Have the DWP brought in ESA re-assessments for the Support Group yet?

Hi Marshall,

No, problem going off topic - I do it myself.

I know quite a lot about benefits because my sister-in-law is a CAB Manager, and I find out a lot from my own experiences with the DWP and numerous schemes available to people. Because I am a nosey person, but we have to be, to find out anything these days.

I live in Gloucester, quite close to it, anyway and it is also classed as the South-West. I know the DWP is running on low staff, and cannot get new staff to replace staff that have left. This also counts for assessors in certain areas, I am assuming our area is one such area.

One thing is MAXIMUM caused a massive loss to the DWP last year alone of £4 million.

As for sending in Sick Notes (changed now to Fit Notes) these do not need to be sent in if you have been awarded ESA - in your case I would pester them to get the outstanding money you are entitled to, and also the time period.

The Government is very crafty and can hold money they owe, but vice-versa and its like fighting a losing battle.

I lost 7 months DLA Middle Care to DLA High Care rate, so say because of a mix up in paperwork.

Do the DWP tell lies? Good question and yes they are told to do. I have had it happen to me, back last year.

I had a letter turn up out of the blue, stating I need to start paying back my Social Loan from 2005!! I thought this must be a joke, and I keep all letters. Now, when I phoned them and questioned the DWP, they said it was correct - when I said "How can this be, I have letters from you stating otherwise", I was told they may be sent out in error. I said so your saying you sent me 5 letters and they were all sent out in error? When I said, I can send copies of all 5 letters, their response astounded me they said they DO NOT ACCEPT LETTERS WITH THEIR OWN HEADED PAPER! 

Yet, this totally contradicts what it states on all their letters, which is "Please keep this correspondence for future reference".  Why I do not know, because they don't accept it as evidence - that's how bad they really are.

I could tell you many stories about the DWP. Many much worse, but the staff on the phones are paid to mis-inform you. In one ESA case I know of, the interviewer was paid a bonus to state the claimant was fit for work!

If I was you Paul, pester them - if that fails ask your Doctor to back you up or any health professional. Or take it up with MP for your area. Never, get the CAB involved with cases like this, because in many cases they make the situation worse.

Regards,

Les.

Hi les,

Much appreciated with the information some new things I never knew which is always helpful when dealing with such matters thank you so much

I will keep on at them

Regards

Paul

Hi Marshall,

Strange, I know alot but suffer from short-term memory loss - I am hoping to get this rectified next month, all my medications are being checked by my Neurologist Consultant - I know he wants me off numerous medications, because at the moment I am on over 30 tablets a day and 6 Botox injections every 10 weeks.

The main pinch is when they start rolling out Universal Credit on a wider scale which will put claimants 7 weeks in arrears with rents, because we will have to pay partial payments on rent and council tax.

If you need to know anything on a more personal matter, then just PM me.

Regards,

Les.

Les,

You must rattle eveytime you move I'm on high dose of gabapentin which knocks me out plus tramadol but 30

That's a lot too be on

Yes I will thanks

My memory is bad too but I spend my time doing jigsaw puzzles too kept it active the old grey matter takes a while too complete a puzzle as my sitting is limited.

Thanks for all your input here

Regards

Paul

Hi, I too believe that is important to keep the old grey matter in some working order.

I've kept away from the doc's for as long as I could. knowing that I would get the usual - 'why have you left it like this for so long without coming to see me?' Well I'm here now and that is all that matters isn't it is the reply!

I was told months ago to see him by the Pain Clinic as they wanted to put me on that Gabapentin on top of the rest of the stuff I take. 

Still I conceded and have to go to the chemist today to pick it up.

Can I ask - what is it supposed to do and does it work? I was told that it somehow stops the nerves sending pain signals to the brain. A bottle or two of Jameson's could do the same!!

Oh I like a drop of whiskey before bedtime

Hi Paul,

I like your idea of keeping your mind at ease, "not everyones cup of tea" as the saying goes, but you made me think of what I liked doing many decades ago. Okay, probably take me longer now because I suffer from spasmodic tremors from my Generalised Dystonia. I am always thinking of what I can do, which is not a lot, and like you I cannot sit for too long either, but I have a problems standing as well. I have a electric riser/recliner chair, same with my bed, its an electric one from the District Nurses. I have a walking zimmer frame, but even that gets me out of breath even with just a few steps! I am sure we have some puzzles around which I could do. I do have a list of places I can contact to do various things, meetings with like minded people in the arrea. It is run by the Red Cross, and costs just 80p a month.

