Fiancee has gone of sex due to menopause symptoms - not sure what to do?
Posted , 11 users are following.
Hi There
I am a 40 year old healthy male and i have been with my finacee for a year and a half, our 1st year was amazing and since the start of this year she started getting loads of illnesses and have supported her through these, our sex life was always problematic, i have a higher libido than her and it has always caused tension but we decided at the beginning of the year that scheduling it was the best option to relieve tension between us and it helped for a while but over the last few months she has been struggling with menopause symptoms and has been ill a lot and the times she has not been ill she is not in the mood, she has been having irregular periods and generally really distance with me, we have good communication and she has said to me that it is nothing personal and she still finds me attractive but her symptoms are making her agitated and uncomfortable and she has to put our sex life on the back burner until she gets these symptoms under control, she also suffers from depression and was on fluxetine for 15 years and this also did not help her libido but we went to the doctors together and it was decided she try coming off them which she did, she has been off them for 3 months now and has not had any depression come back apart from the odd down days, ever since she has come off them she has been different and emotionally distant, she says its not the depression but its the menopause symptoms, am trying really hard not to take it personally and she assures me its not me and she loves me very much and is still attracted to me and wants us to have a healthy sex life but she has put it on hold now indefinitely until she finds a solution, she recently has blood tests taken and they have highlighted she is in premenopause stage, she has the doctors next week to she what can be done and her symptoms can be quite bad and she is not sleeping very well. its been 2 months since we have had sex and am struggling with the lack of intimacy as its a struggle to even get a cuddle out of her or a kiss, i love her so much but am a very emotional person and am finding it very hard to deal with this, have even thought there was a deeper meaning to the lack of intimacy but she assures me there is not, am at my wits end, i have even got the point where i have contemplated leaving but that sounds selfish and unsupportive but we all have emotional needs and i have started feeling anxious all the time now and its getting worse, i bring it up all the time and she tells me she feels pressured, i know she is trying with the doctors to sort it out but am getting to the stage where i don't think things will ever be the same between us, any ideas what i should do, am i being to selfish and impatient?
1 like, 33 replies
steve75571 david99999
Posted
Yes you are being a little selfish and impatient, you have to work 100% with her through this, it could take years.
I know us men have needs but were not going through the all the crap our woman go through, hold on in there, support her and get through it together
Good luck
david99999 steve75571
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Gillian1956 david99999
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YES ! You are being very selfish give her a break she's told you how she feels about you if men could just live in a women's shoes for a few months they would understand what a nightmare the problems we face that men have no ideas about if you love her be there for her it ei come good in time you pressure her for sex will make matters worse and another thing she's come off antidepressants that she took for a long time it going to make a difference even if she thinks she's ok be there for her be a real man
steve75571 david99999
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Perimenopause system
And you will see why!
david99999 Gillian1956
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Sochima822 david99999
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david99999 Sochima822
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Sochima822 david99999
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In some women it brings back their lives, but it really depends on how she reacts to it. But it is trial & error in finding the right combination.
maisie05 david99999
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It is good that you have come on here to ask how to help your relationship.
Try not to bring it up all the time as this may push her away. Take time to show her how much she means to you by little gestures. A cup of tea and cake when she isnt expecting it. Breakfast in bed with no ulterior motive! Offer a foot massage, agian with no ulterior motive. Little unexpected gifts, a scented candle, flowers, chocolates. Nothing expensive, it's the small thoughful gestures that count. This may then help her to relax and feel loved but without the pressure of sex. When she realise she can have a cuddle or a kiss without it leading to sex she will relax more.
It is great you are asking for help, don't give up.
david99999 maisie05
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maisie05 david99999
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I don't think you are being selfish, it sounds like you have been very patient. And I can fully understand your need for cuddles and affection. I hope that the doctors can help soon, it sounds like hrt is what she needs and hopefully this will make her feel like her old self and you can continue your good relationship.
maisie05 david99999
Posted
Also if you have any joint activities try to continue with them. If not try something new, together. My husband and I enjoy short walks to country pubs. get a book and plan together. or take up badminton or similar. Decorate a room in your house. Use up some of your pent up energies!! You'll be too tired to worry about sex.
david99999 maisie05
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lynda20916 david99999
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Hi, David,
I do believe that you are trying to understand. But I wonder how you would feel if you were the one unable to perform? Would you fear your partner's desire for a kiss and a cuddle, because it might end in something that would only frustrate you both and call attention to your inabilities?
There is an old addage, something like "men need to have sex before they can demonstrate affection, and women have sex so that they receive that affection from men." To most, having sex means that your partner finds you desirable. However, there is much contact during sex, holding, touching that may be more important than the act.
Your partner is experiencing an upheaval in both her body and her emotions. To some women it feels as if their body has literally turned on them. Things that used to work don't, sex becomes painful, tissues tear, emotions come and go, unchecked. Nothing is the same as it was. I believe that men who suffer from impotence and declining testosterone also feel horribly depressed as they watch their youth slip away.
As your partner experiences this life-changing event, you must feel completely left out. A little voice cries out, "But what about me?" Does having sex mean that much to you? Are you willing to destroy a relationship that you value because of the absence of a physical act?
I think that the bottom line is, "Do you love her?" In that context, believe me, being able to be with the one you love, can be enough.
Hope this all works out. Please accept my best wishes.
DearDoe david99999
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michelle50768 DearDoe
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