Had enough

Do not give up.

I understand completely I cant do much anymore, my sister lives an hour away by train and I cant even do that it drains me to the point were I collapsed it was so embarrassing that my body had just given up. I'm mostly housebound / bedbound i very rarely I leave the house if I do I have to work myself upto it and rest for days before the trip out.

sorry I couldnt be much help

Never give up.

I feel your pain! There have been so many times when I thought I just couldn't go through with something.

A funeral is a very stressful event, and as we all know, stressful events make our symptoms flare up even more! To compound things, it sounds like you had to travel a good distance to get to the funeral. That makes things even more difficult. Don't beat yourself up about this. I'm sure those who know you will understand that it's just too much. Take care of you, rest, and get your energy back up, so that you can support the ones who are grieving when they return back home. KPD

Im so sorry you are having to deal with this loss on top of the limitations this disease can bring. Its so isolating. Ive had to cancel so many times on friends and family. Not sure I will make it to Christmas dinner unless that week is better than this one. A friend recommended the book, How to be sick, by Toni Bernhard. Reading about her journey has helped me to deal with the disappointments and have more peace. Im learning to allow all the feeling without judgement, but also to look at the things there are to be grateful for.

The main thing is to be kind to yourself, now and always.

I feel for you. It's hard enough dealing with the tiredness this disease brings, but to put on top a major loss and your disappointment at not being able to be at the funeral is devastating. While I haven't lost anyone recently, I've had to cancel so many lovely things this year, I've lost count. Just this morning I've cancelled a Christmas lunch with loved ones I'd been looking forward to for ages. It's hard to accept this reality without going to a very dark place.

Like others have said here, though, don't give up on yourself. If anything, double down on self-care and really look after yourself. I also want to suggest that, if you feel especially low, you reach out to your doctor and that you don't try to deal with feeling so understandably down by yourself.

" It's hard to accept this reality without going to a very dark place."

I have handled it for many years, with ups and downs. Now I just feel - all spent. Like I am completely empty inside. When I am not crying which I do not normally do, it uses up too much energy. Or being insanely angry like I have DONE this now! Can we please stop?! Something is really different this time.

So sorry for your loss and not being able to go to your father-in-law's funeral. I lost a very close friend last year and like you I was unable to get to his funeral as it was too far away for me. Is there any way you will be able to have a copy of the funeral service sheet and even a recording of what was said or sung? I was able to have my friend's service sheet and was sent recordings of what was said about him, so I could try and imagine myself there. I also spent the time of the funeral thinking of him and held my own service, like a memorial to him. I wonder if you can hold your own memorial in your home, when you can think of the memories you have of him. It might give you a little bit of closure. All I have suggested to you really helped me. Best wishes, Mary

You are going through a really rough time just now but things can get better even though it might not feel like it just now. I understand your frustration with the travel as any long journey would be impossible for me too. I'm sure your father-in-law would not have wanted you to have made yourself even more ill by attempting the journey. Why don't you get a notebook and write down some happy memories you have of times you've had with him and things you'd like to say to him if you could. You could maybe phone some relatives after the funeral to ask how things went. You could also arrange a small get together near you in the future to celebrate his life. I'm sorry things are so rough for you just now but I sincerely hope that next year brings you better health and you are able to move on in time.