Moving for me is very limited. My doctor did not realise how bad my mobility was until last year - I always have to be in my wheelchair, but on this occasion she wanted me to transfer to an examination bed. Bear in mind, it was taking me over a hour to get out of a normal bed and dressed at home!!! My wife put me as close to the examination bed as possible, with my wife and my doctor it took about 20 minutes to do. The problem was I cannot have anyone just touching my legs, they are so swollen, along with my ankles and feet. That's when she realised just how bad I really had become, but on saying that some medications can cause many of the problems I suffer from. While others actually make some of my conditions worse. Since I suffer from various types of seizures my wife has to time them, before calling the Paramedics. We do not like calling the Emergency services, if possible - for me it is a case of if I can come around before the Emergency services get here - my wife stays on the phone - then if the paramedic cannot get me out of a seizure then he/she calls for an ambulance. I do not like ending up in hospital, and being monitored, okay on some occassions the doctors find other problems that have caused seizures e.g. pleurisy, etc. The costs of an ambulance to A&E costs the NHS £250 a time, so you can imagine why we try to avoid calling them, my wife knows all the danger response times and what sort of seizure I am in, because paramedics are not familar of all seizures, I have 3 different types, 2 are Epileptic but the third is Functional Seizures - which to a paramedic looks like an Epileptic seizure but it isn't and does not respond to normal medication like Diazepam, to lower muscle spasms. Now, I am on a Personal Care Plan it is not too bad, it made a huge difference in my life and to any paramedics that would normally be asking my wife each time - it is always kept up-to-date, and contains 4 pages of content required. In my case a life saver.

How ironic, my Pain Management Consultant tried me on Gabapentin, but it had an effect on another medication, the trouble is they were not sure which one. Tramadol (SR - Slow Release) 200mg with Paracetamol 2,000mg a day, however depending on the pain threshold this does increase to 3,000mg (over the recommended dose for an adult). At night I take Amitriptyline 20mg for more pain relief. And, thats just the painkillers. I'm on a high dose of Madopar, which is a controlling drug for Dystonia, but with that I have to see my Neurologist or one of his team to inject BoTox in to my neck muscles, that is so painful because my neck muscles you can actually see are very tensed up, so they are hard anyway, and then 6 injections in my neck, then massaged in to the muscles affected. It is nothing like the Botox celebrities pay for, that is much more of a thinner mix. BoTox on the NHS is around £400 a time, and I have it every 10 weeks. 

Obviously, I cannot work - instead I am basically seeing consultants, specialists, professors and my own doctor, and on top of all that is my Community Dentist, which means a specialised Dentist for disabled people.

Now, you'll probably ask me some more questions - many people ask me well how did you get this or that, it usually involves using very different channels.

Regards,

Les.

Regards,

Les.

Yes les I will ask how you got it and I wil ask something else too how do you cope with moods and general life being ill and disabled? Having family they understand and help is a huge benefit too a chronic suffer I only have my mum but she in her 70s I try and make my life full as I can music, reading making models etc my back is getting worse now even wirh physio and hydro at 44 I'm starting to ache with spams and cramp

Hi Paul,

Sorry for the long delay, I was trying to get an image off a website but I had problems, so I had to create a workaround. Nevermind about that, because its coding!

Now, you have asked me some good questions, and I'll answer them in order.

If you asked me about 2 months ago about coping with moods, chronic depression, emotions, etc.. I would tell you how I coped back then compared to now. I hardly have any immediate fanily left, apart from a brother that I do not really have anything to do with. It happened a long time ago, and after we had lost both parents that he started blaming our dad on how he turned out, but there is a lot more to it than that however I'm not going in to all that.

Ever since I been disabled which over the years as become progressively worse, I hid my emotions and depression from everyone - I put on a front, which I later regreted towards the end of last year.

Last year, was a real hell - okay I got signed off Oncology from cancer 7 which was seven years before, that to me was a high-light of last year.

Basically, I seen an everyday loop, which never changed, apart from appointments, which got me out the house - we do all grocery shopping online and delivered, course I cannot even help with that.

Our family, consists of myself and my wife and 2 boys and a daughter. Our eldest son moved out many years ago, and hes 25, our second boy will be 21 on the 11th of this month, and last is our daughter who is now 15. She went through a real bad patch last year, when she lost one of her best friends in a boating accident in Torbay last year, it was all over national news and TV, because they were both 14 at the time, and what made it worse was our daughter had only spoken to the girl in the canteen at dinnertime, the day before the accident. It was a huge shock to many people that knew her, she was well known in her school and never reached her 15th birthday. 

