Help me.

I drink a bottle of wine every other night so about 4 a week plus some cans of cider inbetween. Maybe about 4 to 8 cans a week. Sometimes less sometimes more if I have a night with friends etc. I have had a problem with binge drinking at weekends etc since I was about 19.....im now 35....but never almost daily drinking until under a year ago.

This has been so hard to write. I've been in denial so long. I'm rarely drunk and always function fine the next day.

Hi Laura,

You have come to the right place! Please stay on this forum as you will get the right help and advice - if you listen to RHGB and be absolutely honest Regards your alcohol consumption etc. You will get help, and you will be alright honestly! ... some comments may seem a little harsh or abrupt but stick with this! Yes, it is so difficult to admit to having a problem with alcohol, and especially for you because of your professional capacity - you need to be able to receive advice on the right treatment for you, while also maintaining confidentiality - both of which you will receive if you stay brave and remain in contact with those on here that know exactly what they're talking about - well done for taking that first step

Thank you. I really want to change. I have looked after patients for 15 years and haven't looked after myself at all. This hasn't affected me professionally. Never missed work or wrong judgements etc but I don't want to risk it happening in future. I just feel so scared and alone. I know I'm not tho and so many in my position which is why I joined this forum today. But yeah.......terrified about sums it up.

I would say the amount I have been drinking started in January. Beforehand it was a lot less. Prob about 2 bottles over the week and I could space it out.

Aww mate - welcome.  It is surprising how it spirals and you do not really notice it.  Then you do - and you worry.  You are in a remarkable profession and without you guys we would be lost.  Always understand that. 

Confidentiality is what you need without a doubt.  I confessed all to my doc as she typed in on her screen (uggh too late but hey ho).

You are very young and can kick this with no problem.

You don't say if you have family/partner/hubs.  A lot of us  on here have problems with the past and that has lead us to drink - sadly not the solution.  But we still try by having another.  Don't feel bad - it can be stopped. 

Withdrawal is a no no - but slowing it down can be quite amazing.  This is what I am doing and I have been drinking for 40 years daily, though not too badly  until the last couple of years.  I got scared like you, and I was having 2 bottles a night - wrong wrong - I came on here and they have encouraged me no end and I am forever grateful.  I slowly dropped down and left more and  more in the bottle.

You feel scared because of the taint in your eyes.  Maybe this is a little wake up call - but also can be reversed.  Without a doubt, you can change this - slowly creep the alcohol down daily and up your nutrician (most nurses I know, including my Sis in Law who is a Senior Nurse, eat not very well) - promise you at your age and with a little attention to detail (the detail being you - THE IMPORTANT ONE) - you will look back and think - I did this - and you, in turn will go on to help others.  It is a fact!

You are on the right place here.  Stay on - we will sort you.

G.

U have given me so much hope. Thank u so much. It's so hard tho because I keep thinking I can't do it and I'm not strong enough. So much self doubt and just sheer hate for myself.

I have a lovely husband and 2 kids aged 8 and 6. I've only just admitted to my husband that I realise the problem although he has had concerns for years. My dad and all his side of the family going back generations have been alcoholics at worst or people who have little control when drunk. When he used to say ur like ur dad I used to get so defensive and offended. Now I realise I'm heading down the same road. So ashamed of myself

do not worry too much Laura!! You have been on this forum chatting all afternoon and your HONEST and WANT TO CHANGE...what a start...I could easly drink a bottle of wine per night and then drive, work or travel the next and that was WRONG...you have discussed this with your husband and that is great but no easy. You should have ONE THOUGHT in your mind: each drink you have from now on will shorten your life and you will not see your children and yourself grow older together...abrupt I am YES but that is what I had in mind when I was a house dad looking after new born twins and drinking too much (like usual..) not over the limit when driving but drinking more in the evenings and I stopped since I knew that it could kill me.......dramatic?not really....great forum here and we will help and not mis judge you...stop slowly and do consider medication but what docotr to see to avoid humiliation you are thinking?? not certain....best of luck!! Robin

Thanks for replying. Every response I get to this is really helping my thoughts as I have felt so so low today. My husband is away for the weekend so that's probably a big part of it. It's the guilt that kills me. I look at my kids and think how on earth can I be so selfish. Why would I risk them losing our family unit or just having to watch me self destruct.

