hELP REALLY cONSIDERING DOING MYSELF IN

So good to hear from you Sue, I am so glad you have had something to occupy your mind...... I do sudoku, brain training daughters nintendo ds (can't spell) and make cards as card craft is great as you get engrossed into making the card and it takes your mind off the pain!!!!!! and then your pleased by the result you have achieved :lol: anyway I am still in pain but the love from my family does keep you going and does give us strength to put up with it!!!!

Luckymum I forgot to say I take Orilstat to help me loose weight as the pain killers I am taking help to put weight on so at least I am getting help here :lol: shoulder so painful due to the fibro so I am having to type one handed :oops: do take care everyone and keep smiling :cheerup:

Hi SES,

I felt really sad reading your post. You must have been writing at the same time as me which is why I didn't acknowledge it yesterday. You truly are a survivor and one way or another you will get through this latest pain set back as well. It's quite a brave thing to lay your soul bare and it is also healing. Too often we go to great lengths to hide our \"stuff\" from those around us but it is wonderful that you have so much family support. You must have been absolutely mortified when your daughter was abused. Does she know about what happened to you??? My daughter who is 25 has been in therapy for the last six years, on the face of it I know why, but I dread there being more to it than that. She is also on anti-depressants too. We discuss it sometimes, but not in an honest way and my greatest dread is that she has been abused. I don't think I could cope with that. Because of my background, I have worked tirelessly as a mum to make my family bombproof and if anything has happened to her then I would have failed.

TFU

Hey Sue meant to say how do you message you to your MY SPACE?? I can seem to do it to other members but the only way i can contact you is through here I NEED HELP lol!! x x x x

Hi Jaimie,

I love that saying you have.....not the fizziest drink in the fridge. I have never heard that before. It's good having you here and I hope that you keep writing.

It's good to have someone around that is pursuing legal action too. I have never done it before. I never realised that every aspect of my health would be put under the microscope. I wanted to join some sort of support group, but haven't found anything yet.

It is quite disgraceful that the hospital haven't properly investigated your bladder problems. There's not much they can do for bowel problems although I do think that you should look into getting something a little more effective than lactulose. Apart from being comletely vile, there are much better products out there such as Movicol. The bladder tests are important because they need to fully assess how your bladder is functioning. The urodynamic tests measure all sorts of things, such as your capacity, residue after voiding, pressure etc and also how various muscles are working and your nerve responses. As a direct result of my first operation I lost all sensation of bladder fullness. I just try to remember to go every 4-6 hours. To me, that's okay, I don't need a catheter and I can cope, but the tests have shown that because I have no sensation my bladder can and does now distend to a huge size and could even tear, and also there is a good chance that I will be prone to repeated infections and worse of all eventually my kidneys could be affected. Because it is a nerve problem I don't think there is much they can do to help me as such. At least I am not incontinent, but maybe that will come with time, if the muscles can't cope with this huge old bladder. I think that your solicitors will probably want you to have the urodynamic tests done at some point because they are a very scientific measure of what is going on internally and therefore an accurate measure of just how bad the problem is and ultimately they can convert that to a damages figure for your claim. But more importantly than that, for the sake of your health, because somebody somewhere should be helping you with this. I am seeing the consultant tomorrow and taking yet more tests done. Then next month it's bladder retraining and specialist physio. It really is worth getting it sorted out. Who knows what further damage could be going on inside?? I hadn't even thought about the knock on effects. Maybe mention it at your appointment with the new doc next month. Not that it should have to be up to you to make all the running.

You are lucky to have a good partner. I wish that I did. It's just me and the kids now as I got divorced years ago. But you are right, your health problems must have impacted on him greatly too. It would be nice to have someone there to help me through this, my kids are all grown up now, but I don't like to dump this on them. Seeing their faces when they came to see me in hospital was bad enough. Maybe I should go man hunting???? Get me a new husband???? Nah, I don't think anyone would be interested in this knackered old body and crazy brain!!!! At least I have my dog. Totally faithful, would protect me to the point of dying for me and doesn't want sex. Perfect!!

TFU

Oh bless you TFU,

I have incontinence :cry: had urodynamic tests done , they said I had an overactive bladder , along with 3 c-section which showed adesions last time when they opened me up.... the surgeon removed them and for a while I seemed ok now I am on tablets to stop the spasms.... along with many others, I blame it all down to the problems in my spine and hip area, as it does make sense to me that they are in the same area where my pain in my joints etc occur but doctors do not seem to take note of my thoughts??

TFU, If your daughter is having therapy for abuse, I assure you she would have told you by now, or you may have sensed that something in that manner wasn't right? have you tried to discuss this matter with her? the thing is TFU we are thrown things in our lives and to be honest life is cruel but I think it is done to build us and make us somehow stronger, that is my only solution, my daughter has got through this and she is very beautiful and confident, she still has her moments of self doubt but I do support her in every way and she supports me......... she loves tidying up :lol: so it is easy for me :lol: and TFU it is good she is talking about her problems as some people cannot and then they embed them selves into self judgment and have problems with all sorts...... TFU it shows she is strong and a fighter xxx

Thanks once again Luckymun for your kind words and I hope that everyone has a good night sleep xxxx take care everyone and keep smiling xxxxxxx :cheerup: gentle hugs to you all (due to my fibro)

Ha Ha lol bless your heart your hilarious!! Well i would have you [PLS take that in the way it was meant dont get scared of me ha!!}

Your dog is very lucky...and so too are your children...although we all know how lucky we are as parents.