After that, I was checked for prostate cancer, but I was lucky, my doctor did question the oncologist because she saw a polyp, but was benign.

I have been at death's door three times in my life, the other occassions were much worse than cancer though. I started dying from the inside out, the pain was unreal, in the ambulance I was given enough morphone to knock me out fully, but it didn't even touch me - it felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach, such sharp pains. I was rushed in to surgery and they removed over 50cm of my intestine on the Tuesday. When I come round I was on an Epideral, Morphine and Oralmorph - and felt really ill, 2 days passed and I should have started to get better. But by Thursday evening I felt so ill I could not keep anything down, not even medication - then I started to become violently sick and vomiting bile they say it was over 3ltrs, I don't remember much about what happened because I was continously vomitting all the way back down to surgery. The hospital contacted my wife and asked her if she could sign the consent form for emergency surgery, he also stated I was in a very bad way, and may not make it out of surgery. Of course my wife rushed to the hospital and signed the form. The surgeons found the scar on the intestine had started to turn gangrene but was also touching my liver and had spread. They removed all of the gangrene areas including the additional area on my liver. I spent nearly a month in hospital and nearly a year to fully recover. Even now, 4 years later I am still not 100% right, it means I cannot travel more than 20 miles from the property.

Yes, its been decades of hell, which I put up a brave face - but towards the end of last year I had a massive breakdown, in front of my and daughter, it was horrible - it was something I had never experienced in my life before. I went to see my doctor the following day, I had to go back two days later and prescribed anti-depressants. So they have been added to my concoction of medications. Lately, I have not been so bad, and have calmed down a lot, still have the odd day, but nowhere near the outburst I had last year.

I have lately started to write a blog, but it is on various things, that I have done throughout my life and ways of getting Tv channels much cheaper. But it is still in its early stages, and needs a lot of work done on it.

Years ago I used to code games, a few were very popular but I never made any money on them, it was just a hobby. These days, games have to be aimed at mobile and tablet markets, and you need different coding for cross-platform games. There are kits on the net you can buy, but these are really basic, and don't attract many downloads. I checked out one of mine the other week just to see how many websites were using it, I was shocked when it showed over 117 million installations! I would have been rich if I sold them... but I released them under a GPL License, so they were free to use anywhere, only I had the original source files.

My back and hip joints are really painful, which is why I am on so many painkillers. But I also recently found out that two medications I am on are killers as in chemical brain damage, I cannot drink tea, coffee, or any fizzy drink with caffeine in them.

I had to see a Neurophysiotherapist, they deal more so with problems and disorders with the nerve system. And pull muscles in ways that the Dystonia has changed, over the years. Basically, when I try to walk I am putting 90% of my body weight on one leg and only 10% on the other. The only reason I gave up was, due to one session I ended up led down on a flat bed with my legs hanging over the edge and the therapist was pulling foot muscles, which caused a massive cramp in my other leg!! She said she was really sorry, but never known it to happen before. Because I was going to physio every week they said take 1,000mg of paracetamol about 30 minutes before your appointment so spasms and cramps are not so bad. Believe me, that does not work, and nor does eating a banana to stop cramps, I would say that eating a banana every morning at breakfast does decrease the amount of cramps I get, and my physio told me that. My cramps are normally in the calf muscles and I even then I get them in both legs at the same time.

As for getting equipment this was done mainly via my doctor and myself, but with my doctor backing me.

An Electric Single Hospital Bed was ordered by my Doctor, and she used the local District Nurses to order it. Delivery was very quick 1-2 days maximum. I did have to ask for additional rails for my hands which were delivered in a few days and fitted to the bed. It does have a remote so I can elevate my legs higher than my top, this really helps with leg cramps and swollen legs. The bed comes with an Electric Massaging mattress, this fills pockets of air and then releases them, with me it sends me to sleep in minutes. Having the ability to sit yourself up without my wife and son, works wonders, but not all the time. I tend to get into awkward postures that I need help pulling myself from my wife.

As for items like the following, you need to contact your local Adult Care Services which are normally in your local Council Offices. You need to state that your Doctor recommended you for a Home Review.

Wheelchairs and other aids are supplied via the ACS or passed on to an Occupational Therapist whom has more power than most health professionals.

