Gave my boyfriend herpes.. This is the most pain I've gone through since my diagnosis 4 years ago
Posted , 32 users are following.
Hello all,
I am a 22 year old female who was diagnosed about 4 years ago when I was 18. I was in an open relationship and in college at the time. I was partying a lot at the time and had a few one night stands and soon enough found out that I had contracted type 1 genitally. This was an extremely emotional time and I could never forget the pain I went through but luckily I got through that, my boyfriend at the time was supportive and more understanding than I could ever have hoped for. We did have unprotected sex a couple of times and he got tested after we broke things off and his results came back negative. I didn't date for a while because I was uncomfortable having "that talk", but then I met the guy I'm with now and we hit it off so well, I fell head over heels in love. We had protected intercourse a couple times as well as unprotected a few times but I packed the nerve to bring it up, I was floating on cloud nine whenever I was around him, he would call me perfect and I had this nagging in the back of my head, I was afraid he would just drop everything and bolt out the door. Finally after about a month in a half I couldn't keep living with the burden and talked to him about it. Obviously he did not take it well but the next day he was willing to talk. He told me he wanted to stay together but if we did we had to ALWAYS be honest with each other and agreed to a no secrets policy. We used condoms for about a month maybe 2, but eventually that happened less and less... I remember the first time he said he understood the risk, but we never really discussed it one on one, which is probably my biggest regret.
Now a year later he is experiencing an outbreak. My heart sunk lower than it ever has when he told me he had something that was bugging him. We had been having sex the last couple days and that morning I woke up feeling itchy and told him we shouldn't have intercourse, and that's when he told me about a rash that had developed down there.
I feel like I was more upset than he was, at least from what he showed. He told me he didn't blame me or want me to feel guilty. His breakout has gotten to its worst stage and he is in a lot of pain, and the thought that I inflicted this onto him is killing me on the inside. We have a great relationship and haven't had any thoughts about breaking up but it's complicated, to have this from the person you love and I am the only one he can talk to about it. I know he is trying not to be angry at me but it's hard to fight off resentment when you're in this position. I am trying to help him as much as I can but obviously there is a lot of tension. I don't know what to say to him because it's not like a friend who is in the same boat that you can relate to because if it weren't for me he wouldn't have it. I don't want to belittle his situation but don't want to make him more scared than he already is. Of course it is comforting to think of us being together forever, but neither of is want to be bound by a condition, an std at that. He has expressed to me fear of not being able to have unprotected sex with his own wife if things fall through between us. All I have been able to do is try and help the pain and listen to him, but I have no one to talk about this with out of respect for his privacy. This is the worst I've felt since I've been diagnosed, I can deal with having it myself but the fact that I brought this much pain on to the person I love is eating me up inside.
I know this isn't much of a question but if anyone has had a similar experience or has anything supportive to say, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for reading
5 likes, 23 replies
veronica1984 Elrio111
Posted
I feel you. I've managed giving herpes to two past boyfriends. I get really sad thinking about it.
Exboyfriend 1 got it when I first discovered I had it. I thought it was a couple of cuts from my razor because that's what it looked like to me. It was so painful, especially when I would urinate. I was in denial and I was only seeing him for at least a month prior. Still to this day I have no idea who gave it to me. I think it was laying around dormant waiting for me to be stressed out or something. So he got it because I didn't want to believe what was going on down there was serious and we continued to have unprotected sex.
After that relationship I had another 2 year run with someone else and he never got it to my knowledge. We just planned out when to have unprotective sex and it seemed to work out. Eventually that one ended.
A new relationship started blooming and I told him immediately when I knew I wanted to get intimate. We held off with sex for like a week and then finally had protected sex. And then I told him the OB was nearly gone and in the middle of the night he half assed woke me up and started having unprotected sex with me. I guess he asked me about it but I wasn't fully awake and aware of the situation. He ended up getting it from that slip up. We broke up about a month ago and he has a lot of resentment towards me now because of this. It's heartbreaking.
At this point I think it's easier to straight up just tell them you have it. Maybe have a couple of drinks first and then usually my speech goes like, "so this may or may not be a deal breaker, but I have this thing wrong with me.." then I wait to see what they say, usually their mind conjures up some interestingly scary scenario then their like, "ok.. what is it?" And then I'll just blurt out "I have herpes, do you need some time to think about this?" Usually guys are cooler than I think about it. But since I'm in the dating scene again now, I'm nervous for someone to just run out on me. But at least I'll weed out some of the sh*t heads ahead of time.
ray89 Elrio111
Posted
may313 Elrio111
Posted
Hi to all on this discussion 😊 I am a 40 yr old woman living with this virus all my life. I contacted the virus from an old boyfriend when I was only 1) yrs old. He had an out break on his penis but me being 16 and naive I ignored Of and we had unprotected sex any way. After that I’ve had the virus since. I have had multiple partners protected and unprotected, married 16 years and 2 children later. My past partners from what I know have not been effected nor my Now ex husband. I’m now back dating and have had a break out 4-5 years ago which I told both partners yes I said both that I had this virus and they both got tested and do not have the virus. I’ve dated others after that never telling them I had the virus and none of my partners ever showed signs of the virus. Fast forward to Now I meet this new guy and he asked me up front have I ever had any diseases and of course wanting to say yes I neglected to tell him and lied and said no. We had sex 3 months ago protected at first now not protected. He found one of my pills on his floor. He took it to a pharmacist and the pharmacy told him it was for herpes. He ignored me for a couple of days not knowing how to confront me. I was wondering what happened what I did ex. Big had no clue. Anyway we went to dinner last night and that’s when he dropped my greatest fear of him finding out I had herpes. I was caught of guard and just told him yes the pill was mine and I have herpes. I felt terrible! Because I lied to him and didn’t make him use protection. He was silent and told me my secret was safe with him. But he never said if he still wanted to continue dating me or not. I don’t blame him if he never talked to me again I just hope he doesn’t have the virus I would hate myself forever. I learned from this experience to just date and if you feel like it’s time to tell the person your dating BEFORE you both have sex they can make a cautious decision to
Move forward with you or walk away.
