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yesterday i was having a slight argument with hubby and i said something like we used to be able to talk things out but now a days all we seem to argue and he turns to me and says- when its your fault because going you are going through this menopause stuff ( he did use another word) and that is what the real problem is!! i was so taken back i know things have changed and i cannot control somethings but how awful to say that when he knows how hard it is fro me somedays just to get out of bed!! the pains in my knees the weight gain the periods that come when ever they want and still i try my best to run this house and keep everyone happy!! I just dont know what to say to this or how to feel- now i truly feel like a real loser!!! thanks so  much for letting me vent but i have to say still feeling very down about myself!!!!

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  • Posted

    Oh I'm so sorry that happened! My husband can be really unsympathetic towards me too regarding this process. They don't understand what is happening to us and quite frankly I think it scares them. Especially if we are worried all the time. They are used to us being the strong ones.

    My husband rolls his eyes when I start talking about how I'm feeling. If i say that I don't feel well. He'll say i hope you are not going to the ER again to sit there all day for them to tell you nothing is wrong. Its your hormones, it's always your hormones. That's what i get from mine. If we didn't have kids i probably would have left him by now.

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    • Posted

      thanks so much for your support!! you are so right we are the strong ones all the time but yes sometimes we need others to be strong for us!! I have to agree with you if it wasnt for my kids i too would have probably left him!! thanks so much again!!
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  • Posted

    Ahh, Kathy, what a hard thing to go through. 

    I am so sorry. 

    I have zero advice for you. I am single, and don't have to take care of anyone but myself. 

    Well, I am a teacher, so I do have to deal with students all days, and that has led me to deal aggressively with my symptoms. So my only advice is: take care of yourself.

    I just wanted to offer you some sympathy because you are feeling so down. Big hugs, dear. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Kathy,

    Please dont think you are a looser because you are not and it is mens lack of knowledge and understanding of what we can experience during this time of our lives that sometimes put them on defence mode!! Women are truly the stronger ones who like you say keeping the house up together etc. Sometimes these men of ours just get frustrated with themselves for perhaps not knowing or understanding what to do to help us so the first thing they sometimes fire back is to blame us for everything that goes wrong.

    Your low esteem could well be to do with your hormones which sadly we do not have any real control over as they can change so quickly.

    Go and book yourself a lovely relaxing massage and take some "me" time out and keep reminding yourself you are a fantastic wife and mother.

    It does get better and over the last few weeks i have booked myself into slimming world to see if this will help me to loose some weight (i am taking HRT). I am so surprised that my first week I have lost three pound and by doing this i am feeling really motivated and feel much more positive about things so my low esteem has improved.

    Massive hugs coming your way Kathy and "Please remember you are not a Looser" - dont let your husband make you feel this way" Joy xxx

     

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    • Posted

      thanks so much joy for your support and hugs - really need that today- and i really need to take some "me" always worry about everyone else the house , the kids , work and who know what else!! so nice to talk to you ladies always makes me feel goog!! thanks again joy!!
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  • Posted

    That's a rough response from your husband Kathy and I'm sorry that you had to hear that from him. My husband and I have been together 3 years. 3rd marriage, I'm 52. I was fine when we got married but after I turned 51 everything for me physically changed. Periods got wacky, developed gall stones and had to have gall bladder removed, got hernia from surgery so had hernia repair then I started with the hormones going wacky causing weird symptoms and anxiety attacks making me feel like I was dying. This site helped me identify that it was the "change" I was going through. My sex drive took a nose dive and with the hours my husband works we have no time or energy or in my case desire to have sex. I know he is unhappy with that, how could he not be. I feel really bad about it because it is me not him but he continues to be supportive on the outside. I do wonder how he really feels on the inside though and with only 3 years under our belt I wonder if he feels he made a big mistake marrying me. I've gotten a much better grip on this whole hormone thing but I still worry about my health because my blood pressure is back up and i'm on meds again for that and stomach problems. At the end of the day girl, we have to work through it and if they can't understand then oh well....can't stop mother nature. Maybe men should educate themselves for the sake of their wives so they can be supportive of us and not against us. I have a great guy and I do fear losing him at times but I can't help what I'm dealing with!
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  • Posted

