Health anxiety..

Hi, my name is jackie and I'm a 21 year old. I'm not really sure what to write for all this, but I wanted to support because I sometimes feel so alone, it's only recently I've started to realise people are going through the same as me.

My health anxiety started about 6 months a go, prior to this I was quite an anxious, shy person. I would stress out at times but it was always controlled. I have no idea how my Heath anxiety got so bad, I think it was when I took a trip to the doctors about an abnormal mole on my left breast. I wasn't panicked at first, in all honesty I had it for years.. I just wanted to be safe rather than sorry. However, the doctor that dealt with me wasn't what I expected, he didn't have the advanced 'equipment' so couldn't tell whether it was cancerous or not.. He told me that if it's caught early, they can help me survive.. When I heard the word cancer I just lost control, I had an immediate panic attack, for my doctor to then turn round and say that how I was acting was 'abnormal' as I didn't know for sure yet, I had to wait for a specialist skin appointment for two weeks. It was pure hell, the waiting, analysing, constant research I put myself through, the daily panic attacks, I lost touch of reality, but most importantly myself.

Two weeks went by, and I had my appointment. She had a look at my mole which she determined wasn't cancerous, when I heard those words I broke down crying. Any Normal person that would hear those words would feel overjoyed, but unfortunately for me it became worse. Since that day I have been through every cancer in the book, breast (which I also had to be transferred to a specialist), cervical cancer (which I had a swab for).. Stomach cancer as I am constipated and have caused my body so much stress I'm now having acid reflux on a daily basis, bone cancer, brain tumour, muscle cancer, bowel cancer.. You name it, everything that I could think of at the time. Obviously I had these things checked and everything came back normal.

Since January though I've been extremely worried about my heart, not that I have any reason to be. I have a non problematic heart murmur.. A year a go I had tests with a 24 hour ECG which determined all my heard was healthy, flowing normally and strong. Despite all this, I got random bouts of chest pain, back pain, arm numbness, jaw pain.. I've seen 4 doctors.. (One being at A&E as I thought I was dying), all of them told me my heart was heathly, I wasn't suffering from heart disease, just anxietyand stress related symptoms. Despite 4 doctors, heart monitors I don't believe them.. I can't.. My mind is stuck, trying to convince myself I am dying daily. Deep down I know that my chest and back pain is caused from a mixture of stress and my Ibs and acid.. I know that my jaw pain is caused from sinus issues and sensitive gums and prodding them constantly, I know my arms hurt because of trapped nerves from stress.. So why can't my mind let my rest! It's got to the point where I've had enough, I can't live like it anymore.. Constant thoughts of ending it all, but I'm only 21, I have so much to live for and I can't ruin my life. I'm iust stuck in a place I can't get out of. It's truly terrifying.

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