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Frightened of withdrawals but need to stop... Help?

Posted , 11 users are following.

Guest
Guest

Okay. To cut a long story short, I've been through a lot in the last 20 years.

I have complex PTSD. My daughter is disabled. I was raped and have experienced suicide personally with people I loved.

I never drank. I could go months without even having a glass of wine. And then my mum got Alzheimer's. She is my best friend.

Thinking 'one glass of wine won't hurt', I started drinking a year ago.

Now I'm at the point where I get up in the morning and tick, tick, tick until lunchtime when I feel it's okay for me to have 'a glass' of wine. This has gradually turned into two bottles a day.

I pass out at night, thankfully. No dreams, no flashbacks. I'm grateful for that. And then I wake up at 3am on the dot with the dreaded shakes and palpatations. I've usually had a nightmare. I don't know where I am. Sometimes I get up and have a glass of wine just to calm myself down.

I am on medication for the PTSD but it doesn't work. I can't have counselling because I'm scared of being alone with a person in a room who I don't know.

I've started to put on weight. I still eat one meal a day, healthy meal, and I drink lots of water. I'm scared that this fat around my stomach is my liver?

I want to give up. I really do. I've read so many horror stories about alcohol withdrawals and I'm scared that I will have a fit or cardiac arrest. Is it normal to become so scared?

My other half says I've put on weight because wine is pure sugar. I've told him that I will give up once my mum is okay. She's not going to be okay. I'm still grieving for my dad, so I know that  this is only going to get worse. I can't let this beat me though.

Please, any help would be appreciated. I don't have anyone to speak honestly with, so I'm hoping this might work for me.

Thanks

2 likes, 51 replies

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  • cazjaz16
    cazjaz16 Guest

    Posted

    Maybe I need to look at myself after reading all your posts. I don't like to say too much incase some people know me. I can drink 2 bottles of wine and it wouldn't effect me so I'm now a bit concerned
  • am03922
    am03922 Guest

    Posted

    Can I tell you about my hallucinations? If this stops one person from going through it I will be pleased.

    This went on over several days so I have lost track of the timescales.

    I woke up in the middle of the night and saw an open door in the bedroom wall so went through it. I was travelling from one funeral to another drinking at all the wakes. Next thing I was back in my bed with a older large man next to me (not my husband) and a woman was sitting in chair at the side of the bed. I lay still petrified and she was speaking to the man saying "aw she's frightened, she's tired". I shot out of bed and downstairs where I saw 2 old fashioned suitcases from the 1940's lying at the bottom of the stairs. Woke up next day and saw angels outside the bedroom window. I wouldn't open the curtains in case they were watching me and closed the bathroom blind in case they saw me in the shower.

    I also saw my my Mother-in-law in our garden speaking to the neighbours over the fence. Went to doctor and he have me Librium. This was not my usual GP and the dosage wasn't high enough.

    Went food shopping and someone was speaking to me telling me what they wanted to buy. Then I came home and made 3 plates of sandwiches for the stuffed teddies that were speaking to me. Voices were coming from inside the oven and they told me to go outside in the snow because they were behind the garden shed. I spoke to them in the garden.

    Never slept at night because the grim reaper and his crew were outside taking people away in wheelie bins. I could hear them. If they left a card tucked in your door they were coming for you. They left one for me I was hysterical then they changed their mind and gave me a reprieve. I was up all night with every light on in the house.

    Next day I was ironing and voices were telling me to start it over and over because I had done it wrong. I went to bed and I heard my Mother-in-law on the phone saying I was to enjoy Xmas because it would be my last. I shot out of bed and my husband drove me round and round in our car. We didn't know where to go we thought about going to A&E because by this time I thought we were being followed by men in a white van. We went to my sisters and I was hysterical by this time and made her go upstairs and look out the window to see if they were there.

    The emergency doctor was called and gave me more Librium. We went home but there were snipers in the garden so I rushed into the house grabbed an overnight bag and we checked into a Premier Inn just round the corner from home. I was convinced the mirror in the bathroom was 2 way and people were looking through it. Eventually the Librium kicked in and I fell into a deep sleep.

    This was not my only hallucinations another time I got sent home from work because I thought things had happned and been said when they had not. I got sent an email marked URGENT do not come into work tomorrow. I then got signed off by my GP for a few weeks and did go back eventually but the truth never came out.

    I have been sober for over 4 months now with the help of Antabuse but I never want to experience those couple of nights again.

     

    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy am03922

      Posted

      Hi. Good you have written about hallucinations too so people can see where it can lead to. I had very similar experience too with my partner at that time,angry and screaming and what I've briefly described.

      we didn't think a few years down that it would eventually lead to this.

      Anyway fantastic you've done 4 months. I hope I get there again x

    • Richardt
      Richardt am03922

      Posted

      Hi were u dreaming or it was really happening, like a bed dream, if u do not mind telling me.
    • Richardt
      Richardt Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Paper is hallucinations having a bad dream ,or it will be really happening.
    • Paper_fairy
      Paper_fairy Richardt

      Posted

      No it was most definately not a dream. As explained earlier I was in hospital so my ex husband,mum , dad, Drs and nurses witnessed it.

      Then on 28th Dec 14 my partner was with me the whole time and as I posted earlier he was with me for 3 days, then we went to his house and I stayed sober for 5 months.

      its something I do not want to repeat again, going cold turkey, that's why am tapering down on low alcohol beer.

      Hope that answers your question

    • am03922
      am03922 Richardt

      Posted

      Hi

      No it was not a dream. I was actually in my garden in the snow looking behind the garden shed speaking to people. It was truly awful and rather scary for my husband.

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