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Feeling of being alone/lonely

Posted , 12 users are following.

Guest
Guest

This is the worst symptom of peri for me.  I can be in my office at work with ten other people and feel alone and scared, visit my family and feel like I'm the only person in the house, etc.  When other symptoms are bad or I've got another doctor visit coming up or am worried about a new symptom, it feels like there is nobody else on this planet.  My mom went through a few years during her peri when she could not be by herself and now I'm like that, too.  It is just horrible and isolating.  It makes me think that everyone else's life is easier because they don't have these problems.  But I know they have problems of their own... just can't see past the peri sometimes.  

3 likes, 31 replies

31 Replies

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  • lelawreck
    lelawreck Guest

    Posted

    Dear Liz - please just hang in there. There are alot of ladies going through this and you are not alone. Part of peri symptoms in some woman, like myself, is having to cope with anxiety. The anxiety lingers into what they refer to as General Anxiety Disorder - one of which order can lead to monophobia,isolaphobia or autophobia. I think these are the names refering to this symptoms. In short - fear of being alone. My fiance had to take a days leave recently when I was booked of sich and had to stay home alone. I almost though like I was going to loose my mind. We went away for a weekend and had to come home the next day as the fear of being away from my home also triggered my anxiety. Luckily - these are treatable with CBT (Therapy). A therapist will help you to cope with your fear and teach you techniques to overcome this. Some will suggest taking calming pills for a period of 4 months to get over the worst. All of this is caused by the hormonal imbalance in your body and once you learn how to deal with the fear and your body slowly adjust to these hormonal changes it will get better. Also use calcium, magnesium, vit B and D.
    • Guest
      Guest lelawreck

      Posted

      Thanks, lela... I've been taking exactly that combination of vitamins for some time.  Therapy is definitely in my near future.  I've had anxiety my whole life, so much worse now.  

  • 2chr2015
    2chr2015 Guest

    Posted

    Hi ladies.  It is very comforting to know I am not alone in all of this mess.  You guys have given perfect descriptions of how I feel most of the time.  This forum has truly been a life saver.  However when I am feeling so much anxiety and doom and gloom like I'm dying I just wish my life was over.  I know, that sounds terrible, but it is so bad I just don't want to take the worrying anymore.  And then of course I feel guilty, because I know I am blessed in so many ways.  My health anxiety also spills over onto my kids and my husband.  I worry myself sick about them having something terrible wrong too.  As if worrying about myself wasn't bad enough.  And yes my husband gets tired of it.  I was glad to hear someone else also asks their husband to just stay with them for a few minutes before they leave.  Since all of this started, I have had weeks where I feel better, but when it comes back it's almost unbearable and just want to get back to feeling normal again.  I pray this ends soon for all of us

    • lelawreck
      lelawreck 2chr2015

      Posted

      Dear Liz - it is normal to worry about everything once you have fallen into that hole. I have to visit a lot of clients in my profession. Some clients staying as far as an hour and a half's drive. Iv'e done this so many times and now find myself not able to do that anymore. I get panic attacks before leaving, having to deal with them on the highway thinking the worst. Therapy helps a lot as mentioned because they teach you techniques to cope with your fears. Keep a dairy and write down your good days - when having a doom and gloom day, go back and read "your good days", this will re-kindle your brain and overcome your fears of anxiety. Motivate yourself by diverting to your good days and tell yourself in your bad days, this is just hormonal and anxiety. I don't always feel like this, I have good days and the anxiety will pass again. You have to teach your brain how to deal with anxiety and the only way to do so, is to stay motivated and tell your brain, anxiety you "b***h" I have good days and you will not take over my life. I am going to fight you and will have a good day. I know this might sound stupid, but this is what therapy teaches you. I am so scared of the dark, and the other day I pushed myself to the limits. I went into a dark room, waiting for the anxiety to kick in, and then practiced my techniques to overcome the fear, and you know, I actually did. It takes time, but the brain is a very powerful organ, and you have the ability to re-kindle it. Also, look forward to the time every nasty symptom will pass. You will have no more responsibilities, you will be able to have zest in your life again. I am telling myself, yeah, this is a s****y road but one of these days I will have time to go to the gym again, only cook when I feel like it, taking up my painting and crochet again, do what I want when I want and only if I feel. he therapist mentioned that having anxiety and thinking about it and being scared of when it will strike again, causes more anxiety and that anxiety leads to more anxiety. Accept it, don't fight a panic attach, when having one, sit it out and whilst having it, talk to your brain, and tell your brain - you are not dying, its just a panic attach and it will pass. This way you learn how to be less scared off it and you are still in control.