goldie54743 may313
Posted
How have you protected past partners, I am so scared to give this to my husband. We use protection but I don't know when I am having a outbreak. Mine are for the most part just irritation. I know he will be so mad if he gets it from me. I told him I am positive for hsv 1 and believe it gential. He acts like it's no big deal but to me it is! I don't want him to be in pain!
pamela16245 Elrio111
Edited
Hey everyone so i am i the same exact boat BUT WORST!!. i have been crying for weeks now. i recently got w/ military man after messing around w/ a player for about a year. Long story short i went to the doctor this month & found out i had herpes 2 ! i have been breaking night trying to get as much info on this . i feel so disgusting & stupid bc i should of known better to use protection w/ the last guy( player). anyways here i am dating this new guy for 7 months , me of course showing NO SYMPTOMS at all i decided to get a std screening since it had been a while & BOOM i test positive for herpes. He also got tested & he told me his test was NEGATIVE?!! Now Im so confused if they even tested him for herpes at his VA hospital. I still have not said anything to him about my results. IM so freaking scared idk what to do . Should i tell him to get retested incase of a false negative ?? hes been thru soooo much this year im scared if i say anything it will make him suicidal bc he has PTSD/ Depression /Bipolar too.
hb74397 Elrio111
Posted
I cant tell you how terrified I am to tell my boyfriend I have herpes . I am scared I've gave him it now too... we are in love and don't use protection because of how serious our relationship is. I'm terrified I have infected him, and the last thing I want to do is tell him I have this virus, I don't want to lose him, and I think if I tell him, I will lose him, and my amazing relationship I have with him...
jonnix Elrio111
Posted
i cant even begin to describe how relived i am to have found this thread, even if it is several years old... because i am a very similar position now.. i apologise for the long text but i have to vent
two years ago i was with a guy who was such a player. he was in an open relationship and bragged about how many he had slept with. i had just broken it off with my ex and he was my rebound.. we were never together but it felt like it. he was very manipulating and narcisistic, but i was in love. we had regularly sex for a few months and i was very naive, and we didnt ever use condoms. a month or so in he tells me he has herpes but "its not active so you wont get it", and i believed him, and forgot about it.
fast forward until now. i have met the most wonderful and loving guy that can even exist. we live in different countries and have been together for only a few months now, but i already love him to death and would take a bullet for him.
we hadnt met for two months now due to the distance and both having lots of work, but last week i would finally fly to meet him again. 2-3 days prior to me flying i was showering and it really hurt when shaving. now afterwards i know i already had blisters, but then i thought i f****d something up while shaving. i really didnt think much of it, razor scars happen and ill just be a little careful around it, no need to tell him. i went to him and we had sex and life was like i was dreaming because i got to be with him again. yesterday, my first day back at home, he texts me and asks if ive been with someone else. i think i knew right at that moment where the conversation was going, because i still had blisters after 1 week and i was starting to worry a little. he didnt actually think i had been cheating, but he have gotten an infection buut it was probably just from using to much soap or something. i panicked, told him about the razor cut and said that it shouldnt be that but maybe it is. he was fine about it, said he was gonna wait a week and it will probably pass.
in panic i booked an appointment anyway this morning. went there. doctor didnt have to look for more than a few seconds before saying that it is 100% textbook case of herpes. and then my world came crashing down.
i texted my boyfriend straight away, even if i really didnt want to. because i just feel so incredibly guilty and dirty and ashamed. i really wanna go to bed and never wake up. my symtoms are pretty calm, its sore and are blisters, but not much more. he has it a LOT worse. and i cant think of anything other than this right now. not only do i have to process the fact that i have gotten this disease and ill have to live with it for the rest of my life, but i also has to live with me having spread it to another person who i love. he told me he is not mad at me, it hurts and it sucks of course, but he is mad at himself for not telling me to get tested before we got together. which makes me feel even dirtier.
making things worse, i was so sure i have tested for this before and i was negative, right?? so i just went back to my results from 2 years ago, and in the middle of a looot of useless information it says that i have a higher value in some specific thing, which in 70% of the cases means HPV and 30% of the cases it means something else, but i should still take another test. i didnt know HPV was herpes, and to be honest i dont think i even read that part.. but now i feel more guilty, because even if i didnt know, i should have known. and its eating me up so bad. i should have known and its my fault he has it now for the rest of his life.
i dont think he will leave me, but a part of me thinks he should because im just so ashamed. right now things are really awkward between us and i dont even want to talk to him, because i dont think i deserve it or him
i know a lot of this is just stress and shock from finding it out, but i really dont know how we will go back to normal after this and im so scared