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Feeling really unattractive 😥

Posted , 13 users are following.

amy341731
amy341731

So I know all of us on here suffer the physical and emotional symptoms of perimenopause and it is just awful! Iā€™ve had so many from the health anxiety, headaches, stomach/gastric troubles, achy joints, back ache, nausea, itchy skin..you name it weā€™ve probably all had it. But just the last 2 weeks or so one thing has really been bothering me that I hate to bring up because it seems so shallow..but I feel very unattractive and SO unsexy..Itā€™s hard to explain but even if I feel like I look okay in the mirror to go to work or whatever, I just feel old and not the least bit attractive to any man at all. Iā€™ve even tried (not too hard to the point of being weird or pushy) to flirt a little, pay compliments to a guy within a reasonable age and just ..nothing..Worse yet (which probably sealed the depression deal for me) was that I was out with what Iā€™d call a ā€œmixedā€bunch of ladies..some older, some younger (Iā€™m 46), short, tall, blondes, brunettes, pretty and average, and just about all of them got drinks bought for them or a little flirty conversation and I got ZERO!! Do they smell my eggs drying up as I speak!!? Iā€™m relatively (lol) normal, attractive, funny, good conversationalist so what is the deal?? I would absolutely say it was just an off night or whatever but the last few weeks have me feel like I have some disease lol..Anyway, not the biggest deal but Iā€™ve never been this bummed about it..anyone else or am I just a shallow Sally?😧

6 likes, 21 replies

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  • kat57435
    kat57435 amy341731

    Posted

    I wouldn't agonize too much over things; easier said than done, but just try to be yourself and think positive. It can be a bit hard on the ego and make a gal insecure as we leave our 'dewy youth' smile behind, but focus on the positive stuff as much as possible. And no, I don't think you're just being shallow. Alas, as woman, most of us have at least a good portion of our self worth tied up in our appearance, like it or not. But no matter what our age, we can always be attractive to some men, and 'meh' to others. Keep on going out, and concentrate on just enjoying yourself...with or without attention. 

  • katie96233
    katie96233 amy341731

    Edited

    I get it... I've heard it said by other women but I feel invisible..😩

    I'm 50 ( just turned) still want to feel attractive and sexy but when I look at myself I just feel old.. trying to constantly lose weight..( not very successful) still try and dress trendy.. but always feel bit frumpy...haircuts, make up and shopping for clothes all in the hope they will make me feel better..🤔 Doesn't work..!! I know it's not most important thing and work on the inside but nothing wrong with still wanting to look good and feel attractive... guess it's bit of transition from being young and spunky to middle aged and fab... just need to feel a bit of the fab... 

    • amy341731
      amy341731 katie96233

      Edited

      Ugh yes! While Iā€™ve accepted I will never be as thin as I was, Iā€™d settle for just feeling good and looking okay in some clothes..I also feel like thereā€™s no middle ground for middle aged woman like us..itā€™s either gross, right, sparkly, words across the butt clothes or frumpy slacks, sweaters, button down shirts and sensible shoes..whereā€™s the bad ass mama jama clothes that fit nicely and are nice looking, comfortable and just even a tad sexy without being trashy??! And yes, shopping is a bit of a nightmare for that exact reason..Keep trying though, we will find our groove! Part of my problem is I never actually had a ā€œstyleā€, I just kind of wore ā€œwhateverā€at the time , and Iā€™m more casual than anything else..So time to really get to know myself and own it!! Thanks for responding! Sending you hugs and positive FAB vibes 💕

  • maria314
    maria314 amy341731

    Edited

    Good morning Amy 

    Your not the only one I'm going thru that I actually see my skin change and not to sign shallow but I always to great care of my self now I look old and like an angry face all the time even though I'm not angry it's the elasticity I'm losing around d my face 

    Thrnto top it all up I cut my hair and I look worse , so yes trust me I hate mirrors 

    • ImagineOneDay
      ImagineOneDay maria314

      Posted

      First time in 48 years I took the scissors in my hand cut my hair randomly in front of mirror. I have always had long hair. I now have it above my shoulders! Luckily I have wavey hair and it doesn't show all the madness. Don't know why I have done it and how I had the courage ..¿¡ I think I was desperate for a change first time in 48 years¡!

