Help with dealing with hsv1
Posted , 8 users are following.
I found out I had HSV1 when I was 17 after my boyfriend at the time went down on me with a coldsore. We were both young and thought that it was impossible for me to get... ignorant I know. But I am now 24. I had the first outbreak when I contracted it, and I didn't have another one for over 5 years. But within the last 6 months to a year, I've been having more outbreaks ( only 2 but still that's alot when you thought it'd be one every 5 or more years). I know I have been stupidly ignorant on this whole situation, but now I'm in a really tough situation. I have been sleeping with a guy on and off for two years and I haven't told him. I know I should and I am planning to now because they are starting to come more frequently but I am PETRIFIED that he is going to judge me and turn his back on me. I'm sure he's clean because I have been careful but it still scares me that he won't accept it. Is there any advice on how to tell him or what I can do to soften the blow for him? Again, we've been sleeping together for two years so its not like it's a new relationship or anything, and he's not my boyfriend either so it'd be easy for him to walk away from me....which I don't want
1 like, 20 replies
emily00078 staci21292
Posted
i was just diagnosed this month with HSV1, caused by the same reason as yours.
my first outbreak was really severe and lasted two full weeks of not being able to walk. i was just curious as to how your recurrent outbreaks compare to your original. it's only been two weeks now that i haven't had a sign of the bumps, but i still worry and check every day. i know every person is different but i was just wondering.
And in answer to your concern, i think that maybe if you told him something along the lines of "i didn't think that it would reoccur in my life, but i'm starting to see some signs that some bumps are down there. when i was younger, i was diagnosed with HSV1 (explain to him how it's not common down there and how minimal viral shedding/outbreaks occur) and that you have been cautious with him on making sure that he does not contract it as well."
in my personal life, i contracted it from my boyfriend of three years who went down on me with a coldsore. i'm only 21 and i guess thought i was invincible and couldn't possibly catch anything. Telling him was really hard, but once i did, he listed off some of his friends that had it and how it's common and not a big deal at all. being as we live together, it was inevitable that i told him, but once i was honest with my lab results, he was so so helpful and understanding, helping with baths and making me comfortable.
assuming your guy is mature and responsible, i'm sure he would follow the same!
staci21292 emily00078
Posted
As for the occurring breakouts,they're not half as bad as my first one. My first one was like yours. I was swollen and in immense pain for about 2 weeks but now it's more subtle. The only swelling that happens for me is the lymph nodes in my pelvic region swell, that'd usually my indicator that I'm having an outbreak. Other than that my symptoms are very similar to an UTI or yeast infection. You know, it burns to pee, hurts when I wash my self or do any sort of touching down there. But other than that, there is no other symptoms or anything.
I have had my outbreaks appear on the surface differently though. The first time, like I said was swollen and that's all I could really see. The second time there were blisters and those seemed to be a little more itching and this most recent time,they just appear as tiny, tiny, papercut like cuts which are less itchy but a little more.... annoying I'd say because it does resemble a yeast infection or UTI.
I hope that kind of helps. Thanks for your advice!
emily00078 staci21292
Posted
that's really reassuring that the recurrent ones aren't so bad - that's like my biggest fear is going thru that again.
and let me know if you have any other questions or anything. I'm still trying to figure this all out as well!
staci21292 emily00078
Posted
And yes they do get better. The only thing I question is any research I've done, they say that they become less and less frequent but there was a 5 year gap between #1-#2 and #2-#3 was within a year of eachother.
It really was a scary thing going through that. It still is scary. I've had issues in the past of ex boyfriends not being accepting of this and now, unfortunately I have this feeling that no matter what happens, I won't find someone who is accepting of this problem I face and will continue to face.
emily00078 staci21292
Posted
and that's now one of my biggest fears... if my boyfriend and I were to break up for any reason I can even imagine finding someone new to break the news too. it feels like such a burden, and yet those with cold sores on their mouth get little to no ridicule. and I've even had people tell me that my doctor is wrong and that I can only have type 2 down there. so confusing figuring this all out!
also... have you tried any preventative methods like a diet or lysine or anything?
staci21292 emily00078
Posted
in regards to having to tell people, I've now had to tell 3 people outside of my family. The first one being the one who gave it to me, he took it well. Second one was a friend of mine who I trusted and he took it very nicely as well just saying like "hey I'll be there for ya when you need it.." type Deal and then my mist recent ex, I told him and he treated me like it was the black plague. He told his whole family to which they responded with VERY rude comments and wouldn't invite me out with them or wouldn't even allow me around their kids... that's why 8m so nervous now to tell the guy I'm with. All it takes is one person to not accept you and you feel like you're the worst person ever. It's a sh*tty feeling but I know it's something more to do with him than me. I can't change his way of thinking just as much as I can't change having this... and I know about mouth coldsores. Some family members of mine get them and no one bats an eye... I get them down there and I'm suddenly a horrible person...
in regards to diet I actually haven't even heard of anything like that. I know that when I have an outbreak I just call my doctor and he sends in a script for Valtrex and I'm on my way. Never even heard of anything you just said homestly.
staci21292 emily00078
Posted
I've done some searches myself, and they seem to come up very similar in the facts... but there are some contradictions.. I tend to just side with the facts that I see through-out multiple websites..