I had our toilet and bathroom knocked into one room with a sliding door for easy access. This took about 5 days to complete and was done using a Disability Funding Grant or DFG funded by the council.

Our toilet was changed to a Clos-o-mat which is basically a bidet/toilet, they cost just over £3,200.00 this includes all fitting and the warranty of one year is taken care of by the council on your behalf, it is normally £170 per year. The reason I had to have one is I cannot stand up like I used to, so I have no choice but to sit down. It is only one button, but it is all electric, as long as you are sat on it a push of the button ejects a douche which cleans you with warm water, once you let go of the button the toilet is programmed to dry you with warm air. You are given a week before an engineer comes out and commissions the Clos-o-mat, this just means if there is anything you would like adjusting they will do, and give you a Warranty Certificate.

A DFG amount per year is decided by your council but is usually £5,000 per annum. There is also funding which the Occupational Therapist Fund, but this as a limit of just £1,000 and normally used to purchase smaller aids.

The Dual Motor Electric Leather Riser/Recliner Chair is very large, it can move easily on laminated flooring with it's wheel's. However, if you want to get out of the chair and onto a Zimmer frame like I use, then I use the remote to lift me in to a standing position to go on to the zimmer. The chair itself places 2 large rubber feet on the floor so the chair does not move while pushing you up to a standing position.

Now, to get the Riser/Recliner Chair I had to go through my Occupational Therapist to a charity, the charity my OT used gave grants upto £750 - this sounds a lot, but believe me it is not, when they ask you to look around for a chair suitable for your needs, mine was to lift me up and on to the Zimmer, and to keep my legs elevated when sat down. I use the bed, chair and bidet everyday, so it's not items that were not required.

A quick note on Riser/Recliner Chairs, some are single motor and others are dual motor, the difference is in the size of the chair and the weight of the person, mine handles upto 27 stone (and no I'm nowhere near that size!! lol). Dual Motor also means you can elevate your legs without reclining the chair back, it works on a separate motor. So, you can have your feet up, and if you feel tired you can press a button to adjust the backrest. Now, because the chair is being used for a disabled person you do not need to pay VAT, this means you can take this off the overall price, but like myself I opted for a 2 Star Delivery, this ensures the chair is delivered and assembled in the room of your choice. It certainly is not a chair you can move to different rooms. It is heavy and bulky, and you have to note these chairs are electric, so avoid running over the long mains cable. Mine I got for around £670 roughly in the end, but it was off the internet, in the high street it was priced at £1,300, so there's a big difference when looking for one to meet your needs.

I think I covered it all, if not let me know... the times I've got up and down typing this post is unreal.. I think I started it 4 hours ago!!

Regards,

Les.

Hi les,

Don't worry about the long delay in your message that's a very interesting and informative post about family and coping with a illness moods and depression seems too go hand in hand how we cope with being sick and unable to live a normal life like others take for granted my story is for another post your chronic pain was a real eye opener for me too read glad you shared it with us I'm sure others who will read it and think that's a awful conditions too suffer from you seem to be a positive person no matter what difficulty you have to put up with I do feel for the people on here that tell there stories

Thank you

Regards

Paul

I liked the part of the code games

Stay strong

Hi Paul,

Thanks for the comments, much appreciated.

I think if you were born with no disorders, and go all the way through school, college and even working like I did, and then one day you have an accident that changes your life in a way that you would never even dreamt of, is probably worse than being born with a disorder.

The reason I say that is, I had a good job, working 16 hours a day - I had about another 8 months to go, before I would of emigrated to the US to work for the same company. I used to love working, it was job I liked doing and I had no problems whatsoever. I was a person that took life for granted and never dreamed it could all end so quickly.

Then in just a split second, the path of my life changed forever! People say "there's always a tomorrow" - but what happens tomorrow? Is more to the point... I will never know what my life would have been like if I did reach the US and worked over there.

It is not something you would ever think would ever happen to yourself, eventhough you have probably passed many already in your life, but never thought of how they became disabled, and many people even now walk amoung us in silent pain, yet never show it.

For many years I tried not to use walking aids, because at the back of my mind, all I kept thinking of was, people would look down on me and see me as different. I tried even when I was in agony and could of easily collapsed in shops, when stuck in queues, many times I had to hold on to shelves to keep me up. But as my condition became worse and took more control over me than even I couldn't even fight back, I had no choice but to start using aids. Whether or not, the way I went about my condition was right or wrong I will never know.

