Hating myself for loving alcohol more than my family

This is when it's hard its hardest, when you hit a routine time for a drink on a Friday night. If you succumb, try and limit as much as you can. Drink slowly and have breaks inbetween.

Good weekend for me I think.

Did go out on Friday evening with the boyfriend and my stress levels were hitting the roof I did drink but the words from RHGB kept resonating in my head about controlling what I was drinking. I had two large glasses of wine then a third smaller glass (on my bfs recommendation) which I accepted then went home. Temptation was there to carry on when home and I did check out the fridge but decided not to have anymore. That I felt 'relaxed' enough and that the alcohol effect at this level felt OK. I let myself feel the edge being taken off despite the strong urge to down another bottle until I pass out - type of drunk I usually get myself into.

So all was good. Woke up feeling a little groggy but managed to do lots of things.

Temptation was Saturday afternoon when friend-who-drinks a lot called and we met up for 'drinks' Saturday afternoon. She was leaving to meet another friend a hour later. I controlled my drinking again and had just one large wine then she bought another large wine and we shared that one glass between two of us. Of course, in the past I would have gone on and got a bottle or two from the off licence but instead I went straight home and made burgers for the children knowing I was going out again 8pm Saturday evening to meet a group of friends.

Wasn't really in the mood to go out last night as I felt tired from the wine earlier in the day but I pushed myself as a friend I hadn't seen in a while was going to be there. I had a pint of shandy and then half a shandy and even refused a drink twice when people offered to buy me a drink. The thought going through my head though was I ' needed to leave in time to get to the off licence before closing' but I looked really hard at how I felt and decided it wouldn't make me feel any better and getting drunk doesn't take my problems away and I do care about how I'm going to feel in the morning. The good friend I saw last night had said he wouldn't make plans with me for coffee this morning because the last time we had arranged coffee I 'just hadn't turned up. No message, no nothing!' Of course, the last time I'd been lying in a drunken stupor somewhere!!

So, I'm awake early Sunday morning for the first time in god knows how long and I've slept really well. I feel good that I've controlled how much I've drank. Still probably quite a few units but probably 20x fewer than last weekend.

I'm finding writing stuff here and the comments I get very supportive and it's really making me think. Even my 16 yr old son was really chuffed I came in last night sober. I felt really proud of myself. Small steps. Thanks RHGB

Sounds like you can control how much you drink. At one time, I would have had a couple of glasses before going out, then a couple once home.

i found it easier not having any alcohol in the house. Did that for about four months. It helped me as it took away all the shall I, shan't I. For ages I'd convinced myself I had to have wine in the fridge for emergencies. I used to panic if I hadn't got any. I realise now of course, having it there was an excuse for being able to drink when I wanted to.

Its hard trying to envisage social events without alcohol, but eventually . You've done really well ???? still socialising, but with controlled drinking.

Well, she should feel happy about yourself. That your son is happy with you, you had a proper good night's sleep and you are up early.

There is nothing better than rising early on a sunny weekend day and enjoying the day. Even better if you actually manage to do and achieve some of those things that have been on your list for ages.

You sould like you have got the right mindset. Drinking too much, for most people, is all about psychology. It is the stress of a job, the person is naturally anxious (anxiety) or just plain old boredem and the thought of contemplating going through a whole day, sends them heading for the wine bottle or pub.

But if you think about it, when you are at work, does your mind always drift to alcohol or the job in hand, and for most people, they don't think about alcohol when they are busy. It is when they finish work or the weekend and that nagging voice says, alcohol time.

If you can do things to occupy yourself, time with family, friends, doing stuff around the house, get hobbies if you don't have any, that at least keeps you away from the drink during the day, then you'll be in a much better position. Only, don't think, because you've missed six hours drinking time during the day, that you need to cram it all into the evening.

If you can do that at the weekends and have a few alcohol free days during the week or say one large glass of wine with your meal, you will be well on your way to conquering it. Something you may want to try, is this. I don't know what you pay for your wine when you go out, but in the pub near me, it is £5.95 for a 250ml glass. Next time you get a bottle for home, buy a decent bottle, spend a tenner on it and see if you can actually taste it , by sipping it instead of gulping it.

Most people end up drinking cheap wine (especially white) and if it is wet, cold and has alcohol, then it goes down the throat and taste comes a very poor last. If you actually enjoy the wine, you will tend to take your time over drinking it.