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zumanity55872 zumanity55872

Have herpes, unprotected sex

I was diagnosed herpes 2 five years ago. I didnt aware I had it and was in relationship. Until the first outbreak I got tested, same as my ex. His result came out positive, we didnt know who got first but we supported each other.

We broke up almost 2 years ago, we remained friends and he already started a new relationship one year ago. He told me sometimes he didnt use any protection with his gf(she knows) and she has been okay.

I know that herpes can pass to others even there is no outbreak, but from my ex expeirence, his gf and him are good so far. Just wonder if anyone has similar expereince with his/her partners? If you have unprotected sex when there is no outbreak?

I have met a guy and told him the whole situation. He said he doesnt care and still want to be with me. He wanted to have unprotected sex, but i really dont want to put him at risk. I did saw others for short time also with unprotected sex. He got tested a few month ago and result came out negative.

Please share with me if you have similar experience with me.

251 Replies

  • golddd golddd

    I got diagnose recently, so I know for sure that when your immune system is let say.. down and you are sick or something like this then the herpes strikes, so not everyone can get infected. I am a little bit afraid that no one will want me because of the herpes ....

    • pricila 33725 pricila 33725 dennise1998

      I literally just made an account to say this to you, I'm 18 too, female and was diagnosed with HSV-2 about two months ago. I promise you it will get better, the first outbreak is the worst. In the beginning I was so depressed, I felt disgusting and like no one would ever want me. I have guys that know I have this and they would still sleep with me. I'm not interested because I don't like to have sex just for sex I need a connection and they can't offer me that. You're not alone, you will be in pain and feel like sh*t but you have to stay strong. This is what I tell myself, I'm still the same person I was before. I'm not going to let this diagnosis change the way I see myself. I'm smart, beautiful and there is men/women out there who will still want you. Don't let this change you. You're stronger than this. You will need to eat healthy, exercise and have a strong immune system. Be patient and you will overcome this. I'm experiencing my second outbreak right now and it's very tiny it's not severe. Find your trigger(what makes it come back the outbreak), mine is stress. Exams, studying etc. I have to find a way to relax. Just know you're not alone.

    • crystina11903 crystina11903 pricila 33725

      I've had herpes for 14 years and I recently just got out of a relationship so I've not been with anybody new in a long time. I have a new friend that I'm dating but I haven't slept with him. I'm very nervous and I feel like I should tell him before I sleep with him. I'm just afraid of rejection. He's a very nice guy and I don't wanna hurt him in any way. This situation has really stressed me out. I wanted to tell him today but I couldn't get the words out my mouth. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to tell someone.

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 crystina11903

      Hi Christina,

      It seems the general public consensus, including represented by those here and everywhere else I've read online (during my first OB I read everything I could find), it seems everything goes better when disclosed beforehand. MANY people have been surprised how little their partner to be thought of it. Some have already had relationships with people who had it and haven't caught it themselves. Some (1out of 5 of US population) have one of the 2 strains genitally and another 80% have it orally. So he may already have it and is stressed to tell you! I haven't heard one account of where a person who knew they were carying it told someone only after sex (except for about 2 instances where it was drunk 'oops' sex between friends/aquaintanances/non relationships), when it didn't cause SOME tension that it wasn't disclosed before. Some people feel really disrespected they weren't informed before and take it badly. Seems the older the person is, more mature and they handle it better. They may have had relationships that didn't work for whatever reason and seem to be less likely to let something you can't change keep them away from who makes them happy.

      May I ask if you get OBs still? Frequently? Less likely you can pass it on if you don't OB and wear a condom (30%) protection. Also, unprotected transmission rates female to male are lower than male to female.

      Are you on antivirals? I'd suggest maybe taking them in front of him (with dinner or whatever) and if he comments/asks, say "oh, it's a medication to suppress cold sores". ... "So one day a long time ago, I got a cold sore on my hoo-ha". If he doesn't look like he knows the whole story of what that means, this is a good opener to tell him. "It makes sure I don't get more and reduces chance I could pass to someone else".

      I had my first (and until last week, only) OB in October 2016, 10 mos into a relationship and was with a man before him for 16 yrs. None of the 3 of us had ever had symptoms any time in our lives. I knew he didn't know he had it, but he asked me if I still loved him if he did give it to me. I tearfully said I'd be really hurt if he knew and let me find out like this, by having an OB. ... Then 6 wk later, he had his first OB.... And now I wonder if I had it all these yrs without even a single OB.

    • meghan02140 meghan02140 pricila 33725

      Hi ... I'm only 17 and I was diagnosed with Herpes on April 11 2017 ... He slid in without a condom and didn't tell me bit of course its my fault cause I didn't check like I usually would ... It was a week before prom when the doctor looked in my eyes and told me "You have Herpes ... You will always have this" .... I was disgusted and still am disgusted with myself ... I say to myself "You're not normal" ... Not a day goes by I don't think about it especially during the breakouts but .... I did it and I have to go through with it ... U just really touched me when I read your encouragement to the other girl sometimes I feel that confidence u have written other times I wish suicide wasn't a sin ...