Based on four bottles of wine a week, plus six cans of cider, I don't think you would be physically addicted to alcohol (i.e. withdrawal symptoms), especially if you can go a day without alcohol.

The trouble with alcohol is that for many, they enjoy the buzz it gives them. Unfortunately, the brain builds up a tolerance to this and larger quantities need to be consumed to give the same feeling.

Neurologically, the brain becomes affected and because your normal neuro balance is out, the brain craves alcohol to put it 'right'. People usually continue to drink, when they don't want to because of; anxiety, stress, boredom and routine (too much idle time).

I doubt you are jaundiced (it can becaused by other things like gallstones) through the amount of alcohol you have drunk. Alcohol will only produce jaundice through cirrhosis and your drinking is unlikely to have caused that. Have you seen jaundiced patients? If you Google jaundice and click on images you will see what to look for. Believe me, it is quite striking, especially if you are looking in a mirror. maybe you have a pallor?

Because the normal balance of your brain has been affected, it is extremely difficult to give up with willpower alone, the brain needs to be reset, so that alcohol stops calling you. There are various medications and it is possible to get them without seeing a GP. Read the links on the TSM method that ADE gave, regarding Selincro/naltrexone and listen to some of the people here who have had success with it.

If you decide that is something that you are interested in, you will be given guidance on how to obtain it and how to use it.

That puts my mind at ease a little. I have looked after cirrhosis patients and those that have died thru burst varices etc and the amount they were drinking was staggering. Plus how jaundiced they were. My eyes are just not as bright as usual but I haven't been eating well at all and I am underweight. Obv I have first hand knowledge of these conditions and stages but when u start to Google some sources say minimal amounts can do damage.

Fingers crossed I haven't permanently damaged anything and can start down this path without that diagnosis.

I am definitely interested in TSM. 100%

The whole resetting my brain thing sounds the right way to go. I don't want alcohol to consume my whole life like it has neither can I say I want to be sober for the rest of my life. I think I would fail so many times. I just want it to be there and I can take it or leave it. Leave it if possible.

So yes any information on how to get started on this medication would be so appreciated.

My Mum, Gran and Sister all had a problem - and so do I - but I am fighting it - they did not - to fight it head on and tell it where to go is to kill it.

If you really don't want it - you don't have to have it - YOU RULE THIS HONEY.

I agree with Kerry, Laura. At least you have made the first move and appreciate that you have been drinking quite a lot at times. Sounds like the weekends are maybe more of a prob as often its easy to forget how much you have drank, obviously combining that with any week days. Stay on here for a while and lots of people will help. I can understand how you would be afraid to tell your gp. You will get there. Maybe try to cut out the weekends a bit more as a start and reduce the weekly intake overall. Have you spoken to anyone you know directly about it, partner, close friend?  There is hope and time and to be honest unless your really going for it at the weekend, you prob can with some will cut it down during the week without it having to go much further. Thats my opinion and take it day by day. It wont always feel that way though. Look at the reasons why you think you do it aswell and what triggers you. Take care x

I work shifts so sometimes weekdays are my weekends which p*sses my husband off even more when im guzzling wine on a school night. I also work nights 1 or 2 weeks in a month and do 3 in a row and that's the only time I don't have a drink. If i was finishing my last nightshift tho say on a sun morn I have cracked a can getting in at 8am before anyone up. Try and convince myself that I deserve it after 3 12 hour nightshifts but I know that's not normal.

My triggers are anxiety and insecurity maybe but if I'm honest I just don't feel like myself sober. That's the most upsetting thing. It's became a crutch as well as a habit.

I have spoken honestly to my hubby after he called me out a few months back which was so difficult but he was very supportive. I know he speaks to my mum who is worried because of my dad's intake but I'm not quite ready to open up to her fully yet. I'm an only child and a can't bear the thought of disappointing her.

'My triggers are anxiety and insecurity maybe but if I'm honest I just don't feel like myself sober.'

As said before, alcohol alters the brain, so a drug (alcohol) alters the brain and a drug (medication) is required to reset this.

Posts with links get moderated, but he is a fairly easy to understand summary from a web page.

What Alcohol Really Does to Your Brain

David DiSalvo ,  

Contributor

Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own.

What happens once that vodka cranberry works its way through your bloodstream and hits the control center behind your eyes?

