Gave my boyfriend herpes.. This is the most pain I've gone through since my diagnosis 4 years ago

I know how you feel. I am terrified that it has been me that has been carrying the virus without knowing and have passed it on to my boyfriend, rather than the other way round. He is still waiting for blood test results but I wake up feeling guilty every day. It's tough but it's such a common and contagious condition you have to remind yourself that it's not your fault, and you didn't ask for it to happen to you. It can be spread even if you use condoms, it's that contagious. Don't let it beat you down. If he is a decent person he will be understanding and respectful of how you feel too. Of course he is going to be initially upset and annoyed; these feelings are natural. Tell him that it IS possible to have unprotected sex when you carry the virus; if you don't have any actual sores the chance of transmission is very, very small. Also remind yourself that it is JUST A SKIN CONDITION, the same as cold sores. You're not dirty, he's not dirty, you're just unlucky. It only flares up occasionally when your body is run down and it doesn't stay painful forever. Don't worry, and don't let it get you down.

Thank you so much for the advice. I have been trying to tell him and myself both that it's not the end of the world. We'll both be OK. There are way worse contagious conditions out there. It IS only a skin condition, but it's the fact that you can spread it which makes it frightening.

I like to think I have accepted it for myself, but now I have to get over the guilt of passing it on. I never wanted to put him in this situation and hurting him in any way is the last thing I would ever want. It all just feels very heavy, almost like I'm going through the whole period of finding out I have it all over again. Then again that's how I know that everything will be ok and I am just trying to keep reminding myself that.

Again, thank you so much for reading and thank you for reaching out

Hi,

it will be okay. He knew you had it, and it was his choice. It really isn't that bad. The first OB is always the worse and he may never get it again. 1 in 4 have it x. good luck and keep loving each other.

Hi there! I am going threw the same situation as you are right now. When I came across your post, I was relieved to know that there is another girl out there going threw the same thing as I am. I'm 24 years old and was diagnosed with genital herpes a year ago. I was in tears when I found out that I had them. I was devastated and so disgusted with myself. I never thought I would be that girl with an STD. I caught them

From a guy I wasn't serious with, we would just have sex from time to time. I should of known better because I knew he was the player type. Anyway, so I met this guy recently, who I am crazy about! We've only been talking and seeing each other for about a month now, but we just hit it off so well, it feels like I've known him forever. Last weekend after a night of drinking we came back to his house and had unprotected sex. I was pretty drunk and wasn't thinking at all about my condition. Sometimes I forget I even have it, since I've only experienced one breakout which was a year or so ago. Now a week later he tells me he's experiencing a sore throat and a fever. I'm scared to death that I gave him herpes. I feel so horrible and it's killing me inside. I shouldn't have been so careless when I was intoxicated. I wouldn't  even know how to tell him.  I'm scared and worried that he won't talk to me when he finds out. He is such a good man, and he really doesn't deserve this at all. Any advice on what to do next? I don't wanna be dishonest with him. 

Geesh I felt like I was reading my own story back to myself. Im 22, diagnosed 4 years ago and have a boyfriend that I am so in love with.  I contracted herpes during a traumatic experience. Today my bf called me and told me that he thinks he has herpes. We have been together for about 5 months and I told him after the first time we slept together and he has been so understanding and hasn't made it awkward at all. If anything, I think it made our bond stronger. When he called today he was all about letting me know that he didn't blame me because he knew and made a choice to continue having unprotected sex. He's not sure if he has it yet but I am. From the symptoms he's explaining to me, I'm almost positive. I can tell that he doesn't want to hurt my feelings by beinf angry with me but because of a past experience, I am expecting him to fly off the handle one day and take it out on me. I really want to make this work and its so comforting to know that I'm not alone in this.