My doctor was about as helpful as a doctor can be... telling me to continue to be safe and to protect myself and such like that but everything else, I had to really find myself.
I haven't tried anything like oils or diets and in honestly, i haven't even heard anything along those lines. when I have a breakout, I just call my doctor, and he sends in a script for me.. that's about it. I didn't know there were essentially home remedies to things like this.. I'll have to check it out..
And in regards to having to tell people.... I wish I could tell you it gets easier.. It may for some people but unfortunately for me, It's only gotten harder. Of course I told my family and they accepting it like it was nothing. I told the guy who gave it to me and my best friends and they were all understanding and accepting of the situation. I did though, have a time with my most current ex (this being part of the reason we broke up.) I had told him within the first month of us dating (we were friends for two years before we dated), and he treated me like I had the black plague. He told his mother who went and told his whole family and they all reacted the same way. They stopped inviting me to their family functions and I was not allowed around their kids.... what?! they seriously treated me like I was a spawn of satan all because of a mistake I made as a teen... It completely broke my heart which is why I am so scared to tell the guy I am currently with, because who's to say that he wont accept me either? There's literally no way of knowing without telling them, and that is absolutely the scariest thing I will ever face. I'm nervous to tell new people because if for some reason, we stop talking, they know information about me that could be detrimental to my well-being..
LIke I said, it may be different for other people, but for me, it keeps getting harder and harder to tell people..
mary72052 staci21292
Posted
I must saying reading this discussion had made me feel better and I want to thank you both for it. Thus, I felt like making an account and joining this amazing website.
Staci- I must say that is a very difficult task of telling someone specially after what happened with your ex. To add on to what Emily suggested I would emphasize how you two have had sex for 2 yrs now and his health is okay. Also how his chances of getting it really increases if sex occurred when you are having an outbreak which would not occur. Plus, how you haven't had many outbreaks since your diagnoses.
Emily- I use to do the same and any little funny feeling I check myself with a mirror because I was so paranoid. However, I have learned by now that I will DEF know when I have an outbreak because of the severe itchiness/burning of the blisters.
A little about me is that I am a 22 y/o female. I got HSV1 from my bf senior year of high school. We broke up after school ended and I got my first outbreak a month after. I knew it was from him because I was never with anyone else and I never told him because we didn't talk anymore. We went our separate ways. I was very depressed and felt horrible about myself. How could I have waited so long to do something and I got this? Anyways it was horrible. I couldn't even walk or bend over properly for about 2 wks.
After, I had a new bf who was my friend for yrs. he accepted it better than me! We recently broke up for reasons not having to do with HSV and we were together for a bit over 3 yrs. I know when I start a new relationship I will be terrified to tell the person. FYI: we were very sexually active and even didn't use protection at times and he has tested negative for HSV. We just never had sex during an outbreak obliviously. We didn't have sex a week after the outbreak healed cause I read that shedding occurs during that time. I only had 2 outbreaks when I was with him.
however, I have only had 3 other outbreaks since the original one. 6 months, 2 yrs after, and one right now. 3 other outbreaks in 4 yrs isn't to bad. It's def better than the first time. I just get a little depressed but I am looking into things that boost my immune system to see if that helps.
mary72052
Posted
There is always a risk of catching HSV1 when there is no outbreak, the risk is minimal, but my ex decided to take that risk himself.
Some people can have HSV 1 but can be asymptomatic (show no signs or symptoms).
emily00078 mary72052
Posted
just wondering...
my boyfriend has hsv1 orally and I have hsv1 genitally... after my original outbreak/catching it, does him having a sore in his mouth affect what we do? in other words... can we kiss/etc?
like I said, we both have it but will his sore cause an outbreak on me? thanks guys in advance!
mary72052 emily00078
Posted
If there is no outbreak it's ok, your chances are low.
Does he have just cold sores? Some people have canker sores in their mouth which has nothing to do with HSV.
Having HSV1 is one thing. Where your blisters show up is another. It is possible to have sores in the mouth and genitals.
Which is why people should not touch the blisters directly because if the person touches their mouth or eyes without washing their hands transmission can occur
mary72052 emily00078
Posted
Kissing is important in a relationship so it's what you feel comfortable with.
emily00078 mary72052
Posted
mary72052 emily00078
Posted
You are asking if you have it in that area already, n you come in contact with his outbreak would it trigger an outbreak in the area where u r affected already?
I would imagine it would trigger an outbreak since it is not like the chickenpox, where you get it once in a lifetime and even if u come in contact with active chickenpox person you won't get I again. However, we get outbreaks every now and then so I imagine it would trigger an outbreak. (Just my thinking)
Hopefully someone else knows the answer or ask your doctor next time you see him/her. And keep us updated.
staci21292 mary72052
Posted
mary72052 staci21292
Posted
Try to relax and remember if he doesn't accept it there will be someone out there who will. This part is the hardest and may even make you question why you should even tell someone when you can avoid them during an outbreak. Surely some never say anything so I must applaud you for trying.
I really do hope everything goes well!