Have herpes, unprotected sex
Posted , 134 users are following.
I was diagnosed herpes 2 five years ago. I didnt aware I had it and was in relationship. Until the first outbreak I got tested, same as my ex. His result came out positive, we didnt know who got first but we supported each other.
We broke up almost 2 years ago, we remained friends and he already started a new relationship one year ago. He told me sometimes he didnt use any protection with his gf(she knows) and she has been okay.
I know that herpes can pass to others even there is no outbreak, but from my ex expeirence, his gf and him are good so far. Just wonder if anyone has similar expereince with his/her partners? If you have unprotected sex when there is no outbreak?
I have met a guy and told him the whole situation. He said he doesnt care and still want to be with me. He wanted to have unprotected sex, but i really dont want to put him at risk. I did saw others for short time also with unprotected sex. He got tested a few month ago and result came out negative.
Please share with me if you have similar experience with me.
5 likes, 252 replies
derrick47258 zumanity55872
Posted
i've been diagnosed with hsv2 for about four and a half years, and had symptoms within 3 weeks of having regrettable, unprotected sex. unfortunately, i had the mentality that i was not as sexually active as my buddies. this led me to seeking the "hookup" which led to my affliction.
after talking with the woman, it seems as though she is an asymptomatic carrier. after her response, and learning more about her, i have not tried to have conversation with her since. this is a slightly salty subject. i did see her at another party after being diagnosed, and couldn't stand to be touched by her.
after three years of abstinence, i must say i am proudly a very different person than i was when first diagnosed. i am now learning eastern medicine, and found myself extremely frustrated when i assumed i had contracted hsv1, and when seeking western care, i have mostly been thrown meds for control, without a second opinion or assurance. "everyone has hsv 1, take this medication to control your outbreaks."
i have found a new doctor, and am proud to find myself clear of antibodies for hsv1, and given a clearer expectation of what it is i'm feeling.
this is the time of year i have my outbreaks, and with medication taken after definite symptoms, i am feeling clear less than a week later. this conversation has made me feel more comfortable with my affliction, and i hope that we may all lead happy and healthy lives.
i do have one question i'd like to pose, why is it that everyone and the cdc has stated that this virus is contractable with bare contact even without an outbreak,and yet 90% of people have cold sores but the remaining ten percent is safe between outbreaks?
i feel hsv2 has gotten a rotten reputation, and would love to hear an experienced opinion on the prognosis of our disease. i've="" been="" diagnosed="" with="" hsv2="" for="" about="" four="" and="" a="" half="" years,="" and="" had="" symptoms="" within="" 3="" weeks="" of="" having="" regrettable,="" unprotected="" sex.="" unfortunately,="" i="" had="" the="" mentality="" that="" i="" was="" not="" as="" sexually="" active="" as="" my="" buddies.="" this="" led="" me="" to="" seeking="" the="" "hookup"="" which="" led="" to="" my="" affliction.="" after="" talking="" with="" the="" woman,="" it="" seems="" as="" though="" she="" is="" an="" asymptomatic="" carrier.="" after="" her="" response,="" and="" learning="" more="" about="" her,="" i="" have="" not="" tried="" to="" have="" conversation="" with="" her="" since.="" this="" is="" a="" slightly="" salty="" subject.="" i="" did="" see="" her="" at="" another="" party="" after="" being="" diagnosed,="" and="" couldn't="" stand="" to="" be="" touched="" by="" her.="" after="" three="" years="" of="" abstinence,="" i="" must="" say="" i="" am="" proudly="" a="" very="" different="" person="" than="" i="" was="" when="" first="" diagnosed.="" i="" am="" now="" learning="" eastern="" medicine,="" and="" found="" myself="" extremely="" frustrated="" when="" i="" assumed="" i="" had="" contracted="" hsv1,="" and="" when="" seeking="" western="" care,="" i="" have="" mostly="" been="" thrown="" meds="" for="" control,="" without="" a="" second="" opinion="" or="" assurance.="" "everyone="" has="" hsv="" 1,="" take="" this="" medication="" to="" control="" your="" outbreaks."="" i="" have="" found="" a="" new="" doctor,="" and="" am="" proud="" to="" find="" myself="" clear="" of="" antibodies="" for="" hsv1,="" and="" given="" a="" clearer="" expectation="" of="" what="" it="" is="" i'm="" feeling.="" this="" is="" the="" time="" of="" year="" i="" have="" my="" outbreaks,="" and="" with="" medication="" taken="" after="" definite="" symptoms,="" i="" am="" feeling="" clear="" less="" than="" a="" week="" later.="" this="" conversation="" has="" made="" me="" feel="" more="" comfortable="" with="" my="" affliction,="" and="" i="" hope="" that="" we="" may="" all="" lead="" happy="" and="" healthy="" lives.="" i="" do="" have="" one="" question="" i'd="" like="" to="" pose,="" why="" is="" it="" that="" everyone="" and="" the="" cdc="" has="" stated="" that="" this="" virus="" is="" contractable="" with="" bare="" contact="" even="" without="" an="" outbreak,and="" yet="" 90%="" of="" people="" have="" cold="" sores="" but="" the="" remaining="" ten="" percent="" is="" safe="" between="" outbreaks?="" i="" feel="" hsv2="" has="" gotten="" a="" rotten="" reputation,="" and="" would="" love="" to="" hear="" an="" experienced="" opinion="" on="" the="" prognosis="" of="" our="" disease.="">
i've been diagnosed with hsv2 for about four and a half years, and had symptoms within 3 weeks of having regrettable, unprotected sex. unfortunately, i had the mentality that i was not as sexually active as my buddies. this led me to seeking the "hookup" which led to my affliction.
