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Found out girlfriend of 5 months has herpes- HSV2

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BummerKC
BummerKC

Good afternoon,

Yesterday was quite the day.  I've always had a fear of STDs, I'm not sure why, I'm just a germo.  I've gotten better as I've gotten older, but I've tried to be careful to protect myself.  Yesterday, my girlfriend received test results from her gyno appointment.  She apparently requested a full battery of tests, to try and fully ease my mind as we discussed my worries in the past and she was confident she didn't have anything.  Well, it turns out she test positive for HSV2.  Bummer.  We've been dating for 5 months, probably have sex about 3 times a week on average.  We have used condoms every time except twice.  She was quite shocked, as was I.  I didn't, and don't know what to say.  Statistically speaking, I know the odds I contracted it are very small.  Most of the data I've read indicate somewhere around 2% per year from female to male with regular condom use.  I believe her when she says she didn't know she had it, else why come clean now.  

I guess the point of this thread...I'm searching for advice.  Has anyone dealt with this situation?  I'm sure they have.  Finding out down the road that their partners has herpes.  What did you do?  What mental steps did you take to move forward?  What options do I have?

As far as I can figure if I want to try and stay with her, perhaps just suggesting we don't have sex while I sort through this is a good approach.  I care a lot for her, but I'm also realistic.  Taking the risk of contracting it (assuming I haven't already) is a big risk even if statistically small as women I'd date in the future I'd obviously have to tell assuming I tested positive.  I've always had trouble connecting with others, so limiting the future dating pool sounds like a bad choice.  ANY thoughts are appreciated.  My brain can't seem to spit them out.  Thank you.

0 likes, 71 replies

71 Replies

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  • feelbroken
    feelbroken BummerKC

    Posted

    Here.  Hopefully this simple and to the point pamphlet that you can look at quickly anytime when you're thinking about things, can be of some reassurance and assistance.  I was married to someone who had HPV and I never got it, by being proactive about our sexual health and having protected sex if that is any consolation.  smile Hope this helps a lot and if you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
    • jimmy_91162
      jimmy_91162 feelbroken

      Posted

      Hi there where can i get a clear copy of this chart?? the picture below is just to blurry for me and my partner to read. ihave read this thread and im going through a similar situation. UGH!!! i want to die!!
  • feelbroken
    feelbroken BummerKC

    Posted

    BummerKC, did you guys ever get another test and what were the results? I know you were quite anxious about all this, so wanted to check back in w you.
  • frankieMan
    frankieMan BummerKC

    Posted

    Hey BummerKC.  I had a similar experience with a very special woman who I love very much and I completely appreciate your approach to this.  While I didn't read every post in this thread, I am so sorry to hear that someone so cleary looking for good inforrmation and council had to deal with someone like feelbroken.   I have chose to stay with my lady for all the reasons that feelbroken stated, but thank god I did not encounter such a personality when I was going through this. 

    You were made to feel wrong for loooking for information.   You never judged, you wanted to take your time in understanding better what you were dealing with.  This is no different than anyone who is actually exposed or diagnosed and completely normal.

    Feelbroken is a terrible ambassador for this condition, and if they are in such a better place and figured it all out, maybe they should change their nickname.   Let me know if you ever want to chat.

     

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken frankieMan

      Posted

      Hahaha! Stfu! You don't know anything or how much I helped people on this site him and I spoke in private messaging and he sent such kind words to me.. I will send them if you'd like so now go pound sand you troll!
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken frankieMan

      Posted

      And before you comment next time DB, make sure to read the entire thread, so you know wtf you're talking about.
    • frankieMan
      frankieMan feelbroken

      Posted

      None of these words matter.  When first presented with this situation, it takes real compassion to realize that it is new and an opportunity to educate and not judge.  Your approach sucks, as if this is a platform for you to pontificate and make others feel bad about their questions. 

      The fact that you have responded with such agression clearly displays my point.  Again with the name calling, come on.  Been counceling people for a very long time in this space.  You are a disgrace and regardless of your offline successes, you should find another site and find help for yourself.

      Will not respond to your reply, so be sure to give it all you got to position yourself to others who read this and look for help from you.

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken frankieMan

      Posted

      Again, you don't know jack and w your baseless accusations. I've been helping on here for a long time, so a one time bad response where I took personal offense to him acting if she was a leper, does not undo all the good I have done on here.

