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Hate myself right now

Posted , 7 users are following.

laura36585
laura36585

So I am supposed to be at a family bbq and instead I’m here lying on the sofa on my own, hubby and kids went without me because I just couldn’t bring myself to go.  I was all ready, felt calm and 10 mins before we are due to leave I feel the panic rise and I’m frozen.   I told them to go without me and the look of utter disappointment in my hubbys face just broke my heart.  Why can’t I just get by this, why can’t I just go and be normal.  I absolutely hate myself right now.  

0 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • demi48809
    demi48809 laura36585

    Posted

    Aw no way sorry to hear , things will get better honestly 
    • laura36585
      laura36585 demi48809

      Posted

      God I hope so cos this is just crappier than the crappest thing.   My daughter just text me to say “”mum you need to overcome this cos you are missing all the fun family stuff”.  God love her, I feel so bad sad 
  • brenda53218
    brenda53218 laura36585

    Posted

    You will feel better, I laughed the other day and my husband said that it was the first time that ive done that in a very long time. That is when I decided that yes I can get better and i will do whatever it takes. So hang in there it will get better. Your family will greatly appreciate that you overcame this and will enjoy being with you.
    • laura36585
      laura36585 brenda53218

      Posted

      Thanks Brenda.  That’s nice words to hear right now.   I am laughing and I’m starting to do more stuff it’s just this bloody bbq that got me in a state today.  It’s a huge family so about 20 folk and the thought was too much.   I know it’s early days, not even 3 weeks on my full meds so I think I need to stop crucifying myself and appreciate the small steps that I am actually taking.   
    • brenda53218
      brenda53218 laura36585

      Posted

      Dylan is right about ativan does help. I have a script for it and to be honest it helps especially doing the first couple of weeks. I only took a half of .5 when I really needed it. It will get better.
  • mrs_susan74280
    mrs_susan74280 laura36585

    Posted

    What are you on and how many mg,
    • laura36585
      laura36585 mrs_susan74280

      Posted

      Hi Susan.  Sertraline 50mg, only been 3 weeks so still settling in.  I have been on it before so know it takes time.  X
    • dylan78236
      dylan78236 laura36585

      Posted

      Also have you ever tried Ativan (lorazepam)? My doctor prescribed me it for acute anxiety, and whenever I have a panic attack it calms me me within 20-30 minutes and usually keeps me chill for 24ish hours. 

      Maybe ask your doctor about it? I know adding more drugs seems counter intuitive but if you want to be able to handle stress in the short term theyve helped me alot. I know theyre addictive so I only take them when i need them. Im anxious about getting addicted which is good. 

    • mrs_susan74280
      mrs_susan74280 laura36585

      Posted

      It takes some strength, as I am 10mg prozac ,3 weeks can't cope with worse thoughts, anxiety at night walking up heartbeats strong then a coldness wrapped around stomach, gone down to 5mg, had to was at my wits end, going to try updose again later I think , I was in bed with hot water bottle, frightend to death to go to sleep, taking one day at a time, also tryed escitalopram 5 weeks, woke up sweating terrible lost all appertight, lost 9 lb, plus again bad anxiety, ,

  • dylan78236
    dylan78236 laura36585

    Posted

    You got this Laura, you know it takes time so just keep reminding yourself this will pass. Maybe youll need to try a different med/dosage but you will beat this. 

    How is your vitamin intake? Ive found since ive been able to take my b-complex, krill oil, magnesium and multivitamins and D3 and I am feeling alot better than before. Im only on 25mg still so i kinda think its more the vitamins thats making me feel better. 

    And dont focus on what you CANT do. Dont beat yourself up about what you cant do, just focus on what you can do. And i am sure its hard for your family to understand it they havent experienced depression/anxiety before, so dont let that get you down, i know you want to get better for them but like you told me about my situation— dont take on more stress than you have to. Go for an extra walk today. Love yourself! We all love you. 

    • laura36585
      laura36585 dylan78236

      Posted

      Thanks Dylan that’s so sweet of you.   It’s just been one of those anxious days that sometimes just win.   My diet is good lots of fruit and vegetables so I don’t think I’m lacking anything I really think it’s just moments of higher anxiety because of the meds I’m sure it will settle down.  Thanks everyone for lending me your shoulders it really helps.  
    • dylan78236
      dylan78236 laura36585

      Posted

      Anytime. I had a pretty anxious day myself, but im starting to be less hard on myself and i think it has helped. I just pretend im sick with a really bad flu and keep telling myself it will go away. 

      I am also not a big fan of big get togethers. Luckily my family isnt huge so im only ever around 5-6 people and they all know about my anxiety so its easier to deal with because i can participate for a while then go off on my own and do my own thing. Its funny looking back at my life ive always done this— i get exhausted from being around people in a recreational/social setting. I need time to recharge by myself.

  • Hoopz
    Hoopz laura36585

    Posted

    At 50mg I was a wreck. Couldn't drive..go in a shop..walk down the road..I was in a constant state of panic and palpitations. I couldn't do housework or I'd be on the floor. This drug is very slow to work for a lot of people..I am now on 150mg and I can drive..go shopping ... and the anxiety, palpitations and panic attacks have stopped. I'm still not 100% but loads and loads better. I need to work on my diet I think now as it's poor. I need to somehow build up my stamina. There is light at the end of the tunnel...It just feels like a very long tunnel I know. Good luck

    🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄

    • laura36585
      laura36585 Hoopz

      Posted

      Hoopz the way you describe is exactly me, struggling with everything.   Perhaps I need to think about increasing, will need to have a chat with my doctor.   I really hoped 50 would be my magic number but I’m starting to think not.   
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