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zumanity55872 zumanity55872

Have herpes, unprotected sex

I was diagnosed herpes 2 five years ago. I didnt aware I had it and was in relationship. Until the first outbreak I got tested, same as my ex. His result came out positive, we didnt know who got first but we supported each other.

We broke up almost 2 years ago, we remained friends and he already started a new relationship one year ago. He told me sometimes he didnt use any protection with his gf(she knows) and she has been okay.

I know that herpes can pass to others even there is no outbreak, but from my ex expeirence, his gf and him are good so far. Just wonder if anyone has similar expereince with his/her partners? If you have unprotected sex when there is no outbreak?

I have met a guy and told him the whole situation. He said he doesnt care and still want to be with me. He wanted to have unprotected sex, but i really dont want to put him at risk. I did saw others for short time also with unprotected sex. He got tested a few month ago and result came out negative.

Please share with me if you have similar experience with me.

248 Replies

  • golddd golddd

    I got diagnose recently, so I know for sure that when your immune system is let say.. down and you are sick or something like this then the herpes strikes, so not everyone can get infected. I am a little bit afraid that no one will want me because of the herpes ....

    • pricila 33725 pricila 33725 dennise1998

      I literally just made an account to say this to you, I'm 18 too, female and was diagnosed with HSV-2 about two months ago. I promise you it will get better, the first outbreak is the worst. In the beginning I was so depressed, I felt disgusting and like no one would ever want me. I have guys that know I have this and they would still sleep with me. I'm not interested because I don't like to have sex just for sex I need a connection and they can't offer me that. You're not alone, you will be in pain and feel like sh*t but you have to stay strong. This is what I tell myself, I'm still the same person I was before. I'm not going to let this diagnosis change the way I see myself. I'm smart, beautiful and there is men/women out there who will still want you. Don't let this change you. You're stronger than this. You will need to eat healthy, exercise and have a strong immune system. Be patient and you will overcome this. I'm experiencing my second outbreak right now and it's very tiny it's not severe. Find your trigger(what makes it come back the outbreak), mine is stress. Exams, studying etc. I have to find a way to relax. Just know you're not alone.

    • crystina11903 crystina11903 pricila 33725

      I've had herpes for 14 years and I recently just got out of a relationship so I've not been with anybody new in a long time. I have a new friend that I'm dating but I haven't slept with him. I'm very nervous and I feel like I should tell him before I sleep with him. I'm just afraid of rejection. He's a very nice guy and I don't wanna hurt him in any way. This situation has really stressed me out. I wanted to tell him today but I couldn't get the words out my mouth. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to tell someone.

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 crystina11903

      Hi Christina,

      It seems the general public consensus, including represented by those here and everywhere else I've read online (during my first OB I read everything I could find), it seems everything goes better when disclosed beforehand. MANY people have been surprised how little their partner to be thought of it. Some have already had relationships with people who had it and haven't caught it themselves. Some (1out of 5 of US population) have one of the 2 strains genitally and another 80% have it orally. So he may already have it and is stressed to tell you! I haven't heard one account of where a person who knew they were carying it told someone only after sex (except for about 2 instances where it was drunk 'oops' sex between friends/aquaintanances/non relationships), when it didn't cause SOME tension that it wasn't disclosed before. Some people feel really disrespected they weren't informed before and take it badly. Seems the older the person is, more mature and they handle it better. They may have had relationships that didn't work for whatever reason and seem to be less likely to let something you can't change keep them away from who makes them happy.

      May I ask if you get OBs still? Frequently? Less likely you can pass it on if you don't OB and wear a condom (30%) protection. Also, unprotected transmission rates female to male are lower than male to female.

      Are you on antivirals? I'd suggest maybe taking them in front of him (with dinner or whatever) and if he comments/asks, say "oh, it's a medication to suppress cold sores". ... "So one day a long time ago, I got a cold sore on my hoo-ha". If he doesn't look like he knows the whole story of what that means, this is a good opener to tell him. "It makes sure I don't get more and reduces chance I could pass to someone else".

      I had my first (and until last week, only) OB in October 2016, 10 mos into a relationship and was with a man before him for 16 yrs. None of the 3 of us had ever had symptoms any time in our lives. I knew he didn't know he had it, but he asked me if I still loved him if he did give it to me. I tearfully said I'd be really hurt if he knew and let me find out like this, by having an OB. ... Then 6 wk later, he had his first OB.... And now I wonder if I had it all these yrs without even a single OB.

    • meghan02140 meghan02140 pricila 33725

      Hi ... I'm only 17 and I was diagnosed with Herpes on April 11 2017 ... He slid in without a condom and didn't tell me bit of course its my fault cause I didn't check like I usually would ... It was a week before prom when the doctor looked in my eyes and told me "You have Herpes ... You will always have this" .... I was disgusted and still am disgusted with myself ... I say to myself "You're not normal" ... Not a day goes by I don't think about it especially during the breakouts but .... I did it and I have to go through with it ... U just really touched me when I read your encouragement to the other girl sometimes I feel that confidence u have written other times I wish suicide wasn't a sin ...