I have had two types of physiotherapy done, but I've never found that it improves my condition, all they do is cause more pain. Being asked to take a 1,000mg of Paracetamol 30 mins before an appointment says it all really. Even my physiotherapist knew I associated her with pain - one week I had a guy and I came out in more pain than when I had my normal therapist.

Being positive is hard, but if you show negativity then you usually end up being depressive or in my a chronic depressive person and taking anti-depressents. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I feel negative, so I try and find things to keep my mind active, which is difficult considering I am unable to do much anyway. I have always wanted to help my kids with school work, but how things are done now to when I was at school is totally different. Course I showed my kids one solution to complex algebra and trigonometry, and they all said the same thing, it was a far easier way of getting the answers correct. Yet when I brought it up at one of my daughter's teachers evening meetings she said they have to do it the way they are taught at academy's.

I did put a way to the teacher that would make my daughters English grades better, which I could do at home just for 10-15 minutes a day - that helps her and keeps my mind working in a positive way.

I was a very creative person all through school, and had artwork displayed every year from 5-15years old in the towns Art Museum, and I took 'O'Levels in numerous subjects. I was designing radio receivers when I was only 10 years old, instead of buying comics like most kids at my age, I was buying Electronic magazines - and ended up building my first computer in 1980 which was a Sinclair ZX80 with 1k of RAM, yes very low specs compared today's standards. lol  By the age of 17, I became a MENSA member passing their membership quiz with a very high IQ. The strange part about it was the test was done at our house, and I done the test quite quickly, I didn't get the whole lot of questions correct, but more than an average person - they expect you to attend further quizzes but they were in Birmingham. I had a steady job, and did not want to give that up, so I did not take up the offer and it also costs money as well.

I have met some incredible people on here, and their stories can be incredible, I never think I have been through a lot, okay I had my fair share of bad times - but there is always people worse than yourself, I have always believed in that, and know people much worse than me on a day to day basis.

I don't know about staying strong, I can stay swollen easily.... lol

Regards,

Les

Hi les

I remember when my late father was very ill wirh asthma and gangrene in his foot it was long and slow but over a time I saw him get worse horrible too watch a father that I loved and had so much respect he was in so much pain at the end part of me died when he did I still struggle now had counselling which did nothing for me that was 16 years ago.

My brother took his own life in 2006 I knew nothing of his illness worn depression he hid from me his marriage was over and his wife was having a affair we learned he was self harming I tried my best too make the most of my life got married house own business but it always with me I miss him and my father so much it hurts I feel empty inside I'm not depressed it's hard too deal with i wish I was stronger but Iam not hate the word closer because it means nothing at all Everyone is different my other brother is successful business man I no longer see him and don't wish too since I've been ill wirh peripheral neuropathy and chronic back problems my life has changed I try and not too get down but it's hard as I said I keep my mind occupied with things that enjoy and benefit from your story and others here break my heart life sometimes is cruel and hard I have faith I'm a catholic I keep my beliefs too myself but it really makes me feel stronger and a purpose to carry on.

Regards

Paul

Well you have really opened up my similar feelings that I had closed the lid on and put them away on a dusty shelf.

My grandmother who was everything to me died of a similar condition - Gangrene. It started in her big toe, and eventually after having amputation at the ankle, knee and thigh she died in agony at home.

I then was heartbroken when I saw how my grandfather had to work 15 hours a day 7 days/52 weeks a year to keep the family (he was a farmer) right up until the day he died of a heart attack at 69.

Even now at 67, I still feel the pain of losing the two people that I loved so much.

I take after both of my late grandparents - I see that it is better to give than to receive. I would sooner do without even now if it meant that I was helping someone else who was in a worse position than I am. To be totally honest both my wife and I have given away everything to our two children whose needs were far greater than ours. Personally, I don't own a thing, or have any money to say that it is mine. What I get is given to my wife and if there is anything spare it goes straight into the family trust's bank account for the future benefit of all of our grandchildren.

Sorry les for box on the shelve being dusty we all cope well try too in a way we try to move on Christmas was hard than before just felt empty and lost wish I could put my on a shelve and leave it there but I can't sorry if it opened up feelings

Hi Paul,

You’ve certainly opened up to many people in many ways, in a way some would say it is better out than withholding it to oneself. With me to watch my mother pass away in hospital was bad enough, I thought the world of her and that was in 2004. My father however was very different, he had always been a stubborn man – and after my mother passed away he changed. I suppose it was his way of coping.

