Found out girlfriend of 5 months has herpes- HSV2
Posted , 44 users are following.
Good afternoon,
Yesterday was quite the day. I've always had a fear of STDs, I'm not sure why, I'm just a germo. I've gotten better as I've gotten older, but I've tried to be careful to protect myself. Yesterday, my girlfriend received test results from her gyno appointment. She apparently requested a full battery of tests, to try and fully ease my mind as we discussed my worries in the past and she was confident she didn't have anything. Well, it turns out she test positive for HSV2. Bummer. We've been dating for 5 months, probably have sex about 3 times a week on average. We have used condoms every time except twice. She was quite shocked, as was I. I didn't, and don't know what to say. Statistically speaking, I know the odds I contracted it are very small. Most of the data I've read indicate somewhere around 2% per year from female to male with regular condom use. I believe her when she says she didn't know she had it, else why come clean now.
I guess the point of this thread...I'm searching for advice. Has anyone dealt with this situation? I'm sure they have. Finding out down the road that their partners has herpes. What did you do? What mental steps did you take to move forward? What options do I have?
As far as I can figure if I want to try and stay with her, perhaps just suggesting we don't have sex while I sort through this is a good approach. I care a lot for her, but I'm also realistic. Taking the risk of contracting it (assuming I haven't already) is a big risk even if statistically small as women I'd date in the future I'd obviously have to tell assuming I tested positive. I've always had trouble connecting with others, so limiting the future dating pool sounds like a bad choice. ANY thoughts are appreciated. My brain can't seem to spit them out. Thank you.
0 likes, 71 replies
littlepink BummerKC
Posted
Hi I just read your post and wanted to tell my story, Im female ,newly divorced after 24 years . I recently had a full std panel run, I told my doc test me for EVERYTHING , I came up high hsv1 hgG , it was like 41 , bad high. I had found my ex on several online dating porn sites, he traveled ALOT for his job. Looking back over the years I had lots of infections that I thought were yeast, usually after having sex. Herpes in some women can act like a yeast infection , itching , burning , you can have sores on your cervix, great. I did notice "TMI" my ex dug at his scrotum alot. yes you can get sores there too, yikes. My doc prescribed generic valtrex, my ex had cheated on me. I did let my ex know . My advice sorry to say is to run fast , most relationships dont last forever, herpes will, I have no clue where to go from here, I cannot fathom hurting another human like this, I have been devaststed. I understand its not the end of the world, I got lucky no hsv nor hiv that was probably next. Unless you are confident you will stay with this woman forever then walk away. I would have walked years ago had I known what this man would do to me later in life. Im really upset and we cannot do a damn thing about this, another human took my health into his hands without a damn second thought. I am now focusing on raisng my sons and putting my health priority. I took a peek at a website and got freaked out, so many men with hiv, and its easier to now contract hiv, with all the tiny cuts and sores. Im sorry anyone has to deal with this, Good luck! Lots of good info online
Anonymous93 BummerKC
Posted
I was actually diagnosed yesterday and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I've been in my current relationship for 3 years now. Neither of us have ever cheated. My doctor told me it's something that could've been there for years and I just never had any symptoms. It all started when I started having severe nerve pain in my legs. After that I noticed a bump and it kind of went downhill from there. I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago for what I thought was a UTI. When the antibiotics didn't work I knew something was wrong. Once my husband got home from work yesterday I told him the news and he hasn't been a good support system at all. He hasn't asked about how I feel or anything. He just wants to know where it came from which is very understandable. I wish the circumstances were different but I can't change it. I know that I have to change. Few things around in my life. I just wish it didn't happen to me.
jimmy_91162 Anonymous93
Posted
Hey 2408,
i have been reading this thread and i just now saw you reply. I have been diagnosed when i was 20 years old and im 38 now. But i didnt have any symptoms until i was 30-31. I got tested at 20 years because the GF i was with just happened to tell me after 6 months of dating that she had H2. I wanted to die knowing she had it and didnt tell me. Oh well.
