Help me.

Thank you. I really appreciate the support. Feel very alone.

I haven't really tried to taper because my husband is really mad about the fact I can't just stop. So I then drink in secret so he doesn't know. I can have alcohol free days but do feel anxious. Always aware that serious issues can occur from day 3 so never make it that long. I'm on such a downward spiral. Frightening

Laura, I'd suggest The Sinclair Method to start moving things in the other direction. You don't need to go "cold turkey" first, you just start from your current drinking levels. Binge drinkers seem to find it mostly curtails the blackouts if you run into those. Check the paragraph on The Sinclair Method on this page:

https://patient.info/forums/discuss/useful-resources-487627

Also, google:

Claudia Christian TEDx talk

That should give you links to a YouTube video of a talk that Claudia delivered at the London Business School. 

I used it for my Alcohol Use Disorder and month by month, it brought me down to well under low-risk drinking limits. 

Oh dear Laura

Yes, in the early days of our relationship, I couldn't understand why my Husband couldn't just stop, until I saw him sweating and shaking. I did some research then.

My Husbands journey with alcohol has been a bit fraught. We are not all the same though are we?

I am not a doctor so I can only tell you of my husbands experiences. It depends on how you want to stop.

Do you want to stop drinking altogether? My Husband was not very sucessful because he could not bear the thought of never drinking again. That coupled with the cravings made it a huge problem. He was actually abstinent for two years after a medical detox and AA. That was from 2012 to 2014 from then until April this year, he has had an awful time.

He was drinking about the same amounts as you in his mid thirties. He could not control it, over time it spiralled out of control. By the time he was 50 he was drinking vodka on a daily basis.

Depends what you want. My Husband is now following TSM very successfully. He is currently drinking 2 units a day and is working towards an alcohol free day.

We tried to get the drugs for this from his gp but I understand you may not want to do this anyway. Look at the links Ade has sent you.

It is not a gimmick it is real

Let us know what you think

Kind Regards

JulieAnne

Thank you. TSM sounds like the best option for me. And cheers for the video suggestion. Will definitely watch that when I'm alone.

Thanks to everyone tonight. U are all keeping me going.

Thank u so much. Really want to get started on TSM. Feeling desperately hopeless and just totally useless in general.

You're neither hopeless or useless. You clearly have a lot to offer. You came on this forum reaching out for help. That is a brave first step

We are all behind you

JulieAnne

Def not hopeless or useless. Taking that move by even coming on here shows progress x

Hiya laura

Youve had some great replies from people with first hand experience and who know what they're talking about.

HOPELESS AND USELESS, forget those words as you're neither defo. If you were you wouldn't be here asking for help.

You could visit a private doctor if you want to go down the TSM route. Expensive,, but private.

I am no doctor, not medically trained so IMHO the amount you're drinking is unlikely to cause DTs or/and withdrawal symptoms. 

Good of luck in whichever way you go. You can beat it yourself, but without medication, evidence shows there's a higher chance of relapsing.

Yeah if I'm honest I don't think I'd have major physical symptoms. Think I'd be a little shaky but very anxious but afraid to take the chance it does catch me and I end up admitted where I work. Its def a psychological addiction for me without a doubt. A secret silent battle. 😔

Laura -

In the link that I posted, there's a link to C3foundationEurope. On that page there's a Services link, you can pick up some info there. Under Services is also Local NHS Guidelines (I'm assuming you're in the UK), that will give you some info about who the prescribing entity for Selincro is (ie, can your GP prescribe or not). There's more help in getting through the info on the Contact link. 

'A secret silent battle'

Laura it doesn't have to be a secret silent battle. You've opened up on here about your concerns regarding the amount of alcohol your having, which is really good and shows you want to change.

The good thing here is that you've recognised a problem and are dealing with it, before it escalates.

At the end of the day your health is your main priority. Why does it have to be kept secret. Are you saying that you will be dismissed for drinking whilst NOT working. Surely that's your business what you do at home.

This is just an example of how stereotypical society is. AUD is, as far as I'm aware (someone please correct if I'm wrong), a recognised illness. Would you not go to the doctor if you broke your leg, arm, ankle etc ? Would the possibility of a hospital admission bother you or anyone else, resulting in you not being treated?

