headache

Hi Skitzy-its good to hear from you. I know, I understand about the drinking-do you think you drink to hide your frustration and anger at everything because its not how you want it , ( sorry, bu t I know I do!)

I think your doing remakably well, I didnt really realise how ocd could be so debilitating-it really is a debilitating illness.

Ive been up suince 3am..neighbours woke me up..and I just coudlnt get back to sleep. I was doin okay, got through to Uni, and had this really good lecture from someone who suffered with your condtion. What hes been through at what hes achieved /the wole thing is amazing. I reallly think its admirable to just not give up and keep going! But Im feeling low...I lost my essay on a wod document 2010, and ive only got word doc 2003, and my spell checker is brokenso ive been tearing my hair out, srying and I dont knkow.I found an old version so using that now instead.

Im trying to stop drinking too....Ive not had some in a while and really toiling..and feeling unwewell, Flu like symptoms and burning, sort of sharp pain in back and down my hip.

God, then the lecture this afternoon..mad me paranoid about polycystic ovaries ( oh no no!)......

Okay. god I talk about myself to much. I really hope your ok....does that chloromapine help you? Im more of a checker than a worrier about germs, so I understand it a little, but not hugely. Chin up and hope you are ok

Sorry, Im back again. Im sort if bothered about the symptoms of ocd. I know Or I think i dont have it-or do I? I dont body image-well if i dont take lax etc, im not confident and feel huge. When I study I aim or try my bestand if its not m best illfind an excuse to prolong handing the stuff in-though probably spend more time worrying than acutally doing. the other thing..I get angry coming home to a messy house. i find it disrespecful, as for years I maintained an outside cleanliness, and a very annoying disorganised inside cupboardness...yon know what I mean-I hope-everything loks okay on the oustide but in the inside its turmoil. I cant throw my baby stuff out becuase of the warm memories with my children. Even the way they smell I can smell them of their baby clothes yet their baby clothes are probably fuesty-do you know what I mean? Then I rebel- or try to even just relax, but get anxts at it all , but im not on that ocd thing ..I dont think I am. But thats kind of where my anger isssues stemed from the fact the Id come home and everything Id tried to achieve was upside down and inside out and I cant see very weel so got really frustrated and have now pff -given up on it!

I know im not depressed, im not sleeping very well because of things, but I dont htink im in any way like I was before, but im scared il slip back. dadis just out of hospital and im scared to speak with him because of the scaenarios that go on with my step mum( I like her, I know she means wlee) but I anit going to be some foot grip for her to hold me down and judge me! Okay, that was my 3rd glass of wine.im going to bed. I hope someone can make sense of what im trying to say -, but ill never get passed the lecture\"its okay to be slow\" I dont see it that way, I just dont see things as a one thing. the only way Ive got better is by doing lots of things in lots of places with lots of different people..if that stops ill be singing from lamposts again and puking everywhere-drink or no drink - its till there! What should I do ? Where can I get help? Im having trouble with funding my course and I am really anxious about it? is there anything I can do- or should I give up my dream and end it?

hi badgirl hope you are feeling better im not too bad the docs have put me on diazipan iseem to be coping better mind you im still having a drink how you getting on with your essays are you still struggling?take care and keep your chin up

Hi Skitzy- ( I think Ive finished one essay and about to start another-grrrr, HEADACHE!!!!).

Good to hear you are feeling a bit better. Why did the doctor want to give you Diazepam? Iam struggling with things at homw, crying too much. Though I dont feel too depressed just tearful /emotional. My daughters birthday is coming up . She will be 10. I cant believe ive been a mum for a decade!

My exs mum has taken really ill and its really not nice ( we are all on edge!!

But missing my girls..I cant wait to see them tomorrow, Theyve gone on holiday with my mum to Loch Lomond. Its lovely there! I couldnt go because mum was trying to make me do some work , and I had work too. Im trying not to drink so much too, but finding it really tough. I must admit though , Ive been worse!

Its good to hear from you!

Hi Skitzy-I hope you are ok??? Ive had another panic attack!! Im not so sure it is panic though...I think, I dont know but I think its from my eye drifting off to the side, ( Ive a lazy eye) and I dont think I can balance....anyway, got so upet that its happening again and angry, I had tears down my cheeks, gripping onto walls, and howling and then someone asked me if I was ok..in an eff off attitude ( which isnt normally like me ) I said \"IM EFFING FINE!!!!!! Charming eh? Then I got so angry I think I nearly colapsed , just for having another embarassing attack-and Ive noticed each and every panic attack I have had , has been whne i have my period. So I propbably have maybe 1 week in an entire month when i can actually say I am fine. Im so embarassed about it its still going on 3 years down the line and theirs nothing anyone cad do about it....

Then I have these notions of \"when I get home, im never going out again\" Cant do that...or thats it, Ive had enough...Im so embarassed and fed up with these that I dont want to tell people its started again. I check every alley ( god only knows why..I check everything and perrty sharp I ove if I think anything dodgey is coming my way-but now I seem to just be my own danger.I trapped inside a person I really dont want to be and I cant get out-no matter how hard I scream shout and ball about it , I cant escape. I cant understand why my children love me?

Im so unsure with wahats wrong with me skitzy. Well as you know my we girl turned 10 today-after work we wnet to see a brill movie (3D) \"Howto train your dragon\". I loved it! came out I couldnt judge the steps, I was wobbiling about like I dont know what. as soon as I was left alone Id go dissie and panic sets in...anyway, they all cross the road without the wee green man-I oculdnt even judge the srtp, so then stood at the kerb waiting on a green man, I watch the green man go away 3 times. 3 times, then screamed for my daughter to come and get me...so she did. Mum caught up - they think its my eyes that are wobbiling about. Grrr...!!!! Im finding this really depressing!

Ho Skitzy-Im not so good today! Keep having nightmares and im really really dreamy and have sharp pain in my side.

Anyway, I just feel really peculiar

I saw my dad yesterday and he exclaimed \"Have you lost tons of weight?\"...I dont think I have, but he seemed to think so... My dad always manages to cheer me up...he seems accepting of who I am, and thats that, but I felt weird about my step mum she was cuddily etc, but wanted to not be around me. I found it sad.

My exs m um has probably hours now. It hurts my wrists thinking about it, and finding things hard to swallow!

Not looking at coursework etc0just wanting to stay warm and cuddle my children.

How are you doing? has the diazepam helped?????

Sorry for the negatives but i really just wanted to talk to someone!

Hi skitzy! How are you. Ive not heard from you in ages.

To be precise im a total mess!

Ex mum passed away. it was awful!

Feel so bad, so bad I can hardly walk.

Trying to get an exyension for coursework and had to ring doctors. I mean what are they going to write\"Katy is a pisshead-please extend her work\".maybe thats all I deserve!

My mum is being really annoying. The more she tries to help the more I get cross with her!

I keep choking too , on my tongue no less and all i can taste is sickness.

Anyway, im away to read about unconditional positive regard\" whoop whoop . This is the thing I work hard when I do and I dont think just because I drink or just because im so stressed out my box all the words merge into one or float over my head and I cant take it in at all. Its like total dyslexia . I cant concentrate!

Owe well, life goes on-just not mine. My eldest has taken it all badly-I want to go to bed but really just dont want to feel like this. God I hope you understand me-feeling really lonely!