    • meghan02140 meghan02140 crystina11903

      I know what you mean ... I've been in love with this guy for a year now and when we broke up I had sex with someone else ... He gave me herpes ... Now I refuse to get back with the boy I love so he can move on to someone who can't harm him with a kiss .. Or A touch ... He thinks its him whose the problem when ... When it's really me

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 meghan02140

      Hi Meghan,

      I'm so sorry you're going through this. Believe me, life isn't over. This is just another one of the many challenges life throws at us. It's amazing how it this herpes thing seems to universally make those who contract it so depressed and feel their life is over. That no-one will ever love them. For a few weeks during my initial OB (5weeks), I was suicidal too. Then it passes. The OBs get to be not so bad and maybe even go away! I actually suspect I had this for 16 years without any OB, as I was in a monogamous relationship. The only other possibility is my new boyfriend (celibate for over a year before me and never had symptoms) gave it to me 8 mos into our relationship, but weird my OB came 6 weeks BEFORE his. So, point being, we don't even know where it came from and life can be so normal with HSV that you don't even know you have it for years.

      A question- have you been tested to see which strain (1or2) you have? 1 usually only has 1 OB genitally and is far less contaigous unless you have it orally. But 80% of the population has it orally anyway - it's cold sores.

      The boy you love - he thinks he's the problem keeping you apart? Try talking to him. When you talk to him, just talking about your day and what's happening in life, say ; "so, might sound kinda weird but I got this cold sore on my hoo-ha." Let him react to that a bit. Then "well, I'm really scared to tell you this but they told me its herpes". Focus on the fact that it's just a cold sore and most people get those on their mouthes and after your initial OB, the ones below the belt are in most people barely noticible. Tiny. Only one at a time. Painless. Don't worry, there's a good chance if you eat healthy, take vitamins you will be less contaigous and not give it to him. He needs to understand though that there is a chance he will get it though and not blame you if he does. Wear condoms and consider suppressive meds. Also, do you know if you have strain 1 or 2? 1 is less contaigous from. the genitals and 80% of the population has it orally anyway - coldsores. 1 also is more likely to give you only one OB the. Never again. Maybe until you figure things out and he gets comfortable with it and the risk to contract it, the best thing for you and he to be is friends to eachother. Getting through this together can make your relationship stronger. Hang in there and trust us it gets better!

    • meghan02140 meghan02140 sarah53590

      Hi Sarah,

      Sorry for responding so late and thank you for your encouraging words but I have HSV2 and I have found someone who I have openly told about it and he accepts me and love me still... However we've gotten into a heated argument and he's debating on staying with me or breaking up with me and I'm sad cause I know that I'll never find anyone like him .... I hope that he comes back to me

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 meghan02140

      Awe, I'm sorry to hear of him leaving. I too hope things work out but if not, have no worry you will find another nice guy. I think it can get easier as we get older, more mature and people are more educated about health and life and aren't so scared. Best wishes!

    • serabe69749 serabe69749 crystina11903

      Tell Him!! I just got into a new relationship. He didnt tell me he has this and though we were safe, condoms break. And it did...THEN he told me... im leaving. Love is selfless. Love cares for the safety of others. This was MY choice to make and I wasnt given that option by someone who swears they love me. Id have been witj him anyway...then I couldnt be mad at anyome but myself. I was kind. I held him amd told him I dont hate him

      ...but Im hurt...and Im leaving and hes hurting ao badly...Dont do this to him OR yourSelf...Find a way. Text him if its easier. Just tell him before you dont have a Choice...and before He doesnt have a choice either. Best of luck! <3

    • Bake98 Bake98 pricila 33725

      Hey Pricilla 33725 you're an inspiration to others. Don't forget that. I enjoyed what you said here. I'm 37 and have had it for 3 years. It sucks but I raise my kids and keep to myself. My hand works just fine. And less drama too 😁  Message me to stay in touch 

    • Catia77904 Catia77904 pricila 33725

      I'm 35 yrs old. I found out I had herpes 3 months ago. I was devestayed. I don't know when or how I caught it because I the last time I had sex was 3 months after I gave birth to my son who is now 2 going on 3. I remember going to the emergency room for itching and burning in the inside of my vagina. But I was told it was an yeist infection.  Me and my son father broke up shortly after my son's birth. I have no idea what to expect and I'm in a new relationship and I'm scared to have any sex with him and also scared to come out and tell him of my condition. I'm afraid he'll leave me. What should I do.

    • Bake98 Bake98 Catia77904

      You should always be honest with a significant other. Tell them what u just posted. It's always best to be honest.  If he leaves you for telling him the truth then it wasn't gonna last regardless. 

