HELP!!!!

I was recently diagnosed with hsv 1 & 2 my ex-bf was the only person I'd been with in almost 15 years and I was celibate for 8 of those years but he tested negative. So the dr said I must have contracted it prior to 15 years ago. I was always careful & paranoid about contracting something(obsessively so) i have never had any symptoms and still haven't had any. I have gone every year to get my ob exams and in the 8 years that I was celibate, I didn't feel there was a need to test for std's. So we started having sex again About 4 months ago (unprotected) because he had an std panel and everything came back negative but we didn't know herpes was not included in the std panel. anyway, it just so happened that my yearly exam was coming up and I asked my dr to test for everything (Absolutely not worried about anything) to my surprise, I tested positive for 2, sure that it had to be a mistake, I immediately retested and again it came back positive. In shock, disbelief and denial, I had a 3rd test called a western blot which not only confirmed the other tests but also confirm hsv1. He has been my best friend for more than 25 years and now he's very cold and distant. Of course the relationship part is over and I'm extremely hurt but worse, I think the friendship may be over too. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life but I have no clue how to begin picking up all these pieces and making sense of something that doesn't make any sense. Im freaking out, I'm afraid, I'm sad, I'm lonely and I feel completely and utterly alone. What can or should I do?

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