First thought...or craving in 5 weeks (today 5 weeks)

Posted , 4 users are following.

I'm watching a Ray Charles documentary....He was doing the begining of his career.  He has a girl in his band..that is in love with him.

​I just started watching 1/2 way I don't know if he has slept with her...or not...but she called him at Xmas from a hotel room.  His wife was in the room and she shuffled the kids off to another room.

​He tells the woman from his band...NOT to call him and he was not meeting her at this hotel room she had set up...She says " I have a bottle of Boes?"....And he says I will see you in 2 weeks when we are recording again...I am with my wife!

​She slams the phone and takes a BIG swig of the bottle and automatically breathes a sigh of relieve!  I was so envious of that "relief" that she found...and I had a brief thought...yea...just a short relief..I started telling myself...I won't get carried away...I know what it does to me.

​So scary how quick my brain forgets.  She went on to be singing in the band that night...made a scene...but you could tell it felt good for her to get all the crap out and scream at everyone..without inhibitions.  Of course she is acting and not really "drunk"...but it sparked something in me...that I didn't want sparked today.


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25 Replies

  • Posted

    Re baclofen. It may help some but it didn't help me. I still craved alcohol, it made me very lethargic and because I was very depressed I gave up and drank on it. It nearly took my life. 

    Misssy,I think someone( won't use religion) decided you were were worth saving so you can help others. That's my theory any way xx

  • Posted

    I am depending on the tablets, Selincro,  to take "that feeling" away.  I have not worked out what to do without "it".  I don't even like the taste of alcohol...or the smell... just "that feeling" has taken over my life. Drinking more and more is not the answer, but I just keep on going.  How does anyone adapt without "that feeling"? 
    • Posted

      Some people say that excercise gives the same feeling

      ​And I have to agree...when I quit drinking years took me a couple years to WANT to exercise...but I did...and always felt wonderful afterwards.

      ​In the meantime...I am replacing that high..with buying myself little things for the a new potholder..a towel....a pillow case...just doing things that make me feel "clean" and normal.


    • Posted

      I hate exercise. I have tried the 'reward/treat' stuff too. I know this will be a strange experience. I will give it my best. The Doc prescribed it and it is expensive so I feel I must really try for these 4 weeks, then judge. I am too quick to judge. I also take anti-depression tabs. Very worried.  I must take the tablet every day and try to slow down my drinking. Thanks for your kind advice, Missy2. I am just so stuck in my addiction routine. Own worst enemy.
    • Posted

      Hi...try to force yourself..maybe not to exercise..but to take brief walks...even if it is around a mall or a shop....Reading?  I know i couldn't focus in my first days of sobriety reading...but now I can..and I throw myself into the fantasy world of a book when I am stressed now.

      ​Instead of going to the store for booze...go to the store for something else good to drink?  Soda...lemonade?  Tea?  I have tea everyday at 3pm now...Back in my old days (10 years ago) when I quit drinking I could wait until 3pm after work to drink...and back then..instead of hitting the store for liquor...I would stop and get a coffee.

      ​ puzzles...get hooked on a tv show...take naps?  LOL...Your probably shaking your head...I know how it is to be disinterested in ANYTHING and focused on "OH MY GOD...I CANT DRINK". 

      ​What I did when I felt like I used to tell myself..I won't drink today..I will drink tommorow...and I got thru many years doing just that.

    • Posted

      Thanks. I forget how much I can learn from people like you. I have the attention span of a newt. Would love to be able to concentrate on a book again. I have all sorts of herbal teas and actually like water. Unfortunately, I like alcohol a lot more. I drink wine now, but have been through all sorts. I will take it in 'baby steps' for this journey. It is the lack of the "feeling" that alcohol gives me, that I am afraid of coping without. Nothing compares, for me. It is more than I want to admit. I am just plain scared of living without it.
    • Posted

      Hi..yea..I have been having trouble focusing on my "book"...but my therapist told me not to give up on it.  So I can read a chapter (I used to get thru a book in 2 days)....but I'm not going to give up...its a good distraction.

      ​Its natural to be scared or even terrified of change.  But, sometimes those changes are for the better and that is definetly the case with giving up alcohol.  I hope you find a new "nitch".....I don't know how old you are....but as you get up in age...everything gets more difficult...difficult to change...and then it becomes difficult to function..period. 

      ​And it gets more dangerous to drink the older we get the faster the progression of the alcoholism.

    • Posted

      Thanks Misssy2.  I hope you can continue with the reading, to help distract your thoughts.  I cannot focus on anything. Drinking is strong force.  I hate feeling weak to it.  If the Selincro could help me with some control, I might get proper hope. Feeling hopeless, just now.  Keep drinking too much.....even after the tab. I am going to try to have a day without alcohol, today.  Don't know if I can still do it. Will soon find out !

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