    • laykn03137 laykn03137 dennise1998

      I also made this to tell you it does get better. I'm 19 and I recently got diagnosed. I have absolutely no idea where it came from. I've only been with my boyfriend for almost a year and he's negative. But, since my first outbreak he has been my rock. He still loves me and treats me a like a queen. I was so afraid he'd look at me different but he doesn't. The first outbreak is awful, I won't lie, but I hear it get easier. That first outbreak has been my only and hopefully my last. Can't blame me for wishful thinking. Lol.  But like Pricilla 33725 said you're not alone in this. Be strong. 

    • life36619 life36619 crystina11903

      Let him know. I had a sex with the man that i love but i didnt tell him about it before because im afraid of rejection. And when i finally had courage to tell him it was too late.. he hated me because i kept it to him and have unprotected sex. I lost him for the reason that i kept it a secret not because of having it.

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  • zumanity55872 zumanity55872

    teodora, I understand how you feel and I know things are not easy. But don't give up, the frustration will get less as time pass by. There are people out there for you, it takes time to find. I think the best is to build a relationship first, get to know each other. Then find a timing to tell about herpes. I have experienced some people turned away instantly, but there are people who accepts me. This road will never be easy, but we need to be strong.

  • paul22770 paul22770

    I caught herpes when I was 20 years of age and all I was told was that I had it for life and treat outbreaks with warm salty water....... I'm now 52 and as far as I'm aware have never passed it on. As the years go buy it becomes less and less and I used to get a like tingle in the top of my leg when I was about to have an outbreak. I will say it is very hard telling a new partner but I think you must be upfront however hard it may be. I think you just need to be very very carefull and check yourself 110% before having sex which in some situations ain't easy..... sad . It is Not the end of the world however scared you may feel when you are diagnosed. I believe their is more advice and help now and of course the net which I never had..... Never give up

    • Woman50ish Woman50ish paul22770

      I've had hsv2 for 15 years. However got divorced. Met a man wh o was okay with it until the -condom broke ..yes daily valacyclovirovir.. Prior and an exam 1 day before we had sex.. I had oral sex me on him 4 days later.. 5 months have gone by relationship has become consumed by his fears. I have been supportive.. All the way.. We had intercourse once.. Condom broke. The the oral sex.. Since then 6 months has passed. Our sex has been with clothes on. He's been testing every few weeks. Finally his results came back..hsv1.. He asked me to go for new bloodwork so I did.. Neg HSV 1 positive HSV 2.. How is this possible.. And our relationship now distanced because he said he needed to get things straight in is head as to how to interact.. I'm sad and missing the clothes on no kissing sex. How is hsv1 possible? If I'm HSV 2? So perplexed???

    • MoshuShi MoshuShi Woman50ish

      3 possibilities: 1) he was never tested for HSV-1 before and had it all along, 2) you are testing negative for HSV-1 even though you have it, 3) he was testing neg for HSV-1 even though he had it before. There is a 10-15% false negative rate on blood tests for HSV-1. There are actually two different blood tests and one has a worse accuracy rate than the other. They may have changed the test they did on him. The longer you wait to get tested for HSV-1 after contracting it, the less likely you are to test positive for it. If you are asymptomatic and contracted it a long time ago you have a good chance of testing negative for it.

    • joji77 joji77 paul22770

      3yrs ago I had unprotected sex w/my BF.I always got chkd but the guy b4 him I didn't which is 1 of his good friends I found out after dating.He first had an outbreak,so we both got chkd.I was positive for herpes2, he was positive for Chlamydia.A yr later is why he got chkd again then he said he got herpes2 & blamed me,also he said the Dr told him he got it from me.Ive never broke out until him.After that time I break out almost every months.Its a red puss blister, that only hurts if touched. Don't go to the Dr because they keep saying different things.I try to work it out but I'm tired of taking care of a grown unappreciative man.Im scared to move on and I don't wanna be stuck. I need advice

    • kristen4444 kristen4444 Woman50ish

      It's very possible to have HVS1 & not 2. The ONLY way to get a real result to see if you carry HSV2 is to get what's called a "Western Blot Test." They're expensive and hard to find. I'd suggest you get this test bc other tests are not as accurate (like the ELISA). Some ppl only have cold sores (HSV1) and still test postitive for HSV2 bc the antibodies are there. Again, you need an antigen specific test to know for sure. I'm going through something like this myself. I started dating a new partner and he has HSV1. That's all I knew of. He's now insisting that he's showing symptoms of HSV2. I have and will not be intimate with this person until I see a real result from an authentic Western Blot Test. Plz let me know if any of this helps or if you've learned anything new.

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 kristen4444

      Genital HSV symptoms are the same regsrdless of 1or2 strain. 2 is much less common orally. Half of all new GHSV diagnosis are strain 1.

      I am under the impression that igm blood tests have low accuracy rate, that igg blood tests are quite accurate, western blot is best and most accurate... At least this is what 98% of my online reading everything I can find has told me. A swab test has a very low false positive rate and false negative rate is higher due to lower viral concentrations in lesions, depending on stage of partially healed elisions. I have only had a swab and am positive for strain2.