We hear many different things about how alcohol affects the brain and body, most notably that it is a depressant.  That's only part of the story. Alcohol is a depressant, but it's also an indirect stimulant, and plays a few other roles that might surprise you.

Alcohol directly affects brain chemistry by altering levels of neurotransmitters -- the chemical messengers that transmit the signals throughout the body that control thought processes, behavior and emotion.  Alcohol affects both "excitatory" neurotransmitters and "inhibitory" neurotransmitters.

An example of an excitatory neurotransmitter is glutamate, which would normally increase brain activity and energy levels. Alcohol suppresses the release of glutamate, resulting in a slowdown along your brain's highways.

An example of an inhibitory neurotransmitter is GABA, which reduces energy levels and calms everything down.  Drugs like Xanax and Valium (and other benzodiazopenes) increase GABA production in the brain, resulting in sedation. Alcohol does the same thing by increasing the effects of GABA. This, by the way, is one reason you don't want to drink alcohol while taking benzodiazopenes; the effects will be amplified, and that can slow your heart rate and respiratory system down to dangerous levels.

So what we just discussed accounts for the depressant effects of alcohol: it suppresses the excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate and increases the inhibitory neurotransmitter GABA. What this means for you is that your thought, speech and movements are slowed down, and the more you drink the more of these effects you'll feel (hence the stumbling around, falling over chairs and other clumsy things drunk people do).

But here's the twist: alcohol also increases the release of dopamine in your brain's "reward center." The reward center is the same combination of brain areas (particularly the ventral striatum) that are affected by virtually all pleasurable activity, including everything from hanging out with friends, going on vacation, getting a big bonus at work, ingesting drugs (like cocaine and crystal meth), and drinking alcohol.

By jacking up dopamine levels in your brain, alcohol tricks you into thinking that it's actually making you feel great (or maybe just better, if you are drinking to get over something emotionally difficult).  The effect is that you keep drinking to get more dopamine release, but at the same time you're altering other brain chemicals that are enhancing feelings of depression.

Research suggests that alcohol's affect on dopamine is more significant for men than women, which may account for men drinking more than women on average. According to results from the 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC), alcoholism affects men more than women: About 10 percent of men, compared to 3 to 5 percent of women, become alcoholics over the course of their lifetime.

Over time, with more drinking, the dopamine effect diminishes until it's almost nonexistent. But at this stage, a drinker is often "hooked" on the feeling of dopamine release in the reward center, even though they're no longer getting it.  Once a compulsive need to go back again and again for that release is established, addiction takes hold.  The length of time it takes for this to happen is case-specific; some people have a genetic propensity for alcoholism and for them it will take very little time, while for others it may take several weeks or months.

Very daft question I know, but would love to know what constitutes someone like me who can polish off best part of a bottle of wine (never anything stronger), have a great evening with friends, or 'ladies lunching' No desire to carry on or want another, don't think about alcohol until socialising again. Don't drink secretly. 

As usual I'm not explaining this very well, what I mean is if I want a drink when socialising I'll have one. If I don't fancy one, I won't have one. I don't class myself as an alcoholic. US normal and all bloods normal and well within range.

?I don't take any notice of what ARCs tell you 'you're not an alcoholic, I drink more than you and no way am I an alcoholic. You don't need to come back again. You just enjoy social drinking as do millions of people round the world'

When does this change into me being an alcoholic. My kids drink more than me, as does my husband.

I have a friend who has a double whisky first thing every morning and has done so for the last 30 years. Strangely when out she'll often have a glass of wine and nothing else. Majority of the time she has a soft drink.

 

Now, you know I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist, but I classify the three problem stages of alcohol, as understood from my own journey and experiences.

Physical addiction; the need to daily & regularly have alcohol, to stop withdrawals setting in and the requirement for a detox or taper to come off alcohol.

Neurological addiction; where the mind has been altered to a state where it only feels normal when alcohol is consumed. Often, from the moment they wake, they will be thinking of when they can have their first drink. I don't mean they will have one first thing, but alcohol is on their mind.

Psychological addiction; Where alcohol has become a routine, through boredom, anxiety or stress. People who are busy, are unlikely to think about alcohol, but as soon as they have some 'me' time, that routine kicks in.

