Feeling trapped, anxious, depressed. Losing myself dont know what to do.

I couldnt agree more with everything you mentioned, if only more people in my surroundings looked at it that way.

Hopefully i can do just that one day soon. It will definitely be a fight if i find someone to marry and move out with but ultimately worth it.

May I ask, is it a cultural/religious reason as to why you appear so obediant?

I am not being disrespectful and please, if you do not care to do so, don't respond

But marriage? Is that your only option?

Can you not find a small apartment, a job and then get out and make your own life?

I understand that would require an amount of subterfuge but it appears that would be your only option to live your own life and not one dictated to by your parents...especially your father.

I don't think anyone could turn your father around in his thinking.He is set solid. The way things are, life suits him, and he sees nothing wrong in sacrifycing your chance of a normal life so that he and your mother can live theirs as they wish

My advice?

Make plans

Get out if possible

Exactly! How am i supposed to start my own family if im too terrified to even tell them about my partner. Its unfair to make us both wait for the 'perfect time' as there never will be one.

No they both have spending problems and my dad has got us into a huge debt. I get a government allowance to help me as i look for work only problem is my dad doesnt want me to look for work and just leach off the allowance and even help them out with paying bills here and there.

I agree. Marriage is not the answer. Certainly not a marriage which is a means to escape

The sad thing is the earning power of women, even in this day and age unless one has high qualifications, is abysmal compared to that which men can earn

The ability to support oneself is freedom at it's very best. So many women are trapped in loveless mariages or unhappy relationships because they cannot make it on their own, especially when children are involved

And fear cements us. We fear the unknown, the uncertainty of change. Fear of making a mistake

She has never had a life outside of her family as such. It's a huge leap after all these years, to break away

I could be wrong, but financial dependency is like the Sword of Damocles hanging over some peoples heads

I hope she can find a means, however much deviousness it requires upon her part, to make a new and better life for herself. Because at the moment she merely exists, tied by the whims of her parents.

 

Yep Helen so true, women give up work to bring up children and unfortunately years down the line self esteem and self supporting oneself has gone and yeah fear of poverty if you leave.  I think this is very common problem as well once children leave home after years of marriage, but that's another thread for another forum 

I completely agree, i know i mentioned being unable to date however i am in love with a very supportive man who has been so patient during my situation and helped me with the plan. I see him here and there when i am able to get out for a bit. Yesterday thanks to my plan i got to spend the day talking with him about how we are going to meet each others parents and make it official. Im ready to start my life with him. I am worried about how i am going to tell them. I can reopen my business anytime i just need the freedom to do so. Fortunately money is not an issue here. My strict father is. Im tired of being trapped and hiding something that should be great news (finding my soulmate). How on Earth do I tell him :s i have no idea how he will react.

Oh, that's wonderful news!

I am so happy for you

Now don't let this love/this opportunity slip through your fingers!

You have a right to a fullfilled life.

Your fear of your father is sad. What will he do? What can he do?  He can hardly lock you in the house can he?

You cannot sacrifice the chance of a normal life for fear of your parent's anger. And if money is not an issue then why not get a small apartment, leave home, reopen your business and start living your life, start dating your man properly as opposed to sneaking around like a thief in the night.

Take a leap of faith

Break free

You are not a teenager anymore. Your parents have sucked the life and willpower out of you, I'm sorry to say, as this might hurt you and I have no desire to do that, far from

But in a sense they have stolen many of your young years

Don't let them steal your future

Hugs

Helen

Thank you so much Helen you're so understanding, my partner has his own house so moving out is very much an option however there are so many consequences i fear such as being disowned, losing contact with my sibling and mother because of my dads reaction, my relatives getting involved etc. i know its the best thing to do and would allow me to start living and earning but i want to first try and reason with my father and tell him and he see if we can come to an understanding, he has no grounds to deny me marriage especially when the man is willing to meet them and support me. I guess the question now is how does one introduce their partner to strict parents? I must prepare for quite the interrogation.

I can understand you fear losing you close and extended family by being disowned. The very notion is heartbreaking

But you know, you deserve a normal life. What is the alternative? Do you stay home, obediant, looking after your sibling and doubtless, in the fullness of time, looking after your parents?

There comes a time when one's children go out into the world, like birds flying the nest...it's called freedom, dear. Most parents, though sad of heart, when they leave home, want above all else for their offspring to live a happy, fullfilled life. I say this as a mother myself.

Love our parents as we do, we do not owe them anything. No adult child should feel obligated towards a parent. No parent should make an adult child feel guilty.

We love our children. They are the most important things in our lives. The reason my heart beats is for my sons. But we have to set them free with a smile and with our blessings and they can go, safe in the knowledge that they will always have a home to come back to

I suggest you have your young man call at the house and together you break the news to your parents. Don't be intimidated. Don't be swayed by threats of being disowned. Stand firm, however much anger is thrown at you.

And if the reaction is as unpleasant as you fear, be prepared to leave, right there and then, with your young man.

If you allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed then you will end up with nothing. You fear of your father will have proved stronger than your love for your man.

You will not have a life, just an existance that is not normal and the years will make you bitter.

Grab your happiness

Have courage!

Hugs Helen xx

 

I have chances but im too terrified to pursue them. I have copped a lot of emotional abuse for my depression from my father. The person i am eager to marry is the most loving supportive person i have ever met he has been with me through all the ups and downs.

That is exactly the case, my father is in control of everything even at work and expects the same in every new situation. He has even fought with doctors at the hospital where they have literally told him to go home because he was picking on every little thing they do and say. He made so many reports they almost made us transfer to a different hospital.

Dear me!

After reading that I could cry

It has made me change my opinion. You are obviously emotionally and mentally crushed by your father's tyrannical control issues

If you had any sense you'd pack a bag and all your belongings and get the hell out of their and run as fast as you can to your young man's house....And never look back!

You poor thing!

 

You have a beautiful and inspiring way of putting things into perspective for me, thank you. That is a good suggestion and you're right the consequences of melting away between four walls under their commands will just send me into a downward spiral. I cant afford to lose anymore confidence ive had enough of being treated like a child, this opportunity is a sign to move on and grow. I will give it my best shot and make sure im prepared for the worst. Hopefully I'll talk to them sometime soon when they are in a good mood.

You give me hope and courage, lots of love.

Be strong! The rest of your life, your future happiness is dependant upon that.

We find courage when we need it the most, please believe that!

Have faith.

There is much at stake here. To find someone who loves and supports you is a wonderful thing. Don't allow that to slip through your fingers for fear of your father.

Think of all the years ahead

Do you fill them with subservience? Do you go from one day to the next, seeing your youth, the opportunity for love, children, a normal life slip further and further away?

Do you see yourself down those years?  Looking back at the waste of it all?

Or do you grab at life, at love, at the chance of normality?

Be brave

Life is a gift

Love an added bonus

Don't let it all go to waste or one day you will end up alone and lonely

I send hugs Helen

Those are some great points i can bring up when i tell them, thank you so much.

Xx