Feeling very down

Posted , 8 users are following.

I rarely post on here but am feeling so down and deep in a pit of negativity that I just need to moan a bit.   I just feel so alone,  unwanted and unloved that I can't summon up any energy or will to do anything about it.   I don't care about myself or think I deserve anything better than living in a very messy flat,  doing without hot water because my boiler is broken and I can't face sorting it out at the moment.  

I am getting criticism from friends for forgetting everything they tell me coz my brain is all fogged up,   and an online friend (not on here) has turned against me coz they researched my family tree for me and I promised to send her something she wanted and haven't.   I wish Christmas was over and I wish I wasn't so alone.

Not looking for advice but empathy please.   x

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  • Posted

    Hypercat I really wish I could say something to make you feel even slightly better but the way I feel at the moment I can't even help myself.

    I'm sick painting on a smile and pretending.

    Like you, i forget everything, can't concentrate at all. I'm so deep in my grief and guilt I could easily end it all. I know I couldn't do that to my son and daughter though, it would kill them and ruin every Christmas for the rest of their lives and what kind of parent does that??

    As I have said before, if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness then I would happily accept that!

    Take care and godbless xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Nel thanks for your reply.  I was looking for empathy and you have given me that bless you.  I wish we were all depression free but selfishly I am glad that I am not alone with it.   Sharing makes it easier to deal with doesn't it?  

      I have often thought like you about the terminal illness but I think I am kidding myself.   It would take the control over my life away from me and into the hands of fate.   I also think of the physical pain which would result from it.... I don't know though.   Bev x

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  • Posted

    I sympathise with u HyperCard, and yet I would trade places. I have someone, a wife. But she's not interested in helping me with my depression. I would sooner be alone given the chance....
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    • Posted

      I hate how i have to stay alive to keep others happy when I'm as miserable as sin. What about my happiness? Why can't I be allowed to end it and be with my parents and my beloved dog who died a couple of days ago? Those would make me happy, not this dam existence which isn't a life!
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    • Posted

      Give it a few days nel, your grieving for ur dog, who u clearly cherished. If u still feel the same in a couple of days, we will discuss future events.
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    • Posted

      Hi Simon.   I am sorry your wife feels like that. Many people don't understand depression but it's awful when it's your family.   Is she good in other ways?   If so then maybe just accept it and live with it.   You have us on here and maybe a counsellor to talk to and we understand.  Take care Bev xx

       

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    • Posted

      No, she's not good in other ways. Its sad but true, she sees me in turmoil everyday and just stands back and watches me breaking down. I intended to leave her shortly, need to claim back my life.
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    • Posted

      Hi Simon I am sorry to hear she is not supportive.  Do you think it's because she doesn't care or because she doesn't know how to help?   There is a big difference.  Have the 2 of you ever sat down and discussed it and have you told her how she can help?   I hope you can find a way to sort it out and stay together if possible.   Take care  Bev xx
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    • Posted

      She's been through this with me before. It's different for her this time, she's doesn't know how to feel about the situation. But I do, I need to get better and to do this I need positive people around me. Sadly, she is not.
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  • Posted

    I've been there, I am there really... The loneliness, the feeling unwanted, I feel unloved despite having people around me who do care. I just feel I'm never enough. I don't know there's a solution to that and like you said you don't want advice.

    I also actually spent last winter without a boiler so spent months boiling kettles to bed bath my disabled partner, whilst on the rare occasion I could be bothered enduring a freezing cold shower for me. I know how it feels to lack motivation, then the guilt that comes with it, it's a cycle of despair and I really feel for you.

    If your friend online is a true friend they should understand how debilitating this illness is and how, despite best intentions, we can't always fulfil our commitments.

    I've seen a lot of posts on here recently where people are feeling even worse due to Xmas. I have to agree I wish it was over too. Maybe it's seeing everyone else so happy? Maybe the added pressure of trying to seem happy when we aren't.

    I don't know.

    But I know it's tough.

    Hang in there my lovely, just over a week and the festive period will be over and hopefully we will all feel slightly less rubbish.

    Much love and admiration xxxxx

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