    • jade85406 jade85406 MoshuShi

      I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 years he recently went on vacation to Houston TX and what we think is he ingested some sort of a date rape drug he has no memory of the night he just woke up in the driver's seat of a strange car covered in vomit with out his phone the only things he had on him was a ladies ID and a set of keys to a mailbox. The whole next day he was vomiting profusely then he noticed an outbreak on his genitals less then 48 hours later. he went to the doctor immediately and they told him he has hsv2 and he has been taking his medication for his first outbreak that has now cleared up since his outbreak or his diagnosis we have not kissed or had sex I'm wondering if he has hsv2 does that mean he automatically has HSV-1 and if he only has hsv2 am I in danger of getting HSV-1 by kissing him on the lips , is there a way they can test you to see if you have HSV-1 if you don't have any outbreaks on your mouth such as cold sores or blisters?

    • pamz6969 pamz6969 jade85406

      Yes they jave a test at the dr for 1 and2..i had been with someone 8years&he had both tests&did not have2he had1..&ive never had a cold sore i dont think its the same if you have 2u dont definitely have1..but u can kiss if no one has a cold goodness that storys mpre vacations still unsure about outbreaks u said48hours i heard 3-5weeks.. then i heard it can be dormant in u for i giess its everyone is different..i had one HORRIBLE outbreak over 10years ago&i started2get one yesterday but its gone..god i dont want one..but im married to my 3rd husband&i never gave my other2husbands anything by a miricle i guess..

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 jade85406

      Hi, I'm sorry this happened to your boyfriend and hope he's getting through it ok. Your message is a little hard to understand with the way it's written and not punctuated but I will try to answer best I can.

      There is a test to tell him which strain HSV he has (1or2). It's a blood test and sores don't need to be present.

      Just because he has 2, he might not necessarily have 1. They are similar but different viruses. He can't give you a hsv1 if he doesn't have it. 80% Americans have HSV 1, it's very common.

      Until a few mos after I had my first genital OB, I don't remember ever having a cold sore (oral) but a few mos after my genital OB, I got a few in my mouth. I have hsv2 (got genital sores swab tested, so I might also have hsv1 but those sores were2) and suspect possible I may have spread hsv2 to my mouth (inside of my cheek in my mouth) but it's supposed to be less common to get hsv2 in the mouth. Maybe I've had cold sores in my mouth before but never thought of them before I got them on my hoo-ha and heightened my awareness.

  • lauren74052 lauren74052

    Hello! I caught herpes when I was 20 with one small blister that never returned. As far as I am aware I also have not passed it on (unless it is just dormant in the other person?)...

    I have a husband and I have been with him for 7 years and we have unprotected sex and he has never gotten it either.

    It is harder for a woman to pass to a man, and the longer you have it without outbreaks the less likely to pass on.. apparently.

    I have been super lucky. Althought I don't get outbreaks "down there" A couple times a year I will get a rash on my knee, thigh or arm... which is apparently HSV2!!! weird huh.

    • Pipalongstockin Pipalongstockin lauren74052

      Hi Lauren I have recently met someone who is wonderful like you I only have a tiny little sore come up now and again but im so worried about passing it on to my new partner. I told him I suffer with cold sores on my nose but not down below im just not brave enough yet. We dont use protection only he said why do we need to we have both had neg screening at a std clinic. I just keep making excuses not to have sex when it flares up. I only see him once a week which is helping not that I like that but its the way it has to be at present. I must admit it has flared up more since ive been with him maybe he has herpes too and is reinfecting me who knows ! sad

    • Pipalongstockin Pipalongstockin lauren74052

      Hi Lauren

      I have just read your blog and I too had a small blister that come up once or twice in 13 years but I recently have started a new relationship and its come up a few times im so afraid im going to pass it on to my new partner I haven't told him that I have HSV2 but he knows I have had cold sores before and that I had shingles so I sort of told him I do carry the virus.

      Did you ever get itching inside and burning when you wee? I thought you couldn't get the sores inside but recently read you can urrrggg. !! I hope I haven't only ive been lucky like you so far except for the fact its reoccurring again. Do you eat healthy or take vitamins? How did you tell your husband? Sorry hope you dont mind me asking butits hard to talk to friends and family who wouldn't understand .

      J x

    • MrsAnonymous MrsAnonymous Pipalongstockin

      You cannot "re infect" someone with herpes. When you get it, it is for life. I've learned that if you are very healthy you tend to break out less. Stress and a sickness coming on can also cause a breakout too! Maybe you are stressing about passing it onto him and that's causing you to have outbreaks. Either way I hope that you find this response a little helpful atleast.

    • kristen4444 kristen4444 lauren74052

      I hope you realize that this is a disease for life. Just because you only showed symptoms once on your pubis doesn't mean a thing. If you never have, I'd suggest u get an antigen specific test and you'll know for sure. Also, it's not my business, but I hope your husband is aware of all of this. My guess is that he's infected and it's less obvious because men are more likely to be carrriers than they are to show symptoms. Good luck to you.

