Finally admitted I have a problem
Posted , 15 users are following.
Hi all I'm new here as finally admitted yesterday to my husband about my drinking habits. Ive been drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night mostly after he's gone to bed. Hiding booze topping up bottles of spirits with water so he doesn't know I've drank it. Taking bottles to bottle banks to hide it and most recently taking time off work so I can drink in the day and be sober when he gets home. Only done it twice but it's frankly terrified me as to why I would do this. So yesterday I sat him down and told him everything. Thank god ive a supportive hubby he's been concerned about my drinking for years but it's escalated to this since our last child left home. God knows why I've got a great life stressful job but money a great home. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I don't want to admit this to a Dr it's disgusting behaviour. Thankfully I didn't drink yesterday and apart from a little anxiety I'm fine. I know I now have to abstain I am an all or nothing kind of person that's how I kicked fags years ago. So today is day 2 but it's really scary to think about dealing with all the things that will come up socially with no booze. How do other people manage?
2 likes, 51 replies
Kerry78042 helen41356
Posted
Hi Helen,
Well done for sitting down and being so honest with your husband, such a very brave thing to do, and I'm so pleased that you have his support and understanding also, as it is so difficult for both of you for different reasons! You will get so much advice from people on this forum that are far more knowledgeable than I am about the best course of action for you. I first joined 7wks ago and have received so much help ... I was drinking up to 2 bottles of wine a night and had done for some time... now unlike you I was unable to just quit anyway as I just did not have the willpower, but the reason I'm replying to you is without wishing to put the fear of god into you, I was advised by a councillor and on here that to quit and go into withdrawal when I had been consuming what I had, could be dangerous without a doctors support and appropriate medication! I am currently using a method called TSM The Sinclair Method but as I say there are several people on here far more qualified to advise you so hang on in here as I'm sure you'll hear very soon! Good Luck, and be strong, you've taken the first step and that is one of the hardest (sorry for cheesy cliché 😊
helen41356 Kerry78042
Posted
Thanks Kerry it was hard but it was time to own up to it. I'm actually physically ok. I recently had a period of 4 weeks with no alcohol as I was dieting. I just need to stay away from it now permanently. Going to be hard to be in social situations with no booze but I'll take it one day at a time.
Kerry78042 helen41356
Posted
That's brilliant! I wish you all the best with your recovery!
helen41356 Kerry78042
Posted
Thanks I appreciate the support 👍
RHGB helen41356
Posted
There is no need to feel guilty and ashamed, AUD (alcohol use disorder) is a disease, and like most diseases it doesn't affect everyone. But for those it does, they need help, help that the medical profession is not very forthcoming with.
Why do you do it? Because alcohol has changed your brain, the balance, you now do not feel normal without alcohol. Your brain is constantly thinking about it. Some people can just stop, but many only manage for a period before the cycle starts again.
You need to become ambivalent to alcohol, not resistive to it. If the latter, you will be in a permanent battle with the thought of having a drink, and it wears people down and they are either permanently miserable or give in.
I bet you spent all day yesterday thinking about not having a day and the thought kept popping up in your head, oh go, you know you'll feel better.
Fortunatelt there are medications available that can reset your brain, so your day is not filled with thoughts of having a drink. The main two are Campral and Selincro (the TSM method) and I would seriously think about going down that route. Someone will no doubt post a link about the TSM method, I would find it, but I'm running late.
Hoep that gives you some help.
vickylou RHGB
Posted
Hi
I started my reply a couple of hours ago, but only just finished it and sent it. It reads like I've copied you!
?However, you know the saying "great minds think alike" lol!
good to hear from youl
vickylou RHGB
Posted
I bet you spent all day yesterday thinking about not having a drink and the thought kept popping up in your head, oh go, you know you'll feel better
?Yep, spot on! That was definitely me on the numerous occasions I tried to give up. 12 months on campral was a piece of cake after the first week.
helen41356 vickylou
Posted
Actually I didn't I just felt ashamed. Same today, I'm sure there are going to be things that trigger me to want to but 1 day at a time
Robin2015 helen41356
Posted
day by day and pamper or spoil yourself when you have been sober for one week. That is what I did!! Robin
vickylou Robin2015
Posted
vickylou helen41356
Posted
Well that's good then as it sounds like you've addressed the problem before becoming physically dependent.
I used to think one hour at a time, but yes one day at a time is a good plan. It might be a good idea to discuss coping strategies with your counsellor if something triggers you to want to drink
helen41356 vickylou
Posted
I've started reading the book by Allen Carr wow really opening my eyes. If I'd just looked at a bottle of alcohol in the same way as a syringe of heron I would've never had taken a drink.
vickylou helen41356
Posted
Maybe I didn't give it chance. I know many members on here have found it really good and often recommend it. I read about 10 pages and thought it a waste of time, did nothing to make me want to carry on reading it
helen41356 vickylou
Posted
I've read it all whilst it's a bit salesy and American in style I found it's really given me a new perspective. Well worth persevering with it.
vickylou helen41356
Posted
Hi helen
First off, well done for accepting and admitting drinking has become a problem for you, that's half the battle.
Roll back 20 odd years ago and your post would be my story. Supportive husband, no money worries, nice home, good job. In fact nothing to make me want to escape into oblivion.
Your counsellor was correct in saying not to stop drinking completely straight away. It can be dangerous and even fatal in some cases. Hopefully. You'll be ok, but should you start to suffer withdrawal symptoms (google alcohol withdrawal) then you need to seek medical advice immediately.
I don't want to be pessimistic, but from a personal point of view and I know of many other people, (except Robin!), it's very difficult to maintain total abstinence without medication.
I had numerous attempts at being abstaintant, the longest 4 years. Basically you need to reset your brain about alcohol, which is what medication does.
Theres two different sorts of medication The Sinclair Method or TSM. Again google TSM. I've never used that method so will leave it to the many other members who have, or still are using TSM.
The other medication is acamposate (campral). which is what I successfully used. It's an anti craving drug, and when taken correctly, takes away cravings and thoughts of alcohol. I took it for 12 months which enabled me to get my life back on track. I do drink socially now, but no longer secretively and alone, and I don't touch spirits.
?"I don't want to admit this to a doctor, it's disgusting behaviour " actually AUD (alcohol user disorder) is a recognised illness, and you should not be ashamed. In fact any good dr will (or should), recognise that your admittance shows your commitment to addressing the problem. You've nothing to lose except your pride, what does it matter what anyone else thinks.
Campral certainly helped me in social situations as it didn't bother me at all not drinking. Before campral I avoided parties etc, or if I had to go, I hated seeing other people drinking and having fun and couldn't wait to go home.
?Good luck. I'm not saying you won't be able to stop, this is only my experience