after talking with the woman, it seems as though she is an asymptomatic carrier. after her response, and learning more about her, i have not tried to have conversation with her since. this is a slightly salty subject. i did see her at another party after being diagnosed, and couldn't stand to be touched by her.
after three years of abstinence, i must say i am proudly a very different person than i was when first diagnosed. i am now learning eastern medicine, and found myself extremely frustrated when i assumed i had contracted hsv1, and when seeking western care, i have mostly been thrown meds for control, without a second opinion or assurance. "everyone has hsv 1, take this medication to control your outbreaks."
i have found a new doctor, and am proud to find myself clear of antibodies for hsv1, and given a clearer expectation of what it is i'm feeling.
this is the time of year i have my outbreaks, and with medication taken after definite symptoms, i am feeling clear less than a week later. this conversation has made me feel more comfortable with my affliction, and i hope that we may all lead happy and healthy lives.
i do have one question i'd like to pose, why is it that everyone and the cdc has stated that this virus is contractable with bare contact even without an outbreak,and yet 90% of people have cold sores but the remaining ten percent is safe between outbreaks?
i feel hsv2 has gotten a rotten reputation, and would love to hear an experienced opinion on the prognosis of our disease. >
madison1989 zumanity55872
Posted
I got HSV1 on genital region in 1996 from recieving oral sex from my hubby who had a cold sore on corner of mouth. We were 19 and did not even know that his cold sore was HERPES or this could have been avoided. 20 years later and I have yet to have another outbreak. My husband and I divorced for a few years (and then later remarried - lol). During this time, I hooked up with my old boyfriend from HS. Our relationship revolved around sex for about 2 years. At that time, it had been like 12 years from the one initial herpes outbreak, I hadn't had sex with anyone but husband who also had HPV1 virus (therefore no risk of 'catching' it as we both had same virus) so hadn't even thought about being a herpes for a long, long time.
At least 6 months if not a year of having sex pretty much daily with my old boyfriend from HS -- and only then because we had been talking about someone he knew that had found out they have herpes--- I remembered my own situation and i told him I had HPV1 even though I didn't actively have outbreaks. He didn't seem concerned in the least and told me he didn't think I could have herpes and not outbreaks as he believed a person with herpres always had sores on genitals. I assured him I was tested by a lab, it was positve and that a person with HSV does not always have sores! He shrugged it off, accepting the risk as he did not want to use condoms. As said, our relationship centered around sex - vaginal, oral, anal - pretty much daily, often multiple times a day for 2 years. Near the end of our relationship, I practically begged that he go get checked just in case. He finally did and tested negative for both HSV types. In our situation, zero protection ever used, I never took any of those viral medications, sex daily or multiple times a day for 2 solid years and he never caught HSV1 from me.