  • sally57806 sally57806 zumanity55872

    Im in a relationship with someone who has herpes. He takes his medication everyday. And we've had unprotected sex. This relationship is fairly new. As much as I care for him..which is a lot. I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life, and regardless of him not having an rather confident I have been infected. I want to go get tested...but im afraid he'll feel horrible himself, and be upset.

    I feel like this relationship should have just never happened. ..

  • carol32160 carol32160 zumanity55872

    I caught herpes at the age of 18, I caught it from an ex -boyfriend. He knew he had it, and hadn't had an outbreak in a while and decided to test things out on me (without my consent). By the time i had an outbreak, we had broken up (i never seen him again), and was in a new relationship that was 3 weeks old. I cried to my new boyfriend at the time, that i had to break up with him because i had herpes, and didn't want to take him through this. He held me, and said "i don't care, we'll get through this together, I'll catch it too, i want to be with you." (Again only been with him for 3 weeks)That was almost 10 years ago, we are still together, been married for 8 years and have 4 kids (which i had vaginally, with my OB GYN'S okay). I keep up with my meds., he still hasn't caught it, and if i have an outbreak and can't have sex he is understanding. i don't have alot of outbreaks either. Besides my husband and my doctor, this is the first time i have ever talked about this secret. No one knows, no close relatives or friends. Anyway, stay optimistic. i have a healthy, loving, and sexual marriage. WITH KIDS. I know if i can have this ANYBODY with herpes can. You want it, it's going to happen for you.

    • Egypt560 Egypt560 carol32160

      Wow this is very  encouraging to me. I just recently found out I have herpes. While just starting a relationship with a man I really care about. I thought he would run because we had unprotected sex once. But he hasn't and we are learning more about the boundaries we'll have. But this is my first outbreak is it always this painful.

    • sofiawen sofiawen carol32160

      Hi carol,

      could I have a question about your antiviral medication?

      You say you keep up with your meds - are you taking the antiviral medication continuously or only when you have prodroms/symptoms? Aren´t there side effects (on liver or so) after long time use? And most importantly, have you been taking it during your pregnacy(ies)? I would like to know if it is any dangerous to take aciclovirs during pregnancy,as research seems to be non-conclusive about the matter at this point...

    • mc1975 mc1975 carol32160

      Hi Carol your experience has encourage me. I had herpes when I was 29 my ex boyfriend had it and didn't know it. Now I'm 39 and single. Is hard for me to start a new relationship and tell them about it. I feel less than any other women.

    • caroline36678 caroline36678 carol32160

      You just gave me so much hope dear Carol...

      I have been married for 10 years, we have 2 beautiful children and i caught herpes 2 months ago....coming from oral sex that i received from my husband and its cold sore (who wasn't there at the moment but i guess he was shedding the virus and i gave birth 2 months before that so i guess i wasn't totally cured...)

      I have been wondering how we would have a normal sex life and another kid (because i want a third and maybe a forth one!) and i don't know...i didn't want to go back to condoms, neither did i want to gave up on kids and reading you is hopefull...thank u for that!

    • Dieherpes2015 Dieherpes2015 carol32160

      Thank you for opening up. I to got herpes from my ex the only difference it was my kids father. now he is in a relationship and haven't told his new partner. I think it's messed up how he can go about his life like he never did anything or he doesn't have anythg cause I know he does. I wasn't with anyone the whole time was together which was 7 1/2 yrs. Now 11 yrs I'm alone with two kids and afraid to find live afraid no one will love me... for me ... I'm a very sexual person and I'm unable to show it. like how could I ever be comfortable or how can a man be comfortable with having sex or oral sex with me... feel like a lost cause and damaged goods... I have two relationships. since my break up 3yrs ago and it hasn't been easy. obviously the men didn't stay.... please help words of advice😞😢

    • Pipalongstockin Pipalongstockin carol32160

      Hi Carol your story has made me feel so much more happier that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Im at the same stage not knowing how to tell my new partner I just keep worrying all the time im close to him its so sad and hurts me badly. But I only hope that when I do tell him it turns out like your story. I think the biggest problem is stress that causes more outbreaks . I think when you tell your partner the truth its a big stress relief.

      Thanks for posting

      J x

    • madison1989 madison1989 caroline36678

      Hello Caroline!

      I see your post is a month old, and I am not certain if you will even read this as it so long ago now,  but I felt I HAD to write you as my 'story' is so very similar to yours and I want to offer you some reassurance.

