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Im 34 and a mother and wife. I wont lie, I have not had the smoothest road through life in terms of poor relationships that led to years of stress. During the last ten or so years I have been drinking, I used to drink at weekends and go all out to het drunk with friends. As I gre up I started to do this less but started drinking at home. This increased over time and became my go to. Doesnt help that my mum and brother and thos e around drink heavily too so its kind of in my eyes been normal. Thing is I know it isnt normal and in my own mind ive questioned my drinkign but never stopped. There have been periods (rarely) where I dont drink for a month, a few days here and there more likely now. I used to suffer panic disorder and anxiety from stress which i know alcohol didnt help so i stopped for 4 months last year. Later last year I got very down, not always easy with my husband and I turned to drinking wine every night, for a couple of months it was two bottles of wone a night. I cut down and most weeks I drink a bottle a night with maybe a day or two off every other week if i am being honest. I am scared, Im angry at myself for beign a selfish cow. I have been getting bad indigestion type pains on and off for a few months now but not consistently. Last four weeks been getting more regular and today I was sent to hospital. Had bloods done and chest and abdo xrays and all clear but going in on Thursday for ultrasound and more bloods. Dr suspects Pancreatitis, I am terrified! Terrifed that this is it for me, that I have chucked my life away and wont be the mum and wife my family deserve. I am a good mum and I love my husband, I also exercise regulary and eat well so im even more annoyed with myself that I drink so much. Im not entirely convinced i am addicted just gotten used to having a drink t the end of the day.
i know people will judg and think im selfish and stupid and i know, i just needeto be able to put it out somewhere because my drinking has been worrying me for a long time incase it affected my health and life span with my family. Im so afraid that it will be worst case scenario i really dont know what to do.
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