      I do trust that my post is not stupid, and will make sense in some way. 

       

    • lana07071
      lana07071 lelawreck

      Posted

      excellent post. I am out of peri, have nt had my period for two years now. I am only now, getting this awful anxiety. It is mild but there. It began with health issues I kept having. Mine and my adult kids and it became health anxiety and then general anxiety. My husband is abroad too often from work and once while he was away, I had post meno bleeding and read all about it and freaked out. I think this is what developed into the health anxiety and then general anxiety and uncomfortableness being alone. I am controlling it, with a low dose once a day of zanax xr .5, mindfullness and hypnotherapy through you tube and hopefully will start cognitive behavioral therapy soon. I am hoping to get off the xanax. Before the xanax,I must say, that when I felt awful, I would have a glass of wine and then sometimes another one or two. Sometimes I would have a vodka and tonic... It became almost daily 1-3 drinks. I am totally off alcohol now, off caffeine as well. I used to be so busy, so strong, juggling work and 4 kids and running a home. I just dont know what happened to me. So it is good to know I am not the only one. 
    • Guest
      Guest 2chr2015

      Posted

      I just realized this past week that I'm not afraid of death anymore.  That doesn't mean that I don't want to live anymore, because I do have many good people in my life who care about me, but it means simply that having seen how bad things can get that having permanent peaceful rest from this someday will be a relief.  I hope that is many years away if my health gets better.  Right now, it is hard to enjoy life, but I do have people helping me now.  I began seeking serious help this past week.

    • Guest
      Guest lelawreck

      Posted

      Your post is not stupid at all and I appreciate your thoughtfulness.  Lots of helpful things to consider here.
    • patrice82793
      patrice82793 2chr2015

      Posted

      I am not sure if this conversation is still open. I can absolutely agree that loneliness makes all these symptoms worse. I am divorced and kids are grown and out of state. My worse symptom is anxiety and fear. My mind is constantly racing and sleep is nearly impossible. I hold down a job but many days feel like I’m on the verge of tears. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone. 
    • Guest
      Guest patrice82793

      Posted

      Hi Patrice, we definitely have the anxiety and fear in common.  It is really the worst symptom.  Working is hard with all of this, too.  I try to forget about my problems at work, but it seems impossible at times.  Keep posting here in the forums.  There is a lot of support and understanding.  Take care. 🌸

  • lisa97672
    lisa97672 Guest

    Posted

    Hi.  Well your not alone.  I felt like that about a year and half ago.  And for the life of me could not figure it out   Was such an odd horrible feeling 😔    Now I know it's all hormones due to peri.  Went from that to worse.   Anxiety crept in and leaves me scared to death on days. I am grateful to God the days I feel good   Still treading along this path waiting for periods to cease and praying for balance again and becoming myself    It is peri and your not alone by far    Keep coming here.  The post helped me sooo much.   Just knowing your not alone makes it easier   It's so hard I know.  But try to keep as busy as you can   That's what I do.    Feel better. 

    • Guest
      Guest lisa97672

      Posted

      Thanks, Lisa.  The good days are blessings for sure.  I wish there were more of them but am grateful for the ones that do come along.  I'm glad this helped you.  It has helped me, too.