      In 1996, 20 years ago (yikes! Time goes fast!) I had the exact thing happen to me.  My husband has mouth cold sores that break out a few times a year.  We were just kids (19) at the time and did not realize oral cold sores even WERE herpes!  And like you and your hubby, we had had a baby a few months earlier in November.   We frequently had oral sex and one day I was sore/had stinging pain in vaginal area.  I, and my hubby looked and  saw blisters!  I went immediately to doctor who did culture and within a few days I got diagnosis of genital herpes, type HSV1.  My husband's cold sore that he got a few times a year in the corner of mouth was also found to be HSV1.   I was upset over whole thing for months (and it affected the happiness I should have had with our new baby) as I was afraid I would break out all the time, wondered the consequences, felt dirty!  Finally, near hysterics, I insisted in referall to Infectious Disease specialist.  He  explained to us that since my husband already had HSV1 orally that he (hubby) would not - could not - also develop it genitally.  And vice versa for me - I could not develop it orally since I had genitally.   We both shared the same virus, just in different areas of our body.  None the less, we BOTH equally had developed antibodies to the same virus and had same virus 'stored' in our bodies.  I was also informed at that time (and many more times over the years), that when HSV1 (typically an ORAL virus) develops on genitals, it rarely causes frequent or severe repeat outbreaks because the HSV1 virus is not in it's "preferred" place.  HSV2 is the type of virus that prefers the genitals. I assume you and hubby share the HSV1 type since your hubby had it orally, but I have read that while uncommon, oral herpes has been found orally. If you have not been tested, you both could get tested, even without an outbreak, as the doctor can order simple serum antibody testing for both of you which will show if you and your husband have had HSV1 or/and HSV2. Even if you both had the HSV2 - which is unlikely, it still would not alter your life tremendously (except that you MIGHT have more outbreaks genitally from HSV2 vs. HSV1) because regardless of type, your husband and you still cannot re-infect the other as long as you both have the same type as the other. 

      Over 20 years, I NEVER took any meds, to my knowledge never once broke out, have had 7 more babies w/o problems, always refused meds drs wanted me to take in last trimester (not recommending it as if you did have outbreak, it is c-section) and of course, husband never contracted genital herpes as he already has the virus 'stored' on his mouth.  Over the years, I kinda felt like the whole "OMG! HERPES!" was a joke.  I know it is not and some people have frequent breakouts, but there are those like myself who never have problems either. Maybe I will have break out someday, but won't spend a minute worrying about it.  And I hope you don't either!   I was terrified when it first happened and wasted months worrying!  If I only knew!  I usually don't even remember I have it.  My husband and I split up for a few years (and then reconciled and and I got together with ex boyfriend from HS for 2 years with frequent sex (never protection) and he never caught it either.  I did tell him but we had had sex many times by time I even remember I was a herpes carrier!  Once I told him, he did got tested and was negative for any HSV. I hope this helps you and makes you rest a little easier. Think of it as a benign skin condition that likely will give you little if any problems. Ask your DR about the fact that you and hubby both have same virus and unless I was lied to by my DRS, your DR will tell you that nothing needs to change between you and him as you can't give virus to someone who already has it!  DON'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WORRYING ABOUT IT!   My life "after herpes" did not change at all except for 1st outbreak and KNOWING and FEAR that I had herpes - which I think is the worst part of this nasty virus for anyone!


    • hannah20946 hannah20946 carol32160

      Thank you for sharing your story, I'm I was just diagnosed with HSV 2. My current boyfriend has been supportive, but he is very scared and nervous about the whole thing. Reading things like this makes me feel better, but how do I relay these things to him? That the risk isn't as high as he thinks? Also, a more personal question, what about oral? Have you been able to receive oral from your husband? Or would you reccomend a dental dam?

    • marie 22718 marie 22718 carol32160

      Thank you for posting this I have has this since I was 20 I am now 26. Luckily I already had a baby at 19 I consider this a blessing at such a young age to have a child because I obviously wasn't gonna be able to conceive naturally afterwards ( I know now) I want another baby but I don't want to infect my spouse. I am desperate for answers on how to give birth naturally as well as conceive and my spouse still comes out okay. I'm devastated I have no help.

    • brittney4527 brittney4527 carol32160

      Hello carol I have read your post and it's made me feel a lot better. I was just diagnosed about a week ago and I feel absolutely disgusting about myself. I have a similar situation I was with my ex for 4 years and he never showed symptoms and broken up and with another boyfriend for 3 I had my first out break and its abseloutly horrible. But he was very understanding and very helpful. It's so hard to walk even. But I'm wondering is it safe to share the same bed with him while having an outbreak?

    • Wilson9677 Wilson9677 madison1989

      Dear Madison,

      You're story gives me so much hope to pick up the pieces and carry on with my life. I recently contracted genital herpes hsv 1 from oral sex, my partner didn't disclose this with me before we got intimate and is still indenial that he gave me this which is annoying. I'm really Just scared for future relationships, my life is just starting (recently turned 18) and the fact that I have to deal with this bump in the road is holding me back from true happiness. Anyways thank u for sharing your story, it's a good reminder that there's hope for All of us.

