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Health anxiety..

Posted , 10 users are following.

Itsjackieeex
Itsjackieeex

Hi, my name is jackie and I'm a 21 year old. I'm not really sure what to write for all this, but I wanted to support because I sometimes feel so alone, it's only recently I've started to realise people are going through the same as me.

My health anxiety started about 6 months a go, prior to this I was quite an anxious, shy person. I would stress out at times but it was always controlled. I have no idea how my Heath anxiety got so bad, I think it was when I took a trip to the doctors about an abnormal mole on my left breast. I wasn't panicked at first, in all honesty I had it for years.. I just wanted to be safe rather than sorry. However, the doctor that dealt with me wasn't what I expected, he didn't have the advanced 'equipment' so couldn't tell whether it was cancerous or not.. He told me that if it's caught early, they can help me survive.. When I heard the word cancer I just lost control, I had an immediate panic attack, for my doctor to then turn round and say that how I was acting was 'abnormal' as I didn't know for sure yet, I had to wait for a specialist skin appointment for two weeks. It was pure hell, the waiting, analysing, constant research I put myself through, the daily panic attacks, I lost touch of reality, but most importantly myself.

Two weeks went by, and I had my appointment. She had a look at my mole which she determined wasn't cancerous, when I heard those words I broke down crying. Any Normal person that would hear those words would feel overjoyed, but unfortunately for me it became worse. Since that day I have been through every cancer in the book, breast (which I also had to be transferred to a specialist), cervical cancer (which I had a swab for).. Stomach cancer as I am constipated and have caused my body so much stress I'm now having acid reflux on a daily basis, bone cancer, brain tumour, muscle cancer, bowel cancer.. You name it, everything that I could think of at the time. Obviously I had these things checked and everything came back normal.

Since January though I've been extremely worried about my heart, not that I have any reason to be. I have a non problematic heart murmur.. A year a go I had tests with a 24 hour ECG which determined all my heard was healthy, flowing normally and strong. Despite all this, I got random bouts of chest pain, back pain, arm numbness, jaw pain.. I've seen 4 doctors.. (One being at A&E as I thought I was dying), all of them told me my heart was heathly, I wasn't suffering from heart disease, just anxietyand stress related symptoms. Despite 4 doctors, heart monitors I don't believe them.. I can't.. My mind is stuck, trying to convince myself I am dying daily. Deep down I know that my chest and back pain is caused from a mixture of stress and my Ibs and acid.. I know that my jaw pain is caused from sinus issues and sensitive gums and prodding them constantly, I know my arms hurt because of trapped nerves from stress.. So why can't my mind let my rest! It's got to the point where I've had enough, I can't live like it anymore.. Constant thoughts of ending it all, but I'm only 21, I have so much to live for and I can't ruin my life. I'm iust stuck in a place I can't get out of. It's truly terrifying.

1 like, 33 replies

33 Replies

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  • Guest
    Guest Itsjackieeex

    Posted

    Welcome to the forum.

    Do you have a therapist or a counsellor or someone who is trained to help?

    • Itsjackieeex
      Itsjackieeex Guest

      Posted

      I signed up for one but it's a four month waiting list to have to look somewhere else
    • Itsjackieeex
      Itsjackieeex Guest

      Posted

      At this moment I would try anything to get better!! I miss my life and how I used to be!
    • paula81704
      paula81704 Itsjackieeex

      Posted

      Ahh me too. That's a long time to wait! I'm up north and not so long to wait. The CAT therapy has only taken a few weeks. Horrible when u feel desperate
  • paula81704
    paula81704 Itsjackieeex

    Posted

    I can totally sympathise with u Jackie. I'm 46 and have had cardiophobia for 27 yrs now. (Fear of heart problems/heart attacks). It has completely ruined my life. Had it since I had post natal depression when I was 18. I have all the same symptoms as u and live in constant fear of the next pain and can't breathe properly
    • Itsjackieeex
      Itsjackieeex paula81704

