxx

Being honest about everything all the time is one of the big keys to not drinking...I'm sure you have heard..we are as sick as our secrets.

People will accept you for who you are and should respect your decision to want to be well....best of luck in your battle with alcoholism...keep posting....

Thanks Missy! I will keep posting this forum has helped me a lot. I called my Mam today & told her too. I told her about The Sinclair Method & she said it sounds ideal.

I made an appointment with a doctor for Monday-the doctor who seen me last week is away for 2 weeks but I have visited this doctor before & she seems good. My husband is coming with me which will be a great help & I am going to bring the information Joanna suggested to the appointment to see if I can get a prescription. So I just have to get through this weekend without drinking. I'm optimistic but the real test will be Saturday evening. My plan is movie & order a takeaway & be sober so I can actually remember eating & enjoying the food & make it to the end of the film. I usually fall asleep in a drunken state.

Thank you Missy

Xxx