Frightened of withdrawals but need to stop... Help?

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Okay. To cut a long story short, I've been through a lot in the last 20 years.

I have complex PTSD. My daughter is disabled. I was raped and have experienced suicide personally with people I loved.

I never drank. I could go months without even having a glass of wine. And then my mum got Alzheimer's. She is my best friend.

Thinking 'one glass of wine won't hurt', I started drinking a year ago.

Now I'm at the point where I get up in the morning and tick, tick, tick until lunchtime when I feel it's okay for me to have 'a glass' of wine. This has gradually turned into two bottles a day.

I pass out at night, thankfully. No dreams, no flashbacks. I'm grateful for that. And then I wake up at 3am on the dot with the dreaded shakes and palpatations. I've usually had a nightmare. I don't know where I am. Sometimes I get up and have a glass of wine just to calm myself down.

I am on medication for the PTSD but it doesn't work. I can't have counselling because I'm scared of being alone with a person in a room who I don't know.

I've started to put on weight. I still eat one meal a day, healthy meal, and I drink lots of water. I'm scared that this fat around my stomach is my liver?

I want to give up. I really do. I've read so many horror stories about alcohol withdrawals and I'm scared that I will have a fit or cardiac arrest. Is it normal to become so scared?

My other half says I've put on weight because wine is pure sugar. I've told him that I will give up once my mum is okay. She's not going to be okay. I'm still grieving for my dad, so I know that  this is only going to get worse. I can't let this beat me though.

Please, any help would be appreciated. I don't have anyone to speak honestly with, so I'm hoping this might work for me.

Thanks

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  • Posted

    Omg I feel your pain Hun I can't offer any help but just wanted you to know your not alone and I care about you xxx Hopefully someone can help you Hun xxx
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  • Posted

    I really feel your pain and it's too much to have to deal with in your life, all these terrible things..you need medical help either at hospital, doctors help or a private detox. I hope you're lucky enough to have a doctor who understands and helps you with either Librium or Diazapan. Mine isn't! So I'm detoxing myself now at 4 a.m. I was violently sick yesterday . I'm tapering on lager but been very very ill in the night. Hearing voices , shouting out. Not hallucinations yet but had them twice and was really scared. If you'd like me to tell you of my experience ( if I'm still alive..God willing..

    don't detox yourself. Paul will explain why in the morning xx

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    • Posted

      Had hallucination twice in the past while detoxing myself. Please listen to Paul on this site xx
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    • Posted

      oh dear..I feel for you. Hallucinaitons sound horrible for certain and you are in a bad place most certainly. I do not know how to help you since I have never hallucinations but did have lots of cold sweats for certain and felt the craving for more and more and more...but it had to stop....what to say? Stay strong and keep in there Paper Fairy! Our thoughts are with you
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  • Posted

    Survived but only just..I've never been actually sick so much, apart from once in hospital, actually twice, actually 3 times..
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  • Posted

    I'm writing short posts now as I'm too ill to sit up as I've been so sick and shakes and hearing voices, music and stuff. Not as bad as hallucinating but two days of sheer terror. ..
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    • Posted

      Been sick a lot of times, even when drinking water. Lots of times in bed( ruined mattress with being sick and wetting the bed plus sheets, dressing gown, carpet when tried to go to the kitchen..hope this puts you off jbgf2015,, I say hospital or private detox..it's too dangerous and talking from experience pf xx
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    • Posted

      Just like to add vomiting so much made me wet the bed. Haven't wet the bed for any other reason before, apart from in hospital. I've been in intensive care twice..
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    • Posted

      OMG it sounds as if you are really suffering very badly. I've never had hallucinations or voices so can only try to imagine what you're going through. You shouldn't have to suffer like this, are you on your own?. Sounds like you need hospital care, or at least some medication to help with all these symptoms. Don't know what else to say, only that I'm thinking of you and hope things will improve. Take care xx
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    • Posted

      Thanks for your kindness vickylou. That's what it leads to eventually. You only have to see the experiments done on rats to prove alcoholic progression..
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  • Posted

    I've just come to near enough the end from my Alcahol Withdrawls. Havnen't had a drink in 2 weeks from about 10 years chronic alcahol abuse. For me it was the anxiety and confusion that was the worst. The only thing I can say which is what people said to me a few weeks ago is that it does get better over time in regards to the anxiety, sleep deprevation (I didn't have halucinations but I imagine them too!)... basicially the symtpoms. I really found help from forums like this with other people who have gone through the same. I went the docs and had blood checks and everything was fine. By the sounds of only drinking a year heavily I can't imagine that much serious damage could have been done however i'd advise going for a blood check up at the docs. There is a more severe withdrawl (DTS) which involve more complicated symtoms for withdrawl. This type of withdrawl does need to be monitored by medical proffesionals. I ddi mine by myself but as stated before on the grand scale It wasn't massively bad withdrawls although it was very scary and worrying. Hope you get yourself sorted and get over your issues too!
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    • Posted

      I've posted about my hallucinations back last Xmas14. And when I was in hospital for a drug that's moderated but I took for alcoholism( my ex husband stupidly bought it for me(my fault!. Was in a coma for 4 days and on life support . In hospital for a week. I hallucinated in hospital and thought the doctors and nurses were trying to kill me. And that was my 1st experience...
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    • Posted

      2nd one I was with my ex partner who's in aa and to go cold turkey(he's been I aa for 20 years). After violently being sick in  bed he decided to come and help me. Hallucinations lasted 2-3 days. They happen when your awake. If you close your eyes they shut them out..there were silvery white things coming out of walls, spiders ghosts, zombies, you look at them and they come too wards you..the scariest thing in my life, apart from watching my 22 year old brothers death. My ex partner still talks about his experience of being with an alcoholic go through withdrawal. I did 5 months sober and most of this year sober with him . 5 months, 2 day binge then 3 months..etc
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    • Posted

      My brother died a long time ago and not through alcoholism by the way...
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    • Posted

      Hi paper fairy I was wondering the same thing about the amount of alcohol you've had. Not being nosey and understand if you don't answer. It sounds horrific what you've said about zombies, things coming at you etc. I've felt sick and anxious and can't sleep, sweats and no appetite, after drinking a couple of bottles of vodka over a few days. Really hope you get some help.
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    • Posted

      I drink daily and this group makes me question myself now . That's why I asked about the amount consumed I suppose it's different for everyone as we all have a different Tollerence to alcohol X
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    • Posted

      I started drinking alcoholicly around 2006, couldn't cope with my business then due to business getting too big for me to run anymore. My alcoholic drinking and selling my business, It ended up taking a year and I ended up in a rehab. Since rehab  I've been a binge drinker and go weeks, months sober with the help of my ex. He said he will take me to aa meetings if I get sober again but we can't live together anymore. 
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    • Posted

      Drank 2 bottles and about 2 cans of fosters I think in 24 hours ish..I think?
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    • Posted

      Why do you question yourself Caz? I think most of us on here drink daily. Are you questioning the amount you drink or the fact that you have to drink daily? You sound like youre doing a good job to me. You can still type, spell, look after and care about people who you don't know. Be proud of yourself, and thank you again xx
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    • Posted

      Message me. I lost my best friend and my fiance a while ago (one due to drink and one drugs). If you can't let go of this then let's get some help together xx

       

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    • Posted

      Thanks xxx It sounds to me like you have come through the worst of it. I'm struggling but hearing stories like yours makes me feel better. It's just taking that first step that scares me. And you did it! Two weeks without a drink? I can't imagine a day, let alone two weeks. Well done and keep it going. We need people like you to give us a kick up the backside and make us see that we can do it! x
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