      Posted

      I'm so sorry to hear this, Paula. I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this your whole life! I do hope you find support where needed, have you considered the therapy? And breathing techniques for when you get anxious/stressed?
    • paula81704
      paula81704 Itsjackieeex

      Posted

      Yeah it's pretty crap isn't it? I've tried almost everything Jackie and so far nothing much has helped. Meds don't help and have tried cbt, hypnotherapy, meditation, counselling, emdr, tapping and probably other things! I have nlp to start and more hypnosis on Mon so pinning my hopes on that. Do breathing excercises work for u?
    • Itsjackieeex
      Itsjackieeex paula81704

      Posted

      Yes they do but my mind needs to be focused on them. I'll try and breathe calmly with my mind focused on relaxing for about 20 minutes
    • andy39essex
      andy39essex Itsjackieeex

      Posted

      Hi itsjackieeex

      Just read your thread and can relate to a lot of what you've written down. Only thing I can add is have you attended any support groups? Admittedly I've only attended one so far but that has personally helped me. I've also found it a more fulfilling as it was real as opposed to online which I find a bit impersonal.

    • Itsjackieeex
      Itsjackieeex andy39essex

      Posted

      No I haven't, that didnt even cross my mind but it sounds like a brilliant idea! I'll do my research and see what I can find
    • andy39essex
      andy39essex Itsjackieeex

      Posted

      Depending on what part of the UK you're in, the meet up app is quite useful.
  • lori_43452
    lori_43452 Itsjackieeex

    Posted

    Hi chicken !! Hope today is a better day for you ?? I'm 34 years old and have been suffering with panic attacks for 11 years when I have birth to my daughter is when it started !! The thought of leaving her without a mom just followed me ...with every waking thought but it went after a few years on its own !! I struggled but did it all alone without medical help !! Needless to say it's come back with a bite I now have health anxiety to a degree that my mind is never free from a ache or pain I feel in my body I have all the strange breathing things heart flutters etc light headed the list goes on !! For the past year it's been out of my control I started googling symptoms and I have every known illness goin I read I symptom the next day I have that very pain ... I don't go to the doctors now because I'm so scared that they have to do a blood test and I have some awful illness I just carnt fight the battle in my own head !!! But !!! I am having CBT and my lady is perfect and is showing me other way of focus !!! When my mind is truly occupied I have no symptoms of pain little strange feelings !!! But when I think about it it's there !! Sometimes lasts for days others for a min!!! It's all depending on how I am prepared to let it rule me !! Good days and bad !! Reading forums helps me to know I'm not alone altho I feel like I am !! But the fear of dying and leaving my kids is to much !! In the last year altho I have struggled so so much I have still made so much progress !!! Got a job ,, passed my driving test and am getting so many different options it's amazing !! I'm guessing all I'm trying to say is we need to learn to focus on the good our brains are powerful and we have convinced ourselfs a way of life ,,, surrounded by negativity...easy said that done I know like you wouldn't believe but I hold on to that happy day even if it's just 1 out of 7 it's something ,,, smile Hun and think good things ... Exercise helps me massively xxxx
    • Itsjackieeex
      Itsjackieeex lori_43452

      Posted

      Thank you so much for this: it has made me feel a lot better. I'm like you, I get symptoms all the time! Chest, back neck and everywhere basically! I do try and keep busy but my mind is thinking about it anyway.. It's a horrible circle. Even when I'm not anxious I have pains then I think it's not stress/anxiety related and that I'm dying. Truely is horrible xxxx
    • lori_43452
      lori_43452 Itsjackieeex

      Posted

      Ye I'm just the same babes it's untrue !!! Altho I have developed a bad habbet for googling stuff that lead to me being like this I've tried to turn it round by looking for good things and how it works in our body because to understand how it affects us is half the battle when we hold that much anxiety in our bodies every second of every day it's not normal so will have a massive impact on us !! I always look at people and think I wish o could be normal like you just have 1 normal day to know what it was like b4 this happened to me !! X
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