    • amy341731
      amy341731 ImagineOneDay

      Posted

       Oh yes the madnessā€¦ Thatā€™s a good way to describe what weā€™re going through LOL. In some ways itā€™s freeing to be this itā€™s just like people said it would be, but it also sometimes just plain sucks to not look or feel how you want to or used to the matter how hard you try .  Do you like your haircut!? I bet a change is really good and needed and fun. Iā€™m just trying to maintain LOL. Thanks for responding it means a lot. Sending hugs to you. 😘

    • amy341731
      amy341731 maria314

      Posted

      Hi Maria- Thanks for responding..I also try to take care of myself and have been told I donā€™t look my age etc..but now it just seems nothing ā€œworks ā€œ.. wardrobe is blah..makeup..same old same old..hair, lots of gray to keep covering (no way Iā€™m going anywhere with gray hair, not for a while if ever! Lol) Just keep trying to take time for yourself and donā€™t feel bad about it..We are fabulous and it will shine through once we get through some of this hormonal garbage! 😘💕

    • ImagineOneDay
      ImagineOneDay amy341731

      Posted

      First I liked the BIG change! I neded it. Haaa haa. Then I thought the one in the mirror didn't look like me. sad Now it is settled a bit and I am enjoying my lighter hair. Why not. It will grow anyway. smile All change ; all change...

  • gilly_64426
    gilly_64426 amy341731

    Edited

    Ladies, I was feeling the same way last year, I turned 49 and always felt and looked 15 years younger than my age. It wasn't that anyone told me i didn't look attractive it was just my way of seeing myself in front the mirror. I honestly felt my lowest too, my mom told a rule of thumb, she said what ever you don't cut your hair short 😣she is old school. And I did not, i grew my hair and coloured it light blonde than my usual, and for me it helped me so much.

    At this age we need to find the happy place that works for us, sorry not our spouse or boyfriend just us. I'm all for, anything that makes you feel better about yourself and works for you.

    At this age I really don't care what others think, I lived my youth making others feel good about themselves and now it's about a healthy and better Me😊

    • amy341731
      amy341731 gilly_64426

      Edited

      Hi Gilly.. thatā€™s exactly it, itā€™s kind of ironic once I Ā hit ā€œthis ageā€, LOL, I decided not to worry about what people thought of me and just worry about what I thoughtā€¦ And then six months later I canā€™t stand how I feel Ā in general . And Yes something as simple as hair, can make you feel a lot betterā€¦ I am growing mine out what it was when my kids were young and I will absolutely always keep it blondeā€¦ No grays for me LOL!! Ā Like everything itā€™s really just mindset, and I so appreciate you responding because Iā€™m sure a lot of people at this age and stage of our lives feel the same and it does suck to be honest. But Iā€™m so glad youā€™re all here sending you all hugs !!!
  • juanita93228
    juanita93228 amy341731

    Edited

    I hear ya! I used to get compliments all the time from much younger men. The other night I had a date with a guy that is three years younger(55, I'm 58). I thought the date went well and he kept telling me I was pretty. No second date. He messengers me less than 48 hours to tell me he's still in love with his ex and really shouldn't be dating.

    This is to let you know it's not you and that men are stupid. 😂😂😂😂Also how you feel on the inside is sometimes reflected on the outside. I'm sure you are beautiful, but try to feel beautiful inside too.

    I get it, sometimes I just feel like a dried up old hag.??

    • amy341731
      amy341731 juanita93228

      Posted

      Ā Hi Juanita, you are right itā€™s just men!! They just donā€™t get it . Ā In so many ways. But I will keep moving on and trying not to get too down about itā€¦ Just little things I can do each day to try to feel little bit better I guess. Ā Your comment about dried out hag made me laugh but also I can relate LOL it just sucks sometimes. Thank you so much for responding. Sending hugs to you.Ā 
    • juanita93228
      juanita93228 amy341731

      Posted

      Lol! I'm glad I could make you laugh! The ladies on here have made me laugh many times! I've been in a bit of a funk for two days. I called off work. Just couldn't deal with people. Now I feel guilty because I used leave time that I could have used for something fun! But I needed this time. I'm going to roll with it and take it one day at time and keep praying and trying to be good to myself. And maybe one day I'll be normal again(or close anyway). God help me I'm going back to work tomorrow. Hopefully my Co workers will be able to survive me!😂😂😂😂

    • amy341731
      amy341731 juanita93228

      Posted

      Yes we have to laugh or weā€™d never survive this hell!!! I am with you on taking time off from work..there are days I cannot even fathom getting ready, let alone dealing with people all day when I feel absolutely awful (mostly mentally but physically not the best sometimes either). Itā€™s true, we need to know our limits and just give into the need for comfort and relaxation..and yes Iā€™m the same , as much as I would rather be taking a long weekend for fun, i just CANā€™T HANDLE normal life sometimes. Thank you for reaching out! It means a lot. Stay in touch. Sending hugs from NY!!Ā 
    • PianoDKA
      PianoDKA juanita93228

      Edited

      That was the exact phrase I used an hour ago about myself when trying to explain to my partner how I feel. It just seems it takes soooo much time and effort lately just to feel I look presentable and can just about face the world. Today, I tried but gave up in despair and cried and cried. My make up came off and I didn't go anywhere. Am feeling so old and defeated. I feel like my face has aged 10 years in a couple of months and no amount of creams or clever make up are fixing it. šŸ„ŗšŸ˜«šŸ˜Ŗ

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