That being said, a woman I know who also has HSV1 genitally, infected from her previous partner by recieving oral sex ( just as I had with my hubby); She also had HSV1 for 8 or 9 years with NO outbreaks at all (same as me) and she got into new relationship, had sex regularly, did not tell him she was HSV1 positive as she didn't think she was contagious as she didn't have outbreaks and she was too embarrassed to say she had herpes! Even though she never had an outbreak, never saw sores/bumps. Her and her boyfriend (fiance at this point) had been together 18 months when he showed her that he developed some blisters on his penis. In shock, and ashammed, she told him that she had been diagnosed with HSV1 genital herpes nearly a decade earlier but that she didn't think she was contagious as had no sores or outbreak since the initial infection almost 10 years earlier. They went to clinic where the DR cultured his blisters and of course it turned out to be HSV1. In her case, which ironically is almost mirror image of the situation I had with a new partner, neither of us having any breakouts after initial infection, no sores/symptoms, yet her partner eventually DID catch HSV1, while mine did not. It is possible - maybe even likely - that given enough time (exposure) that my sexual partner of 2 years would have eventually also been infected with HSV1.
I am from a smaller town and gossip spreads like wildfire! Thankfully, I am married and not faced with this dilemma, but if I were single......and I know I am gonna get bashed for this....but honestly, I would have a "If they don't ask, I don't tell policy". I would make certain I had no sores/symptoms. Assuming this is more of a casual sex encounter, if the guy did not show concern of STD's by at least asking me if I was clean, etc., then I could live with not saying anyting as I feel he is accepting the risk - especially if this is a one night stand / casual sex thing. We all should know this type of sex with a person you do not know at all or know well is RISKY. If it were a friendship with person I care about and cares about me, I would either choose to NOT allow it to get sexual, therefore not having to tell him; or ask him to keep in confidence, explaining that I felt it was important that he knew there is some risk with a sexual relationship. Then hope he can keep my secret to himself.
Pipalongstockin madison1989
Posted
My present partner has gone to a clinic to be checked and I have also everything was negative except my herpes. I told him I suffered with cold sores years ago and that I carry the virus but I haven't been totally honest to say that I have a red bump come up on my labia lip occasionally. Its come up a few times in the last few months since we have been in a relationship and its been itching and painful so ive just said I havent felt well and declined from having sex .I only see my partner once a week only he lives a long way away from me. I also told him how im worried about passing the virus on through oral sex. He just says stop worrying. I really dont understand how the doctors can tell if you have herpes 1 or 2 from a swab.
Thanks for your story it helps me and others I hope feel more positive about this virus. My only big worry is getting more sores or worse my partner waking up with loads. I only have this tiny one that doesn't even look like a sore. I wonder why some people have worse symptoms is that maybe because whoever they caught it off had a worse outbreak? I was told you cant get them inside but I always itch inside when the lump comes up?
J x
madison1989 Pipalongstockin
Posted
Hi Pipalongstonging!
I was preparing a post for this site and then saw your response and thought I would send to you too.
After almost 20 years, I still remember the panic, the worry, feeling I was "damaged". My hubby and I were kids and way too young to even be married (19).. Our marriage was very rocky. If we divorced, how could I ever find another with "THIS"??? I swear a day didnt pass for months without me having a mirror between my legs searching for the looming sores I was sure would come any day. I was traumatized by initial outbreak. It was awful. I had minimun of 20 open sores, swelling, and sharp pain - like when salt/lemon gets in cut. Two decades has not helped me forget. I feel for everyone with this (and other) virus without cure. No one chooses to get this. I felt betrayed that my hubby gave it to me but also accepted that neither he nor I knew a small cold sore on the corner of his mouth was herpes.
I will guess most people felt betrayed after realizing they contracted herpes. That is why I think many people feel need to inform any potential partner of their infection. Admirable? Yes. Would I? No way. Especially if he/she knows ANYONE you know, which is more than likely. The risk of psychological harm to you (or anyone with HSV) by hateful gossip is worse than small risk of being contagious (provided you be absolute certain you have no symptoms) with what really amounts to basically a benign skin condition. I would never, under any circumstances have any sexual contact with sores/symptoms. There IS a difference between being relatively safe while protecting your privacy and being aware you are quite contagious but passing it along anyway because the other person didn't ask. That is probably how many have gotten it. Even if it is basically a skin condition and won't kill you, it isn't pleasant have sores on genitals/mouth and will likely result in that person also spreading it.
I found this on CDC's website (as to why they do not recommend routine HSV1 or HSV2 testing if person has no symptoms): "It is not clear that the identification of persons with HSV infection would decrease the spread of HSV in the population. There is no evidence that detection of HSV infection through testing of persons with no symptoms suggestive of herpes leads to a change their sexual behavior."
