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HELLO GOD!!!! ARE YOU MAD AT ME????

Posted , 20 users are following.

Gypsy014
Gypsy014

So I feel like God must be mad at me , like am I being punished ... Because seriously how in the world are we suppose to feel all these horrible day after day week after week month after month awful symptoms and just go about our daily lives!!! Im dizzy numb can't breathe indigestion after even drinking water, hot cold crying sad don't want to go anywhere I'm never happy nothing at all makes me laugh or smile, I'm just sad and lonely and scared all the time... Last night I couldn't sleep at all I was up with pains in chest area which I think is all just acid reflux ate my dinner late (NOT GOOD) but if I would have skipped a meal I would have had low blood sugar symptoms so instead ate late and belched all night sipped water had to use bathroom, what a vicious cycle all of it.. And why are the mornings the worst with doom and gloom crying emotionally bad? I have no stamina I'm drained tired fatigue, and feel like this is such a bad time personally professionally physically and mentally... I never knew this could all be so bad, and I want so bad to wake up from this nightmare.. I really feel like GOD must be mad at me or something to have to go thru all of this.. And all the ladies I've ever talked to always just say tough times at this time in life it will get better in time and you'll be stronger for it!! I'm so waiting for that day!! I also can't watch any bad news hear bad news from people its just so physically draining all of it!!! Sorry for the rant just really bad night and morning!!!!!

5 likes, 45 replies

45 Replies

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  • Finny2018
    Finny2018 Gypsy014

    Posted

    Gypsy - I am so sorry. Your words describe those typical awful days that unfortunately have become more the norm for me in the last 3 months. Reading your very raw emotions and words reminds me that we are not alone in this. You are not alone! We are a band of sisters walking through this together! I am forcing myself to write down every single day how I am feeling emotionally and physically. While I had a very tough night of tossing, turning, night sweats, heartburn - for some reason my mood is good today???? How??? No rhyme or reason to it. 

    That's what makes this Peri so tough! It truly is a ONE DAY AT A TIME thing! I am trying to take it one day at a time and not think about tomorrow. Like you, I can't listen to sad stories, watch the news etc - I am just too fragile for that right now. Battling with my thoughts is the hardest - because most of it is hormones - which means I have no control over it whatsoever. 

    • michelle97919
      michelle97919 Finny2018

      Posted

      Hi finny

      I agree the lack of control is the most frightening.

      One day or even hour sometimes is all i can do x

  • Guest
    Guest Gypsy014

    Posted

    You know how they ask "If you could tell your younger self something, what would it be?"  I would have told my younger self to enjoy life to the fullest and be prepared for what is to come...it will not be an easy road so educate yourself and make sure to take advantage of these younger days when you feel well, vibrant, and care free.  

    I cannot tell you how much all of your words resonate and comfort me.  It feel so good to know that there are other women besides myself that are wrestling with this.  I never ever would have thought that my being would be so shaken by this transition.  

    • lisa68384
      lisa68384 Guest

      Posted

      Your words were comforting and made me cry at the same time. If only we would have known right. What I would have done differently with all those healthy days. It takes faith to believe that God can turn our weakest days into our most productive and useful. I think many of us would agree, we are learning to be stronger in many ways thru all of this. In ways we never could without the struggle.
  • lisa68384
    lisa68384 Gypsy014

    Posted

    It seems this thread may be a good place to post these thoughts. How do you ladies manage to stay involved in church activities with all the symtpoms. I was so incredibly active before and now I struggle to attend anything for weeks at a time. This is a real grief to me as I still have children in the home. Also, I don't know how to relate to most of the members at our church as it's small and none their have suffered with this. How can I explain that waking up early, getting ready and heading anywhere before noon is like a marathon. I just lack the physical, mental and emotional energy. Others just don't understand how hard it is. For me, being a part of a spiritual community and being able to be active has been the hardest stingand worst grief.

    • Finny2018
      Finny2018 lisa68384

      Posted

      Lisa - your post resonates so much with my experience. I also have children in the home. As hard as it has been, I have had to say no to so many things. I look around at women my age or older (I'm 49) who are thriving and their peri/meno experience was/is a breeze - like the 70% they say it is. I am in that 30% - it has been so humbling. I have bowed out of 2 annual/weekly commitments as of now. I may have to bow out of another one that starts at 9:15 once a week. I am just NOT myself before noon. My whole schedule/circadian rhythm/eating times - all of it - is unrecognizable to me since June. I don't bounce out of bed like I used to at 6 or 7am. It reminds me of when I was a teenager and I could sleep in on Saturdays until 10, 11 or 12 as well as take a long nap after school. Thankfully I haven't had anyone be insensitive to what's going on - or to tell me to take more supplements or go for more walks etc. They've all been understanding when I'm straight up and honest that I am having a very hard time with the Menopause transition and I won't be at events like I used to be etc. I felt so weak, ashamed and embarrassed at first not going to things. It's so hard to accept this is my season - accepting is like grieving - but it's such a different kind of grief - it's grieving and longing for how things used to be - and then how long will they be like this? It's hard. 

    • mauiblue
      mauiblue Finny2018

      Posted

      Hi Finny

      Dont sweat the small events and things. I do the same thing, feeling bad about not being apart of what everyone else is doing. Not going here or there or anywhere.

      Dont feel that way, theres nothing to feel weak about or ashamed or embarrassed. (i feel that way too but tell myself not to)

      Just do what you can do.

      x0x0x

    • Guest
      Guest Finny2018

      Posted

      Hi Finny, same here!  I just hired a friend who is like 30 years older than me to pick up my child from school because I am so day to day with how I feel...and it is an hour round trip.  Granted, I drove a couple of times this week... huge progress for me!  I feel terrible because she has her own health issues, but, she is said she is happy to get out of the house.
    • Guest
      Guest Finny2018

      Posted

      Hi again,   I have given up making excuses too.  My kids and husband know the drill.   I am self employed and so many of my clients have contacted me to see if I’m back to work, and if I have a “diagnosis” yet.   I just say I’m in early menopause and having a s**t time with it, trying different treatments...and I hope to be back to work soon...thanks for calling!  All of that statement is the truth! 😉

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