      Because your ignorant, rude and self righteous, you chose not to educate yourself further and read the entire thread or look at things from another persons perspective. You inability to put yourself in others shoes, says you have no business judging me or commenting. Especially had you not been o ignorant and presumptuous, you would have seen I owned it, I apologized for it and how much he appreciated all my help...

      I know you're looking for validation, but you're clueless and I will school you any day on this topic. Now you who I've not seen once the entire time I'm on here, can go find another sight. You're not doing any counseling at level one you j*rk off. I've been here and uve been supporting and passing all the info around. Go troll somewhere else DB.

    • frankieMan
      frankieMan feelbroken

      Posted

      Once again.  you cannot help yourslef to judge me.  you dont know me.  Keep telling yourself you are helping people.  you used 11 negative words towards me and you dont know me just like you did to Bummer. 

      We don't need people like you helping anyone.  You cause more harm.

      Just try to respond without berating me and you will see your inner issues.  I have no need for validation, just want to go on record in saying that changing your approach I guarentee you could help so many more...

      Good night

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken frankieMan

      Posted

      Wooow??? Are you delusional!? You tore me apart, w out even reading the entire thread and admitted it; you didn't say my profile name just once, you repetitively slammed me and I'm not to have a reaction? Your behavior is very strange and grandiose. Please get over your self sir. Real mature too BTW, I'm not gonna respond to this post, so show yourself and then you respond to insult me further, say I'm judging you and saying negative things, when you're the person who attacked me first. Heelloooo... Wakeup!??anyone home!?

      This is hands down the strangest response I've seen to someone who throws dirt and then doesn't understand why someone throws dirt back. Get a life bro!

      Hahaha! Again tard, one post and 100s others thanking me. Please go look for validation and security else where and stop w the victim hood, it's very unbecoming of a "man". Unbelievable.....

    • frankieMan
      frankieMan feelbroken

      Posted

      Tard? Really.

      Never said I was a man., btw. Sad to see you get so riled up, with someone who acts and responds like you. Hope you see my point. Post again, use derogotory, white trash comments again and show us all what your about.

      Sorry this has consumed your life... I hope all those you "helped" read this. It will take you years to get back the respect from the hundreds you claimed to have helped.

      Good luck in your life...

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken frankieMan

      Posted

      Hahaha! God you are trash!!! So pathetic you are.... You really are...ml bravo, what a man you are, talking to a woman the way you do... Bottom of the pond scum you are. Thanks for the good laugh today! I needed this ans it was great! Very amusing... Very
    • lola111
      lola111 feelbroken

      Posted

      Just want to say thanks to you Feelbroken for freely sharing your perspective and knowledge with us. I appreciate your efforts in writing and responding to other people which have also helped me understand this illness better. Your interaction with bummerKC was useful & I'd like to thank BummerKC for sharing and exploring this issue as well. You both broached difficult questions & rose to the challenge of tackling them.

      I too have a secondary illness that I've been dealing with (chronic fatigue syndrome) for the last few years which Ive felt is a bigger impediment to life, love & relationships than even herpes. In fact it probably contributed to my relationship ending in December 2016. The herpes diagnosis came soon after the break up (about three months ago).

      It's hard(er) to navigate the world and relationships with multiple health ailments. Sometimes I wish I just had herpes so at least I could be otherwise healthy and engage with life more fully!!!

      Anyhow, you've all given me hope and knowledge in dealing with herpes. Thank you!!!! Now to climb the CFS mountain. smile

  • lauren98581
    lauren98581 BummerKC

    Posted

    Sorry to hear about you and your girlfriend! Anybody can get herpes, even if you aren't having an outbreak at the time, the other person can still get. I was 15 when I was told I had herpes. Very unpleasant experience. It was the first time I had sex EVER and that's how I got it. My boyfriend of almost 2 years contracted it from me the 5 month we were dating. I was heart broken, I felt shame, disgust, and so humiliated. He told me he loved me and he understood because he loves me for me. Herpes or No herpes he would stay by my side. I hadn't had an outbreak in 5 years and I didn't even remember what my first one felt like. So I would just comfort her and stay calm because it's difficult for both partners. If you love Her it won't matter if you guys have to be a little extra cautious.
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