  • Mayfly1
    Mayfly1 Guest

    Posted

    I too feel very, very lonely.  I have joined a group and we get together regularly, but I really want to be with someone all the time.  I still have problems with my neighbour being too noisy, so I am working towards soundproofing the room which means clearing it first and everything just takes so long.  But I also have that feeling of not being connected with the world.  I had depression before, and found that trying to appreciate the moment worked, but not with this.  I look at a sunrise now and think it's beautiful but it doesn't have anything to do with me.

    I can only suggest finding groups of people who walk or paint or maybe even a part time cleaning job?  Or maybe go to the library or the pub - I'm sure no one would mind you sitting with a coke and reading a book?  And when you become a regular, maybe someone there would like a chat as well?  

    It's really difficult because joining groups costs money, but I found that after a while it does at least distract from being lonely.  

    I can say that you are not alone with the feelings, and I keep wishing for some terminal illness so that I would at least know that this time is over.  I know that's the depression talking but I'm saying that's how I feel, honestly.  It might help to be able to state bluntly what the problem is and hopefully work away from that.

    Wishing you all well during this horrible time.

     

    • Guest
      Guest Mayfly1

      Posted

      I wish you well, too.  I am reaching out more and spending more time with family, but when you feel disconnected, it can still feel like being alone.  It’s interesting that you mentioned your neighbor.  I also live in an apartment and sometimes am hyperaware of other people talking or a car motor or dog barking outside.  In a way, it makes me feel lonelier.  It’s hard to get to know people here as so many come and go and keep to themselves but I speak to people and try to seem neighborly.  I have had severe anxiety issues all my life but do enjoy getting to know people.

      I do want to ask about the soundproofing, speaking as someone who once considered that option:  do you think it might make you feel lonelier?  Is the sound of the TV ever comforting at all?  Is your neighbor someone who might be open to a visit from you and a conversation?  If not. I understand.  I’ve lived in apartments for over 20 years and know there are some people who aren’t approachable.  I keep earplugs handy for when there is a noisy situation and they work really well.  Just something to consider.

      I hope this helps.  Keep posting here and know you have support. 🌸

    • Mayfly1
      Mayfly1 Guest

      Posted

      I'm afraid that the sound of the TV makes me feel lonelier!  It's something wrapped up in my past, and I can't be rational about it.  The menopause has just made it that much worse.  I think the soundproofing will provide a physical and psychological barrier and will also make me tidy up the room.  I am looking forward to a new carpet, curtains and a new sofa, and I hope that this will also help with the depression.

      I was told not to use earplugs because apparently they can damage your hearing.  I have instead downloaded a white noise app, and I have ear phones from my phone or tablet when the noise is unbearable.  I don't really want to talk to the neighbour, he's moving in a couple of months time and I'll get someone new.  They might be all right to talk to, I'll see.

      I'm looking forward to going out tonight and to a games evening next week.  Going out seems to lend perspective to the problem so it does help.

      Thank you, I will try and reach out to others on this board - I see we have had a flurry of people who seem to be going through the same thing.

    • Guest
      Guest Mayfly1

      Posted

      Thanks so much for warning me about earplugs!  I had no idea that they could be damaging, but they can cause a few different issues including hearing loss.  I am grateful to know this and will stop using them.  White noise is recommended as an alternative.  I will try an app as you suggested.

      I definitely need new furniture and struggle with housekeeping terribly.  Tonight, I washed the stacked up dishes in my sink and barely recognized my kitchen afterward!   Like you, I have wondered if getting new things - maybe even a new apartment - would help.  My furniture is old hand-me-downs, and while I’m grateful to have it, in an old apartment it just makes everything look older.  A fresh start would be nice.

      I do see what you mean about the TV.  When I was growing up, my mother always stayed up late with a TV on.  It comforted me as my anxiety brought on various fears at night and I dreaded when she turned it off and the house was quiet.  I think those things in our past can be very powerful.  She also has an anxiety disorder.  She sleeps very little even now, preferring to stay up late with her iPad on.  Neither of us are good sleepers!

      Good luck with your new neighbor and enjoy your outings! 

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