He would look though a medical encyclopedia, looking for symptoms he had, then dial 999 for an Ambulance by the time they got to his house, he would have locked up the house and was outside flagging them down with his walking stick! Many times he did this, course the hospital very rarely found anything wrong with him. And of course, we all said he was “crying wolf” as the saying goes.

But this all changed in 2007 when we had all the flooding around here, we had no phones, no electric, mobiles were down and so was the internet. Because we lived about 7 miles from my dad, we got bottles of water from the Army points and took it over to him, I noticed he was losing weight and mentioned it, he told us then he was due for a scan within a month. It was only then he found they needed to remove several polyps from his colon, not a major operation at the time. But he had to continue having scans, then came a large shock to us, he had bowel cancer – this required a major operation. He the operation, and ended up with colostomy pouch. But he became worse, he had no one looking after him, my sons helped by bringing his bed in to the lounge, my wife and I said to him, that he needed to go in a home on the Friday, by the Monday I got a call from the home we pushed to get him into, because he was in terrible pain, yet he did not complain once… Before I chance to get there he passed away and a paramedic was called, but they did not have his records – it was stated on them not to use resuscitation electrodes under any condition. By the time, we got there the paramedic had gone, and the home only found out about the resuscitation electrodes after they made a call to his doctor. I went to see him, even though we arrived to late, the expression on his face was totally horrific, and looked like he had been tortured to death – I had never seen anything like it in my life.

Two weeks passed before we managed to get the funeral arranged, course me being the eldest brother, and to sort everything out – my brother did not help in anyway at all. It was so obvious what was on his mind, my dad’s assets, he had no will, and the whole lot came to just below £16,000 so it was okay to use part of it to close numerous utility bills, etc, and hid funeral. I had nothing to thank my brother for, which I thought was disgusting. It was wife and her sister’s daughters that managed to clean out the house. On the Monday, we had the funeral which was so depressing, all I could see was my dad’s face, and even now it still haunts me. On the Friday of that week I had a phone call from my hospital, from on Oncologist to state they had found I had a growth which they stated looked more like cancer, and they would need me in hospital by Sunday afternoon, for an operation on the Monday.

As, you can imagine people were thinking the worse, because we only buried my father less than a week before. My daughter back then was only 8 years old, and thought if I went in to hospital then she would never see me again, that was heart-breaking. But all went well, I was in remission for 7 years.

I had faced a funeral before in the family but it was on my wife’s side, and my nephew. We used to baby sit my sister-in-law’s 2 children Louise (2 years) and Luke (13 months), while she was working at weekends. However, the one afternoon we were playing with the two children, and Luke started screaming, as if he was in pain – we phoned his mum and the doctor. When the doctor arrived he said he needs to be in hospital ASAP, this was at around 4pm... rushed in by ambulance and on life-support, by 10pm that evening he pronounced brain-stem dead. He died from meningitis, and just 6 months before the injection was released. Life-support was turned off by 1am, because it was doing all the work. His sister asked his mum, “Would she die, if her mum had another baby?” She was under counselling for years. It didn’t help either when Louise lost her best friend to the same meningitis, just 6 months later. My wife at the time when we lost our nephew, had a miscarriage from all the stress and depression... I felt very emotional at this point in my post, it is difficult to imagine losing a child at this age.

My wife has always said, to this day that she was carrying a girl. It was one thing after another, okay we had a daughter in the end, and we did not plan to have more than two children, so it was a shock when she done a pregnancy test and the doctor told us she was 3 months pregnant. We never asked at the hospital if it was a boy or girl, we only assumed it would be another boy, so we had chosen only boys names! It was a shock when my wife gave birth to a girl – she had no name for a few days, until we decided on one.

My niece gave birth to a girl a few years ago now, six months later she had cancer, shes still in remission now - but is such a happy child. She does not shut up, a real chatterbox!

Since all that, we lost my wife’s dad to a heart-attack, and my sister-in-law had a triple heart bypass. But, when anyone passes away in our family – all I can see is my dad’s expression on his face, it’s something I have to live with, and never have happened, especially when he was riddled with cancer when he died. It is something that plays on my mind every week.

