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Frightened of withdrawals but need to stop... Help?

Posted , 11 users are following.

Guest
Guest

Okay. To cut a long story short, I've been through a lot in the last 20 years.

I have complex PTSD. My daughter is disabled. I was raped and have experienced suicide personally with people I loved.

I never drank. I could go months without even having a glass of wine. And then my mum got Alzheimer's. She is my best friend.

Thinking 'one glass of wine won't hurt', I started drinking a year ago.

Now I'm at the point where I get up in the morning and tick, tick, tick until lunchtime when I feel it's okay for me to have 'a glass' of wine. This has gradually turned into two bottles a day.

I pass out at night, thankfully. No dreams, no flashbacks. I'm grateful for that. And then I wake up at 3am on the dot with the dreaded shakes and palpatations. I've usually had a nightmare. I don't know where I am. Sometimes I get up and have a glass of wine just to calm myself down.

I am on medication for the PTSD but it doesn't work. I can't have counselling because I'm scared of being alone with a person in a room who I don't know.

I've started to put on weight. I still eat one meal a day, healthy meal, and I drink lots of water. I'm scared that this fat around my stomach is my liver?

I want to give up. I really do. I've read so many horror stories about alcohol withdrawals and I'm scared that I will have a fit or cardiac arrest. Is it normal to become so scared?

My other half says I've put on weight because wine is pure sugar. I've told him that I will give up once my mum is okay. She's not going to be okay. I'm still grieving for my dad, so I know that  this is only going to get worse. I can't let this beat me though.

Please, any help would be appreciated. I don't have anyone to speak honestly with, so I'm hoping this might work for me.

Thanks

2 likes, 51 replies

51 Replies

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  • sil99
    sil99 Guest

    Posted

    Sorry I cant offer any practical help at this time, but I know there are people on here that will be able to help you.

    Good Luck, I wish you all the best.

    • Guest
      Guest sil99

      Posted

      Thankyou. It's nice to know that I can come on here and there are people in the same situation as me. I wish you the best too. I hope you are well and thank you xxx

       

  • paddy48671
    paddy48671 Guest

    Posted

    Hello jbgf

    Can I just say in the first instance how sorry I am that you have gone through such an awful experience. There is help out there - you have so much stress in your life that you cannot possibly change things on your own. You're looking after everybody else and in doing so you may be forgetting to look after the most important person in your situation - yourself. I can see why you are self medicating with alcohol but the road you are currently on only gets worse.

    The anxiety is awful. I remember having massive panic attacks at work and feeling terrified of everything. I had to swollow my pride at get help so I went to my GP, which is what I suggest you do too.

    I am taking Nalmefene to help with my drinking and im nearly down to recommended intake. It took more time to admit I needed help then it did to get stable again and I wish I had done this much earlier!

    It sounds as though you may need a detox and sometimes this can be done at your home. Ask your GP for a referel to you Community Alcohol Team because they can help you with things like respite and perhaps counselling for rape victims if you want this.

    What I would stress to you is don't leave it too long to reach out, there are people that do care and can help you, the hardest part is making that decision to get help. Please think long and hard about this as I think waiting will only make you more distressed and clearly very ill.

    You're one of life's helpers but now it's your turn to be helped - the sooner the better for you and your family.

    • Guest
      Guest paddy48671

      Posted

      Thankyou Paddy. I am booked in at the docs next week anyway, so I might have to swallow my pride and ask for help. My fear is that they might take my daughter off me. I still make it to all of her hospital appointments. I still work. I still clothe, feed and look after her. My worry is that as soon as I get labelled an alcoholic that she will be taken away. That scares me more than anything.

      I will ask about the medication you mentioned, so thank you x

    • cazjaz16
      cazjaz16 Guest

      Posted

      That's sad Hun How much are you actually drinking ? Is it effecting your daily life badly ?
    • Guest
      Guest cazjaz16

      Posted

      At least two bottles of wine a day. I dont know if that's a lot. I've never drank spirits but I can imagine that if I did it would be a hell of a lot more. How much do you drink Caz?

       

    • Guest
      Guest cazjaz16

      Posted

      And no, i still work. I've held down my job for years. My daughter is well looked after, fed, clothed. It doesn't affect my life because nobody really knows how bad it is.x
    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy Guest

      Posted

      I have 3 kids. The doctor won't do that as its confidential. One is at uni, the other lives with her boyfriend though my son lives with his dad so don't worry about that xx
  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    Thanks for all of your replies. I had a rough night last night but am feeling more positive today. I know I can do this. Maybe not yet. I think I need to set a date and stick to it. I'd love to know if the tapering off using beer actually works?

    I'm so frightened of withdrawing and having a fit or hallucinations. I have decided that on Monday I will take my daughter to school and not drink. Wish me luck!

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 Guest

      Posted

      you can do it. No driking whilst taking them to school on Monday. All the best to you!!
    • Guest
      Guest Robin2015

      Posted

      Luckily my daughter is old enough to walk herself to school now. I think that's part of my problem. She's older now and walks to school with her friends. Loss of control is not a good thing for me. I'm a control freak. I never ever drink if I know I have to go to a school play, a doctors appointment or a hospital appointment. I had to pick her up today as she was at camp for a week. The minute we walked back in, I opened a bottle. But, I've decided not to drink anymore tonight....... We'll see x
    • Guest
      Guest cazjaz16

      Posted

      A bottle of red wine. I know. I shouldnt have done it. I was just so happy to see my girl at home after a week without her. The first thing I did was reach for a drink. I've had two glasses and am now sitting here and trying not to drink any more x

       

    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy Guest

      Posted

      Well done for making this decision. It will be the best decision you've ever made. I loved being sober and am detoxing myself now..painful scared but determined to see it through xx
    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Paper Fairy is right. waking up sober is brilliant for certain. You can do it
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