Actually i hope you dont mind but i started to private message you earlier over somenthing you said to ses regards your daughter and it really mad me feel sad.

You have NOT failed your daughter..or any of your chilldren. Just by saying how much you have tried to protect them speaks volumes in terms of what a good mother you are.

We would all love to live in a world where there is no pain no suffering but....sadly we know that world does not exist[I would also love to live in a world where simon Cowell dumps that girlfriend of his and starts getting JIGGY WITH IT with me ha....dont let my husband see that bless him!!}

We can only do so much with the tools,knowlegde and experience we have. The hell your daughter has been through,and is going through is not because of you.

You did not decide that you wanted her to be abused you did not sit back whilst it happened...YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME!!

Look at yourself now,even on email you can tell the love you have for your children,how proud you are, and that they are your world...and that they will still be your world and no doubt your babies even when they are old

Things happen in life,evil wicked things that NO ONE should EVER have to be subjected to but sadly they are...and all we can do as parents and decent human beings is be there for them,support them,care for them, ...to let them know that things will be alright and that together you can FACE and FIGHT anything!!

I am not going to patronise you and say i know what you are going through as i dont...but i do know its not your fault and you have not failed.

You are doing all you can to support your daugheter...and ok at times you may feel like she is not opening up to you..but again that does not mean you have failed..or that you are not a good parent.

We all have times in life when we would rather share our fears and pain with others instead of our parents....Think back to the statement you made about not telling your children things as you dont want to worry them...well children do the same for parents..we dont want to worry, or hurt our parents so we go elsewhere.

Again all you can do is what you are doing and that is to let your daughter know you are there for here anytime...just that alone is immense.

The only time you have failed my love is when you stop loving,stop caring,stop giving a sh*t...and that day will never come as you are a good person, a GREAT person a GREAT MUM. You have never and will never fail your babies,they know that now you just need to start beliving it.

Thanks for info over bladder etc,im seeing my own doc in morn so am going to also speak to him about it. like you say, you do not know what else could be going on and it is BLOODY DANGEROUS!!

Iv had a weird day today with bladder..it feels full then barely nothing comes out and i have terrrible tummy ache with it....No i know what your thinking...am i possibly pregenant with Simon Cowells baby!! :wink:

And MY GOD do i know what you mean about that bloody GROSS sh*t lactulose!! I gag everytime i take it...its rank!! Again i shall be discussing that and getting it changed...Im going to talk about the drugs im on to as reading on here what others take i seem to take a large amount and high dosage aswell.

Just basically im KNACKARD...im sure i am just going to collapse into a heap soon and that is where i shall spend the rest of my life...with my cranky bladder and bowel.back,leg tummy...and now my eye has started twitching like donkey from the Shrek movies...Ooh i fancy Shrek he is so manly and a STUDD MUFFIN!!

Hey why dont you go on the chat forums on the mobile phones...that is where i met my husband and we have been together 6yrs and could not be happier!! Il warn you though y

Hi everyone,

TFU do not blame yourself what so ever.........Yeah I agree with Jamie what she says I could not express it any other way your situation but on a lighter note, you are so funny Jamie [quote:d1999c7e02]Hey why don't you go on the chat forums on the mobile phones.. I met my husband and we have been together 6yrs and could not be happier!! [color=red:d1999c7e02]I warn you though you need a strong stomach,...as some of them have faces only a mother could love[/color:d1999c7e02][/quote:d1999c7e02]hehehehe

I know my bladder trouble is not as bad as yours but I take Oxybutynin to stop the spasms as I have a overactive bladder.... they are working quite well as of a night time I would go to the loo about 10 times before I would be able to settle down and goto sleep which is a major task in it self getting in and out of bed!!!!!! anyway it is about 3 or 4 times now so not as annoying :oops: ...... do you not think though disc problems is kind of linked to bladder problems as I have explained this once before to a doctor as though I was stupid...... but after my car accident on the bus in 2001 my back pain started along with my bladder problems....... doesn't take a genius to work it out??? :roll:

Well, Jamie, if you started taking the Orlistat like I am you would have a shock of your life if you eat too much greasy foods :burger:as you literally have orange poo and as you say about GROSS sh*t lactose........ you would not like this site lol luckily I do not eat too much fatty foods so I have had one bad occasion another time I had severe stomach pain as though I had gastric flu........ a girl has to have a chocolate once in a while???? :choc: :skull: :run: :hangover: :wah: :yuk:

Anyway folks I do hope you all have a lovely bank holiday xxx :cheerup:

Take care x

Hi Sue

Forgive my late reply, but I've only just found this website, and of course, your cry for help.