Well, all this and what I previously posted is probably two-thirds of my life – and in this post I have kept out most of my ailments out, apart from cancer. I could post more, but it is part of my life and wifes that we were absolutely disgusted by, and that is my brother - and why I have not much to do with him. I have no faith at all, and neither does my wife - but that is our choice, we always left religion out of our family, which is what caused numerous problems with my brother, that you would not believe. Paul, I don't tell people about their faiths and nor do I say they are wrong, to me everyone is different, and that includes their beliefs - my brother however is an entirely different story, and what he did made many people lose a lot of money, and he blamed the devil. He is not the sort of person you would welcome in your house, we see him on very rare occassions.

Anyway, I've calmed down now from earlier with my emotions.

Regards,

Les.

Les

I don't know what too say or where too start that post is horrendous and for a stranger hard too start too understand how too feel if I was in the same position as you words can't explain how I feel like reading your life the other post you have explain your illness too me and others I've seen your post before about benefits I understand your non religious it's fine by me I don't preach you come across as strong man with a chronic illness I think I would turn into a mess

if that was me in your shoes.

Sorry is not a big enough word too express life is so precious yet it can be switch off like a light in seconds

As I get older I feel so lucky and I never take anything for granted anymore.

Regards

Paul

Hi Paul,

I guess after everything that has gone on in our lives, we never take anything now, for granted. And, it's like Les says trouble free lifestyles and money are always available, I can honestly say thats some thing we can only dream of, okay we do the lotto now and then, last week I one a Lucky Dip! Didn't win with it though. We have no savings, it is very hard on Benefits, yet theres a woman not far from us on £60,000 in benefits a year!! Doesn't make sense at all... my wife and I, keep everything in good working order, we cannot afford for things to breakdown.

It was very difficult in places writing that post, things play on my mind even now. I had never seen a person, let me re-word that to a child that had passed away at just 13 months, my wife and I viewed him before the funeral - that was very heart breaking, I could not cope with funerals now. Ever since my dad's, they bring back memories of that day, the expression on his face and the burns on his chest from the pads. I could not even bring myself to view my dad, in some ways I wish I had, perhaps it would have taken the horrid view I have been left with.

I personally have never been a religious person, my dad was a little and my mother was probably the most in our family. I do not mean they went to church every week, but they believed in Christianity. This was when I was living at home.

Now, my brother was totally the opposite of me, he was not religious - but worked as a postman and believed in evil, and worshipped the devil, so he said at the time. The problems started when my dad (who was also a postman) was being asked by his workmates was his son having mental problems, because in their dinner breaks he would preach all about the devil to them, even though they did not wish to hear it.

That was only the start as far as I was aware, I knew he was on drugs, drinking excessive alcohol, and picked up by the Police many times. What they did not know was what he was doing behind everyones backs. One night he was on his motorcycle heading to work, but stopped off to buy some cigarettes - he got out the shop to see two Police officers looking over his bike, one asked him to see his license. He said sure, but on getting his license out the one Policeman noticed a huge amount of credit cards also in his wallet. Because it looked so suspicious they wanted to see why he had so many. So, he gave them a handful - none of which were in his name, on his license, so they asked him to empty his pockets, by which time he had been sat in the back of a police car, they found he had not just credit cards on him, but debit cards, all PIN numbers on a piece of paper - in his jacket they found more, but these were Post Office Giro's which were peoples dole money. They had enough evidence to arrest him and leave his motorcycle where it was. The police came around our house and said they had taken him in for questioning for theft and possible fraud.

I don't think any of us slept that night, I didn't know any of the above until the following day. That's when it all came to light...

Many credit and debit cards in different peoples names, Post Office Giro's which were people dole money for their weeks of signing on - but because my brother was a postman he knew all the Giro Location Codes, so he knew where to cash them. The Police checked his locker in the Post Office where he worked to find loads more some not even opened, CD's that he had never delivered and much more. Then they got a search warrant for his bedroom, they found loads of bags of posts stuffed under his bed, in draws, wardrobe and even under his carpet.

I have no clue to how much he had stolen, but it must of been alot - most of the credit cards had been maxed out, and quite a few of the debit cards had been drawn on... I know he had to get a job before reaching a magistrates court date or he would be jailed. He even had the cheek to go in a few days later to the Post Office to ask for his job back.

He got a job working in a pizza delivery cafe.. in court he ended up with a £400 fine. Not much, considering all he did. Two weeks later he nearly killed himself, alcohol posioning which left him with Type 1 diabetes. After that point in his life he changed supposedly a reborn again Christian.

