First day, first AD and anxiety suddenly skyrockets... is my dosage too high?
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hello there,
I've been scouring this forum and although there's a lot of helpful stuff on here I could still use some help.
Context: I've been sufferening on and off with bouts of depression for about 5 years now and never really done much about it because it generally seems to be triggered when past relationships have ended and tends to sort itself out when I meet somebody new or start a new job or get stuck in at university... when I become preoccupied with things/people that I enjoy. So I never really took it that seriously. I often dip in and out of low moods, cry for no reason, fell numb and apathetic but I just always pt it down to a bad day or hormones or just generally being an emotional human being.
Since finishing university in May I began to feel that no matter what I did I was losing motivation and felt pretty low most of the time. I became more needy and demanding of my boyfriend because I felt like I needed him to be there all the time to feel happy, like he was the only thing that I could feel anything about. I now know that I should have seen a doctor at this point. Ultimately this dependancy led to him feeling trapped and frustrated at my inability to make myself happy and he ended the relationship.
This sent me over the edge. I fell further into depression than I've ever fallen before. Initially, I felt extremely numb but then suddenly began having terrible anxiety attacks (the "oh my god I am dying of a heart attack" kind). Slowly these subsided and I haven't had one for about a month and a half now. Since then I've been generally apathetic towards life, unmotivated, crying every time I wake up, unable to eat very much etc.. your standard depressive episode. I referred myself to counselling and cbt but it's taking ages to actually get to see anybody so I've been trying to carry on, applying for jobs, getting up everyday and making myself go and see friends etc whilst I wait. But the constant repetitive thoughts became too much. I feel like I have a constant dialogue in my head and sometimes it gets so dark that it scares me. I don't really feel happy about anything anymore and I cannot concentrate. So I saw my GP to get some help with that.
They put me on Cita, 20mg, and said next to nothing about it. My mum is currently on it and she said it had worked wonders for her. I took my first dose last night, right before I fell asleep because I had read that it can affect your sleep so I thought I'd pop it into my system and nod off before it had a chance to dissolve into my system.
This morning I woke at 7am with a general feeling of nausea, headache and that something wasn't right. I felt like I was hung over and I spent the next few hours waking up feeling sick and then willing myself to go back to sleep, to sleep it off. I eventually gave in and got out of bed, feeling truly terrible. That's when the anxiety started. I felt what I haven't felt for weeks, hands shaking, tight chested, sense of impending doom. I'd read about the nausea, I'd read about the dizziness and light headed, I'd read that it can make you lethargic but I feel very scared of continuing at this point. I feel both simultaneously exhausted and restless. I tried practicing guitar and my fingers just didn't respond to anything I willed them to. I ate about three mouthfuls of my dinner and then just didn't want any more. I walked a few steps away from my house and felt like I was going to collapse in panic. I went on cita to help with depression and now not only do I still have constant repetitive thoughts and numbness to everything, internally I am in a constant state of panic. Is it really worth it to suffer this? I thought I'd have no side-effects, like my mum, and tomorrow I'm going to visit friends in a different city, the day after I am meeting with my ex to tie up some loose ends and then on wednesday I'm starting my new job. I feel like I can cope with these events in the state I was in yesterday before I took cita. I don't feel I can cope if these anxious side effects are going to mean I get a panic attack on a train, away from home or on the first day of a new job. Therefore I'm not going to take another for a couple of days at least.
So, guys? Anybody got any advice? I've read that a couple of people have taken smaller doses initially so is that the way to go? I would ask my GP but I cannot book an appointment to see them for a couple of weeks (not great, is it really?). Or do I just need to wait until I have a couple of days to just take the plunge and feel awful in bed? I feel stuck between two evils right now and trying to decide which is the lesser one. Somehow I'd kind of gotten used to depression and though (of course) I want to recover and I realise I need to take cita to help that, I feel like if it's actually going to debilitate me further it's going to be impossible to carry on with daily life.
