half a month!!! I.have tears.

Thank you kindly

Oh sweetheart, don't apologize. You are in the battle of your life FOR your life. Don't ever apologize for that. You didn't choice this, just as I didn't, I'm 37 years old. I struggled just as you are for many Years. Many Many times the only thing that kept me even attempting to fight these demons were my kids, if not for them I'm sure I would have ended my life long ago. Your not alone. Addiction is the darkest place ones mind can be in, I so feel your pain. I do have to credit my courage to finally change to the Lord.... I know you said you were religious but for me that's what finally worked. I was shocked when I quit drinking and day 4 got sick, I have no idea why I was shocked but I was. I drank ans still do so much water trying to flush my system out and also gives me something to hold in my hand and keep drinking. I know a lot of the good people on. here recommend the Sinclair method and Mayne you need some medical help to continue this, your desire is there . I can feel it, it's what lead you to this site, same as it lead me. You deserve to live a sober life and have the gift of sobriety

Last night ans several nights this week I keep dreaming I have relapsed . Apparetnky this is normal when you stop but it literally scares me for the first half hour of waking up until I realize it was only a dream and I'm still in control. I gained momentum my firs week and saw a side of me I have so missed, it's what keeps me going. Today is day 16 for me. I realized I do have strength in me but boy did I fight for it for a very long time and I gave up more times than I can count. My heart goes out to you. I know the struggle is real I know the pain and the emptiness and the frustration and self loathing are all real. I'm here to talk . You have to start by believing in yourself and I do believe you finding this site was not by accident . I believe you can do this.

Lori

thanks for makig me cry. still dont know what to do and now im being blackmailed

 

I didn't mean to make you cry.. not by any means. What do you mean your being blackmailed??

tried to reply..phoned samartians im so lost...yeh  not good at all..being blackmailed by my ex..trying it on and if i dont he will tell social all my probs even though im so honest..im asking for help but im not getting any..literally got a olive branch in my hand..spoke to his dad he knew nothing about it all and had no sympathy..he will alwayd bk his son. im sat here shaking like a leaf, darent walk shop . i dont want to drink, please ive been docs, police , social, health visitors..ive got no where else to go

 

what else do i do..im not on the verge off killing myself..if i was then maybe id get help..im so lost..im a broken lady with serious issuses..spoke with samaritans and he just 'umm yeh um i understand' im not a satistic...i am but im a working class single mum who got told to pay for my own concelling..where do i turn x

 

What is he actually blackmailing you with? Telling Social Services you have an alcohol problem? You have already told them haven't you? How old is/are your kid/s?

yeah ive told everyone i have a drink problem and with all the stresses that are going on around me, its just making me what to drink. i didnt drink all of the last week but then i drank on sat and didnt stop till last night. Yeah he is threatening me that i wont see my kids, telling me i wont ever get them back. my boys are 5 and 6. They are my world, my everything. I have broke my back to try and give them the best possible life. He came around to my house last night to pick up the rest of their school clothes and was trying it on with me, i refused point blank thats when he started threatening me with not seeing kids etc. i have been through hell and back with this man. We have our good times and also not so good times, but i think thats most peoples life in general. like i said previously ive always been a drinker since a young age but its just spiralled out of control. I had an abortion (please dont judge) mid july because i knew bringing another child in to an already volatile relationship was just not fair. but since that happened ive literally drunk everyday apart from last week, when i admitted the problems. im so depressed about the whole situation that ive drunk to forget it all. It burns me inside when i look at who i have become. I just want to feel normal again. I want to get dry and not drink any more. i want my kids back at home with me where they belong. But while im still drinking thats not going to happen. Im so worried about where my life is going to go. I may have to give up my house as i wont be able to afford it, as dad will be getting all the tax credits etc. i have no family around me and very few friends. I literally have no support apart from all the lovely people on here. I just have my kids dad but with his actions yesterday, i dont even have him. I dont know where to go for help. im so lost its unreal. i feel like i am having a major breakdown. i want my life to be like it used to. i cant remember the last time i woke up smiling. I just wish someone had a magic wand and could make everything good again.