He met a lesbian in Milton Keynes through a dating agency, don't ask me how, because I have never found out. The woman he met, kicked out her live-in lover and moved my brother in, then they got married and had a baby.

Now, look at this situation neither of them worked the house was already owned nearly by them, the woman came from a rich family, just how rich you'll find out in a moment.

My brother is very vulnerable and paid £15,000 in to a scheme, whereby he had to sell them at a profit to make it work. He was trying to sell water-transformers for £2,000 each, this would in effect make him £500 on ech sale... he tried for months, with no sales. Then he put one on Ebay, but did not put a reserve price or any P & P prices. So, after I found out I bid one pence... on the last day, I did put in a higher bid of £50 just in case someone tried grabbing it in the last minute. Well, I kept refreshing the page, then I seen I had the winning bid of one pence... what made it worse was it cost him another £11 on top in postage, because it was heavy object. Course I got it for just 1p, which left him gutted. He still tried selling the remainder for £800 each... then someone local to him offered him £500.00 and he took it.

After that loss he went to see a church person in the USA, he plumbed $60,000 in to a business regarding stocks. He then chucked in another £30,000 in our money - the business turned out to be a scam! He even done another in Australia, again losing money.

But, while he was doing all that his wife was abusing their boy, threw him off their bed, chucked him down the stairs, even put him in a washing machine, etc. Eventually, she was sectioned and moved up north so she could not cause problems to the child. My wife and I, phoned the Police and Social Services because of what was going on. They said they had a case file open on them and knew the circumstances.

My wife and I, even though I was ill would have fostered the little baby we even put that to my brother, but my dad had contacted him saying "if you get rid of that child, then we want nothing more to do with you!".

My brothers wife was still causing havoc in the hospital, she threw a iron at a nurse, which just scraped her face, but it could have been worse.

Eventually, it all calmed down she was put on heavy medication - they then sold their house and bought her mums house in Croydon for £500,000 - then she walked out on my brother and left her son behind, and stayed with someone. She blackmailed my brother, which was easy to do considering his past - left him with £3,000 and emptied the account. Then she filed for divorce on the grounds of abuse, knowing full well all her costs of solicitors would be paid by Legal Aid, because of what she was trying to divorce him on. He phoned me and asked what should he do, I said well if you want your boy then you need custody, he got it... of course once he had done that he had her in what is called in "legal terms" a "double-edged sword" - in other words she cannot win the divorce case. Then we got him to get all bank statements showing all the large withdrawals and a £24,000 transfer when she blackmailed him. He then highlighted all the bank statements showing her card spending to her solicitor whom she had told she was on Benefits and her husband had all the money!! Course it all backfired, she ended up with a huge solicitors bill and they stopped supporting her.

The divorce has still not gone through still...

And their son is so behind in all subjects.... he came here a couple of years ago, and my wife asked him if he wanted onions on his hotdogs, he said "What are onions?" - he is basically shut-off from the outside world. A typical day for him is get up have a bowl of porridge and a banana, goes to school, comes home and has salad everyday, apart from Xmas Day they had a pizza! There is a huge breakdown in communication between both of them.

My brother is a controlling person, he never as the TV on, never buys any newspapers, doesn't even know whats going on in the world. The little boy was given a XBOX 360 game console, for xmas - my brother chucked it on the patio and said it was evil and smashed it up with a hammer! He's only had one other present, which was when he was 2 years old, and that was a Postman Pat video!!!  My brother seems to be stuck in the 80's, he hardly goes out - and even says hes bored. What do you say to a person that will not even change his ways... it's totally abnormal. He even said to his son he is cursed by his mother thats why their marraige failed.

Les, you can see that my brother thought it was his right to take peoples money. It did appear in national newspapers at the time, along time ago now though. He seems to have no feelings about anyone or anything.

My wife and I, have always said their son would of had such a different upbringing living with us, okay I am disabled, etc. But we dont control people the way he does, we wouldn't dream of treating our children like he does. We do not have salad everyday of the year, we have it mainly in the Summer. We have different meals everyday, always a roast on a Sunday though. Sometimes we get some good deals from the local shops, whereby it only costs us £5.00 to feed 4 people and a dessert after. It is a game, with the supermarkets all outdoing one another!

I might be disabled, and have no savings - but our children and family always come first. It was how I was brought up, why my brother took such a strange way of life I will never know. I can hardly speak to him these days, because he doesn't know about anything thats going on around him, why I will never know.

Regards,

Les.