For anyone that is struggling to differentiate the neurological/psychological, I give this analogy. Big long busy day at work tomorrow, perhaps an important presentation. The neuro will think about when can they have a drink when they wake, the pyscho (pun intended) will be focussed on what needs done that day. The neuro will be contemplating whether they can sneak to the pub at lunchtime and down a couple of the vodkas. The psycho will be concentrating on the day.

Where they will merge, is after work, the neuro rushing for a badly needed drink, the psycho patting themself on the back, for a good day and a result and going to celebrate with a drink, be it down the pub for a couple of pints or taking a bottle of wine home.

Lastly, what people call the 'normals' are people who never get the need to have alcohol, they enjoy it, but if for some reason on Friday night, they couldn't have a drink, they would not get any angst over it. They enjoy it but they can take it or leave it. They control it, not the other way around.

Some people are just prediposed to liking alcohol too much, probably in herited in many cases. Now, I know Vicks you will say, 'I'm in the normal category, not the psychos' and I would say, which one would you be in if you were not taking Campral? You can be in the psycho category and act the same as a normal, but you have to work much harder at it and be mindfull.

The above are broad categories, with no defined hard edges. It is a layman's thoughts and not a medical thesis.

Laura  I just resonated with the bit you said  about looking after your patients but not yourself! And even looking after our families, work, house etc and then alcohol before ourselves, a great insight

RHGB this is an amazing bit of perspective. I think I fit the psycho label, do you think that affects the 'treatment'.  I probably should know this but am new to this forum but what is your background and experience in all of this you seem to care a lot

Good analysis RHGB. Looking back at OH behaviour, he says he began as a psycho (because of anxiety) and progressed to Neuro/psycho. I believe he is now working on both with Naltrexone for the Neuro and mindfulness for the psycho. He still has issues with anxiety, but I guess he always will. The difference is he is not using alcohol as a prop anymore xx

The main thing is, that it is helpful in combatting alcohol, if you know what it is doing and how it is affecting you. I think half the battle is just understanding what and why it is affecting you. Once you know that, it is far easier to deal with.

No, I don't think that affects the treatment. If willpower alone is not cutting it, and you have trouble ignoring alcohol even if it is quite mild, then it is likely your brain will have been put out of balance. Everyone has a different level of alcohol dependency, from those who can ignore it, to those that have to have a drink in the morning. I would definitely go for the treatment, do not be put off.

As for my background and experience, I'm making the assumption that you think I may have been a counsellor or similar? If so, far from it, never worked in a 'caring' profession in my life. Although how I come across is partly down to a previous profession and a lot to do with what I went through with alcohol, including a two month hospital stint. I'm happy to explain if you wish to know, but I may have answered your question already.

Too true RHGB. Understanding where you are is half the battle xx

Very helpful post. A light went on when you wrote about the pscho and the neuro merging. The psycho provides the cover for the neuro to get its drink. I've lost count of the times I was having a dry day when the psycho gave me a 'good' reason to have a drink but I suspect the neuro was also driving things along. Once my dry days are eroded,I'm on the way to higher risk drinking after decades of drinking at double or more the current recommended limits. With more time on my hands, I am now heading for weeks at increased risk amounts, around 50 units per week.

Yep it was an excellent post put in laymans language, but at the same time explaining the different stages of AUD.

?"with more time on my hands, I am now heading for weeks at increased risk amounts"

?I understand the too much time on your hands and boredom, but it sounds like you've already decided you're going to drink loads for weeks. 50 units a week is a lot, but I've known people consume a lot more than that.

I know it's difficult and the last thing you want to hear, but is there anything you can do to fill in this spare time, rather than sit at home drinking. I'm certainly not a 'miss goody two shoes' but I've found out the hard way over the years, that doing something useful, not only occupies your time, but also there's a feel good factor and alcohol is not my only thought. I do volunteer work at a rape crisis centre twice a week. It gets me out of the house, gives me a purpose and I know I am valued.

 

Thanks Vickylou. I didn't spot your reply as I'm just working out how these forums work. The only strategy that works for me is to stick with the dry days in the week. Partly the maths just means a lower unit score so heading into 50+ territory is when I drink in the week. I find the drinkaware site helpful so I have accurate data. But it is amazing how you can ignore what the data is telling you if you just want to have a drink, or two, or four, when you are trying to cut down.