First day, first AD and anxiety suddenly skyrockets... is my dosage too high?

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hello there, 

I've been scouring this forum and although there's a lot of helpful stuff on here I could still use some help.

Context: I've been sufferening on and off with bouts of depression for about 5 years now and never really done much about it because it generally seems to be triggered when past relationships have ended and tends to sort itself out when I meet somebody new or start a new job or get stuck in at university... when I become preoccupied with things/people that I enjoy. So I never really took it that seriously. I often dip in and out of low moods, cry for no reason, fell numb and apathetic but I just always pt it down to a bad day or hormones or just generally being an emotional human being.

Since finishing university in May I began to feel that no matter what I did I was losing motivation and felt pretty low most of the time. I became more needy and demanding of my boyfriend because I felt like I needed him to be there all the time to feel happy, like he was the only thing that I could feel anything about. I now know that I should have seen a doctor at this point. Ultimately this dependancy led to him feeling trapped and frustrated at my inability to make myself happy and he ended the relationship.

This sent me over the edge. I fell further into depression than I've ever fallen before. Initially, I felt extremely numb but then suddenly began having terrible anxiety attacks (the "oh my god I am dying of a heart attack" kind). Slowly these subsided and I haven't had one for about a month and a half now. Since then I've been generally apathetic towards life, unmotivated, crying every time I wake up, unable to eat very much etc.. your standard depressive episode. I referred myself to counselling and cbt but it's taking ages to actually get to see anybody so I've been trying to carry on, applying for jobs, getting up everyday and making myself go and see friends etc whilst I wait. But the constant repetitive thoughts became too much. I feel like I have a constant dialogue in my head and sometimes it gets so dark that it scares me. I don't really feel happy about anything anymore and I cannot concentrate. So I saw my GP to get some help with that.

They put me on Cita, 20mg, and said next to nothing about it. My mum is currently on it and she said it had worked wonders for her. I took my first dose last night, right before I fell asleep because I had read that it can affect your sleep so I thought I'd pop it into my system and nod off before it had a chance to dissolve into my system. 

This morning I woke at 7am with a general feeling of nausea, headache and that something wasn't right. I felt like I was hung over and I spent the next few hours waking up feeling sick and then willing myself to go back to sleep, to sleep it off. I eventually gave in and got out of bed, feeling truly terrible. That's when the anxiety started. I felt what I haven't felt for weeks, hands shaking, tight chested, sense of impending doom. I'd read about the nausea, I'd read about the dizziness and light headed, I'd read that it can make you lethargic but I feel very scared of continuing at this point. I feel both simultaneously exhausted and restless. I tried practicing guitar and my fingers just didn't respond to anything I willed them to. I ate about three mouthfuls of my dinner and then just didn't want any more. I walked a few steps away from my house and felt like I was going to collapse in panic. I went on cita to help with depression and now not only do I still have constant repetitive thoughts and numbness to everything, internally I am in a constant state of panic. Is it really worth it to suffer this? I thought I'd have no side-effects, like my mum, and tomorrow I'm going to visit friends in a different city, the day after I am meeting with my ex to tie up some loose ends and then on wednesday I'm starting my new job. I feel like I can cope with these events in the state I was in yesterday before I took cita. I don't feel I can cope if these anxious side effects are going to mean I get a panic attack on a train, away from home or on the first day of a new job. Therefore I'm not going to take another for a couple of days at least.

So, guys? Anybody got any advice? I've read that a couple of people have taken smaller doses initially so is that the way to go? I would ask my GP but I cannot book an appointment to see them for a couple of weeks (not great, is it really?). Or do I just need to wait until I have a couple of days to just take the plunge and feel awful in bed? I feel stuck between two evils right now and trying to decide which is the lesser one. Somehow I'd kind of gotten used to depression and though (of course) I want to recover and I realise I need to take cita to help that, I feel like if it's actually going to debilitate me further it's going to be impossible to carry on with daily life. 

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  • Posted

    I started on 10mg for the first week to get used to it, but I had just come off Fluoxetine. I would say if your side effects don't ease in the next few days, then maybe get in touch with your GP. My fiancé was on it a few months ago, and it made him worse, but I seem to be fine so far. It seems to be that it either helps pretty quickly or it just doesn't agree with some people
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  • Posted

    For me all antidepressants have made me feel worse than better. I've been on several over the past 18 months and though the depression is somewhat better they never helped with anxiety. I feel like they make it worse
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  • Posted

    Hi I'm so sorry your having such a hard time it is really the worst feeling in the world. I too am in citaloprim 20mg this is my second time on this medication I was on it 3 years ago but went off when I became pregnant. It really did make a difference back then and I'm still waiting for it to kick in now and am hoping to see some good results. My doctor started me on 10mg for 1 week then I was to increase to 20mg I've now only been on 2mg for 3 days and the side effects are horrible. I don't remember it being this bad last time but my anxiety is through the roof too I now wake with a horrible feeling of dread and nervousness through my whole body which I didn't used to have I went in this for panic attacks and general anxiety but it has defiantly gotten worse and made me feel depressed as well. It has also affected my sleep I generally only get 4 hours a night but I do remember it being that way last time I went on this medication and it eventually wore off. I am persevering and would encourage you to do the same. It defiantly does make your symptoms heightened and even cause more but it will go away once it's settled in your system. I keep saying to myself everyday I'm one at closer to be my old self again and won't have to feel like I did yesterday again. I think it did take about 6 weeks last time to fully kick in for me and calm me down so I've still got over 4 weeks to go but it's a short time to go through something if it's going to make a difference in the rest of my life. I really hope you start to feel better keep in touch and good luck 😊
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