    • meghan02140 meghan02140 crystina11903

      I know what you mean ... I've been in love with this guy for a year now and when we broke up I had sex with someone else ... He gave me herpes ... Now I refuse to get back with the boy I love so he can move on to someone who can't harm him with a kiss .. Or A touch ... He thinks its him whose the problem when ... When it's really me

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 meghan02140

      Hi Meghan,

      I'm so sorry you're going through this. Believe me, life isn't over. This is just another one of the many challenges life throws at us. It's amazing how it this herpes thing seems to universally make those who contract it so depressed and feel their life is over. That no-one will ever love them. For a few weeks during my initial OB (5weeks), I was suicidal too. Then it passes. The OBs get to be not so bad and maybe even go away! I actually suspect I had this for 16 years without any OB, as I was in a monogamous relationship. The only other possibility is my new boyfriend (celibate for over a year before me and never had symptoms) gave it to me 8 mos into our relationship, but weird my OB came 6 weeks BEFORE his. So, point being, we don't even know where it came from and life can be so normal with HSV that you don't even know you have it for years.

      A question- have you been tested to see which strain (1or2) you have? 1 usually only has 1 OB genitally and is far less contaigous unless you have it orally. But 80% of the population has it orally anyway - it's cold sores.

      The boy you love - he thinks he's the problem keeping you apart? Try talking to him. When you talk to him, just talking about your day and what's happening in life, say ; "so, might sound kinda weird but I got this cold sore on my hoo-ha." Let him react to that a bit. Then "well, I'm really scared to tell you this but they told me its herpes". Focus on the fact that it's just a cold sore and most people get those on their mouthes and after your initial OB, the ones below the belt are in most people barely noticible. Tiny. Only one at a time. Painless. Don't worry, there's a good chance if you eat healthy, take vitamins you will be less contaigous and not give it to him. He needs to understand though that there is a chance he will get it though and not blame you if he does. Wear condoms and consider suppressive meds. Also, do you know if you have strain 1 or 2? 1 is less contaigous from. the genitals and 80% of the population has it orally anyway - coldsores. 1 also is more likely to give you only one OB the. Never again. Maybe until you figure things out and he gets comfortable with it and the risk to contract it, the best thing for you and he to be is friends to eachother. Getting through this together can make your relationship stronger. Hang in there and trust us it gets better!

    • meghan02140 meghan02140 sarah53590

      Hi Sarah,

      Sorry for responding so late and thank you for your encouraging words but I have HSV2 and I have found someone who I have openly told about it and he accepts me and love me still... However we've gotten into a heated argument and he's debating on staying with me or breaking up with me and I'm sad cause I know that I'll never find anyone like him .... I hope that he comes back to me

    • sarah53590 sarah53590 meghan02140

      Awe, I'm sorry to hear of him leaving. I too hope things work out but if not, have no worry you will find another nice guy. I think it can get easier as we get older, more mature and people are more educated about health and life and aren't so scared. Best wishes!

    • serabe69749 serabe69749 crystina11903

      Tell Him!! I just got into a new relationship. He didnt tell me he has this and though we were safe, condoms break. And it did...THEN he told me... im leaving. Love is selfless. Love cares for the safety of others. This was MY choice to make and I wasnt given that option by someone who swears they love me. Id have been witj him anyway...then I couldnt be mad at anyome but myself. I was kind. I held him amd told him I dont hate him

      ...but Im hurt...and Im leaving and hes hurting ao badly...Dont do this to him OR yourSelf...Find a way. Text him if its easier. Just tell him before you dont have a Choice...and before He doesnt have a choice either. Best of luck! <3

    • Bake98 Bake98 pricila 33725

      Hey Pricilla 33725 you're an inspiration to others. Don't forget that. I enjoyed what you said here. I'm 37 and have had it for 3 years. It sucks but I raise my kids and keep to myself. My hand works just fine. And less drama too 😁  Message me to stay in touch 

    • Catia77904 Catia77904 pricila 33725

      I'm 35 yrs old. I found out I had herpes 3 months ago. I was devestayed. I don't know when or how I caught it because I the last time I had sex was 3 months after I gave birth to my son who is now 2 going on 3. I remember going to the emergency room for itching and burning in the inside of my vagina. But I was told it was an yeist infection.  Me and my son father broke up shortly after my son's birth. I have no idea what to expect and I'm in a new relationship and I'm scared to have any sex with him and also scared to come out and tell him of my condition. I'm afraid he'll leave me. What should I do.

    • Bake98 Bake98 Catia77904

      You should always be honest with a significant other. Tell them what u just posted. It's always best to be honest.  If he leaves you for telling him the truth then it wasn't gonna last regardless. 

    • laykn03137 laykn03137 dennise1998

      I also made this to tell you it does get better. I'm 19 and I recently got diagnosed. I have absolutely no idea where it came from. I've only been with my boyfriend for almost a year and he's negative. But, since my first outbreak he has been my rock. He still loves me and treats me a like a queen. I was so afraid he'd look at me different but he doesn't. The first outbreak is awful, I won't lie, but I hear it get easier. That first outbreak has been my only and hopefully my last. Can't blame me for wishful thinking. Lol.  But like Pricilla 33725 said you're not alone in this. Be strong. 

    • life36619 life36619 crystina11903

      Let him know. I had a sex with the man that i love but i didnt tell him about it before because im afraid of rejection. And when i finally had courage to tell him it was too late.. he hated me because i kept it to him and have unprotected sex. I lost him for the reason that i kept it a secret not because of having it.


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