I know exactly how you feel, those who say \"dont do it\" haven't experienced the pain you are in, otherwise they would know.

I have posted my experience 'eight months on' but I was exactly where you are in June/July 2007.

The pain was so bad I had exactly the same feelings as you are having, I cried all day, prayed to God that I could just fall asleep and die. I have a partner and a 32 year old son but at the time I didn't care, just wanted it all over with.

I survived by managing the pain with medication and very hot baths, I know it sounds tame but it worked for me, although it was 6 weeks before things got better and I was able to stand the pain. I lost two stone in weight, managed about two hours disturbed sleep in every 24 and felt the lonliest person in the world.

I used to watch the clock round waiting for my next dose of medication, friends used to bring me food and a hot flast during the day, and even though my partner was here after he finished work, the nights were the worst. I slept on the settee for 7 months as it was the only place I could rest.

My survival technic was to take two paracetamol (the very strong ones the doctor gives you), wait two hours, have a hot bath (even if you have to crawl there on your knees), wait two hours take two tramadol, wait two hours, have a bath, two hours paracetamol etc etc etc.

I did get relief from the baths but they always go cold and you have to get out. I even took to sleeping in the bath, even an hour every four helps with the tiredness, but remember the paracetamol also makes you very sleepy.

All I seemed to do for weeks is smoke, bathe and take tablets, it got so bad I set fire to myself one night. I was having a particularly bad one, couldn't get comfy, had a bath, had the pain relief, couldn't take any more pain relief for a couple of hours so decided to smoke myself to death. Lit a fag, fell asleep and bingo! Luckily I was covered with a fire resistant blanket that didnt go up in flames just smouldered a bit, it didn't stop my neck burning though which woke me up. I had the fright of my life. My partner went absolutely berserk. I made myself a promise that night never to smoke while lay down again. I was very lucky, which put paid to my wanting to do myself in. I had to cope whatever, stuck to the regime of pain relief and baths and eventually the pain eased to a manageable state.

I know its bad, but don't ever give up, it WILL get easier even though its hard to believe when you are in agony.

I wish I had found this website earlier and was able to share other's experiences, it would have given me more courage than I had when I was bad. At least you know there are others suffering just like you and somehow the lonliness subsides.

Hope you are feeling better, share your thoughts and pain with others, you know, we all know what you are going through.

All the very best.

Chris

Hi Sue. Just wanted to say am thinking of you i hope things are still going ok for you and that you are feeling alot stronger mentally and emotionally. Once again dont forget i am here anytime if you ever need a friend Best wishes Jaimie x x

Also quick note to TFU, how are you doing i too hope you are well and that things are going good for you. The same to you regards if you ever need a friend im always here. Keep smiling take care Jaimie x x

ALL ON HERE ARE IN MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS xXxXx

Hi there folks,

Got my x-ray results today and I have cervical rib which shows on my x-ray....... I predict this is why my shoulders, arms and hands cause all kinds of symptoms?

I do hope everyone is feeling ok today? xxxxxx

Hi there Everyone,

Just wondering how you all are? haven't slept too well due to the pain? Hope you all coping?

Hugs xxx

Hi Sue how are you doing?? How have things been going for you...well i hope?? I still can not see how to message you privately...also the same to you TFU. I can not see how to contact you without going through this post. I hope you are also keeping well and also your family.

In fact i hope you are all keeping as well as poss,and that life is treating you the best it can under the circumstances.

Im off to hospital 2moro to see about the possible case of neglegence regards my care and treatment since my accident. So im hoping by 2moro life will be treating me alot better and i will finally get the care and treatment im meant to be getting...and that im rightfully entitled too..HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!! :D

Hi Ses sorry hun meant to say hello and that im sorry to hear things are still not good for you. You know im here if you ever want to chat,and that i keep you...i keep you ALL in my prayers and thoughts in such difficult stressfull times. I hope you soon start to feel a little better. Take care my love KEEP SMILING Jaimie x x x x

Bless you Jamiee xxx

I do hope all goes well with your appointment xx, good luck.

How are you TFU? Chris4Dex and Sue I do hope you have had some relief from when you last posted, its my birthday now and I am so fed up with being in so much pain, from my shoulders into my hands....... and then when I lean forward my back goes, I constantly have pain in my hip but it is going to give us a rest I ask????? just a short while would be nice to \"just\" feel what is normal...... pain free!!!! :oops: just got to dope ourselves up with tramadol that do not take the pain away .....just take the edge off :evil: anyway folks gentle hugs to you all, and god bless you all xxxxxx

Gentle Hugs xxxxxx

Hi Lucky mum. Sorry i dont have a my space. Heres my news. I went to Bishop Auckland Hospital to have a open bed mri and I had no problem just got to wait for the results. The Physiotherapy is working wonders I can go out in the car and I`m walking without much pain with the co-codamol at a lower dose with no side effects. Still using the stick cause i still have problems getting up and down. Bit worried about the results but then at least i`ll know what i`m dealing with. Let you know what happens See you later and I hope you are all getting better. Day by Day. All the Best Sue.