0 likes, 30 replies
don45258 elinsarah
Posted
katecogs elinsarah
Posted
I started on 20mg and have never taken anything higher than that. I recovered on this dose, though it took many, many months. Many people do try at first to cope with their depression on their own but often find they need some help with medication and / or therapy.
These meds are tough and meds are tough and do have unpleasant side effects, but this does wear off in time. A lower dose might be more suitable if you find it a struggle to start with.
You may not notice any improvement in the meds, but don't worry as this is normal. Improvement is really slow and often hardly noticeable. Measure progress in months, not weeks. As each month goes by there'll be minuscule changes, but just keep persevering and be very, very patient. These will work.
Also don't be in a rush to increase your dose. A bigger dose doesn't work any quicker and won't bring Recovery to you any quicker either. A bigger dose won't relieve the side effects - in fact each dose increase will give you side effects again. This doesn't mean a larger dose would be more suitable - everyone is different and we all need different doses. Just let the dose you're on have plenty of time (months) before you decide if you need a larger dose or not.
I understand exactly what you're going through. I struggled for years on other anti depressants until I started these meds - it changed my life.
Although these meds take a long, long time to work, for me waiting all those months was nothing compared to the years I'd struggled.
If you're worried about the meds then take half a dose for a few weeks.
You'll be fine ....... think of the end result. These have been my miracle.
K xx
michele_76511 katecogs
Posted
katecogs michele_76511
Posted
I really would stick it out on one medication for a very, very long time. It can take 6 months ... sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. Everyone is different. To keep swapping medications too soon may have kept you feeling ill for this long. Starting a mediciation gives you side effects, coming off them gives you withdrawal effects - so maybe if you're expecting results too soon and then changing from one medication to another will give you side effects, withdrawal effects, side effects, withdrawal effects time after time after time ....... and not allowing your body the chance to let one medication take effect.
During your time on mediciation, seeing results is often not noticeable for a very long time - this is when people make the mistake thinking the meds aren't working then change to another. People often expect to see results in weeks, or at least something - but it doesn't work like that. You often see absolutely nothing, not even a smidgen, for months and months ........ then suddenly things start happening - albeit very, very slowly. During this recovery process you then often find yourself on a roller coaster ride and will often dip very low sometimes for week, followed by feeling slightly ok. Again this is normal. You just have to dig your heels in and just keep going as very slowly this will all begin to level out.
It seriously can take months and months of anguish, disappointment, frustration, disbelieving ........... this is what foxes people into thinking the mediciation isn't working ... but it is, in the background, and it will bring about positive results if you just stick it out. Even when you feel like it's all too much and it isn't working, again just push on through.
I was anxious and depressed for 15 years, and though I didn't know these type of medications would bring about recovery for me, I just carried on taking the meds for months and months and months. Recovery happened so slowly I hardly noticed it.
K x
michele_76511 katecogs
Posted
katecogs michele_76511
Posted
I was on no other mediciation. Only SSRI 20mg and did nothing else to recover other than carried on with my life as best I could, even though it was painful to do so. I cried so much, missed work occasionally but made myself go in. I carried on socialising, exercised - even though I dragged myself through it. It was at a dance class once I suddenly realised I felt lighter and had t thought of my illness for the whole hour I'd danced. It was a relevation. From there it still took months, but it slowly got better.
I've been chatting to people on this site, and some are only just noticing changes after 15 weeks. For some, it's even longer.
I'd persevere if I was you - 8 weeks is nothing. What have you got to lose if you continue on these? If you come off these and try something else you'll be in the same boat as you were before. You really need to just keep going - that's what most people here have done and what I did. It's painful, it's tough.
My son had a melt down 18 months ago and it took him 9 months to recover, and he went through hell. He was off work for just over 3 months. I encouraged him to persevere with the treatment, and it paid off.
