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God and depression

Posted , 11 users are following.

MsMcbeth
MsMcbeth

Today I experienced a very strange feeling. I could literally feel the physical pain of my heart breaking but (because of the Fluoxetine) I didn't feel the sadness that goes along with that. I feel so detached from life and people. I'm so caught up in my own thoughts and I don't know if I'll ever escape the confines of my own mind. At the moment I can barely think straight. My thoughts are all jumbled up ( they don't even make sense half of the time) and it's like I'm living a parallel existence outside of the life that everyone else is living.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be a christian. In any event, I've always had moral inclination and musing about God. But today I thought, "Is it even possible to have a relationship with God in the midst of a depression?" I mean, my mind is my own worst enemy right now. I cannot focus long enough on the things I need to do to have a successful life. There are all these rules and laws and decrees and modes of being that one must follow in order yo be a disciple of Christ (in name and deed). I really can't right now. I feel a million miles away from God and people. I'm still trying to get out of my own head space. Where is God in the midst of my depression? Does He understand what's going on better than I do? Most days I can't even pray so how do we have a relationship? These thoughts literally broke my heart this morning.

4 likes, 25 replies

25 Replies

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  • gillian0503
    gillian0503 MsMcbeth

    Posted

    Totally understandable how you feel, why does he let us suffer? I have totally detached for while now and really don't know what to feel. I hate feeling like this.

    • MsMcbeth
      MsMcbeth gillian0503

      Posted

      Exactly. It's so incapacitating, and then you look at others who seem to be thriving in life with the blessing of God all over them.

    • gillian0503
      gillian0503 MsMcbeth

      Posted

      I just keep saying my prayers and hoping for a miracle of some happiness before its too late.  God works in mysterious ways.
  • lynda166
    lynda166 MsMcbeth

    Posted

    Hi

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I too am a Christian who struggles with mental illness and my relationship with God. I get all caught up in the areas I fall short in. It's a little confusing to me right now because we are called to live lives of obedience to God, yet we are to fully trust in the finished work of Christ for salvation. It's not about works, yet good works are  a byproduct of our faith. So...my way of coping is to trust God and who He is, loving and kind and Holy. If we suffered from cancer God would not expect us to be out serving the community. He would want to minister to us. He would want us to take comfort in Him. So I'm taking my own advice here and trying to focus of Him, not me. I hope this helps. Don't give up on Him...He won't give up on you!

    • MsMcbeth
      MsMcbeth lynda166

      Posted

      Thanks, Lynda.

      That's the conclusion I arrived at too. I just said, "Lord. You see me in this condition. You know I'm not at my best. I can't hold onto you. I need you to hold onto me through all of this."

  • anon85986
    anon85986 MsMcbeth

    Posted

    Hi MsMcBeth,

    I am Christian too and know exactly how you feel.  The bible doesn't promise us anything on earth. we are only promised eternal life and happiness AFTER we die.

    I have had an unbelievably bad year where literally everything in my life bottomed out.  It hasn't shaken my faith but makes it so clear that we are guareented nothing here from God.

    I do believe God has a plan for all of us and we are unable to understand it.  I have joined several bible studies and have finally actually read through the bible.  I try and find fellowship with other Christians.  All of this has helped me, but I still am in the struggle and worst spot of my life.

    I feel like this is my time in my life to completely trust God and let my worries go to him.  I have done this and my anxiety has lessened a lot.

    But, I still live in a cloud of deep depression.

    If you can try and say a short prayer every morning, try and get back into your relationship with him.  He wants you to surrender to him.

    I am rambling, and I don't want to make this about me but rather tell you I completely understand what you are struggling with and you are not alone.

    I just  hope you can try and say a short prayer each day and start counselling with your pastor. I am not sure what you mean by rules and decrees?  Can u tell me more about that?

    • MsMcbeth
      MsMcbeth anon85986

      Posted

      Thanks for sharing your experience, Anon. I'm also at an all time low right now. I just don't care anymore. I'm just existing from day to day, and that worries me.

      By laws and address I mean I feel like our relationship with God is like a relationship with anybody else: there are expectations on both sides that need to be met on both sides in order for the relationship to go forward. Depressed and bpd me cannot meet those expectations right now. I can barely find the strength to get out of bed in the morning, let alone pray read my bible, have faith, don't retaliate when others mock me, go to church etc. I'm supposed to be going to home cell tonight but I'm going to miss it again - 7 weeks in a row. I just can't deal with church people and med side effects and put on a nice face and make small talk. It's exhausting.