The CDC doesn't recommend routine testing because they don't think it would affect a person's behavior. Hmmm. Good enough for me. No way would I announce it. If I was dating, having casual sex, etc. and person asked me, if real close, then yes I would. If it's not looking like love, I'd decline on sex instead of lying. No disclosure is different than lying....to me anyway. I know of probably a dozen people I grew up with that I have heard slashed by genital herpes rumors. I always shrug off with "Oh, probably just rumors started by jealous or vengful ex and is a lie!" But that is me. I assure you many are not like that. And honestly, if I were in situation where a relationship came into the picture with someone I heard herpes rumors of, it would likely affect my decision.
I've read a lot about herpes and see huge variations in symptoms, being contagious and how often person has OB's. Looks like most people have less OB's the longer they have virus. I have read many stories where the person has bad OB's and then it just stops. Herpes simplex virus is an interesting virus (NOT the having it part) in a biological sense, with that it affects one person to another so differently. I assume it is how our individual antibodies handle the virus. I think the virus goes dormant, hiding out in the nervous system, after it is attacked by a person's antibodies. Maybe some people, or with time, virus cannot get a good "hold" to create symtoms because the body is trained how to quickly destroy the virus right away when it attempts to 'come out of hiding." My thoughts...I don't know if there is a scientific explanation.
I also want to mention that hubby and I had 4 more kids after initial OB, all vaginally. I see many women worry about that. Of course if you did have OB and went into labor you need a ceserean. I was offered one of the suppession medications at end of pregnancy but I refused every time as I thought "Why would i have outbreak now after X years?" - Each pregnancy being farther out from 1997 initial OB. I would NOT have refused meds though if Id had OB's.
The best advice I got a few months after I had become infected (that allowed me to put the mirror away and stop the worry) was this:
"Let your body take care of itself. Don't worry about it! Forget it and it will forget you! (Yes, I know its not that simple, but her reasoning was that the more a person dwells on something, the more often it seems to occur. Self fulfilling prophecy, if you will.) I don't know if that is all crap, but I know from experience if I get a headache and start in with "Go away! I hope it doesn't go all day. This is a bad day for this!" or think "Please don't let my back spasm the day of my son's birthday as I've got so much to do!", etc., I set myself up for trouble. I have trained myself (usually - lol) to live and let live. Get a bad headache? I accept I got a headache and go on with my day. Almost always it disappears without me even realizing it, until I recall I even had a bad headache (or whatever) earlier. At near 40 years old, with 5 kids, one a college student now, getting married very young, breaking up with hubby, dating someone new, reuniting with hubby - with more stressful moments than I care to remember - if I learned a thing in my life it is that being POSITIVE, even when standing knee deep in crap, is extremely powerful.
"If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you can't. Either way you are right."
Assume comes from the poem, 'THE VICTOR' (think that is title)
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you like to win, but think you can't,
It's almost certain you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you're lost.
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will --
It's all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can win the prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he CAN.
Helped me be positive about everything, even herpes, in my life.
I hope this helps you and/or others too.
helen15158 madison1989
Posted
As a female I always ask the man to use a condom until I feel ready to talk. I have had some bad experiences being honest and so this is the measure I have adopted. However, as is often the case right when you are getting into the swing of things the man asks not to use a condom. What do you do stop everything there and then to announce you have herpes?! I still try to encourage condom use with my partner but feel I have been backed into a corner by him not wanting to use one and me not feeling ready to say why. I have never passed the virus on as far as I am aware and I am always very cautious to check for symptoms before allowing any contact. However my concern is I will have to broach the subject at some point and how do I now do that?
rena67323 zumanity55872
Posted
Woman50ish rena67323
Posted
rodrigo_58446 zumanity55872
Posted
sarah53590 rodrigo_58446
Posted
How do you know you have it? 60% of Americans and 80% world overall have HSV1. You think you'll be rejected?
kevin2016 zumanity55872
Posted
true07289 kevin2016
Posted
sarah53590 kevin2016
Posted
emzy2303 zumanity55872
Posted
true07289 emzy2303
Posted
Legacy1 zumanity55872
Posted
Hello, I am a male that was recently diagnosed with herpes and was wondering if anyone has chosen to have sex with their boxer briefs on through the hole. I wanted to know if that along with the use of a condom while on medication was effective in preventing the spreading of heroes to their mate.
sarah53590 Legacy1
Posted