Help me.
Posted , 12 users are following.
I'm so so scared. Only just admitted I am an alcoholic albeit functional. Too scared to quit cold turkey as afraid of withdrawal and can't risk the dts and admission as I am a senior nurse in my local hospital. Ashamed to see my GP and admit my problem. I am now panicking as I think my eyes look slightly jaundiced. I stop drinking and then the fear of withdrawals and accompanying anxiety has me opening the wine. Hate what I have become.
1 like, 70 replies
hayley1111 Laura3075
Posted
First of all well done for recognising that you have a problem, one that you know will probably get worse. You have had some good responses here and I just thought I’d add my experience in. I posted my first ever post on here (or anywhere) recently and intend to chart my journey over the next 6 months as my aim is to be an occasional drinker under the normal limits by Christmas. I agree with everyone else that you are unlikely to suffer any kind of physical withdrawal symptoms if you stop completely with the amount you are drinking. I also agree that you are unlikely to be jaundiced, I’ve seen people with jaundice and there is no doubting it when you see it. What you will be doing as a functional alcoholic like me is looking for any signs that you are damaging yourself, almost as a means to making you do something about the problem which you see spiralling if you don’t take action. The more signs you see the more you are likely to have a drink to forget them!
Like you I have a family with a history of drinking a lot and like you I want to get in control before I mess up a great family home and job without my GP or work place knowing there is a problem. I drink far more than you do at the moment but function in every aspect of my life except that I tend to get argumentative after a few glasses of wine and often can’t remember the last part of the evening. You say you are rarely drunk, I still get drunk after about three glasses of wine even after 35 years, but don’t get hangovers which I know is a bad sign. I stopped drinking for two weeks after reading Jason’s book and had not a single physical side effect, then (and I now understand this is typical) I had two glasses of wine to prove I didn’t need it and had a hell of a hang over so I know I’ve just built tolerance and am on a slippery slope again.
Ultimately I know that I am a person who probably should abstain altogether and I’m guessing you feel that way too. But every time I look at my diary I can see so many occasions where alcohol is part of it, and I’ve read so much that says actually there is a danger in just stopping in that my brain is just so used to it and will always relapse a few months in that I decided to try the Sinclair method using Nalmefene without anyone knowing about it, including my doctor and husband. As I said before I’m going to do this over a period of six months - I’m on day 20 and so far the main thing that has happened is I’m very aware of my drinking patterns and levels and behaviour that results. Im doing mindful drinking! I’m also trying some things suggested on here – having 15 minute breaks, going to a different room I don’t normally drink in, having water as every third drink, reading a good book, walking the dog a different route. Your husband like mine sounds like a normal drinker who will find it very hard to understand why you carry on, his brain is wired normally! Please let us know how you get on
Thomas1234 hayley1111
Posted
Hi Hayley. A lot of your experience sounds like mine. I noted you described yourself as a functioning alcoholic but you seem to have set a plan to reduce your drinking by Christmas. Like you, and based on a book I read a while ago, I think I should probably abstain altogether, but whilst I have some control over my drinking, I would rather try and get it within safe limits. At present I feel like a car with faulty brakes. Sometimes the self control cuts in and I keep within 5 or 6 units. At other times, I seem to go into double figures quite happily and stop but that is now defined as a binge. When I started drinking decades ago, that would just have been a fairly normal evening's drinking!
Robin2015 Laura3075
Posted
Laura3075
Posted
Ok. Just checking in. I've now made it almost 72 hours without drinking as the thought I was jaundiced had me in a panic. I did have a slight tremor on Sunday but I think that was down to sheer anxiety. Have had no other symptoms since. I went into talk to my boss yest in my hospital ward who was brilliant. He didn't think I looked jaundiced at all and can tell how anxious i was becoming. He sent bloods off to check my liver function so i will get thise back in a few days. Even the thought i could have caused damage has given me just the boot up the backside I was needing. It has really gave me such a reality check.
I'm planning to keep off the alcohol for as long as i can as it seems possible at this point that I don't need to taper regarding withdrawal. At this point it's not even in my mind to drink but I'm sure bad habits when bored etc will creep in. It's the mental strength I need to find. I'm away abroad to an all inclusive in 2 weeks which is a worry but I hope the fear I had on Sat will at least keep me mindful of moderation. Who knows. I may slip up. If my holiday is a disaster and I realise that I am unable to moderate at all then I will need to look into stopping completely or using TSM.
Thank u all for all ur support and advice. U stopped me having a complete breakdown on Saturday x
vickylou Laura3075
Posted
Hi laura
itts not easy to admit you've a problem with alcohol or any addiction for that matter. It took me a while to face up to it. I knew myself, but thought no one else did, haha they all knew and I thought I'd hidden it so well!!
Sounds like your boss was understanding. Obviously you weren't drinking at work, or turning up wasted. Unless your work is affected, I don't see what it's got to do with anyone at the hospital. What you do in your own time is entirely up to you. Nothing to do with anyone else.
The medical profession is well known for having one of the greatest number of AUD sufferers.
Ive never gone down the TSM route, but plenty of people here report huge reductions in the amount they drink with TSM.
I used campral, which I highly recommend if you want to be abstainant for a while. I took it for a year and got my life back on track. Personally I'm a firm believer that medication, along with effort and determination has a much higher success rate than just willpower.
I probably shouldn't say this, but if it were me, I'd go and enjoy two weeks AI in the sun and unwind. I'm not saying get wasted all the time, but is two weeks going to make that much difference? Come back and then decide and weigh up your options. Don't set yourself too high a goal, be realistic and accept you may have slip ups or a few blips. Many people do set too higher a target, and when they struggle they relapse.
Whatever you do, don't let anyone talk you into taking Antabuse, it's years out date and very dangerous even with a tiny amount of alcohol, and in some cases fatal.
Keep posting and have a good holiday
JulieAnne101 Laura3075
Posted
Hi Laura
So glad you managed to stop the alcohol without too much of a problem. Campral did work for my husband for about 3 months, but he put himself under too much pressure. He changed his job, which, was the last thing he needed! So he picked up. TSM working well though. Vickylou is right about antabuse, it is awfull. Detox nurse told us that it made someone feel very ill in Boots chemists because someone sprayed him with a cologne that had alcohol in it! Basically, I wouldn't go near the stuff.
Have a good holiday xx