I gave up worrying about what other people think or say about me. I couldn't care less. Life is far too short to be bothered about other peoples view. What you do at home outside work is up to you. If you think you're drinking too much, i.e 4 bottles of wine a week, try 3. Taper down gradually

You have obviously proven in the past that it can be ok to be be with drink for 3 days. I am not going to go into long story about me but i recently had a full week with my partner in Scotland and had no desire what so ever for a drink. I do mean NONE. Which for me to not even have it in my head was a good thing. Lots of other people around me, i was with my partner again and daughter who i will soon be living with again. It tells me that i do it due to stress, anxiety and maybe for other reasons. Have i had physical symptoms? When i have went on a full on bender YES. But i have proven to myself that when you focus on the good things that you have and maybe what you can have that drink does not have to play a part. It does effect the brain, i have no doubt in that, any drug does. But sometimes it is important to honestly ask why you do it. In my case before they left for a while it was because we were very isolated as a family and now i see what i can have it kind of makes sence. There is a lot more to it but that does explain why for me... There are other ways to cope with anxiety but it does take time to see what works for you. I am in no way perfect yet but i have gained an understanding and know that you can either stop if you really want to or cut down. It is not easy. Look up some books such as allen carr '' stop drinking now'' no it didnt work the miriacle i hoped it would for me but having said that i was under massive/extreme stress and very lonely at the time. Still worth a read as i dont think you are quite at the stage i have been at. I drank a lot more than you at times. I will also say that you need to change in some way as physical symptoms will become worse in so many ways and i dont think you are there yet but trust me they will. With or without drink. So make a few changes now and keep in touch with all of us. Sorry if i have been blunt but i dont want anyone to if i can help to feel how i have. YOU HAVE IT IN YOU. TRY. Some thing will work for you xxxx

Thanks for recommending the video. Some other interesting ones pop up on You Tube as well.

You're quite welcome! I found TSM quite useful in terminating my 30+ year drinking "career". It just slowly over 6 months backed it out the way it came in. 

Laura, are you finding the TSM info that you need? Let me know if you get stuck!

Hi Laura. I can identify with your 3 days. Do you have any idea what underlying issues are causing your anxiety? I'm not expecting you to post them, but if you can get to the root of that it may be another way of removing your need to drink. I do find, as all the post here have explained, that alcohol reduces my anxiety; and the feeling of relief is very welcome. What isn't so welcome is totting up the units and finding that I now have something else to be anxious about on top of what made me pick up the first drink!

Alcohol doesn't reduce anxiety, it can cause it. Ok it may for a short while, but youll reach a point when it doesn't help at all, and you're even more anxious

I understand what you mean. I think the attraction  - and there has to be some attraction or we wouldn't drink - is the short term fix. For a while you feel better, even if a hangover is coming down the tracks, but the temporary relief from anxiety makes us think it's worth it. So we're back to the underlying anxiety that causes us to want a drink in the first place. Stopping drinking won't deal with that anxiety is what I'm trying to get at.

 

That is true.  It works wonders at the time - but as the days roll into weeks etc - it gets way way worse.  Since I have tapered I am so much more calmer.

G.

Yes I get where you're coming from as I was very much like that years ago.

I am looking at the bigger picture and long term  prognosis, from my own experience dealing with anxiety and alcohol. Sorry, didn't really explain properly.

?"for a while you feel better ......... the temporary relief from anxiety makes us think it's worth it"

?.i am not saying this will happen to you, but based on my experience and hearing a lot of people say the same. Over time, you don't feel better for a while, and the temporary relief from anxiety no longer happens.

What happened with me, and numerous other people I've met over the years, is you're left with a serious physical addiction to alcohol, chronic anxiety, far worse than before and more often than not depression and insomnia.

Stopping drinking can help you deal with anxiety, it certainly did with me and many others. It enables you to learn about anxiety, coping strategies without the guilt of drinking, the binges stop, there's no withdrawal problems which totally wreck you.

Alcohol is a depressant, so taking anti depressants whilst drinking is pointless, you may as well just flush them down the toilet.

I am not saying my experiences will happen definitely to everyone, just another example of the long term effects of heavy drinking or AUD

Hiya gwen

I am sure, judging by your comments and messages, like me you don't think of yourself as being old, you're young thinking! Mind you, my eldest grandson, the other day, after his school trip to Warwick castle said "grandma, you know when you were little before you knew grandad, you must have been really bored just reading, playing the piano and sewing cos there was no TVs, no internet computers, smart phones, no radios and no cars!! He then showed me his castle book and was referring to a picture of the ladies day room in the 1800s!!

I am still giggling over that, I am 56 for gods sake!

Sorry about that deviation, yep you understand what I mean, I'm hopeless at writing, I know what I want to say and what I mean, just cxxp at putting it down in writing. How the hell I managed to get a degree as a mature student, god only knows haha.

Yeah that's true, apart from chronic insomnia and social drinking (although not at present with campral! I'm fine, as long as busy and not dwelling on things from years ago.

I don't half ramble on, sorry folks

Hi you,  Whaaaat being old - wash your mouth out ha ha ha ha - Nevvveerrrrr.  Yes you do ramble lol lol - but I love a rambler.  Correct, very young in mind and once in body (well not too bad still!!!).  Love the comment of your Grandson - out of the mouths of babes as they say. 