Dont feel bad your are a wonderful person. At lest you had the dignity to tel him, the women that gave it to me just did and had did it to a couple of other people it was the worst day of my life as i found out on my birthday .... You told him and if he tells you dont worry about it its because your worth it ,he knew the risk and accepted it because your worth,I am now with the mother of my kids and she knows and accepted it when i told her and were careful and. I never want her to feel the pain of an outbreak so i know how you feel the hurt that comes from giving it to him but trust me for him to stay, and to have stayed from the day you revealed it to him he cares so the only thing to do is to be there for each other hope this help peace and love  

I am right there with all of u, i've had hsv 1 for 5 years now...and right at this moment I feel so lost and depressed. My boyfriend just this Friday got his first cold sore ever I've been doing nothing but blaming myself ever since. He says it's not my fault because I have yet to have really had an outbreak since we've been together but he never had it till me so how can I not think this is all my fault? Plus a few months after we had started dating I got sick for about a month with a sore throat, and cold symptoms (everytime I get sick, even when I was younger it's always my throat so I didn't think much of it besides getting scared that the sickness was lasting so long)so I went to the doctors multiple times and they told me it was just a bacterial infection and perscribed me meds after I think the second time. By the third after I had gotten blood taken my doctor had told me my HSV levels were really high but by then I had already gotten my boyfriend sick I had asked him not to kiss me because I did not want to get him sick but he had told me he wouldn't get sick and would kiss me anyways. He got sick with a fever, and really bad sore throat. His doctor told him his sickness was viral and to take tylenol for the throat pain. I fear I gave him the virus then but it has been months since....Idk what to do. I am not ok at all. I fear I have forever ruined his life. I honestly never meant to hurt him. Even if I thought a symptom was appearing I took my meds even if it was nothing just to try and be more cautious. I have had quite a few boyfriends and never passed the virus in the past....why now?

My boyfriend told me loosing me would be much worse than what has happened but for some reason that doesn't help change the way I currently feel. Which is so upset it's difficult to deal with.

Were you on antivirals

I'm a guy and in a similar situation to your bf, my new gf just given me Herpes 2 couple of weeks ago. It feels bad to know you have an STD. And knowing that you won't be able to be with a clean person and infect them if things don't go well with your current gf. It sucks but glad you told him before because If you didn't, the pain will be twice much and he will definately leave you.

I have a similar story although mine might be a little worse . I started dating this guy a little over a year ago we really hit it off i was 18 at the time and i was pretty naive. He told me everything i wanted to hear smooth talked me into having sex with him within the first weeks of us talking. I really didnt want to but i really liked him and he had an undeniable charm that i just couldnt resist. After that we became a couple, and started having sex without condoms. Pretty soon i found out that he was talking to pther females, friends started telling me about this reputation he had, and saying that they saw him out and about with other girls. I didnt want to believe it but pretty doon i picked up on his behavior, and i started questioning him of course he denied. A couple of months go by. One day i woke up with a stinging pain in my genital area and it got worse and worse pretty soon i got a really bad outbreak, it was the most painful thing i have ever been through. I knew he gave me something i didnt want to believe it was herpes but after an unbearable trip to the emergency room they told me that that was what it was. I told him what the doctors said and he told me that he didnt sleep with anyone else and that i was the one cheating. That broke my heart and I broke up with him. I took me treatment and havent had any outbreaks or problems after. I stopped dating because i was was embarrassed of my situation and scared to even tell any guy of the virus. Pretty soon i gathered the courage to get out there again. I met this really nice guy through the internet who lived close by to me. I knew i had to tell him eventually of my situation before things got intimate and serious but i didnt want to scare him away and i haven't encountered any outbreaks since the first time so i didnt. Mostly because i didnt want to scare him off and second because i didnt want him to tell his friends and the word get out. I regret it now because we have been having sex very frequently sometimes with a condom and sometimes without, in the back of my mind i always think that im wrong. Recently he told me he discovered a bump on his penis and my heart sank into my stomach. Also ive noticed open sores near his genital area which he claims to be from shaving. I still havent told him im so ashamed and scared, guilty, and just really nervous because i know its most likely going to get worse. And right now im experiencing my second outbreak. I know i have to tell him. But i dont know how to go about it and i live with him so i dont know how he will react. This is really eating me up inside.