When I say it takes a long time, it really does. You have to trust in the meds, trust in the time it takes, and just keep on persevering through whatever is thrown at you during recovery. Just keep on and on. The end result is so worth it.
You will not see yourself getting better. There is hardly any progress to monitor. But eventually it'll start to happen.
One mediciation. Time. Lots of time. Perseverance and patience.
K xx
don45258 katecogs
Posted
michele_76511 katecogs
Posted
katecogs michele_76511
Posted
These meds aren't like taking antibiotics whereby you see your infection getting better in weeks. They're not like a paracetamol whereby your headaches soothes in hours or a day. SSRI's don't soothe, you get no relief, and as said, you get worse. But ..... that's only in the beginning. In time the meds WILL settle and your body WILL start to even out. Then you will begin to feel the soothing, the worsening effects wear off.
Ask yourself - do you want to stay ill for another 2 years, or take the bull by the horns and try this for the next 6 months? Just think - by the end of the year you could be back to your normal happy self again.
You will have many disappointments along the way on these meds. Everyone does. It'll knock you back time after time, but you just pick yourself up and carry on again and again. Slowly, so very slowly, you'll begin to notice recovery happening - months down the line.
You can do this. Give the meds this year to work. Recovery is there waiting for you xxxx
K xx
michele_76511 katecogs
Posted
katecogs michele_76511
Posted
However my son did. He couldn't cope with the feelings the meds gave him (he was on Fluoxetine) but equally couldn't cope with the anxiety and depression he'd started to suffer from in a few short months. He had suicidal tendencies and he was very frightened, and spent time in bed. He was ill for many months, even when taking his meds, and just when I began to think they weren't working for him around the 6 month mark, I started noticing him being chirpier, then one day heard him whistling and singing, and I knew the meds had finally started to kick in. The months that followed he got better and better and is today back to his happy self again.
The meds can give you suicidal tendencies - if you feel that way you need to speak to someone. It will pass in time, but you do need to speak someone if you feel that way.
It also helps to get the dose just right too. Everyone suits a different dose - some finding too high a dose makes them feel terrible, whereby some thrive better on a high dose.
I know you've not worked for 2 years, but it helps to heal you if you can get out of the house daily. Fresh air, walking, being with others and being occupied whilst you wait to heal helps so much. Exercise helps burn excess adrenaline. It's hard, but giving yourself that extra push helps.
My son went back to work after 3 months off, and he struggled badly. During the time he was off work, we got him out daily for walks or cycling. He saw nothing when out as all his concentration was just looking at the ground ... but we continued getting him out. He joined a badminton group and 2 music groups - something quite difficult for him as he finds socialising hard. But, today he's still with the music groups and plays 2 instruments quite well now and is more comfortable socialising now. It was very hard for him, and will never be the life and soul of the party, but he's come a long way.
K xx
katecogs don45258
Posted
Its such a shame the meds take so long. So many people are unprepared for this and for what to expect throughout too. I'm sure though that with medical advances, there'll come a time when treatment will get even better, and simpler, than it already is.
😊❤️
K xx
michele_76511 katecogs
Posted
katecogs michele_76511
Posted
It is hard doing chores and cooking - the body never feels willing. However, even here small tasks are better than none. Little goals - small steps. If someone else does the cooking instead, maybe help do a little of it. Yes it's true just pushing that little bit. Sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone. It will feel uncomfortable, and will feel like you can't do these things, you'll no doubt feel tired too, but taking small steps is the way to go.
Im not sure about treatment resistant. When we're ill we over think things, think negatively and and always think the worst. I never thought I'd get better. I couldn't see what on earth could help me. I was proved wrong.
There is hope for everyone. If you give everything you have into recovering, push yourself into doing things little by little (even if you don't feel like it), carry on getting out every day, try and socialise a little, keep taking the meds ...... keep on pushing, on and on, beyond 6 months ..... a year if need to, keep on with the therapy and keep posting on here. Give it everything you've got. It's not easy,
K x