Really glad the Campral is on track.  I take pretend Campral lol.

BTW just asking,what is your degree?  Something I would love to have a go at.

Good to  hear your rocking

G.

My actual degree is BA Hons European Studies, I amazed myself and got a 2.1.

I did a years Access Course, full time at my local Uni. It was at the time 2007, the equivalent of 4 A Levels. I then chose European Studies as my main degree, along with Spanish, French and Sociology as core subjects.

I won't ramble on all about what I did next. I will say my self,esteem went through the roof, I,was so,happy!

I agree with that Vicks 100%. Well said. OH still has to deal with his anxiety, but is no longer using alcohol to 'help' him. He is far less anxious though, now that the booze no longer has a hold on him xx

Phew - why am I not surprised - what an achievement you boff you.  But knew you were a right ole Clever Clogs.  Girl Power to you. 

G.

Oh yes Jules - relating to this - the anxiety has gone to sleep - amazing - and I am loving it. 

G.

amazing studies and more than most people achieve Vickylou!!

Thanks robin

I really enjoyed it, like Educating Rita!

Was more into partying and the opposite sex at 16, so left grammar school with 5 O Levels as they were in the olden days!! sorry GCSEs lol! In those days everything depended on an exam. They've got it easier these days with course work and an exam

Hi JulieAnne

Sorry didn't realise your OH suffered with anxiety too. OH and I saw loads of drs, spent a small fortune on private doctors, and psychiatrists, just loads of different tablets. One even suggested anti psychotics. No way was I taking them, I'd rather have stuck with the anxiety. Walking zombies, whilst not a very nice term, is how some people look with anti psychotics.

The worst thing was my anxious episodes, to an outsider, were like being drunk. It affected my speech, trembling hands, you know the other signs. I got sent home from work twice as I was drunk. I had two written warnings and I knew I'd had nothing to drink. I stopped driving, hated going out and became almost a recluse.

I think at one time, OH was unsure. Hubby had a mate who was a traffic cop and he got a breathalyser for me (going back 20 years). It's easy now, anyone can buy them

I had a routine appointment with my GP, who is also a friend. I'd only just sat down when he asked me why I'd started drinking again. He wouldn't believe me, so I got my breathalyser out. He did the test and was gobsmacked, reading was 0.00, or something like that, no trace of alcohol at all. It was a terrifying time, and I really lost the plot.

sorry Gwen, I'm rambling again hahaha

Rambling Rose, we are all listening - honest and fascinating - good to offload.

Thanks Vickylou. Very insightful. Reading your posts here, you've been on quite a journey.

Yep I certainly have, but with a happy ending. I'm proof that you can turn your life around. For me the only way was to give up alcohol for a year. 

I started taking campral (acamposate) an anti craving drug and after the first week it started working. Suddenly realised one lunch time that, I'd not thought about a drink all morning. Then a day and so one. The all consuming thought about wanting a drink stopped. The 12 months went really quickly and with counselling and a clear head, I got my life back on track. I started social drinking gradually. I've not drunk on my own since

That is a very interesting outcome. Not the classic AA approach where you shouldn't drink ever again. Do you keep track of your weekly units? I suppose I should ask if you are out partying every other night . But seriously, what do you find is significant between a social setting and being on your own, given that many social settings revolve around the 'next round' and 'oh, go on, one more won't do you any harm' etc?

I have found that if I am with sensible drinkers, I do tend to moderate my intake in a way that I wouldn't at home cooking dinner or out on my own. But that isn't always the case. If I was with a group working their way through lots of different wines over a long meal, I would be keeping up!

Hi thomas

the majority of my drinking binges were done at home, alone and in secret.

AA wasn't for me, I know some rave about it, but like many people with drinking problems, the thought of never drinking again was so depressing. Had I been told by a dr that one more drink could kill me, or having,tests that proved I was damaging my body then that would be different.

Do I keep track of my units? Normally I'd probably drink fri/sat night either at home or the pub. Sunday lunch time sitting in a beer garden and nothing during the week.

However my husband is retiring in a couple of weeks, and since Easter we've had so many invitations, here, there and everywhere and alcohol is more or less on tap.

I couldn't sleep one night, husband was away and was working out how many drinks I'd had that week, probably treble what I would normally have. I decided I need to give it a rest for a bit, so asked my dr if I could start campral again , which I have done, think this is the 4th week. Drinking alone has nowhere near  the atmosphere in your local. RHGB mentioned this in a recent post.

I think that's true in most cases. A group of friends who are all drinking, talking over each other, laughing and joking has made me wonder if I should have a go