    • MsMcbeth
      MsMcbeth anon85986

      Posted

      Thanks for sharing your experience, Anon. I'm also at an all time low right now. I just don't care anymore. I'm just existing from day to day, and that worries me.

      By laws and address I mean I feel like our relationship with God is like a relationship with anybody else: there are expectations on both sides that need to be met on both sides in order for the relationship to go forward. Depressed and bpd me cannot meet those expectations right now. I can barely find the strength to get out of bed in the morning, let alone pray read my bible, have faith, don't retaliate when others mock me, go to church etc. I'm supposed to be going to home cell tonight but I'm going to miss it again - 7 weeks in a row. I just can't deal with church people and med side effects and put on a nice face and make small talk. It's exhausting.

  • Whatever_next
    Whatever_next MsMcbeth

    Posted

    You poor thing - how cruel Satan is to take advantage of our low state of mind to bring in doubts about the very thing we need most in our time of trouble! - God.

    Being a 'better you' is no anwser. Only Christ will do for God anyway, not all our good works, and certainly not 'rules and decrees, as Lynda and Anon say. I know from experience the darkness of what you are going through, and the heartbreak.

    The best way to silence Satan the accuser is by the word of God itself. Here are some to comfort you and strengthen your faith:

    1. Psalm 37 v.5 - Roll your way upon The Lord.

    2. Psalm 25 v. 14-17

    3. Anxious and conflicting thoughts? - read Psalm 94 v. 19. The words used here mean 'anxious and conflicting' thoughts if you trace it back, I recall.

    4. 1 Peter 5 v. 7 - Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares about you.

    And if you don't know how to pray, or what words to say?

    I forget where the scripture is now, but someone comforted me once by pointing out that I wasn't the first person to experience what I was experiencing - one man in scripture speaks about "the heavens are like brass" - you feel like you just can't get through [to God]. 

    5. Romans 8 v. 26 - such a comfort to know that when we don't know words to say, the Spirit Himself will take up our cause and intercede to the Father for us on our behalf.

    What a wonderful divine system set up to help the believer through his / her pathway in this wilderness. (And how little I take advantage of it - yet God doesn't change in His attitude to me, such is his love).

    Also remember: "whom He loves He chastens". He also "binds up the broken-hearted".

    With very best wishes for your peace of soul and mind.

    • anon85986
      anon85986 Whatever_next

      Posted

      wow this helped me thanks for the reminding us that it is Satan who is attacking
    • Whatever_next
      Whatever_next anon85986

      Posted

      I was reminding myself as much as MsMcbeth I guess! I appreciated your openand honest post higher up too.
    • MsMcbeth
      MsMcbeth Whatever_next

      Posted

      Thanks for the encouragement, Whatever next. It's true, sometimes we're so busy blaming God that we forget that it's Satan - the father of lies - who will do anything to keep us from God.

  • borderriever
    borderriever MsMcbeth

    Posted

    We are put on this world for a reason to learn and our Lord is there throwing curved balls we have to consider and beat. I feel personally that He will be watching and seeing how we are getting on and when we are called He will reach out and decide how we had managed with this nasty condition

    Good Luck

    BOB

    • MsMcbeth
      MsMcbeth borderriever

      Posted

      That's an interesting way of seeing it, Bob. Makes sense because I keep asking myself why this is happening to me again. I didn't have a childhood because I was battling mental illness off and on since ten. Then at twenty I was told I was healed and I believed it. Now my depression is back with a vengeance because I was off meds for so long. I'm just like, "Why God?"

    • borderriever
      borderriever MsMcbeth

      Posted

      Hello

      MsMcbeth

      I also had a very straind childhood and when I turned sixty I looked around and considered my options. Eventually I decided to disappear and start a new life for my retirement where no-one could find me. It was the best thing I have ever done as my past situation had become tired and I was clattering around without direction.

      Now I have a life at peace for my final years and both me and my Wife are able to please ourselves without the negativity that was radiated from those who should have known better.

      I am not trying to say chuck it in and move, all I do say is allow your needs to come to the fore and consider any options that could help your found situation feel more realistic for yourself and immediate family. 

      We are a long time dead, it came to me in a flash, we need to be a long time alive and need to run towards a more satisfactory outcome. It does work for some if we are lucky and appreciate the chances offered and take them for what they are

      Good Luck

      BOB

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