Has fluoxetine stopping and starting ruined my relationship

Hi Kate, i know everyone is different, but I have been on fluoxetine 4 weeks today, and I am still feeling anxious and still a bit depressed,can it take a lot longer for the tablets to work?  my daughter seems to think I am better than I was,but I had a bit of a set back with a relationship that has been on and off for the last 18 months, saw him again yesterday, and maybe that was a big mistake, not strong enough to cope with that yet, need to get back to liking myself first..... Hilary

Hi Hillary, I guess it's different for everyone, this is my second time on it, the first time I can't remember any side affects or anything, but I might have blocked it out as I was in a really bad place, this time around I had horrid side affects to start with, couldn't sleep anxiety levels through the roof, emotionally unstable, I cried cause there was a bee in my flat, and wanted to laugh when I saw someone fall over and hurt themselves!!! I'm about 3 months in now and all is settled down, I do have the odd wobble as I call them, but I think that's normal! If other people are noticing you are "better" that's a good sign! It will all just slowly one day soon click into place, I set myself little goals to achieve every few days and that helped me lots! And you are so right in having to like yourself first! I realised I was doing things for my ex all the time, it's like I needed that connects to keep me alive, I was living my life through him, which is not healthy! Now I couldn't care less what he thinks the only thing that matters is that I'm happy and healthy! He's got a new girlfriend which damn near distroyed me at the time! But now I think I had a lucky escape and I've become me again and have done so much to fix myself, and he's still a douche and has just moved his narsasistic ways onto ruining someone else's life! I'm going to be seeing him again for the first time at an event in June, and prob his new girlfriend too, not going to lie very anxious about it, but I know I can survive it and I know I can get through it! Hope my ranting a have helped?! I think it's all just about giving yourself time, space and positive energy! Baby steps as my best friend says! Xxx

Hi Kate,  thanks for your reply, ... My relationship seems very similar, with regards doing everthing for him and pleasing him, but not myself, becoming a different person, I think I was so lonely and was looking to replace my late husband, I was smilling on the outside, but crying inside, he brought my clothes up from his house the day before yesterday which is 90 miles from me, stayed over night, said he still loved me, but really he only wants companionship, he needs his  space, just wants to come up and see me now and again, I don't think he is for me, we are not alike.... this all seems to have put me back, I am not strong enough for this yet.... 4 weeks and 1 day and I have woke up and my body is shaking, this morning going wth a friend to the gym, don't feel like going, as I feel so misserable, and unhappy, feel so sick this morning and still don't feel like eating, lost so much weight, no confidence, this was never me, don't laugh anymore... sick of telling peopleI am still not good, could this be the fluotxetine getting into my system, like you have had these tabs before, but didn't get these side affects, but was never this bad, they gave me diazepam to ease the anxiety, but they don't really help, only take them when desperate, maybe a half a tab a day.... sorry for going on, but is this all normal..... Hilary xx

 

Hi Hilary,

I think anything can be normal on these tablets! I promise it does get better, promise me you will keep talking to people? You sound like you are doing all the right things, it's just a case of trusting yourself, from your message you sound like you know what's going on and what you need to do for yourself, just trust yourself you do know what you are thinking and talking about you sound like you are very self aware which is a really good place to be. Set yourself little targets, and make sure you reward yourself for doing them! You know who you are and who you should be which is 1/2 the battle!

Every relationship is a two way street, so when it becomes a one way street it's not a relationship anymore, I was hanging on cause that's the only thing I thought I had going for my life, now I just think I've had a luck escape! He's done me a fair few favours if I'm honest, I would of just plodded along and not got myself the help I desperately needed if it wasn't for him pushing me over the edge! Trust yourself you know what's best for you better than anyone else! It may seem like a long painful road but you are already starting to go down it, which is a great and you can now set your own pace that works for you! K xxx

I am so greatful for your help, you really know what you are about now, and that is  were I want to be.... thankyou Kate.... Love Hilary xx

 

Any time Hilary, it's been a bumpy ride at times but life is now fun again which it should be! Having direction and purpose is such a good feeling. You will get there but you've just got to trust yourself, no one knows what's best for you except you! Keep in touch! Kate x

Hi Kate, having a rough couple of days, on day 32, I feel awful, probably didn't help drinking wine last night, it was after Colin brought my cloths back from Mid Wales, he told me he still loved me, but only wanted to see me now and again...... messing with my head, i have got to get myself better and forget him, I know, isn't easy, I have to do it.... was that hard for you..... and also can it take longer for fluoxetine to work.... I am fed up waiting..... so down    x