    • trell 82518 trell 82518 madison1989

      Hello I been with my bf for a little over 5 yrs I found out about 2yrs ago I had hsv1 and 2 he have been very surportive very but he love for me to give him oral Sex but he can't seem to want to give me oral Sex. I asked what's the difference and he said that he got tested that he doesn't have Herps but he never showed me the test results I told him as soon as I found out about mys I think I got it from my ex husband even though he haven't said anything about it we were together for 15 yrs so what Im asking is can he still give oral Sex to me with out caughtin hsv1. Please help I miss oral Sex so much but I love him more if I had to do with out I can. Thanks in advance for the help

    • bri0437 bri0437 carol32160

      What meds do you take? My ex gave me herpes without him having a breakout which is called shedding. He didn't know he got it from the girl he cheated on me with till I had an extreme breakout and ended up with a catheter for two weeks. I still have breakout but now bad but frequently. I just started talking to a guy but I'm afraid to get close to him because of this. I'm trying to find out to have some what of a normal life. What are the best meds to take so when I do decide to have sex not spread it

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    • vince82412 vince82412 carol32160

      Hi carol, thank you for this reply, I'm so worried that I could pass it on to my kids I just recently diagnosed with herpes, my wife knows about it and she was furious about it because she know s it's not from her, please let me know how do I take care of myself not to get my kids infected, I'm hoping for your reply

    • Cait101 Cait101 carol32160

      I really needed to read your post Carol. I just found out yesterday that I have HSV 1 and 2 and I've been devastated. I have a boyfriend and he has been staying positive and saying it's not the end of the world. I don't even want to kiss him because I would feel responsible if he got anything. But seeing that you found someone who can look past it gives me hope. Thank you so much!!

    • deanna2012 deanna2012 carol32160

      Carol... If you have an outbreak how long do you wait to have sex? I've had two outbreaks consisting of one sore each time. The second never became an ulcer. Only a red bump so the severity is decreasing. But once the bump is gone is sex ok? Or do i wait x number of days after the sore clears?

      My boyfriend of 7 years probably has it and may have given to me but is asymptomatic. However we aren't sure and while he doesn't care about catching it, i don't want to put him at additional risk in case he is hsv free.

    • Genuine Genuine carol32160

      Thank you so much for that I'm 40 no children and I have 1 and 2 ashamed to say I don't know where it came from.But I'm at the age where I'm ready to have children but I walk around in constant shame because of my diagnosis.I feel like no woman will ever accept me or wanna start a family with me and I wanna be honest and upfront with with this person.Feels like I'm doomed to be a single lonely man and I'm a really handsome great guy alone it makes me sad.Is there a future for a guy like me?

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 Genuine

      Do you get OBs? I was diagnosed 9 mos ago and have had 3 OBs, none for last 4 mos. If I had more OBs, I think I'd feel much like you. I'm 35yo female ready to have kids too. I take loads of vitamins and eat healthy. This I feel reduces or eliminates (yet to be seen over more time) my OBs.

    • Genuine Genuine sarah53590

      Yes Im actually having one right now and just got tired of feeling alone and wanted to try something different.I take great vitamins and daily and this is actually the second one in 30 days.its not bad but I know what's going on down there.😔 Before these two it had been at least 7 months.One guy says stress contributes and ive got my share of that.i actually get so down about this topic that it brings me to tears.i wanna see me in my children raise them and watch them grow with someone special.

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 Genuine

      Hi Genuine,

      There's so many people who go on with this to have kids and be happy. Glad to hear you're taking a healthy approach to dealing with this. Ever been to a Naturopath Dr? Look into it, it's said it's possible to boost the immune system enough to even clear the virus. I thjnk you're on the right track getting into forums here, talking to other people living with it. Have you done much of that elsewhere online? There's som really great stories out there on readit and others. Patient doesn't allow us to post links to other sites in the forums. Get over that hump and out there with open arms for the love waiting for you. If you do run into some rejection, don't let it stop you and move on to the next. I'm 35, no kids and my reproductive years are running out but that doesn't discourage me.

    • ashley05443 ashley05443 carol32160

      Hi Carol,

      I just was just tested and I stage 2 herpes I have a daughter I'm scared too kiss her or her to even touch me cause I'm scared I'm pass it too her how do you do it with children and also I'm in a new relationship I want too tell him but I'm just scared that I found the right person that I am going too loose him and my business will be exposed but I know it wouldn't but I'm just scared to say anything this is my first our break i don't even know if he gave it too me or did I already have it and I finally just now having a our break. But also I'm still young I want more kids how were you able too do so with the virus and I know this could be a little personal but also did you have too stop having oral sex?? Thank you I know it's a lot thanks for your time...

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 ashley05443

      Hi Ashley,

      I'm sorry you're going through all this it gets better believe me. I felt my life had no chance of being happy when I was diagnosed in October 2016. By December I was feeling far better. Herpes 2 refers to herpes strain 1 or 2, not stage. During any herpes OB I guess there's a prodrome (pre-OB stage with tingling, itch, and increased viral shedding) stage, blister stage, lesion stage, scabbing stage.

      After you've had your first OB, there's usually no concern to pass it to children through pregnancy/birth because you give your newborn temporary antibodies that protect against transmission during birth. Just be sure to mention it to your doc.