So now i have met some very special and i had just told her a couple days ago of what i have, and she seems to be very supportive. But to my amazement, she had no idea what HSV1-2 is. And she is 40 years old!!! I guess there are somethings people never learn about, who knows. So i am trying to educate her on my condition and im extremely affraid that she will leave me once she understands the risks involve, as she wants to have children in the futre. I think what has helped me and my beautiful GF is the communication we've been having. To me that is the most important aspect in our relationship. And the only advise i can give you to continue to talk to your husband about it. If he loves you he will understand. Good Luck!!!
misa_2219 BummerKC
Posted
Hi I just read your post,
I have a BF who has HSV2 and he told me about it last month or 2 months ago not sure but it's was around December or January, and yes we had sex already when he told me about it, at first I was so shock I didn't know what to think because I didn't even know what was it, but when I started researching about it I felt better because it's more common these days now. And what I did was accept it because I love him so much.
My advice is support each other and talk about it because that's the best thing you can do for now. And if really truly love each other you guys can handle it😊
Echo.Park.Joshy BummerKC
Posted
Hey bro, it's not a big deal. Seriously, I've been with my Current Girlfriend for just over a year now and we live together too. I myself, like you, found out about 4 months into the relationship that she has Herpes. She had no idea and I believe her because she is the most honest person I know. The facts are as follows, you won't contract it from her unless you two are having unprotected sex during one of her outbreaks, even then, the odds are in your favor that you probably still won't get it. I personally, could care less because my gifriend is the hottest sexiest most beautiful woman in existence. I don't want herpes but if that's what it takes to be with her then so be it. My girlfriend is so amazing and hot that I wouldn't hesitate to let her give me Aids! Sounds bad but I'm dead serious. This is what I call True Love. I would die in an instant with her and no words can describe the way I feel about her. She is everything to me
<3
notgoodnews BummerKC
Posted
I'm in a similar situation. My GF of over a year had some stuff pop up and went in to have it looked at - it was HSV2. I was tested and was clean. That was in Feb, so it's been about 6 weeks since we've had sex, and I have zero desire to. Most relationships end, but herpes is forever, so I'm pretty sure it's over. I just feel super bad for her, so I've been as supportive as I can, but I just don't see how this relationship can work. I love her, but I love my health more.
stephanie55646 BummerKC
Posted
Hello BummerKC, I am happy I stumbled upon this website and saw your tread, when I was reading this I was feeling hurt because I just found out I have herpes type 2. I recently told my boyfriend that I have it and his reaction is what's hurting me right now. I was about to reply you aXXXXXe be there for your girl you have no idea what she is going through. I am going through a lot right now, my boyfriend is extremely dry with me right now and god it hurts so much so I feel your girlfriends pain. But I read the whole thread an de the comments between you and the other person. I hope you are more educated on the subject now and realize that your comment can hurt people. I get it you are afraid of getting it and maybe this is how my boyfriend is feeling right now but it just sucks because I told him what I have and not even once he asked how I am doing are he cared was him which is understanding but he isn't the only that's being affected I am the one that is actually infected and it sucks to believe you love someone and they aren't there for you. It's the most heart breaking thing in the world
Moderator comment: I have edited this post due to the swearing. These are open forums so as per the T&Cs please do not use offensive language in posts otherwise they may be deleted.
Echo.Park.Joshy stephanie55646
Posted
If your man acted like an ass then you don't need him. When my girlfriend told me after she found out I was supportive and it really didn't bother me. I think like 90% of all humans have type 2 Herpes and it's not a big deal! It's not like you have Aids or something god forbid. Dump him and come and find a all man like myself. You look hot and beautiful too so it shouldn't be a problem
Echo.Park.Joshy stephanie55646
Posted
Yes, you are extremely beautiful if that's your photo on your profile. I would kill for a beautiful woman like you and if he is acting like that then dump his ass because you are beyond beautiful
liam50219 BummerKC
Posted
Dear Feliz,
I was with a girl around 3 years ago and she told me id given her herpes; i think she had genital and maybe cold sores. When I came back to the UK I was passed from pillar to post and nobody seemed to be able to help as I had no/and have never had any symptoms.
With a more recent girl friend there was no issues either.
2 health professionals more or less advised me to stop worrying and not to disclose anything as iv never had any symptoms.
Its a possibility that she got the virus elsewhere and that I may not have it even though we had sex.
All I have in my head is when I meet my future GF I will have to say "well iv never had any symptoms but this girl i was once with got herpes and said i gave it to her .... but the tests are unreliable and iv never had any symptoms but sure we'll be ok"
This is always on my mind, even though i have always been symptomless i wonder what to tell future partners.
I feel like im creating an issue out of nothing but that encounter always leaves doubt and I believe in honesty.
What should I do?
Thank you,
Liam.
liam50219
Posted