Hi Hilary, it will take a different amount of time for different people I'm afraid, but you know what's happening which is 1/2 the battle, I've ended up cutting all communication with my ex, I kept finding myself hanging onto that little glimmer of hope, then he was really nasty in a message to me, and I sat there and cried and thought enough is enough, no one should make you feel like this, and so I've not spoken to him for about 2 months, not going to lie I still am friends on Facebook and will check if he's been online or posted anything every now and then, but I feel so much better knowing that I'm looking out for myself and know how I should feel and do now feel. It's been tough, and I'm going to unfortunately bump into him a few times at a festival we are both going to with the same group of people, I was so anxious about seeing him I had a wobble, until I talked to a friend who reminded me where I was and how much damage I had survived. And now I think I will be ok, I can talk to him if I want or ignore him if I want, it's my feeling and it's on my terms! Which feels great! Give yourself time and space, you know what is right for you, and you know what is wrong for you, and sometimes that's a hard choice, but you will make the right one for you. No one should make you feel like that. Also keep talking to your doctor, I go every month, just to check in, sometimes we discuss if I should up my dose, but it's good to know where you are, I ended up calling my doctors about 7 times one day trying to get an appointment or to talk to someone cause I thought I was going out of my skin! Could not settle or stand still or do anything! Horrible feeling, but it passed, I learnt to accept it, let it happen and cope with it. Do you have a therapist? I see a lady once a week, we normally end up talking about loads of nonsense but it's good to feel I'm in a safe environment where I can say what ever comes into my head, and explore it in a safe environment! Helps so much! Sorry I've been away with my family this weekend and I'm a little hyper but it feels good to be alive! (I didn't drink for the first few months, and now I will only have one or two and don't really miss it! But it's what works for you Hun! If you want a drink have one treat yourself well I say!) Kate xxx

Hi Kate thanks for keeping in touch.... My son was away when he came for his clothes, as he and my daughter thought I had actually finished whith, they liked him, but they could see me going down hill being with him, as I allowed everything to be on his terms, they could aslo see the chabge in me, I went from fun loving to being misserable on the inside and trying to be happy on the outside, but they saw through, i told them I was goining to send him an email, and in the end My Son sent one to him, To tell hime how i had been, and how he thought he was a noice guy, but thought we should not be together.... I rang him to tell him how this had affected me, and he said, I don't want us to brake up, I would like to rting now and then, I said I need to get back to the Hilary you first met and fell for, then I told him when Paul was away that he could bring my clothes back, he just stayed the one night, he rang when he got home I rang last Thursday, then when we were saying goodnight, his words were, Love you...I will PROBABLY ring over the weekend....What is all that about? for someone who supposed to love you ..... Thats like anafter thought.... still wants the upper hand..... my kids are right...... And yes I do have a Councillor now, started last week.... I know how it must have hurt you, as I know it is going to hurt me, But this week I seemed to have sliped back....Have typed everything out for the councillor... I have to forget him and get back to the person I was..... You have really helped me..... Thankyou.... Hilary xx 

 

By the way Kate... should have been when he brought my clothes back,.... sorry for all the spelling mistakes, typed it too quick

Hi Hilary, it's nice to know I can help someone understand what's happening, almost feels like paying back for the help and support I received when I first started this journey! You sound very much like you know what you need to do for you, I live far away from my family so found it very easy to hide it all from them, but have started to share things with my mum that I wouldn't have ever told her before. It feels good to do that. It sounds like you have a very supportive family, your kids sound like they care so much for you! But you must do what's right for you! Like you said it needs to be about you getting back to who you really are. Sounds like you know what you want, you just need to keep moving towards that goal. One day at a time, you will get there! Kate X

How are you getting on at the moment Hilary?

Kate x

Hi Kate, have seen the councillor today, and she has come to the conclusion that I might only be going through grief now, I think I just kept too busy going on holiday with my son  this last couple of years, instead of getting my own head straight, trying to find a replacement for my late husband..... still finding the anxiety tough to handle of a morning, my daughter does sees an improvement, but I suppose I am impatient....6 weeks tomorrow since I started Fluoxetine....Can it take a lot longer?......Last Tuesday had a reasonable day, and thought I was on the up, but haven't had a day as good as that.... anyway less of me How are you?...........Hilary x