      Yiu can still enjoy all sex acts you enjoy now, just usually considered best to refrain from all sex during OB, to not irritate the lesions and prolong the OB. Also to reduce risk of transmission if your partner doesn't have it. Not everyone agrees we even need to abstain during OB. Long as it isn't painful (be gentle and location of the blister helps) and if the blister/s don't get rubbed on too much, it doesn't seem to prolong them or make more. I still have oral sex any time I would have sex. if your OB is only genital, the home to your herpes is your lower spine, if you get OBs orally, it lives in your upper spine. There is some risk to contact spread (called self infect) to the mouth/upper spine. Seems this may be what happened to me. Don't think I ever had oral cold sores before but have had them twice since diagnosis. So oral sex COULD have spread them there.

    • ashley05443 ashley05443 sarah53590

      Thank you so much Sarah this has been the most trying few weeks I have been feeling very low like my life was over and just listening too everyone's stories makes me feel better and let's me know I'm not alone and it will get better I just have to take care of my health a lot better too stay healthy and enjoy life we all make mistakes it's just a wake up call for us too do better and make sure our children don't make the same mistakes thank you this put my nerves at ease a little but thank you i appreciate this and if I have concerns I will be sure too ask thank you

  • lawrence09 lawrence09 zumanity55872

    I guess im new to this...felt bad all day...been married for a year and two months...I decided to go for a routine check up just because and for compensation  for the military. ...i never cheated on my wife and she never cheated on me in the 3 years we been together but today i received info from my doc that i had type 2 does that hapoen....she nor i havent had a break out....wat to do...we trying to have a baby...

  • enrique1207 enrique1207 zumanity55872

    Okay so, my gf got tested and her test was positive but both only have had unprotected sex with each other and I don't understand how is it that she got herpes when she's only had unprotected sex with me?

  • booboo87 booboo87 zumanity55872

    I've had herpes for 9 years now and never past to any off my ex partners its hard and I feel sick that I have to live with it for the rest off my life 😢

  • michelle2000 michelle2000 zumanity55872

    I was replying to your post. It is possible to not get herpes if your partner has it and you're having unprotected sex. My partner has had herpes for 6 years and we've been having unprotected sex for 2 years and I don't have it. If there is no signs of outbreaks and the person with herpes does not feel it coming on the other partner will not contract it. I'm not a doctor but this is from personal experience, so I'm not sure if my immune system is just very strong but I cannot speak for other people. I hope this helps a little bit being that I'm not the only one because there was another post that stated as well that a couple one with herpes and one without was having unprotected sex and the person without didn't contracted either I guess it just depends on when you have sex

  • Dieherpes2015 Dieherpes2015 zumanity55872

    reading you comment made me feel a little better. I have been dealing with this for 5 years.I got it from my son dad, or at least I think I did. I wanted to know are you still with your husband and did he ever get it? I recently had unprotected sex with my partner and now I'm afrid I at gave it to him.even though I don't have many outbreaks

  • brenda40292 brenda40292 zumanity55872

    I just recently started a new relationship with a guy i have been friends with for years. He found out about a year ago that he has herpes. We are generally very cautious when being intimate. However we had sex the other night without any protection. He was not having an outbreak or any symtoms. He constantly assures me that he will not give it to me but i am very nervous. How high of a risk is it that i could have caught it that one time without him having any symtoms? My doctor says the testing for herpes is not very accurate in distinguishing between HSV-1 and HSV-2. But i would rather get some kind of clarification instead of just waiting to find out. Or maybe im just over thinking the whole situation. I am very confused.

    • sannu72 sannu72 brenda40292

      In the same boat as you, had unprotected sex with someone who told me he has it.  He said he takes meds regularly and has not transmitted it to either of his prior 2 wives over the last 25 years, he didnt have any active sores (i know it can still be transmitted but is less %)  I know i was stupid to have unprotected sex in the first place, but it's a guy i've known for a while and trusted. I'm leaving for vacation next week and am really freaking out.  So I'm curious...what happened, did you end up with it? and if you did (which i hope you didnt) how quickly did you know?  very scared!!

    • echo2000 echo2000 sannu72

      Your story was close to my own. I met a lady, talked with her and got to know her. I asked her if I should be concerned about anything STD related. I got all the assurances that there were no issues and moved forward. A week or two passed and I encouraged her to get a physical and she did. She said the nurse told her days later the results showed she was hsv 2 positive. Then she tells me about an outbreak back in the 80's (now she is admitting to having hsv 2) but had no outbreaks for years. She had been married and had relationships and no one has gotten exposure from her. I am holding my nerves together as this has been surreal. I have had no outbreaks but my nerves have been a wreck as I approach a month since that time. I am not taking anything for granted and after that one time being intimate, can't see myself doing anything that may increase the % of getting it. You are not alone in your frustration.

    • echo2000 echo2000

      Reading about these stories helps and writing about it has helped. I find it fascinating others have been married, and their partners are negative pertaining to infection. Stay positive.

  • r70281 r70281 zumanity55872

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