    Oh Kathy,

    This is such a rough time for all of us, including them. I am in no way excusing his words at all but we know how frustrated we are and we come here to support each other. If I have ever learned anything in 56 years, its that the majority of men-while honestly do care about us, don't know how to first not freak out (truly, I believe they get scared watching us go through this a bit) and second, be supportive of us during this unstable time. 

    I know for me, some days it really scares me as I don't feel remotely feel like my old self. I imagine my husband worries will he ever see the person he fell in love with again. I worry, so must he, but overall he's been pretty decent about this. 

    But Kathy, there are days he's probably had issues of his own and when I start up, he can be a bit cranky himself and say things that may not be the nicest. It's during these times, I go through the whole range of emotions of wishing I were single, start "plotting" my future divorce, wishing he would find a girlfriend and etc.  Those pass for me as generally we can diffuse the ugly moments, may take some time, but eventually, we do.

    I understand why a lot of marriages fail at this point, this is a very trying time. I usually end up laughing at myself and many times him and while some words can't be taken back, I forget what wrong I think he may have said and move on. Overall, I love him and he surely must love me or else I am sure he would have left at first signs of this crazyville we have entered.

    You come here and you vent, please. Also know you are not a loser(gosh is that ever a  common feeling during this time...we gain weight, our bodies ache, we lose control over our emotions....temporarily we feel that way, but so not true) you are a very strong and caring person who does her best to keep everyone happy and make a nice home for them.  They may not show it, but I am sure it's appreciated but honestly it's hard for others not going through what we are, to understand all this. 

    Sending you big hugs as I understand and this will pass, just not quick enough for our liking.

    Take good care!

    Annie Xxxx

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  • Posted

    Oh bless you.  I am single too can't speak about that but at the same time I sometimes feel a bit isolated.  The anxiety is dreadful but I just try and keep busy and do nice things for myself.  I am on HRT and it is just beginning to make a real change to me...aching joints going, bladder improved, rage a bit better...still very anxious though and think I am going to die all the time; I am driving my friends mad and I am staying away from them just now so I don't lose them...this is probably part of my paranoia so I will need to watch!!  Keep in touch with folks on here it will help and just be good to yourself.  I keep telling myself this is all natural and it is my body just doing it's best...I need to be kind to it!!!!!  Hard I know but sometimes this does help me.  You are not a loser...you are just human and doing the best you can....take care.XXXX
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    • Posted

      Hi Margaret, I just wanted to talk a little about the anxiety you are suffering. It seems like a lot to go through. Have you suffered it for a long time? I hope the hrt's will help.

      I know what you mean about avoiding your friends so you won't drive them away. I have a strict policy about staying by myself during my pms and period time, because I don't want them to suffer through my bad mood, and be alienated by it. 

      There are different medications and natural remedies for anxiety, and I would try them out if I were you. Maybe you have, I don't know. Well, I hope the hrt works, and I do recommend meditation, but I am not sure it will make a dent in a really big anxiety issue. You seem like you have a really good attitude and awareness anyway. Bless you and I hope the hrt works.

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  • Posted

    Try not to be disheartened by his comments. They have no understanding of how we feel and I believe if they had to go through what we do they would take to their beds and dtse there til it was all over.

    Us and you my love, on the other hand, get yourself up and do what needs to be done.

    You are not a loser by any stretch of the imagination, you are a strong, capable woman and you should applaud yourself for that and if he cant see that then sod him!

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    • Posted

      lisa thanks so much for your support and kindness and you are right i am a strong person i just need to remember that during this time. thanks so much!!
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